Day 244 - Re-Defining and Living POWER

Power, Who are we as power? How have we lived as power? Personal power, physical power, the power of one’s words actions and deeds.

If we take a step back a look back over our lives we can see how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live words, where we live them in unawareness, meaning, we do not take a moment to define a word and clear our definition of it, but instead allow words to include in their definitions elements that are destructive and compromising when lived. Essentially, not calling a spade a spade.

Not calling ourselves out for living in destructive and compromising ways, but hiding those elements within the definition of living words that, if we had taken a moment to look at and clear, we would have never decided in awareness to accept and allow these elements.

POWER

Looking back at my life I see I have lived the word power in such a way that involves having ‘power over’ something or someone. Meaning, the power to influence, direct, change or move a certain situation, person or event. Even if having been successful at this goal, I would constantly and continuously feel disempowered during and after the moment of having applied ‘power’, because the truth is, no one can have any real power over another, as each is self-responsible, and situations and events in life and reality consist of too many different, unpredictable factors for any one individual to have full power over.

I have similarly lived this definition when it comes to the relationship I have with exerting ‘power over’ myself, where it is more like a forcing or a feat of strength to move me to do, accomplish or be. Even if having accomplished the goal, I may feel powerful in my ego, where, looking at the situation in black and white: Yes, I exerted power. But again, I would end up disempowered in the end, not seeing the disconnect. I cannot force myself to do or be something without first taking self-responsibility to change and align myself and my starting point, and then walk a process of refinement along the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that ‘power’ means the force and might to move something outside of myself without considering myself AS that which I am trying and attempting to move, influence or direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that having ‘power over’ something leads to empowerment, being powerful, or living the word ‘power’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that REAL power starts with self, self standing by self first, unwavering, and acts from the starting point of seeing and clearing self first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that power means that I see and realize all of a situation, and move forward within that thought/idea/perception and belief without first putting ‘my plan’ out there in it’s entirety to cross-reference, thus aligning goals, listening, learning, communicating and working together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that power involves doing things alone or exerting force to have others do things from a powerplay of force and
might within/as placing myself as superior or inferior, feeling powerful or powerless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define ‘power’ as control, as controlling the outcome of a situation, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that outcomes cannot be controlled or predicted, and that real power consist of the power I have within myself to stand by the points I have walked, or to walk my points as a situation unfolds, as I face unpredictable outcomes, and as I see that I cannot control anything but my own thoughts, words, actions and deeds as self-control, a step in the path to self-mastery.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only real power I have is within myself in the relationships that exist within myself between my mind, beingness and body, and any outflows into my reality are a reflection of the power I have within myself first.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to fully exert my own power within myself, which also involves cross-referencing, aligning my goals, listening to myself, learning and communicating, working with myself, and has the additional element of ‘force’, ‘strength’ and ‘might’ that I can use to push myself in moments of resistance, procrastination, challenge and change, but that I can never exert this force on another, as each is in their own process, where my power exists in my determining of whether or not I can accept and allow such a person/process, situation/event into my life or not.

When and as I see that I am trying and attempting to exert ‘power over’ a person, a situation, an outcome or an event, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to SELF-power by looking in to myself and deciding Who I Am within a given situation, relationship, outcome or event, and then exerting my power within MYSELF to be and become Who and How I decide to be within it.

I commit myself to nurture and develop my self-power, to walk a process of re-aligning and bringing my power back to myself and Who I Am.

I commit myself be and become powerful within myself within developing the ability to do or act; the capability of doing or accomplishing that which I set out to do, or that which my reality brings into my life.

I commit myself to develop the strength, the stand and the stance to manage, direct and change the relationships I consist of and exist as within myself, to ones that develop and create myself as the best of me, my utmost potential, and therefore to be and become the best for those around me, to give and receive support within the relationships I develop in my life to be relationships of mutual support and self-development.

Re-Defining POWER

Sounding the word:

I hear the sound ‘POW’ like a punch, like exerting that force onto something. I also hear ‘wer’ like ‘were’, past tense of ‘are’, or in the singular ‘am’

Also, looking at the word I see it is close to ‘p’ ‘owner’, where I would look at the letter ‘p’ representing ‘personal’. Bringing through Personal-owner, or Personal-Ownership.

Sometimes it feels like a punch, a ‘pow’ to the ego the I am when taking ownership as self-responsibility for ones mistakes, one’s flaws and one’s weaknesses.

