Day 262 - Can You Face the Sadness (part 2)

This blog is in response to: Can You Face the Sadness

Self-Forgiveness Standing as the Owner of Abusive Animal Industries

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create facilities where animals are abused in order to obtain profit and personal gain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself so much so from life, the reality of life on this earth, and other life forms, that I can blind myself to their pain and suffering, and distract, amuse, preoccupy, obsess about, enjoy, worry and stress about money, financial gain, personal wealth, security, self-interest and power as a way to continuously not see, avoid and ignore what it is I am creating for others to endure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and excuse my acceptance, allowance, enabling and direct creation and participation in the abuse of other life forms, by telling myself that I am doing it for money, for security, to provide for my family, to create jobs, to contribute to the economy, for my country, to feed people, or for any other reason, justification or excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that because it is not happening directly to me, because I cannot feel it and do not have to look at it, that the abuse I am creating, enabling, accepting and allowing is not affecting me, when in fact it is, either directly or indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that this is just the way the world is, and I do not have the power to change it, so I might as well profit from it like everybody else is, instead of stopping my participation in the current accepted and allowed systems of abuse, and focusing instead on solutions that work for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think an believe that solutions that are best for all are impossible, because I refuse to look or to see beyond the current reality, and refuse to challenge myself and my way of looking and seeing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR challenging myself and my way of looking and seeing, because I know that if I do, and if I see solutions, I will then have to apparently give up or ‘lose’ my wealth, my security, my profit, the security I am creating for my family, my power, my prestige, and everything I have worked so hard for and gained through my participation in this industry, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in creating solutions that are best for all, all will benefit, and that includes myself, my family and future generations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and what I look at when it comes to survival in this world, where I think only of myself, my family and those directly in my life, wherein I will do whatever it takes no matter the cost to others, myself or future generations, using the justification, validation and excuse that it is a dog-eat-dog world that exist within and as the principle of ‘survival of the fittest’, and I will make sure that I survive at all costs, instead of seeing ,realizing and understanding how this current reality was created in the first place, and how, within and through my participation in such thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and the actions that come from them, that I am directly and indirectly continuing to create reality in this way, wherein I will be leaving a more insecure reality for my children and future generations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through not seeing the relationship between how I am creating reality and then reacting in fear to that creation, create a repeating cycle that feeds and amplifies itself, wherein our reality will become more and more insecure, as I try and attempt to more and more secure myself and my family, by being and becoming more and more ruthless, which in turn creates a more a more ruthless reality that I am leaving for my children’s children – whom I cannot protect nor secure in the dog-eat-dog world of survival that I am currently contributing to and creating every day. 

Within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of stopping my participation in the endless cycles of fear in my mind, actually go mad, become obsessed and possessed by gaining and getting more and more security as more money and more power, in an endless fight to secure myself and my family in a battle to protect them from this world and reality which can never be won, but instead of grounding myself and seeing the common sense, I instead fear, fight, control, manipulate and abuse to appease my fear, my madness, my obsession and my possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour money above life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour my self interest above all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour my life-style, my comfort zones, my wants/needs/desires and my way of life above all of Life that is Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive there is no other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I cannot be or become a seed or an agent of change in my current life situation and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting down those around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that animals do not feel pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that an animals suffering is in any way less painful than my suffering or the suffering of my loved ones.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself torture and abuse parts of myself for the personal ‘gain’ of my desired experience.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my connectedness and interconnectedness with all of life and everything that is here.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand my responsibility and self-responsibility in my own life and in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility to my shareholders above my self-responsibility and my responsibility to all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place man-made laws above doing what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and perceive that the only way to change is to break laws which would compromise me and so I will not do it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that laws are man-made and thus changeable, and I can be one voice of change, one seed that grows, one point of influence to stand as an example for others for a transformation and change in man-made laws, to be and become laws that honour, cherish, respect and love all of life here within the current limitations of our shared physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed laws that do not honour cherish, respect and show demonstrable, provable love towards all life.

