This is a continuation of my previous blogs:
I’m writing out the excuses my ‘voice in the head’ uses to
justify putting off tasks till later, instead of moving myself in the moment,
pushing through resistances and bringing myself out of the mind and back to ‘Here’.
When I am doing work I notice the ‘voice in my head’
distracting me with thoughts such as:
“this is such boring work, I’d rather
be on facebook/Hotmail reading interesting/relevant things instead” (big waves
of irritation/boredom/impatience). “I need to find a better job/I should do
laundry/sign up for classes/decide where I’m going to live...” (anxiety). Within all this, I become easily
distracted and lose my focus.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
distract myself with thoughts which create a desire within me to stop what I am
doing and do something else which all of a sudden seems way more interesting
and pressing instead of realizing that it is a mind-trick, because the task
that I am currently doing is challenging me, especially if the task is
something I have moved myself to do and not something I ‘want’ to be doing from
a starting point of energy (desire, motivation, distraction etc…).
I commit myself to live the realization that the tasks that
challenge me will be resisted by my mind, but that if I push through the energy
will dissipate eventually.
I commit myself to continue to apply myself, until I move me
Here.
When and as I see that I am playing mind games with myself,
wherein I am creating a polarity where one task seems pressing and interesting
and fun (social media), and the other seems dull and boring and stagnant
(school), I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the
realization that self-movement cannot exist within polarity, and polarity only
exists through relationships I have developed over time, and that if I bring
myself back to Here then I am not creating relationships, but existing in the
moment with and as breath, and so I breathe through it and move me to focus on
the task in front of me until I Decide to stop.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create
waves of boredom, irritation and impatience to wash over me in relation to
staying on task/getting distracted, instead of realizing that I am really
actually bored/impatient/irritated with myself for constantly and continuously
accepting and allowing myself to go into the postponement character which I
know will lead to things like stress and stagnation and overwhelming-ness.
I commit myself to take responsibility for my reactions by
taking it back to self and seeing that the reactions are really about me and
what I’m accepting and allowing, and not about the work or the task at all.
When and as I see that I ‘m reacting to the work I’m doing
within irritation, boredom and/or impatience, I stop, and I breathe. I remind
myself that I have the Choice to either participate within and as these
reactions or not, and I direct myself to choose to not participate, and to
instead remain Here, moving me, pushing me and being/becoming aware of my
breathing.
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