Day 244 - Re-Defining and Living POWER

Power, Who are we as power? How have we lived as power? Personal power, physical power, the power of one’s words actions and deeds.

If we take a step back a look back over our lives we can see how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live words, where we live them in unawareness, meaning, we do not take a moment to define a word and clear our definition of it, but instead allow words to include in their definitions elements that are destructive and compromising when lived. Essentially, not calling a spade a spade.

Not calling ourselves out for living in destructive and compromising ways, but hiding those elements within the definition of living words that, if we had taken a moment to look at and clear, we would have never decided in awareness to accept and allow these elements.

POWER

Looking back at my life I see I have lived the word power in such a way that involves having ‘power over’ something or someone. Meaning, the power to influence, direct, change or move a certain situation, person or event. Even if having been successful at this goal, I would constantly and continuously feel disempowered during and after the moment of having applied ‘power’, because the truth is, no one can have any real power over another, as each is self-responsible, and situations and events in life and reality consist of too many different, unpredictable factors for any one individual to have full power over.

I have similarly lived this definition when it comes to the relationship I have with exerting ‘power over’ myself, where it is more like a forcing or a feat of strength to move me to do, accomplish or be. Even if having accomplished the goal, I may feel powerful in my ego, where, looking at the situation in black and white: Yes, I exerted power. But again, I would end up disempowered in the end, not seeing the disconnect. I cannot force myself to do or be something without first taking self-responsibility to change and align myself and my starting point, and then walk a process of refinement along the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that ‘power’ means the force and might to move something outside of myself without considering myself AS that which I am trying and attempting to move, influence or direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that having ‘power over’ something leads to empowerment, being powerful, or living the word ‘power’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that REAL power starts with self, self standing by self first, unwavering, and acts from the starting point of seeing and clearing self first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that power means that I see and realize all of a situation, and move forward within that thought/idea/perception and belief without first putting ‘my plan’ out there in it’s entirety to cross-reference, thus aligning goals, listening, learning, communicating and working together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that power involves doing things alone or exerting force to have others do things from a powerplay of force and
might within/as placing myself as superior or inferior, feeling powerful or powerless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define ‘power’ as control, as controlling the outcome of a situation, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that outcomes cannot be controlled or predicted, and that real power consist of the power I have within myself to stand by the points I have walked, or to walk my points as a situation unfolds, as I face unpredictable outcomes, and as I see that I cannot control anything but my own thoughts, words, actions and deeds as self-control, a step in the path to self-mastery.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only real power I have is within myself in the relationships that exist within myself between my mind, beingness and body, and any outflows into my reality are a reflection of the power I have within myself first.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to fully exert my own power within myself, which also involves cross-referencing, aligning my goals, listening to myself, learning and communicating, working with myself, and has the additional element of ‘force’, ‘strength’ and ‘might’ that I can use to push myself in moments of resistance, procrastination, challenge and change, but that I can never exert this force on another, as each is in their own process, where my power exists in my determining of whether or not I can accept and allow such a person/process, situation/event into my life or not.

When and as I see that I am trying and attempting to exert ‘power over’ a person, a situation, an outcome or an event, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to SELF-power by looking in to myself and deciding Who I Am within a given situation, relationship, outcome or event, and then exerting my power within MYSELF to be and become Who and How I decide to be within it.

I commit myself to nurture and develop my self-power, to walk a process of re-aligning and bringing my power back to myself and Who I Am.

I commit myself be and become powerful within myself within developing the ability to do or act; the capability of doing or accomplishing that which I set out to do, or that which my reality brings into my life.

I commit myself to develop the strength, the stand and the stance to manage, direct and change the relationships I consist of and exist as within myself, to ones that develop and create myself as the best of me, my utmost potential, and therefore to be and become the best for those around me, to give and receive support within the relationships I develop in my life to be relationships of mutual support and self-development.

Re-Defining POWER

Sounding the word:

I hear the sound ‘POW’ like a punch, like exerting that force onto something. I also hear ‘wer’ like ‘were’, past tense of ‘are’, or in the singular ‘am’

Also, looking at the word I see it is close to ‘p’ ‘owner’, where I would look at the letter ‘p’ representing ‘personal’. Bringing through Personal-owner, or Personal-Ownership.

