You Cannot Both Experience Life and Live Life

When we go into experiences as feelings and emotions within ourselves, we subconsciously seek to validate the experience through interpreting situations and events in our environment. It is by no chance or luck that our interpretations will exactly confirm our experience. 

Let us look at an example:

If we are feeling confident in a moment, we will act in certain ways, gaining certain feedback from our environment, or simply interpreting situations and events in our environment that will confirm that yes, I am confident, I am for example: loud, boisterous, direct, hold a certainty in what I say, people like me, agree with me and I have influence over others-  or however one has defined confidence and being confident throughout one’s life. 

I’m speaking here of confidence as an experience and not a living expression of confidence. A living expression of confidence as Self would be where one stands regardless of one’s internal experience, whereas an experience of confidence is one where one feels confident in a moment, and for that moment one changes and acts out confidently, but when the experience changes, to one of insecurity, uncertainty or doubt for example, one will also change and now live out this new experience.

This may all seem well and fine, even normal in fact; but have a look at what it is we are accepting and allowing through this seemingly simple or normal participation in experiences and experiencing:

We are actually accepting and allowing an experience to direct us, to be the director of our thoughts, words and deeds. An experience of ‘confidence’ may fly under the radar as it is a positive experience that one may enjoy, but the point remains that we have given away our self-responsibility as our ability to direct ourselves in thought, words and deed, we have given it away to an experience. 

This implies that this is our protocol when it comes to experiences, which then implies that this is how we will behave within both positive and negative experiences. 

Let us now have a look at the flip side of the coin – the negative. 

An example of a negative experience would be one of insecurity, jealousy, unworthiness, feeling left out, or any other such negative experience. Now we will look to confirm and validate this experience by acting out in certain ways or interpreting situations and events in our environment that will tell us that yes, we are not secure, we are less-than, we are not worthy, we are left out. We will, for example, not speak up, participate less in an interaction, or self-isolate depending on the negative experience, and by our own actions make the experience real in physical reality, thus confirming our experience (and eventually, over time, manifesting the experience as the reality of who we are).

What is happening here is that we are actually manipulating ourselves and manipulating our realities to generate internal experiences through acting and interpreting situations and events to confirm and validate the very experiences we have created within ourselves. The question to ask here is, what would happen, what would reality be if we were to instead direct ourselves to be present in the moment as it is? Another question to ask is, why do I trust this experience over and above trusting myself as the director and the decision-maker of my life?

The interesting aspect of this entire play-out is that we have in fact designed it for and as ourselves – it is pre-programmed, for and by us. We do this over time and throughout our lives, where we decide how we behave when we are confident, jealous, insecure etc… for example: when I am insecure, I become quiet, defensive and push people away, when I am confident, I become loud, boisterous and certain. 

The question to ask here is: what is it that we are creating ourselves as over time? I would answer here that what we are creating is limitation – self-limitation where we limit ourselves to certain pre-determined scripts. These scripts evolve more and more into themselves until they become who we are in fact, as we are the creators of ourselves. Within this, we end up closing the doors on the vast potential and opportunities Life has to offer, and stick to our pre-programmed paths, bouncing back and forth between seeking out positive experiences and avoiding negative experiences. We will chase positive experiences, avoiding situations, events or people that do not confirm our positive experience – situations, events and people that could have been keys for us to develop, grow, overcome and transcend our limitations, but instead we chose to trust and follow the desired experience and remain on a fast track to nowhere. Conversely, we even go so far as to fear the negative experiences we accept and allow ourselves to create, going into an anticipation of them and thus creating and generating degrees of anxiety as we fear repeating the negative script we have written for ourselves. 

Within all of this, what we are in fact doing is experiencing life, and not Living Life. We are choosing by our acceptances and allowances to, instead of living in real time, real reality in the moment, live in a very small experience that takes place in isolation inside that tiny kingdom between our two ears – our mind. 

What we tend to miss within all of this is the fact that the entire play out, both positive and negative, is us seeking out to fulfill our own self-interest as a constant confirmation that we are right and correct – wether it feels good or bad, “at least I am right (righteous)”/”at least I am in control”/”I knew it!” (at least we are god/all powerful somewhere) – but to what end?

