Friday, August 17, 2012

Day 68- Postponement Character Reactions

This is a continuation of my previous blogs:

I’m writing out the excuses my ‘voice in the head’ uses to justify putting off tasks till later, instead of moving myself in the moment, pushing through resistances and bringing myself out of the mind and back to ‘Here’.

When I am doing work I notice the ‘voice in my head’ distracting me with thoughts such as:

“this is such boring work, I’d rather be on facebook/Hotmail reading interesting/relevant things instead” (big waves of irritation/boredom/impatience). “I need to find a better job/I should do laundry/sign up for classes/decide where I’m going to live...” (anxiety). Within all this, I become easily distracted and lose my focus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself with thoughts which create a desire within me to stop what I am doing and do something else which all of a sudden seems way more interesting and pressing instead of realizing that it is a mind-trick, because the task that I am currently doing is challenging me, especially if the task is something I have moved myself to do and not something I ‘want’ to be doing from a starting point of energy (desire, motivation, distraction etc…).

I commit myself to live the realization that the tasks that challenge me will be resisted by my mind, but that if I push through the energy will dissipate eventually.

I commit myself to continue to apply myself, until I move me Here.

When and as I see that I am playing mind games with myself, wherein I am creating a polarity where one task seems pressing and interesting and fun (social media), and the other seems dull and boring and stagnant (school), I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that self-movement cannot exist within polarity, and polarity only exists through relationships I have developed over time, and that if I bring myself back to Here then I am not creating relationships, but existing in the moment with and as breath, and so I breathe through it and move me to focus on the task in front of me until I Decide to stop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create waves of boredom, irritation and impatience to wash over me in relation to staying on task/getting distracted, instead of realizing that I am really actually bored/impatient/irritated with myself for constantly and continuously accepting and allowing myself to go into the postponement character which I know will lead to things like stress and stagnation and overwhelming-ness.

I commit myself to take responsibility for my reactions by taking it back to self and seeing that the reactions are really about me and what I’m accepting and allowing, and not about the work or the task at all.

When and as I see that I ‘m reacting to the work I’m doing within irritation, boredom and/or impatience, I stop, and I breathe. I remind myself that I have the Choice to either participate within and as these reactions or not, and I direct myself to choose to not participate, and to instead remain Here, moving me, pushing me and being/becoming aware of my breathing.

No comments:

Post a Comment