Redefinition:

Power

The ability to take personal-ownership for who I am within my ability to do or act; my capability of doing or accomplishing something. My own great or marked ability to do or act; my strength to push through resistances; my might in strengthening weaknesses; and my force to move myself in the face of internal or external challenges.

To learn how to change your own life experience within and through creating a new Living Vocabulary, check out The School of Ultimate Living or follow the blogs and vlogs on Facebook with  Redefining Words with SOUL.

Day 131- Chasing the Carrot on the Stick

I’m taking a pause from the series I have been writing through because as the time has passed since I began writing out the resistances and difficulties I experience as a student, I have actually finished my studies. Therefore I will be focusing on what is in my immediate environment/Here within my writing, which no longer includes these issues. I’m writing now because I am experiencing within myself the resistances associated with the thought/belief that I don’t have any time to write. I have experienced this resistance throughout my end of semester exam period, and along with a new full-time job, I interpreted this as ‘too much’ within the thought, ‘I can’t do one more thing’.

Now I will never know if I could in fact do one more thing, because I didn’t push myself to try. There were perhaps some days where this was so, but not all of the days that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘loosen the reigns’ and not write myself out, even just a little in order to stay on top of my self-movement, my self-application and my self-directive principle.

Speaking in a chat with my DIP buddy today, I saw a point I had been missing in relation to this. She asked me a simple question, which involved the definition of ‘leisure time’. I thought about it for a moment, and I realized that I defined leisure time as ‘the time that is left over once everything else is done’. It hit me and she also saw that this is quite the contradiction, because, ‘everything’ is never ‘all done’. So, I realize I had worked myself up into this state of mind wherein I was moving from task to task in some mad race to finish everything so that I could get to my goal of ‘leisure time’, however this goal had been set by myself in my mind as an experience of ‘having it all done’. But life is a constant doing, it’s never ‘all done’ or else it would cease to be, and I would be dead. At the most basic level it is a constant doing, from the beating of the heart, to breathing, to eating and shitting, to having to earn a living and of course, to self-growth, self-change, and self-correction.

Looking at the situation in common sense, I then saw that even though I was living out this ‘constant never-ending doing’, seeking the experience of completion- I was actually not performing any better than if I were to slow down and breathe and allow for leisure time for myself to enjoy myself despite the fact that I have done 'completed everything', which is, of couse, impossible anyways. All of a sudden I see that as I slow down, I actually create ‘more time’, instead of what I previously thought, which was: ‘the more I get done, the more time I’ll have,’ and then of course ‘once I get it all done, I will experience release/relief/peace’. But what I didn’t see was that I was creating the tension, the stress and the experience of ‘no time’. I was/am the source of it, it is not outside of me as ‘all the work I have to do’. This is empowering because, as the source I am then also the solution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest the internal energetic experience of ‘rushing’, ‘racing’, and ‘chasing’ the experience of ‘completion’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience only exists in my mind as that which I will experience ’later’, and thus not something real that I am living as NOW, HERE in the present moment, indicating that it is in fact an illusion, acting as a carrot on a stick which I chase and chase and the faster I move and the harder I try, the faster the ‘carrot’ moves and the more difficult my current experience becomes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the illusionary reality I create within my mind wherein Life becomes the pursuit of made-up experiences which seem so real and possible to attain, yet which somehow are never quite achieved… instead of looking at the actual current reality of myself and my situation and what I have accepted and allowed my current/present state/self/reality to actually be, and basing my actions/decisions/application on this input/information as the actual real physical reality I exist within/as and share with all and everything else that is Here together with me.
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that as I ignore my current/present state/self/reality, and instead constantly and continuously look into the future and chase wants and desires as experiences as the ‘carrot on a stick’, the quality of the current/present state/self/reality actually diminishes as it is not given the utmost attention, care and direction by myself, in order to create a living reality for myself which would actually assist and support me in the most effective ways possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the present moment, wherein I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not tend to myself and my reality within/as the present moment with the utmost care, attention and direction, in order to direct my life and world to be/become one which supports me in such a way that I will be/become stable and able to support others as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the present moment by spending too much time in my mind thinking about/planning/imagining/worrying about the future/my future instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only way to practically create a future that supports me, is by supporting myself NOW, moment to moment, within the realization that the future does not really exist, the only thing that really exists is the present moment, and the daily application of self-direction within the principle of doing what’s best for all (which includes me- thus, is also self-interest as an all-inclusive self-interest where the interest of others is equal to and one with my own interest), which will always prove to be and create a reality that is supportive/best for all because the results are physically measurable and can thus be directed and adjusted based on physical feedback as consequences and friction, and thus able to be re-aligned back to what’s best for all.

