This is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 68- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-68-postponement-character-reactions_17.html
Day 69- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-69-postponement-character-reactions.html
In looking at the ‘postponement character’ I go into in moments when I can and should be applying myself I see the consequences over time of me not living up to my own standards, me not being able to effectively move myself and take on tasks in Life in order to do what’s best for me, thus disempowering myself from being able to do what’s bestfor all as me. In applying the equality equation (1+1=2), I can see that if every human being faces this character within themselves, we end up with a disempowered population that is not able to take care of all, but only able to do what 'they want', when 'they want'.
Because this character is activated only when I require to push myself/perform a task that pushes me and tests my limits, I see that the character has me only doing ‘what I want to do’. When I want to do something that is easy/fun/interesting- I have no problem with getting myself up and going. It is only when the task requires something more of me that I see myself looking to put it off. I have, within these past posts, seen the ‘what’ and ‘how’ I manage this by not taking responsibility for what is going on in my mind and thus, allowing my mind to have directive principle over me. I am NOT my narrow mind that only exists in self-interest and indulgence. I refuse, and in this refusal I take the initiative to take back my directive principle, and act on principle instead of ‘how I feel inside.’ Thus I will not contribute myself to a humanity that is apparently locked into the internal fears and desires that we call ‘human nature’, but I will rather stand up for Life, and through my application, be the living proof that there is a choice, that All can stand up from within themselves through taking self-responsibility for all of self asLife.
However, in order to effectively move myself, I require to deal with and take responsibility for this character I have developed and played-out over time, that I call the ‘postponement character’, as I cannot afford to postpone from self-change any longer, as time is of the essence. Within these past several posts I have seen that I postpone when I have decided to take on a task or several tasks that push me and test my limits. This involves school, Equal Money and Desteni. All of which require the self-application to learn, understand and integrate new concepts, and move myself to actually DO THE WORK. Actually doing the work is essentially moving myself to change. Thus, I see the singular fear from which the postponement character was born is the Fear of Change.
Fear of Change:
- What I’ve defined myself according to my world which I fear losing?
In placing myself as this question, the first answer that comes up is ‘relationships.’ Specifically those relationships in my world, such as friends/coworkers/family that I believe that, if I were to change I would lose, because if I were to change, I believe there would be conflict, thus it is easier for me to remain the same, to not stir ‘the water’/cause waves, but rather just have everything stay the same.
In my next post, I will look more closely at this issue of conflict, and why it is that I don’t believe I can stand stable within conflict, but would rather avoid it and remain trapped within myself, as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become.