The Factory worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically abuse animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that animals are less than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my anger out on animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out my anger, frustration and the abuse that has been done unto me by an abusive system on to the animals at my workplace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my power, physical force and position of power and superiority to abuse beings that are vulnerable, innocent and in an inferior and weaker position than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse beings that are vulnerable, innocent and in an inferior and weaker position than me because they are forced to take it, and so I can see the suffering play out that I am experiencing within myself, because I have become so disempowered within myself to be able to cope with the position I have been placed within, except to take it out on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bigger and more powerful when I abuse another, because I have not seen, realized or understood how small, insignificant and disempowered I actually feel within myself, and due to that lack of self-awareness, I try and attempt to make myself feel better within and through physically playing out acts in which I am apparently proving my power and superiority, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I am actually, within myself, confirming the powerlessness and inferiority I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create victims in my life, because I have victimized myself within myself due to my life, the circumstances I was born into, and the systems of abuse within which I exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my self-victimization and disempowerment, continue, create and perpetuate the systems of abuse that we are all to varying degrees subject to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch abuse take place around me with a blind eye instead of taking a stand within myself or without, because I fear physical harm or losing my financial security as my paycheck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed animal abuse at my work place because I fear losing my financial support and thus the financial security of myself and my family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that just because working in an abusive facility is my only viable option to create a life for myself my family, that I am disempowered within myself and can only turn a blind eye and internalize my reactions, instead of taking a stand and finding some way, somehow to do something about it within my means, even if it is something small.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize my reactions from my abusive workplace, and supress the resentment, the anger, the hatred, the guilt, the sorrow, the pain and the remorse, and carry it around with me where it then comes out in unexpected, uncontrolled moments towards myself or others in my world and environment, my husband/wife, my children, my family, my coworkers or others in my world.

The Consumer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain ignorant to the realities of the food industry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume the flesh of life without absolute gratitude, appreciation, respect, honour and love, but instead eat it within and as anger, fear of weight gain, ignorance, distractedness and robotic detachment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I stop eating meat I will make a difference in the lives of the animals that continue to suffer, without addressing the entire system of inequality that causes the industry to exist and be supported in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that eating meat is evil, and that I am not evil because I do not eat meat, when in fact meat can be raised and consumed in a way that honours life, and given that some require to eat meat due to body make-up/genetics/finances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that vegetarianism/veganism is the answer, when in fact an entire network of systems of abuse must be addressed, which is not addressed when we only look to the one dimension of stopping eating meat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that veganism/vegetarianism does not abuse life, when in fact the chemicals and bee-keeping styles required to produce much more than enough for all, end up abusing other lifeforms  as we over-produce food for profit and gain, and that not everyone can support a buy-local, organic diet due to the systems of inequality that exist today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am doing something to make a difference by stopping eating meat, when the corruption that exists everywhere also exist in the large organic and humane-foods industries, because it is existent in human nature, which includes my nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop eating meat, instead of looking within myself at Who I Am and how I approach issues and global problems that must be addressed holistically, which includes equal attention to my own human nature and what I create in my daily participation in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create friction, division, spite, blame, hatred and resentment by pushing and promoting my view, my opinion and my way of solving the problem, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the characteristics of human nature that I am playing out in my life that actually contributes to the perpetuation of this system that creates suffering in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and judge factory farmed meat as disgusting, when in fact it is not about the animal or the meat, but what the human has done to the animal and meat, wherein the meat is the direct product of that human intervention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy the cheaper, factory farmed meat when I can in fact afford to support local, humanely raised meat, not to clear my conscience, but to, in awareness, support one part of the solution with eyes wide open to the entire issue, which is existence-wide in terms of our collective human nature of abuse, acceptance and allowance, and seeing my self-responsibility in my own life to explore my own human nature to see where and how I am contributing in my life, my reality, my private moments to myself, within myself, and my interaction with others in my world, to the systems we as humanity have collectively created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to save money out of fear of lack and survival, and in so doing, turning a blind eye to the products I buy, where they come from and why.