Sometimes it feels like a punch, a ‘pow’ to the ego the I am when taking ownership as self-responsibility for ones mistakes, one’s flaws and one’s weaknesses.

Redefinition:

Power

The ability to take personal-ownership for who I am within my ability to do or act; my capability of doing or accomplishing something. My own great or marked ability to do or act; my strength to push through resistances; my might in strengthening weaknesses; and my force to move myself in the face of internal or external challenges.

To learn how to change your own life experience within and through creating a new Living Vocabulary, check out The School of Ultimate Living or follow the blogs and vlogs on Facebook with  Redefining Words with SOUL.

Day 215- How I Taught Myself to Compromise Myself in Relationships

The following self-forgiveness relates to a pattern I have lived out for most of my adult life. The pattern involves the fear of the future/not being able to support myself, and then looking to relationships to escape this fear and apparently 'solve' it - when, in reality, this starting point dooms the relationship, and leads to much self-compromise from the very beginning. 

For me, I located three events in my life: 1) A comment made to me by a neighboor I respected, 2) My first job experience and going to college (called CEGEP where I'm from), and 3) One of my first relationships that followed where I experienced financial support and adventure.

These three points worked together in my life to contribute to the creation of self-beliefs and beliefs about the world that influenced Who I Was/Am and penetrated into everything i did or tried to do. 

The following self-forgiveness explains the timeline, and how everything developed, the mis-takes I made and how I could have done better. It is literally like going back in time and taking myself by the hand in order to walk myself through these experiences again in a more beneficial way.

I also added at the end, three incredibly insightful and intimate video-interviews with a young girl that was just starting out and facing points of entering into a relationship-agreement. The videos describe how to lay the ground work out before so as not to make the very common and self-compromising mistakes that many people make in their lives and relationships with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never thought or really seriously contemplated or focused on Who I Really am and what I want to do or be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have had the thought: this is my last free summer before working, I will always remember this summer, when and as my neighbour said these same words to me ("Is this your last free summer before working? I will always remember my last summer before working")

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a polarized idea of ‘free summer’  as good and fun and free, and ‘work’  as bad and trapped and the end of freedom, instead of having taken the moment to contemplate what I might like to do for work, what I might enjoy and what my interests were.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have associated work with bad, trapped, and the end of freedom, and not considered that I might enjoy working, and so never looking for, discussing or pursuing any particular job. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have taken my mom’s offer of a job she got for me, and seen it as having accepted being condemned to prison, a life of work, the end of freedom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have begun work with a split in me, wherein, part of me did not want to disappoint or embarrass my mother, but at the same time rebelled from what I saw as ‘imprisonment’, by moving out of the house and staying up late doing drugs and drinking, wherein the job did become like a terrible prison sentence, as I was constantly stressed about getting there on time, and so tired that I would fall asleep in the bathroom, dragging all day long which felt like torture, and not looking self-honestly to see that I was directly creating it, and not taking any self-responsibility to change it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not quit the job because it was too much, too many hours and I was not mentally prepared to take on such a task and could have admitted it was too much and started with a part-time job in order to understand what it means to work and take on responsibility, as it was something I had never done before, but instead I remained at the job out of fear of disappointing my parents and embarrassing them because they got me the job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself due to my own self-created fear of disappointing and embarrassing my parents, instead of placing myself and my needs first.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as irresponsible and not good enough, a failure and incapable instead of looking self-honestly to see what changes I could make, or whether or not I was in over my head.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to self-introspect about what is too much for me, and that I might need to enter into things more slowly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider who I am and where I am at within myself when taking on new responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, instead of self-introspect and take Who I Am in the moment into consideration, I instead judged myself for not being able or capable of doing the job and work, thus creating a self-perception and self-relationship that was and is made toxic within and through self-judgment and self-beliefs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have gone back to school thinking “I didn’t even get a summer” and create an experience of ‘over-worked’, ‘unrested’ and ‘worn out’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the self-beliefs of ‘over-worked’, ‘unrested’ and ‘worn out’, and instead of finding a better way to work, I created a solution as ‘avoiding work’ and not wanting to work, seeing ‘work’ as the cause of wearing me out and causing unrest instead of looking at my whole life-style and mental state and learning how to nurture and care for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I need to have periods of extended ‘rest’, where I do whatever I want and have reduced or no responsibilities, in order to be able to function and work in this life, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that everything is a balance, between work and play, rest and pushing, and is not defined by periods of work and rest, but can be done within work and within rest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complain about having no summer and having worked too much, when in fact, I saw that I felt alright in my body, I was not too tired or overworked when I went back to school, but rather felt normal, and instead of seeing the reality of myself, I instead went with the idea that because I had worked, I should be tired and worn out.

