Friday, August 3, 2012

Day 64- Postponement Character (self-forgiveness)

This is a continuation from my previous blog, which described my experience with postponement, procrastination and the internal battles and resistance it creates. Here I write out self-forgiveness statements, self-commitment statements, and self-corrective application in order to rid myself of this pattern using these writing tools. They are effective and they work and that is why I continue with this process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts that distract me and take my attention away from the task at hand, such as thoughts of facebook, Hotmail, loose ends in life, daily chores, and/or big life decisions- all thoughts which I present to myself as being ‘more important’ than the task at hand, specifically when the task at hand requires me to push myself, and/or will contribute to my expansion or self-change.

I commit myself to see through the thoughts I use to manipulate myself, to see them for what they really are, which is pieces of arbitrary information which I only give value and meaning by/through reacting to them, believing them and giving them my attention.

I commit myself to stop believing, giving value and participating within and as the thoughts that seemingly ‘pop into my mind’ right when I’m about to move myself.

When and as I see that I have a task at hand and all of a sudden ‘something happens’ and I feel huge resistances towards that thing, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by reminding myself that the resistance is not real, it is self-created by a singular thought. and I can move through it. I understand that as I change there will be resistance, and that I can and will stop creating it, so long as I keep applying myself to not participate in the thoughts as they come up, to instead breathe and focus me Here, and move my physical body to do the task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself with thoughts based in memories- such as the time I got a really important email, which I bring up and use to connect this sense of ‘urgency’ to all of a sudden check my email, or a time when I got an important message on Facebook, so ‘I should really check it now just in case,’ the time I didn’t do my laundry and had nothing to wear when I had a last minute invitation to go somewhere, so ‘I’d better check to make sure I’m on top of my laundry,’ or bigger things such as ‘I’d better figure out what I’m doing with my life RIGHT NOW’ and then I stress about all the possibilities I’m missing out on cause I haven’t made some fundamental decisions. I see, realize and understand that I use all these ‘loaded’ thoughts strategically when I want to get something done, so instead of being able to just move myself and do the thing, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an entire character of postponement, thus causing and creating all kinds of time-loops of stress/worry/anxiety/overwhelming-ness etc… Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an entire internal battle within and as myself, which I see/realize/understand is purely self-sabotage and can be stopped by slowing down, identifying the initial thought and breathing through it instead of following it through to reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created and manifested this ‘urgency’ relationship to Hotmail, facebook, life decisions and events, laundry and school, wherein I have placed a high value and importance upon these things and then using them as self-sabotage, instead of realizing that each thing has its time, and I will get to each thing accordingly, but at the moment, the task at hand is where I Decide to place my attention, until I have seen it through.

I commit myself to sever all relationships I have created/manifested to/towards this reality in separation of myself, as they are merely my own individualized reactions to what is Here, instead of equal and one participation with what is Here, without the relationships of the mind that do not actually support me in any way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear missing out, or that I will miss something important if I don’t sidetrack myself by/through following these thoughts, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that I’m setting myself up to miss myself when I accept and allow myself to postpone by pursuing these thoughts that seem so ‘urgent’.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to slow down and identify the initial thought that triggers me as the postponement character, and I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that I can stop this pattern and my participation from within and as it.

I commit myself to slowing down and seeing/identifying the ‘loaded’ thoughts I use to manipulate myself  to postpone self-movement/self-change, within this…

I commit myself to stopping my participation in the initial thoughts that trigger myself as the postponement character, to eventually stop the thoughts I hold onto in order to use as self-manipulation.

When and as I see I am accepting and allowing thoughts that seem ‘so important’ I stop, and I breathe. I allow myself the will power to decide that I Will Not follow those thoughts, that I Will instead stand up and direct me to do the task I set out to do, because I see/realize/understand that this way, I will get more things done effectively, and won’t have them pressing as thoughts in my mind, distracting me from fully functioning Here.

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