For All:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed animal abuse to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn a blind eye to animal abuse all the industries of animal consumption and utilization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am somehow not responsible for the existence of animal abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow abuse due to my own fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim I am too ignorant, too small, too insignificant, too powerless to be able to take responsibility for my contribution to the existence of animal abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my self-interest, desire for money, fear of survival and fear of loss above the principle of honouring all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that animals are less important, less significant, inferior, less aware or less alive, when in fact my existence depends upon the existence of animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am more manly, more tough, superior, more macho, stronger, more powerful and better-than if I consume lots of meat, turning meat or food consumption into ego instead of simply nourishing my body, giving my physical flesh and organs what they need, and doing so in humility and gratitude and consideration of what was sacrificed so that I can live another day.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that so long as there are poor people, people in need of money as jobs to survive and a heavy profit-motive – that there will be cheap meat in the form of mass-produced factory farms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that humanity must first support all humans before/as we stop many of the industries we currently require to survive due to a system of survival where life is not free, but paid for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear supporting others in case others abuse this system of support, without seeing, realizing and understanding that until we sort out our human nature, all systems will be abused, but is it worth denying All? Denying those that would make the best of the support, just to apparently ‘punish’ the abusers, when in fact in doing so we are punishing everyone, even the wealthy that also live in fear of ever ending up like those whose backs and corpses we walk upon.

Day 131- Chasing the Carrot on the Stick

I’m taking a pause from the series I have been writing through because as the time has passed since I began writing out the resistances and difficulties I experience as a student, I have actually finished my studies. Therefore I will be focusing on what is in my immediate environment/Here within my writing, which no longer includes these issues. I’m writing now because I am experiencing within myself the resistances associated with the thought/belief that I don’t have any time to write. I have experienced this resistance throughout my end of semester exam period, and along with a new full-time job, I interpreted this as ‘too much’ within the thought, ‘I can’t do one more thing’.

Now I will never know if I could in fact do one more thing, because I didn’t push myself to try. There were perhaps some days where this was so, but not all of the days that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘loosen the reigns’ and not write myself out, even just a little in order to stay on top of my self-movement, my self-application and my self-directive principle.

Speaking in a chat with my DIP buddy today, I saw a point I had been missing in relation to this. She asked me a simple question, which involved the definition of ‘leisure time’. I thought about it for a moment, and I realized that I defined leisure time as ‘the time that is left over once everything else is done’. It hit me and she also saw that this is quite the contradiction, because, ‘everything’ is never ‘all done’. So, I realize I had worked myself up into this state of mind wherein I was moving from task to task in some mad race to finish everything so that I could get to my goal of ‘leisure time’, however this goal had been set by myself in my mind as an experience of ‘having it all done’. But life is a constant doing, it’s never ‘all done’ or else it would cease to be, and I would be dead. At the most basic level it is a constant doing, from the beating of the heart, to breathing, to eating and shitting, to having to earn a living and of course, to self-growth, self-change, and self-correction.