Self commitment and self-corrective statements to follow...

To learn these self-supportive writing tools FOR FREE visit: DIP LITE where you will learn to create a platform of self-support with the support of your own buddy as a cross-reference.

Day 86- Moving Forward, Missing the NOW

While I was talking to someone today, it was pointed out to me that I have the tendency to seek ‘forward motion.’ Within this tendency, I look for signs of accomplishments which would indicate to me that I am taking steps towards my goals, in order to have the experience of forward motion. For example, I’m job hunting at the moment, and it hasn’t even been a week, and I was talking about how I don’t have a job yet, and how I want to have the job NOW so that I can have ‘forward motion’ and be saving money and getting on with my big plans. The problem within this is that, I’m literally taking on this stance of constantly looking into the future and judging my current progress as if I’m looking back at myself. So I am , in my mind, waaaay ahead, looking back at me Here and being like, “common, catch up”. So instead of living in the one Here moment that is actually real, participating in my life with presences and awareness, I’m furiously rushing within myself to catch up to… myself.

When I go into this ‘mode’ or character, I experience myself as constantly ‘checking in’, judging my progress and getting pretty down on myself, as if I’m never doing enough. The consequence of this is and has been that I actually work less effectively than I am able. This is because every little task is already a failure, because it won’t get me tHere, because I can only ever be right Here, within my current experience.

In the next few blogs, I will wright out this character that is in a constant race from Here, in order to see how I created this experience for myself so that I can stop and change it. It’s going to be really interesting because, I can already feel I’m having many resistances towards really looking at this point. It is a very familiar pattern in my life, and it really hasn’t served me at all. It’s quite stressful and it makes me anxious. It also feels disempowering because in my mind I want to be tHere, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t get away from my current experience. It requires time and steps to work towards my goals, it can’t just happen like a fast food order- as I have been taught by media, technology and MacDonald’s. I need to slooooow down, and bring myself back to Here, and take each step with a firmly planted foot.

Day 69- Postponement Character Reactions

This is a continuation of my previous blogs:

Day 63- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-63-postponement-character.html

Day 64- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-64-postponement-character-self.html

Day 65- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/thisis-continuation-from-my-previous.html

Day 66- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-66-postponement-character-self.html

Day 67- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-67-postponement-character-reactions.html

and

Day 68- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-68-postponement-character-reactions_17.html

          One of the things I have the tendency to do it to do a quick ‘scan’ of my life, and think of all the big decisions I have to make, along with the ‘what if’s’ and possible play outs and the desires and fears associated with that. And then within this ‘scan’ I also think of the multitude of little details I have to take care of that are nagging at me, that I probably put off as a result of not effectively looking at/dealing with myself as the ‘postponement character’. This creates anxiety within me, usually right at the moment where I am applying myself at a task- that split second where I am making the decision to commit to the task- it is on that moment that my mind does the ‘quick scan’ which, when I allow, results in me becoming anxious and distracted and then I proceed as a less effective being doing a less-than-effective job, thus creating more loose ends, let-downs and lack of self-trust/self-movement.
          “It’s the little things that make it huge” (a quote from the movie Vanilla Sky). I remind myself of this quote because it is very true. One split second at just the right time can effectively sabotage me in a specific way over and over again and create difficult consequences in my life which- if I were to push through that split second of a moment (over and over as it happens often) if I were to just push through it and chose to fully commit to the task, my whole Life would change. I’m not saying this is the only thing that requires to be changed in my life (as is demonstrated in the MANY points I bring up in all my blogs), I’m saying that the little things that can be changed over time, create a huge change in one’s life over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, in a split second, do a ‘quick scan’ of my life and, while I’m physically trying/attempting to apply myself towards something, my mind is subtly finding all the ‘loose ends’ in my life that I have not yet dealt with, and bringing them to the fore, wherein I become distracted and anxious and unable to fully commit all of me to the task at hand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself in times of application, where I am effectively sabotaging myself within/as my mind, as I am physically attempting to push myself to apply myself and change the habits/peatterns within/as me that have ‘plagued’ me for so long. I see/realize/understand that this resistance is a resistance to change, and as I slow down within myself/my mind, I see/understand how it works and thus how to stop it, as follows:

