Day 42 - Nothing is Looming

This is a continuation of yesterday's self-forgiveness statements on the point of experiencing a feeling of 'looming,' like 'impending doom,' that causes me fear and stress.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear the future/my future.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed fear of the future to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to project survival-based thoughts into the future and then created and manifested fear of the future based on my own self-created projection of the future.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough money in the future or now.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear going into debt/unavoidable debt in the future.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear not being in control of the future.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to desire to control the future.

I forgive myself that I’ve NOT accepted and allowed myself to to simply walk in self-trust and self-honesty into the unknown of the future.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think or believe that I need to have a set plan for the future in order to be able to function in the present.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create a stress/fear/looming experience within and as me because of all the fears I have created about the future, because of my desire to control the future, and because of my belief that I require a set plan in order to experience a stability within and as me in the present.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think or believe that how I experience myself right now has got anything to do with the future, instead of realizing that all that exists right now is the present, so any future-based projection that I am reacting to internally in the present moment are only but projections which I create and am entirely responsible for, thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear and stress out over/about my own fear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure within myself, and a looming sensation because my plans for the future changed, and now I have to make new plans.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being entirely self-responsible for myself and my life and the path I choose.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think or believe that I can do more more more right now in order to secure my future, instead of realizing that walking within and through life towards stability and self-responsible living which will lead to a stable self that can manage to stabilize within any situation, is a process that takes time and cannot be rushed and cannot all be done now in order to get it over with and then sit back and relax in the future. Instead, I allow myself to relax in the present moment, to take time for myself, but to also apply myself without stress, fear or looming, within the understanding that when and as I take each step within self-honesty and self-responsibility, using the tools of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, that I am walking towards a stable, whol and complete self that can stand and direct in any situation, without following the unnecessary internal energetic experiences of stress, fear or a looming/impending doom sensation, as these experiences are destructive and do not serve me in anyway, thus I take a step here towards stopping my participation within and as them.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to continue to react to old habits and patterns of not taking responsibility and thus constantly experiencing consequences.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react to and participate within the memories of having my life be directed by consequences or attempting to avoid consequences.

I accept and allow myself to stop participating in these patterns , and I understand, realize and see that over time they will dissipate and crumble away because they are/were not real and thus I have the power to create AND destroy them by stopping feeding them with my attention as energy and participation.

I commit myself to walking out of the past and in to the present moment bystopping feeding my thoughts and memories of the past as reactions in the present.

When and as I see that I am reacting to past memories, habitsand patterns within and as an energetic emotional or feeling experience within me, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness, back to the present moment by reminding myself that reacting to such past habits, patterns and memories is only keeping them alive to continue directing me and my life, and each time I stop my participation within and as them, I take a little bit more of myself back, in order that I my walk as a complete whole Here.

Day 41 - Something is Looming

I just finished writing my exams and, something I’ve been working on is being able to function without the constant experience of stress when there is something big, like an exam, coming up wherein t feels like this ‘looming.’ It causes me stress and then resistances towards doing the thing because now it seems big and daunting. This is a very familiar recurring pattern in my life which started at quite a young age. Back then, however, I trusted my internal experience as who I am, as what is real and what is truth, in a way. So, when I would experience that resistance to the ‘looming’ thing, I would just avoid it. Consequently, the thing which should have been addressed in the moment builds and builds until it can no longer be ignored, because it has now created consequences which require to be dealt with.

Since Desteni, I have been facing these things, pushing through my resistances towards themand essentially practicing seeing tasks through from beginning to end. The results have been amazing, yet I have not been doing it long enough or consistently enough for it to have fully integrated into my reality. So therefore, when I have things that need to be taken care of, I have this automatic reaction of doom about how it’s going to come back and bite me in the ass later. This reaction is learned, it has been built over time, a loooong time, so I’m going to do some self-forgiveness on the point to hasten the integration. I realize and understand that it will still take time and consistent application, and I’m cool with that, but everything is better directed with self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest the fear reaction as an internal experience of stress and ‘looming’ as a reaction to the thoughts and backchat I allow myself to participate within and as when I have what I judge as a large task or obligation to complete.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the internal reactions of fear, stress and ‘looming’ when and as I am about to begin a task to which I experience resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear, stress and the experience of ‘looming’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the experience of looming has nothing to do with the actual task, as I see and realize that once the task is completed, the feeling doesn’t go away, it rather attaches itself to the next thing I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to find things to experience fear, stress and looming about, because of and due to my addiction to fear and stress as negative energetic experiences that I manifest within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to simply let go of the experience that something big and bad is looming in my near future, accompanied by the experience that I am unable to do anything to prevent it.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to fully realize and understand my capabilities, and my ability to direct myself and my world, and that I will do what needs to be done in the moment and the larger the task, the more certain I am that I will do it.

To be continued……..

When and as I see that I am creating a looming experience accompanied by stress and fear, based on future projections, thoughts and backchat I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that the experience is not real and not actually connected to the upcoming event, but rather a self-created manifestation to feed my energetic addiction to fear, stress and anxiety, with which I have had enough. I stop my participation within and as these things because I realize that they do not serve me.

I commit myself to stopping my participation within and as my energetic addiction to fear, stress and anxiety by stopping myself when and as I see that I am participating in the experience of a ‘looming’ within me, by breathing through the experience till the energy runs out, and then doing something practical/responsible in the moment within self-direction.

I commit myself to directing myself through any and all energetic experiences, that I ma push through and direct me no matter what.

I commit myself to rid myself of fear, stress and anxiety so that I may be the self-directive principle that directs myself to be one part in bringing about a world that’s best for all.