Looking at the situation in common sense, I then saw that even though I was living out this ‘constant never-ending doing’, seeking the experience of completion- I was actually not performing any better than if I were to slow down and breathe and allow for leisure time for myself to enjoy myself despite the fact that I have done 'completed everything', which is, of couse, impossible anyways. All of a sudden I see that as I slow down, I actually create ‘more time’, instead of what I previously thought, which was: ‘the more I get done, the more time I’ll have,’ and then of course ‘once I get it all done, I will experience release/relief/peace’. But what I didn’t see was that I was creating the tension, the stress and the experience of ‘no time’. I was/am the source of it, it is not outside of me as ‘all the work I have to do’. This is empowering because, as the source I am then also the solution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest the internal energetic experience of ‘rushing’, ‘racing’, and ‘chasing’ the experience of ‘completion’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience only exists in my mind as that which I will experience ’later’, and thus not something real that I am living as NOW, HERE in the present moment, indicating that it is in fact an illusion, acting as a carrot on a stick which I chase and chase and the faster I move and the harder I try, the faster the ‘carrot’ moves and the more difficult my current experience becomes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the illusionary reality I create within my mind wherein Life becomes the pursuit of made-up experiences which seem so real and possible to attain, yet which somehow are never quite achieved… instead of looking at the actual current reality of myself and my situation and what I have accepted and allowed my current/present state/self/reality to actually be, and basing my actions/decisions/application on this input/information as the actual real physical reality I exist within/as and share with all and everything else that is Here together with me.
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that as I ignore my current/present state/self/reality, and instead constantly and continuously look into the future and chase wants and desires as experiences as the ‘carrot on a stick’, the quality of the current/present state/self/reality actually diminishes as it is not given the utmost attention, care and direction by myself, in order to create a living reality for myself which would actually assist and support me in the most effective ways possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the present moment, wherein I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not tend to myself and my reality within/as the present moment with the utmost care, attention and direction, in order to direct my life and world to be/become one which supports me in such a way that I will be/become stable and able to support others as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the present moment by spending too much time in my mind thinking about/planning/imagining/worrying about the future/my future instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only way to practically create a future that supports me, is by supporting myself NOW, moment to moment, within the realization that the future does not really exist, the only thing that really exists is the present moment, and the daily application of self-direction within the principle of doing what’s best for all (which includes me- thus, is also self-interest as an all-inclusive self-interest where the interest of others is equal to and one with my own interest), which will always prove to be and create a reality that is supportive/best for all because the results are physically measurable and can thus be directed and adjusted based on physical feedback as consequences and friction, and thus able to be re-aligned back to what’s best for all.

Self commitment and self-corrective statements to follow...

To learn these self-supportive writing tools FOR FREE visit: DIP LITE where you will learn to create a platform of self-support with the support of your own buddy as a cross-reference.

Day 97- Paralyzing Pain (pt 2)

This is a continuation of my last blog, wherein I described waking up in pain worse than I've ever experienced 'out of the blue', meaning- without a direct accident or injury. The perspectve given in italics and surrounded by quotes is from this support article I found and am working through the suggestions given.

Anxiety Strain Fear Uncertainty Judgment Resistance

“This is your individual process - really. Stop accepting/allowing you to be preoccupied with other human beings. I suggest you also have a look at the words above. Where within your world you are still accepting / allowing you to participate in such emotions without applying you effectively and stopping them immediately”

 

Anxiety

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anxiety to continue to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to participate within and as anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to allow anxiety about the job that I do.

When and as I see that I am growing anxious about the job that I do- whether I’ll get a good one, the ‘right’ one, make enough money or make the right decisions I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself out of the energetic experience of anxiety by reminding myself that I can only work with what is Here, and make decisions based on each step as it comes, and that anxiety within this is not necessary to do it right or do it well, all I require is me, present and aware, Here, doing one thing at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to participate in anxiety about school.

When and as I see that I am participating in anxious thoughts about school, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself out of the anxious energy by reminding myself that I’m doing fine, and I can even rather enjoy the process of school and take it as an interest or a hobby that I can immerse myself in as I take it one step at a time till its’ done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest anxiety within and about my relationships.

When and as I see that I am creating anxiety within and about my relationships, I stop, and I breathe, I bring myself out of the energetic experience of anxiety by remembering that I am walking this process for me, and that the relationships I am in or develop in my world present me with new opportunities to see myself as who I am, to face myself as who and how I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be, and to challenge me to stand in moments where I am presented with the choice between self-responsibility and self-abdication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxious about money.

When and as I see that I am projecting my mind in to the future about money and creating anxiety around the fact that money is not a guarantee- yet it is guaranteed that I will always need it and there’s so much I want to do, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself out of anxiety and back to the present moment by reminding myself that no matter what happens, I will do everything I can to support myself, and I will use all available resources to do so.

