Day 45- A Lump in my Breast Part 2

These are self-corrective statements and self-commitments which are tools that I can use to practically guide myself in the moment when I experience the fears/anxieties etc... that I mentioned in my last post wherein I applied self-forgiveness statements to the experience of finding a mass in my breast and the subsequent doctor's visit.

When and as I see that I am pitying myself because of and due to the lump I found in my breast I stop, and I breathe. I remind myself that that regardless of what happens, Who I am is constant and consistent within every Here moment as I breathe in every moment, regardless of what happens, and no matter the outcome, this will not change, until I die- which is inevitable, so no matter what, I live and apply me in every moment that I Live Here.

I commit myself to eradicate self-pity from within and as me, because self-pity Is disempowering and is an energetic experience that is not Life and is not who I am.

I commit myself to take my power back from the internal energetic experience of self-pity and instead apply myself Here, as self-directive standing/walking.

When and as I see that I am seeking pity from others in order to validate my own self-pity, I stop, and I breathe. I realize that self-pity is a justification and excuse to give up on myself and feel sorry for myself, making the statement that I am incapable, thus I am giving my power away instead of pushing myself in every moment to breathe, to practice self-honesty, to self-correct and to walk my process.

I commit myself to standing absolute within self-honesty, and within this I commit myself to stop using my environment and manipulating others in my environment as a means to circumvent self-honesty in order to not have to face me.

I commit myself to face myself within self-forgiveness no matter what I have accepted and allowed within myself, because I commit myself to walk the process of taking absolute self-responsibility for/of mysef.

When and as I see that I am growing angry at others due to and because of the way they are behaving or not behaving to/towards me I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within bringing the anger back to self- and realizing that I am only angry at myself, because in wanting them to behave in certain ways- I am wanting them to change the way I experience myself. I am wanting/needing/desiring them to make me feel safe, secure, loved, cared about etc… which only indicates that I’m not doing/being/giving these things to myself already.

I accept and allow myself to be safe and secure within myself, knowing nothing and nobody can harm/take away who I am but me.

I accept and allow myself to love and care for myself unconditionally.

I commit myself to creating  self-stability within and as myself that I can depend on, and I commit myself to walk the process to/towards self-love, self-care, self-nurturing and self-acceptance.

When and as I see that I am occupying my mind with future-based fears/fears in reaction to future projection (such as health), I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to the present moment by reminding myself that it is the only moment that exists. I allow myself to breathe through the fears as a stand in the present moment and ground myself until the fears crumble away into nothingness, which they will, because they are not real. I realize that participating in such thought is abusive to me and causes me harm and thus I stop this pattern within me as it does not serve me.

I commit myself to stopping my participation in future projections and future-based fears in order that I may live in the present, Here, with and as everything and everyone else, equal and one.

DAY 44- A Lump in my Breast

Today I went to the doctor to have her look at a lump in my breast. She obviously couldn’t do much more than direct me to make an appointment at another clinic for an ultrasound, and of course to assure me that it’s probably a cyst or a benign tumor. However, like many human beings who have been in this situation before me, I am confronted by the experience of the possibility of cancer in a more real and imminent way than before I discovered the lump. I don’t feel an experience of fear within me at the thought of an early death or the possibility of cancer and chemo, but I’m going to forgive these future projections anyways because I may be suppressing it, keeping it together and ‘staying strong,’ because what’s the point of reacting in any way, when I don’t know the answer and there’s nothing I can do but wait for it? However, I cried on the way home from the doctor’s office because of the experience of self-pity, but also as a release of stress/anxiety from having to wait three days before actually going to the doctor and getting things moving.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pity myself because I found a lump in my breast and now I have to deal with getting it checked out and waiting for results.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/desire pity from others because I have a lump in my breast.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want people to act differently around me now and then get angry when they act differently and get angry when they don’t act differently instead of realizing that I’m projecting myself on to everyone because I am angry at the existence of cancer and what it does to people and what it could do to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pity myself because of the sad cancer stories I’ve seen in media, television and movies that I have copy and pasted into myself and judged thus creating and manifesting this experience of self-pity and being a victim because I have judged those with cancer in the media, television and movies as sad victims.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as a sad victim.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as a sad victim because I found a lump in my breast.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as a sad victim because I found a lump in my breast, instead of standing up within the realization that nothing is different about who I am, and who I am remains the same no matter what changes in my external environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project in to the future about having to undergo chemo and getting sick and not being able to work, and identifying that as a sad yet heroic event because of how I’ve seen it portrayed in movies, on television and in the media.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear chemo treatments and becoming sick and invalid during the treatment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my health and having to depend on others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to depend on others because I judge it as weak and limiting.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge receiving assistance and support from others at certain times where that is required, as weak and limiting, instead of realizing and understanding that one must utilize the support within one’s environment when it is required.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having cancer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having manifested cancer for myself because of and due to self-suppression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger towards the thought of manifesting cancer for myself through self-suppression because I did not understand or realize how to be any other way, instead of taking that anger and bringing it Here, and working with it, as it, toward stopping self-suppression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear of cancer to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear dying young.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I might not be able to survive if I had cancer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my fears of an early death and not surviving cancer into the future and then fear my own projections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the fear of death.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear of death to exist within and as me.

Self-corrective statements to follow.