We are trying and attempting to experience something more than what is Here. In this, we are making the statement that Life, as it exists, is not enough. I am not enough. There must be something more. I must be something more. This is the effect experience has upon us, where the self-aggrandizing and self-diminishment has us existing as experience only, and not Life, not Living. And not only are we not actually Living, but we are missing reality – the reality that is playing out on this earth. We are too preoccupied in our own minds and experiences that we can overlook abject poverty, environmental atrocities, disregard our neighbours and our fellow man as our tunnel vision blinds us to focus on but ONE thing – our experience. 

It is like living in a movie or a story book where regardless of if self is the hero or the victim – self is the main character (one that lacks substance or any REAL character).

What is the alternative?

An alternative can be that we stand up as Self-Trust in and as Who We Are, letting go of our addiction to experience to instead live moment-by-moment, breath-by-breath as we accumulate moments of self-direction to now create ourselves as the directive-principle of Who We Are. Within this, we are not missing out on Life unfolding before our very eyes – where our participation in reality now becomes constructive, our interactions become open and dynamic, we see what is really in fact Here and what needs to be done. We open ourselves up to face and walk through situations and events as they are – thus allowing and in fact placing the foundations in for self-growth, self-expansion and self-development, challenging our limitations and proving to ourselves what we are capable of. In this, becoming someone that honours, respects and regards Self - where one actually Lives Life in such a way that now Honours Life, because once you see Life and yourself as a participant, the responsibility becomes undeniable, as it is you, and you are it. Life is Us, and We are Life, One and Equal.

Why Do I Accept a System of Crime?

Because I accept and allow the fact that I have more than others, and I know that this is unfair. I realize that what I have and my position in the world is a result of living in a system of inequality, where I out of sheer luck, ended up being born into the group called the ‘haves’, where I spent my life not challenging this because I was born into it and accepted it as simply ‘the way things are’.

Because of and due to my acceptance and allowance of a system of inequality, I have accepted and allowed that abject poverty, starvation, survival, lack and innumerable forms of suffering are ok to exist. 

Within this I have accepted and allowed myself to fear these atrocities, and so fear that lack, starvation, poverty and innumerable forms of suffering may occur to me - a fear which keeps me in my place and in line and paralyzed from speaking up or disrupting the system and my place within it.

Because I accept and allow self-interest, where I am fully human and deserving, and where ‘criminals’ exist only as a picture in my mind and so I do not have to consider them as fully human, equals in Life, where they exist as figments of my imagination.

Because I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to consumerism, possessed by possessions because I have accepted and allowed ‘what I have’ to determine ‘how I feel’ in terms of things like survival, security, self-image, self-worth etc… and within this have accepted and allowed a fear of loss, fear of losing myself, my things, my money, and so want to protect it, hoard it, keep others out and away, even when I know there is no system of support for them to go to.

Because I have separated myself from others with the thought that ‘it is happening to them’ and not me, and feeling relieved.

Because I’ve abdicated responsibility to governments, police and other systems to ‘take care of crime’, where if it is not happening directly to me, I don’t have to look at it.

Because I accept and allow myself to judge myself, and then punish myself in my mind, thus accepting and allowing a system of judgment/punishment within, and so as a result, equally accepting and allowing it without.

Because I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the ‘me versus them’ game, where ‘I am good’ because I do not ‘commit crime’ (as defined by the system), and ‘they are bad’ because they ‘commit crime’ (as defined by the system), instead of seeing and realizing that I AM them, seeing ‘them’ as reflections of those parts of me I have suppressed, not faced, and showing me the crimes of our combined acceptances and allowances in this world.

