This
is a continuation from my previous blog, which described my experience with
postponement, procrastination and the internal battles and resistance it
creates. Here I write out self-forgiveness statements, self-commitment
statements, and self-corrective application in order to rid myself of this
pattern using these writing tools. They are effective and they work and that is
why I continue with this process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in thoughts that distract me and take my attention away from the
task at hand, such as thoughts of facebook, Hotmail, loose ends in life, daily
chores, and/or big life decisions- all thoughts which I present to myself as
being ‘more important’ than the task at hand, specifically when the task at
hand requires me to push myself, and/or will contribute to my expansion or
self-change.
I commit myself to see through the thoughts I use to manipulate
myself, to see them for what they really are, which is pieces of arbitrary
information which I only give value and meaning by/through reacting to them,
believing them and giving them my attention.
I commit myself to stop believing, giving value and participating
within and as the thoughts that seemingly ‘pop into my mind’ right when I’m
about to move myself.
When and as I see that I have a task at hand and all of a
sudden ‘something happens’ and I feel huge resistances towards that thing, I
stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by reminding myself
that the resistance is not real, it is self-created by a singular thought. and
I can move through it. I understand that as I change there will be resistance,
and that I can and will stop creating it, so long as I keep applying myself to
not participate in the thoughts as they come up, to instead breathe and focus
me Here, and move my physical body to do the task.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
manipulate myself with thoughts based in memories- such as the time I got a
really important email, which I bring up and use to connect this sense of ‘urgency’
to all of a sudden check my email, or a time when I got an important message on
Facebook, so ‘I should really check it now just in case,’ the time I didn’t do
my laundry and had nothing to wear when I had a last minute invitation to go
somewhere, so ‘I’d better check to make sure I’m on top of my laundry,’ or
bigger things such as ‘I’d better figure out what I’m doing with my life RIGHT
NOW’ and then I stress about all the possibilities I’m missing out on cause I
haven’t made some fundamental decisions. I see, realize and understand that I
use all these ‘loaded’ thoughts strategically when I want to get something
done, so instead of being able to just move myself and do the thing, I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an entire character of
postponement, thus causing and creating all kinds of time-loops of
stress/worry/anxiety/overwhelming-ness etc… Within this, I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to create an entire internal battle within and as
myself, which I see/realize/understand is purely self-sabotage and can be
stopped by slowing down, identifying the initial thought and breathing through
it instead of following it through to reaction.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have
created and manifested this ‘urgency’ relationship to Hotmail, facebook, life
decisions and events, laundry and school, wherein I have placed a high value
and importance upon these things and then using them as self-sabotage, instead
of realizing that each thing has its time, and I will get to each thing
accordingly, but at the moment, the task at hand is where I Decide to place my attention,
until I have seen it through.
I commit myself to sever all relationships I have
created/manifested to/towards this reality in separation of myself, as they are
merely my own individualized reactions to what is Here, instead of equal and
one participation with what is Here, without the relationships of the mind that
do not actually support me in any way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear
missing out, or that I will miss something important if I don’t sidetrack
myself by/through following these thoughts, instead of
seeing/realizing/understanding that I’m setting myself up to miss myself when I
accept and allow myself to postpone by pursuing these thoughts that seem so ‘urgent’.
I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to
slow down and identify the initial thought that triggers me as the postponement
character, and I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to
see/realize/understand that I can stop this pattern and my participation from
within and as it.
I commit myself to slowing down and seeing/identifying the ‘loaded’
thoughts I use to manipulate myself to
postpone self-movement/self-change, within this…
I commit myself to stopping my participation in the initial
thoughts that trigger myself as the postponement character, to eventually stop
the thoughts I hold onto in order to use as self-manipulation.
When and as I see I am accepting and allowing thoughts that
seem ‘so important’ I stop, and I breathe. I allow myself the will power to
decide that I Will Not follow those thoughts, that I Will instead stand up and
direct me to do the task I set out to do, because I see/realize/understand that
this way, I will get more things done effectively, and won’t have them pressing
as thoughts in my mind, distracting me from fully functioning Here.
I will continue with self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-correctivestatements tomorrow.
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