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to  have gone into the mind of being overwhelmed, incapable and helpless in CEGEP, instead of looking at what I actually wanted to do, and reached out for assistance and support to support myself to accomplish my goals, in terms of signing up for classes on time and having my schedule prepared, as well as getting to know the building and being places on time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spiral out of control, and seek the energy of a social life, boyfriends, alcohol and drugs to make myself feel better, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I would have felt better had I become more directive and disciplined in my schooling, which is what I really wanted.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to reach out and seek assistance and support when I needed it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I was/am incapable of being assisted and supported, because of the thought, perception or belief that I wouldn’t get it, or wouldn’t understand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that if I don’t innately understand something, then I am unable to learn it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my negative experience of work and school with my positive experience of traveling with X, wherein I saw him and his money as saving me, and giving me the life I always wanted – which is being provided for and doing amazing things like traveling around the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself and look to men/partners/relationships as the only way to feel okay and have a life worth living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I could never create this life for myself, due to basing my judgment on a self that did not take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have focused on finding a man to take care of me and take responsibility for me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that every new relationship brought the same result of failure because I never fully stood up and lived for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself because I didn’t see instant results every time I tried to make a change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into relationships as if I owed something to the man because my starting point was that of taking and being supported by him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into relationships with a fear of loss, because I feared losing my support which I believed I depended upon, because I thought and believed that, without a man, my life would be like it was when things were tough, instead of realizing it had nothing to do with being in a relationship or not, and everything to do with my relationship to myself.

 Please watch these videos to get an intimate glimpse into what it takes to remain as an individual within a relationship, where the relationship becomes an agreement of mutual support:

Lilly and Malin / Self-Agreement and Self-Process

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zn2PGtsCudI Talk 1

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-X5mrVXhNYgTalk 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCtgp16IG70  Talk 3

A casual, comfortable, laid-back chat with Sunette, Lilly (through the Portal) and Malin discussing the establishment and practical living of and as self-agreement and the basic practical layout of what's ahead in walking one's personal 'self-process' as the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind...and a few things in-between! 

See life coaching
http://desteniiprocess/

Join the forum
Desteni at http://www.desteni.org

Destonian Social Network:
http://www.destonians.com

Visit the store: EQAFE.com

Day 84- Making the Decision: Taking Myself Back

Within this blog I am making the self-commitment statements and scripting the self-corrective application based on yesterday’s blog, “Day83- Why Can’t I Make A Decision,” in order to take myself back from the indecisiveness, anger and frustration which I manifest within and as me when I participate in trying to gain validation and approval for my actions and decisions.

I commit myself to take complete self-responsibility for the decision that I make, and to stand within and as the decisions that I make, so that they are MY decisions.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by another/others within my decision-making process, I stop, and I breathe. I take myself back and give myself ownership of my decisions by breathing through any energetic reactions I experience within and as me, and I direct myself to make a quick list of the pros and cons of all sides of the decision when necessary, in order to write out self-forgiveness so that I may see the decision more clearly.

I commit myself to be the directive principle of myself within my decision-making, so that I may make all decisions based in/on self-honesty and practical common-sense, in alignment of what’s best for all.