Because I have accepted and allowed jealousy, greed, envy and spite within and as me, where I want what others have, and where I’ve accepted and allowed disempowerment within myself and in relation to the world systems of money, jobs and consumerism, thinking and believing I am powerless to better myself and my life, and so I will instead take from others, acting within spite of others because they have what I want and so I spite them, make them less, and take what they have despite the fact that  would not want this to happen to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and hope that ‘crime does not happen to me’, sitting in fear of crime, holding my breath in a way, while I accept and allow crime to exist without questioning why or what can be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subscribe to a system of absolute inequality unquestioningly, where my mind exists in a small box of what is acceptable and allowable, where I never dared to peek outside that box and ask questions, or opened my mindset enough to consider that there can be another way, that solutions and change are possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system of inequality, abject poverty, starvation, lack, survival and innumerable forms of suffering to exist within the thought that “it is ok so long as it is not happening to me” and that “I am ok to just sit here and fear it” instead of taking a stand within myself that this is not an acceptable way to live life on this earth and that I will not allow the acceptance of this within me and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and fear the atrocities of the world, fearing lack, starvation, poverty and innumerable forms of suffering, fearing that they may occur to me, a fear which keeps me in place and in line, which paralyzes me from speaking up or disrupting the order of things for fear of losing my privileged place within it, where I don’t dare go there, not even in my mind, not even opening up the possibility of another way in my mind, showing I have been mind-controlled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in self-interest, where I, in my mind, am fully human and so deserving, whereas those I perceive to be ‘criminals’ or ‘victims of crime’ exist only as a picture, a figment of my imagination and so I do not have to consider them as fully human, equals in Life, and can drop them from my mind as easily as I can drop or change a picture in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become addicted to consumerism, possessed by my possessions, where I have accepted and allowed ‘what I have’ to determine ‘who I am’ and ‘how I feel’ in terms of and in relation to things like survival, security, self-image and self-worth etc… where within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loss, fear losing myself, to fear losing my things, to fear losing my money, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to protect myself, my things and my stuff, to keep others ‘out’ and ‘away’, even though I know very well there is no system of support in place for them, for those less fortunate to turn to as the world turns away and we collectively turned our backs on them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others, and react in ‘relief’ when I see that bad things are happening to them, and not me, even though if I were in their position, I would want someone to consider me, to support me, to help me out till I get on my feet, and within this, I forgive myself that I have not done unto others as I would like have done unto me, but have instead closed myself off, closed my mind as consideration, closed all the doors and locked myself into my castle of fear – much like how it play out on earth is how I exist in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility to the government, police, and other systems, for them to take care of the ‘crime problem’, the ‘crime problem’ that we have all collectively accepted and allowed, but when we do not have to deal with it directly, we do not have to look at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to governments, where they can use my power to fuel their own corruption, or be burdened by my power, where they truly want to do something about the situation but simply cannot take it on alone without the participation of the masses, and so they get the life sucked out of them, as I sit in fear in my apparent comfort and security of ‘having enough to survive’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate responsibility to the police to please ‘take care of crime’, where they risk their lives and kill others due to this entire system that we have collectively allowed, where ‘criminals versus police’ creates a life of fear, misery, stress, anxiety, death and insecurity for the individuals directly involved and their families, where they confront reality more directly for all of us, and so we herald the police as heroes because they are standing in a position we do not want to stand in, see, look at or know about, so we honour them and give them medals, punish and judge the others for a sense of justice being done, when in fact we are actually honouring the system, justifying the system, keeping the system in place, and the front-line place keepers for not rocking the boat, because then we all know we would have to look, have to confront it, within ourselves and without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system of ‘crime and punishment’ to exist within and as me, where I constantly judge myself in my mind, and constantly punish myself and beat myself up in my  mind, so that when I see judgment and punishment happening outside of me and in the world, I think ‘yes, I am not the only one, others must also suffer, be judged and punished like me’, and so feel a bit better when I see judgments being made and apparent ‘justice’ taking place as punishment, instead of stopping judging, coming to an understanding, and changing the circumstances that cause the problems in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the ’me’ versus ‘them’  game, where I judge myself as ‘good’ because I apparently do not commit ‘crime’ (as defined by the system), and ‘they are bad’ because they commit ‘crime’ (as define by the system), instead of seeing and realizing that I AM ‘them’, and seeing and realizing ‘them’ as reflections of me and those parts of myself within me that I have suppressed, not faced, where ‘they’ (us/we) are simply showing ‘us’ (ourselves collectively) the result and consequences of our collective acceptances and allowances in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed greed, jealousy, envy and spite to exist within and as me, wanting what others have, and instead of empowering myself to make the best life for myself and everyone else – where everyone can have what they want and need, instead go into disempowerment within myself and in relation to the world systems of money, jobs, consumerism etc… thinking and believing I am powerless, and so I would consider taking from others, acting within spite towards others because they have what I want and I can’t otherwise get it, in this, diminishing them in my mind conveniently so that taking from them does not seem so bad, even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not want this to be done unto me, instead of living the statement and principle of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, where I would rather have us all working on a system of support, to support each one in their lives and livelihoods.