When and as I see that I am beginning a task that pushes me to test my limits, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that I have the tendency to sabotage myself in these moments through doing a ‘quick scan’ of my life and bringing to the fore all the things I have left undone. I bring myself back to presence and awareness within the understanding that, in this moment I Am Able to remain focused, and if I push through this moment, I Will get through and be able to focus in full presence and awareness on the task at hand. I see/realize/understand that when/as I apply myself in this way, I will develop the actual self-trust and self-application that I require to live a life wherein I deal with the ‘loose ends’ as they arise, and eventually effectively prevent them from occurring in the first place. I commit myself to push myself to be diligent within my application of remaining Here while I work, within the understanding/realization that this is a new sensation and application of myself, thus it is a moment of uncertainty where I have thus far accepted/allowed my mind to take directive principle. Thus I commit myself to take back my power and Stand as the Decision to Be the Directive Principle of Myself, wherein I Decide, I take the wheel in my Life and I take the reins in every moment, knowing that at any sign of ‘weakness’ or uncertainty, my mind will be waiting to take it back as the comfort of old habits and patterns lingers as a CONvincing illusion of peace and rest. I know and am fully aware that abdicating Self to the mind in this way results in the opposite of peace and rest, but is rather and experience of prison, wherein Self has No Say in Who Self is or What Self Does in this Life, but rather sits back and drifts along as the consequences accumulate and slow self-destruction takes place daily. I say No.

Day 41 - Something is Looming

I just finished writing my exams and, something I’ve been working on is being able to function without the constant experience of stress when there is something big, like an exam, coming up wherein t feels like this ‘looming.’ It causes me stress and then resistances towards doing the thing because now it seems big and daunting. This is a very familiar recurring pattern in my life which started at quite a young age. Back then, however, I trusted my internal experience as who I am, as what is real and what is truth, in a way. So, when I would experience that resistance to the ‘looming’ thing, I would just avoid it. Consequently, the thing which should have been addressed in the moment builds and builds until it can no longer be ignored, because it has now created consequences which require to be dealt with.

Since Desteni, I have been facing these things, pushing through my resistances towards themand essentially practicing seeing tasks through from beginning to end. The results have been amazing, yet I have not been doing it long enough or consistently enough for it to have fully integrated into my reality. So therefore, when I have things that need to be taken care of, I have this automatic reaction of doom about how it’s going to come back and bite me in the ass later. This reaction is learned, it has been built over time, a loooong time, so I’m going to do some self-forgiveness on the point to hasten the integration. I realize and understand that it will still take time and consistent application, and I’m cool with that, but everything is better directed with self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest the fear reaction as an internal experience of stress and ‘looming’ as a reaction to the thoughts and backchat I allow myself to participate within and as when I have what I judge as a large task or obligation to complete.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the internal reactions of fear, stress and ‘looming’ when and as I am about to begin a task to which I experience resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear, stress and the experience of ‘looming’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the experience of looming has nothing to do with the actual task, as I see and realize that once the task is completed, the feeling doesn’t go away, it rather attaches itself to the next thing I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to find things to experience fear, stress and looming about, because of and due to my addiction to fear and stress as negative energetic experiences that I manifest within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to simply let go of the experience that something big and bad is looming in my near future, accompanied by the experience that I am unable to do anything to prevent it.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to fully realize and understand my capabilities, and my ability to direct myself and my world, and that I will do what needs to be done in the moment and the larger the task, the more certain I am that I will do it.

To be continued……..

When and as I see that I am creating a looming experience accompanied by stress and fear, based on future projections, thoughts and backchat I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that the experience is not real and not actually connected to the upcoming event, but rather a self-created manifestation to feed my energetic addiction to fear, stress and anxiety, with which I have had enough. I stop my participation within and as these things because I realize that they do not serve me.

I commit myself to stopping my participation within and as my energetic addiction to fear, stress and anxiety by stopping myself when and as I see that I am participating in the experience of a ‘looming’ within me, by breathing through the experience till the energy runs out, and then doing something practical/responsible in the moment within self-direction.

I commit myself to directing myself through any and all energetic experiences, that I ma push through and direct me no matter what.

I commit myself to rid myself of fear, stress and anxiety so that I may be the self-directive principle that directs myself to be one part in bringing about a world that’s best for all.