When and as I see that I am making a decision based in self-interest in trying/attempting to gain approval/validation, I stop, and I breathe. I do not accept/allow myself to make the decision in this state, and I clear myself through writing self-forgiveness, using self-honesty, and making the decision only when I can check and see that I am clear.

I commit myself to stop seeking/wanting/needing/desiring validation and approval for the decision that I make.

I commit myself to take myself back from the approval-seeking character, and to instead walk as Me, Here.

When and as I see that I am abdicating my self-responsibility to others outsde of me and making them responsible for my decision, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction through taking self-responsibility for my decisions, and commiting myself to stand within all decisions that I make.

I commit myself to end the separation I have accepted and allowed to exist between myself and others by stopping my want/need/desire for validation and approval from others outside of me.

When and as I see that I am seeking approval and validation from others outside of me I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back Here by validating and approving of myself through and as self-acceptance within the understanding that I will stand within my own decisions and actions by taking self-responsibility for them and thus standing within my actions and decisions as Me.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing frustration to exist within and as me during the decision-making process by standing within and taking self-responsibility for the decisions I make.

When and as I see that I am growing frustrated within making a decision I stop and I breathe. I walk myself out of the frustration by self-honestly looking at where I am giving my decision-making power away by making decisions contingent on others, and then using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application to make the decision contingent on me and my application of the principle of doing what’s best for all and myself as all.

I commit myself to stop blaming others for the decisions that I did not take self-responsibility for, and to instead take self-responsibility for all the decision that I make.

When and as I see that I am blaming another/others for a decision that I can’t stand by I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within directing the decision and the outflows/consequences of the decision by taking self-responsibility for them , and doing everything I can to direct the decision or change the decision back to alignment with what’s best for me as all, and walk the process through to completion.

I commit myself to stop ‘taking credit’ for things/actions/decisions in self-interest in order to create a self-image, and instead I focus on the outflows and consequences of the things/actions/decisions and evaluating self-honestly whether or not they are contributing to a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to only give/take credit where credit is due.

When and as I see that I am creating a false self-image through ‘taking credit’ for things I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back down to earth within the understanding that giving/taking credit only where credit is due is recognizing whether the outflows and consequences of actions and decision are creating an improved world or not, and then aligning myself only with the actions and decision that are, because anything else would be unacceptable.

I commit myself to stop discussing my actions/decisions from a starting point of manipulation, and to instead make decisions within myself, and discussing them only within and as self-honesty if it is required to gain further perspective on situations or events in order to see points I may not see.

When and as I see that I am discussing my actions/decisions from a starting point of manipulation, wherein I am trying or attempting to CONvince another that what I am doing is ‘right’, or in order to manipulate them to agree with me, with my emotional experience in order to validate my emotions and feelings, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty by calling myself out and remembering my self-relationship, wherein I accept myself, forgive myself for what and how I have lived thus far, in order to stop these patterns and habits from existing within/as me.

I commit myself to stop trying and attempting to do the ‘right’ thing according to those in my environment, and to instead do what’s best for all, which begins with self and creating a self that does what’s best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to stand by my decisions and to direct the outcome as much as I am possibly able to, and to direct that outcome to what’s best for all.

When and as I see that I am making/not making a decision out of fear, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back Here within the realization that there is nothing to fear, there is only the experience of regret for decisions with consequences that are not best for me nor in alignment with doing what’s best for all, which is an unnecessary experience that I would rather avoid by breathing through the fear, and acting instead in self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application within the principles of oneness and equality, and directing myself to see decisions through.

I commit myself to making decisions and taking action based on the principles I decide to stand by, and not based on what’s easiest or what I’m in the mood for.

I commit myself to free myself from the prison of my moods and motivation, and to instead direct myself to move according to my principles.

When and as I see that I am making a decision based on laziness, on my mood or motivation, I stop and I breathe through the resistance or the motivational push until I am clear and until I am in full presence and awareness Here, and I make the decision to move from Here.

I commit myself to eradicate the fear of failure from my Life.

I commit myself to let go of self-control, and teach myself self-mastery instead.

I commit myself to stop sabotaging myself as a form of self-control, and to instead build myself as self-movement.