I commit myself to break down my walls of fear, to let Life in and let myself out into the world and reality, where I commit myself to dedicate myself to a process of change, to assist and support anyone who decides to do the same, and receive assistance and support when I need it, to change in thought, word and deed to an actual creator that contributes to the creation of a world that's Best for All.

Gravity: A Beautiful Coward's Song: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

Looking at John Mayer's song 'Gravity', a song that strikes deep, yearning, mourning and soulful chords in me, bringing it back to self to see what exactly this song accesses on deeper levels.

I like the use of the word 'gravity' in the song because of its dual meaning. On the one hand, it is the "force of attraction by which terrestrial bodies tend to fall toward the center of the earth", while on the other hand it also refers to the "serious or critical nature" of an issue, like the gravity of the situation we are collectively facing here on earth, for example.

Now, it is not uncommon for people to not want to face the gravity of the situation on earth, or the grave situations in their own lives, like in the song, where John Mayer sings "Oh gravity, stay the hell away from me" and "Just keep me where the light is" is like wanting to turn a blind eye from the grave, serious and critical things that require our attention, focus and intervention, while also wanting to only experience the 'positive' things in life, where the "light is".

For me, this song has me looking back on my life to all of the grave situations Ive faced, the deaths, the heartbreaks, the losses, the hurts, the struggles, the falls, the shames - and with the feel and tone of the song, I want to look at it as if life has been a constant beating down, as if some outside force is coming in and doing this unto me...

"Gravity is working against me, And gravity wants to bring me down".

...and then the song is like a pleading to stop, like saying 'please just stop and leave me alone and let me experience the light'.

It's interesting because in looking at this point I had a re-listen to the gravity recordings from EQAFE, where gravity itself explains its role in the creation and manifestation process, where we, each and every one of us, are in fact the creators of our own lives, realities and experiences, and the force of gravity in multi-dimensions has played a role in this self-creation process through the compression and layering of physical reality and the realities of each one of us.

Now, since the opening of the portal and the changes in existence, gravity is actually working WITH our beingness potentials, and supporting us through this manifestation process, where everything that happens to us, the good, the bad and the ugly, is all specific and is Here to assist and support us to shape, form, mold and create ourselves into and as our utmost potential selves, so long as we work WITH events, situations and play-outs in our lives moment-to-moment, breath by breath - which the only way it can be done.

So, it's in a way funny and ironic that John Mayor sings;

"Gravity is working against me

And gravity wants to bring me down"

When in fact, all gravity is asking of us is to work WITH it, to work WITH reality and everything that comes up and happens in our lives, in our minds and in our bodies, so that we can actually use our creative force to create, form and shape that potential that is here in terms of having all the ingredients as the words, the expressions, the forgiveness and changes we are capable of - all of it here at our fingertips.

So it's also quite ironic when he says:

"Oh I'll never know what makes this man

With all the love that his heart can stand

Dream of ways to throw it all away",

When in fact it is revealed in the recording that we know exactly what makes us (as it is US making/creating ourselves), and the 'throwing it all away" is the simple act of not taking self-responsibility for our own creation by blaming it on an outside force as if it is being done 'unto' us and thus apparently not within our own self-directive principle to direct.

My takeaways here are thus to embrace gravity, as it grounds me to this earth, and to face the grave part of myself, not flee to the light, but to delve into the gravity of the situations I have created and "dream of ways" to change them in terms of finding solutions to the problems and walking them through step by step, day by day. And to also look back on my life, and instead of focusing on all the hardships and difficulties, to focus on those parts of myself that I cultivated and accessed in order to get through them, to rise to the occasion, and to overcome them to the point that I am still here today, still walking, still pushing and still never, ever giving up.

From EQAFE - Gravity: The Origins of Gravity - Earth, Nature, and Weather:

Part One

"What if gravity was a force that not only existed in our three dimensional world, but also in levels of reality that we have not considered?
We know that gravity is a force that compresses and holds things together - but how far exactly does this force go and how have previous civilizations in history used this knowledge?"
 

Part Two

"Are you understanding the gravity of the situation?
That is a term we hear when we need to get clear about an issue and our responsibility within it. But what does that practically mean?
What role does gravity have to play in each moment of our lives, and how can we best use this understanding when facing challenges?"

Gravity Live in L.A.