Strain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strain myself within stopping a couple of habits I am directing myself to stop, instead of realizing that I can stop in one breath, and that it is not a strain, it is a choice made over and over to not stop, and until I make the decision and stand absolute within it, I must simply stop each times and breathe, no strain- simply stopping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create strain in my relationships, wherein I strain myself as my thoughts that I am responsible for everyone to step up and realize themselves, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I must step up first, and realize myself as Life, and my place and responsibility in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strain myself by creating and holding high expectations of myself, without charting or mapping out a way or practical list of steps I must take to ‘get there’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strain myself by getting down on myself when I turn out to not be perfect, instead of being patient with myself as I slowly change myself to that which I would like to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strain myself by wanting and desiring to be done and changed and have it all figured out NOW, instead of giving myself the time of breath, as everything in this world moves breath by breath and cannot move any faster than that.

Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘money’ with fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting sick and being useless and dependent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the thought of getting sick and becoming useless and dependent with fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by friends and family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the thought of being rejected by friends and family with fear and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear regretting my career path choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the thought of regretting my career path choices with fear and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear.

Uncertainty

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as uncertainty within my relationship and whether or not: the decision will stand, we will stand and the end result will be what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as uncertainty within my job choices and whether it is the best choice that will give me the best results fastest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as uncertainty with where I have chosen to live- whether it was the best choice or would things be better  in the other location.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as uncertainty with my choice of degrees, whether it was the best choice for me and will it lead to a career that suits me, or will it lead to a career at all?

I see, realize and understand that because I cannot predict the future, Life will always be full of ‘uncertainties’, and that the only thing I have control over making certain is Who I Am and how I apply myself in this life and this world, and so long as I have certainty within myself, then I can be certain that I can and will direct my life and world to an outcome that serves me and the principles I choose to live by.

Judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within my process and progress, instead of accepting myself in every way before I change the parts of me I cannot accept.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others instead of realizing that everything I judge in another is actually something I judge in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly judge myself based on my appearance, wherein, if the judgment is that I look good, then I will feel good, and vice versa, therefore basing ho I Am on something as shallow and beyond my control as physical appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a heightened sense f judgment towards those closest to me, because they reflect me to myself the most, and instead of facing or even seeing the self-judgment, I project it on to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I am around others, wherein all my secret self-judgment comes up and I then experience myself as ‘shy’ and ‘awkward’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as sloppy and lazy instead of pushing myself to become more disciplined.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as out of shape instead of eating well and exercising.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as boring and uncool instead of opening up and expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a ‘debbie-downer’ instead of taking some moments sometimes to simply enjoy my environment and the people in it.

Resistance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist change, instead of realizing this is simply the mind’s tactic of keeping me ‘up there’ thinking and not grounded Here in the physical, working and changing through actual actions in reality, by doing and being, whereas the mind would prefer to remain the same and not change or be challenged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist pushing myself to write and do homework, instead of seeing and realizing that the experience of resistance only lasts for so long, until it gives way and I become interested and engaged in what it is I had previously been resistant toward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist taking responsibility for small things such as picking up after myself and keeping my living space clean. I do these things, but manifest resistance each time, instead of being grateful for my physical environment and all the ways it supports me and all the things I have to make life more comfortable such as clothes and dishes, a shelter and furniture.

When and as I see that I am creating and manifesting resistance towards tidying up after myself, doing dishes and laundry, vacuuming and putting items away, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to presence and awareness by bringing myself from resistance to gratefulness, wherein I am able to be grateful for each item in my environment, as well as the shelter it provides me, and so I direct myself to tidy and keep a clean living space as an act of gratefulness, with no reaction to the actions taken to do so, simply to do so with and as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest resistances towards job hunting, because it is not easy and it is humbling in that I have to start from scratch and have no experience in the field I want to work in. I direct myself to push through the resistances, and all the excuses I make to validate those resistances, and to pick up the intensity of my job hunt, as I want to be working as soon as possible.