When and as I see that I am sabotaging myself through giving up and giving in I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to my process of self-mastery within pushing myself to take one step at a time, to take the next step, and the next one until the decision has been walked in its entirety.

 

Day 79- Fear of Confrontation (Self-Commitment and Self-Corrective Application Statements )

Within this blog, I am writing self-commitment and self-corrective application statements from my previous blogs, Days 76 and 77. This is to assist and support myself to walk out of the fear of confrontation, and into and as a self-directed being of/as effective communication and self-authority.

I commit myself to push myself till I am able to stand stable in the face of confrontation or any other social interaction, within/through understanding my own mind and the within/as my mind fears I have created for myself, deconstructing those fears and seeing them for what they really are: limitation- Self-imposed limitation, that is. And within this, I realize I have a choice. Through self-forgiveness I can forgive myself for what and how I have accepted and allowed myself to live as thus far, because within forgiveness there is responsibility- the responsibility to change self- because a population of fearful and limited beings is not a population that will stand up for Life in this world. However, I can only take responsibility for myself, and change myself, because each is responsible for self and will face self at the end of the day.

When and as I see that I am suppressing myself due to the fear of feeling ‘bad or ‘wrong’ based on someone confronting me about something, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that feeling ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ is no longer an option because now I have self-forgiveness: I forgive myself, I look at my starting point, and I change when/where necessary. In this way, I see, realize and understand that Life becomes all about learning, expanding and growing, instead of fearing, suppressing and controlling. Awesome.

Ego:

I commit myself to not take being confronted personally, because I understand the reaction of another is never about me, it’s only ever about self. Within this, I see, realize and understand that I can only make it about me if I am participating and interacting from a starting point of and as ego- because then all and everything is about me, thus:

When and as I see that I am participating with another from a starting point of ego- wherein I feel ‘attacked’ and like I’m ‘losing’ the fight, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back out of ego by breathing through the energetic experience of ‘loss’ and ‘defensiveness’ until the energy is gone. I realize that I cannot be trusted when I am participating within/as ego, so I direct myself to end the confrontation/interaction before I do any more damage/create any more consequences. I breathe, and I end it, and I realize that there is no competition, there are no ‘winners’ and ‘losers’. There is only effective or non-effective communication, and one is a waste of time.

I commit myself to write myself outwhenever I see that I participated from within/as a starting point of ego as one of many characters of the mind, until I see/realize/understand what triggered the character, why I accepted/allowed it, and how I developed it over time, so that I can effectively stop and erase that character in order that I remain Here through any and all interaction, as a stable being that can be trusted over time.

I commit myself to only participate in effective communication, and to perfect my communication skills till I can create/direct myself as an effective communicator of words that I Live as myself as Life.

When and as I think/believe/perceive that I have upset someone by what I have done/said, I stop, and I breathe. I stop myself from reacting in fear and I instead direct myself to look at the starting point of what I said. Can I stand by it, or was it from a starting point of ego. If I can stand by it, I humbly do. If it was from ego, I do not defend it, but rather stop, and let go, and breathe through the energetic experiences that may follow. I stop my participation until I see that I can be trusted to stand.

 

Authority

I commit myself to stop my reliance upon external authority, and to instead be/become a self-responsible being that considers myself and my place in this world, and acting according to principle, that I can be trusted and trust myself and Who I am in every breath, and thus not require authority.

When and as I see that I am accepting/allowing another to have authority over me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the understanding that any influence authority has within me indicates a lack of self-authority, so I take back my self-authority by being/becoming the author of myself, through scripting and directing myself as who I am/will be as a self-honest being that does what’s best for all. So…

When and as I see that the authority of another is influencing me in any way, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-authority by stopping my reaction and letting go, then bringing myself back Here by reminding myself that I had abdicated my self-authority, ad now is time to take it back. I take these moments as reminders that I must be my own authority in every single breath, or else somebody else will do it for me, and I do not want anyone to author my Life for me, as it will never be what’s best for me/best for all unless I take the self-responsibility to do it myself within/as self-equality as all as one as equal.