Sweet Surrender and the War Within/the War Without: micro blog from Desteni Universe

#LIVINGWORDS

Surrender

To stop resisting.
To stop trying to control.
To stop fighting.

To end a way of being, doing and behaving that is holding one in place, hostage, prisoner in an eternal hell as the inner-conflict we exist as.

To end the struggle for power.
To end greed as selfish desire.

Surrendering will mean confronting your worst fears, facing points of ego and in that, facing the death of self.

Transcending not physical death, but death on a mind level, the proverbial 'end' of who one thought oneself to be, what one had defined as 'life', what one had valued most and given everything to.

Walking into the great unknown in complete vulnerability with no protection and defense, no armour, so to speak. And then to realize we have only ever been attacking ourselves, at war with ourselves/within ourselves and in that, realizing we have and have had the power to stop since the very beginning.

To me, surrendering has nothing to do with a 'giving up' as a 'quitting', but rather a giving up as a letting go.

In war, the side that surrenders is seen as the ones that have lost the battle, when in fact they are the ones that ended the war.

Looking from the without to the within:

World War II was a 'clean' war in that it had a clearly defined objective, two identifiable sides, with a distinct start and end. The war on terror however, is a 'messy' war, in that the sides are not clearly defined, nor is the objective, and there is not even a mutually agreed upon definition of 'terrorism' in the international community.

This leads to an endless, confusing conflict, where fear and survival, greed and power become a state-of-being for entire populations, with no end nor solution in sight.

This emphasizes the importance of defining words, of understanding, and of a clear objective and starting point, and that is the first step that we each must take to end the wars we hold within ourselves, otherwise we exist in an endless inner-conflict, where fear, survival, greed as self-interest and power-struggles become permanent states-of-being that we can tend to accept and not question, as it becomes so normal that we see no other way. If you don't even realize you are at war, how will you realize you need to end it through surrendering?

Defining my inner war:

Right now, me as my mind is at war with me as my body and me as my beingness. And being the stronger force, is the part of me that has the responsibility to surrender, to step down and to, from that point of equality, strengthen the weaker, less-developped parts.

The objective is to end the conflict within, to integrate mind, body and beingness as one and equal, to work together to realize the utmost potential of all three working together as One, so that that One can then work to end the war without, to assist and support the world without to integrate as One and Equal, and to work as One to bring about a better world for All as One.

The start is Here, a decision made Here and Now, and then re-made in every moment as every breath. The end is when conflict no longer exists, where there is evidence and consistent proof that We as Humanity have created a world that is Best for All, and have proven that we can be trusted to do so eternally.

The starting point is Self.

I start with me, my within and my without. To end the inner-conflict where parts of me are fighting for power, for resources, for greed as self-interest. To take those parts, understand them, and walk them through to a point of surrender.

Sure-ender, the letting go, the releasing, the out-breath, the end, making way for a new beginning.

My process from Here will be to take this 'big picture' perspective, and break it down into its smallest parts which can be seen in daily, moment to moment living. The small, often overlooked actions and participation which may seem 'innocent' and inconsequential, but when lived out over time, accumulate to inner and outer wars on every scale.

Recommended recording of the Reptilians speaking through the Interdimensional Portal:

World War YOU - Reptilians - Part 304 

"What within the global consciousness and its relationship to this physical existence and physical matter contributed to the escalation of wars in human civilization?
What within your mind-body relationship can lead to your body responding with such force to its relationship with your mind that it sets off mini wars within you?
What is the nature of these mini wars within you and why does your body respond to your mind in this way?"

Self-Care: micro blog from Desteni Universe

#ACTIONSHOT(S)

After over a week of intense PMS, OCD and ABCDEFG, I was getting to my wits end in terms of NOT really knowing or feeling equipped to support myself, feeling like nothing's working day after day as I was sinking deeper into physical and emotional discomfort and despair... except that in pushing myself, practicing actions of self care, basically going back to the basics of process in terms of also reaching out for support, talking, writing, breathing, getting my ass UP and OUT into nature, the sun, fresh air, despite wanting only to curl up into a little ball and sleep, avoid, distract (and yes, I did these things as well).... I learned a very valuable lesson.

Now, looking back at it from 'the other side', I can see that, although these things felt like they were being done 'in vain' AT THE TIME, I see now that each effort, each push, each action of self-care and self-support was in fact me taking a step, laying a brick, placing a tile in and as the foundation of self in order to create a SELF that can STAND no matter what.

In the photos that follow you'll see simple acts of pushing and self-care: me doing a face mask to soothe my irritated skin, cooking a proper breakfast as part of my 'healthy habit' challenge, getting out for a walk when I really wanted to stay in and watch movies all day, going to the POOL in my BATHING SUIT despite being bloated to twice my normal size!!! There are many more things I did that are not pictured here, like talking to my partner, writing, lots of breathing and moments alone with stretching, slowing down, speaking self-forgiveness, and directing tasks that were weighing down on me.

And it all felt like a meaningless struggle while doing it, as I kept going back to the inner turmoil, the despair. However, now that I am coming out on the other side, I see that what is developed through this kind of persistence, consistency and application, despite the experience at the time, is a self-trust, a discipline, a stand and a stance that shows me and let's me know (I show myself and let myself know) that even in my lowest, most confused, uncertain points, I will do my damndest, push my hardest, try everything to support myself and find solutions, and never, ever give up on me.

So, here's to self-care, self-love, self-movement and all the basics of self-forgiveness, self-correction, breathing and writing, as we each push through our ups and downs, our challenges and triumphs, in order to find ourselves and show ourselves what we are really made of and in fact capable of.

Here's to process and Desteni, Bernard Poolman, Susan Spies and the farmies for standing as the living, leading examples, and all destonians for doing the same so that no one ever has to walk alone.

Feeling grateful and grounding myself Here :). Thanks erbody for being Here!

Day 43 - Overwhelmed by a Stimulating Environment

The experience I’d like to write about today is one of being overwhelmed when I’m in a very stimulating environment. It developed over time within my experience as a waitress at several very fast paced restaurants. Eventually, at one job- due to my acceptance and allowance of my continued participation within and as the experiences of stress, anxiety, overwhelming-ness and panic instead of grounding myself within myself and within the physical, I eventually felt like I couldn’t keep up or work fast enough to keep up with the pace of the place, and I took things really personally when customers would become upset. At one point I started to notice that within all the noise and movement around me, and with my attention being called in a million directions and my mind focusing on what seemed like a million things I had to do with not enough time to ever do them all- I just kind of snapped. I broke out in hives or rash-like redness all over my face and I quit.

I remember the feeling of all of a sudden everything was in slow motion, probably like a panic attack- yes, like a mini panic attack, and ever since then I’ve been more susceptible to such an experience within a stimulating environment. I understand the experience more now, I can tell when it’s going to happen and I now know what to do within the experience, such as take time for myself alone in a quiet place and just breathe through it, remaining present in physical reality because my mind is just buzzing in a million directions- the smae experience I had a waitress.

Now, when I work in a stressful environment, it’s like I can’t handle is as well as I used to. Or, for example today- it was not work or a job that I used to manifest and create this experience within me, but rather a lot of people in my world came together, with children and adults, and the children calling my attention, and adults talking to me as well

I really truly enjoy talking with adults, and playing with and spending time with the kids is one of my favourite things to do ever, but when there are so many and it’s loud and chaotic- it just gets to me now. So- I’m not satisfied with this situation and I’m deciding here to walk through this experience until it is out of my life- beginning here with self-forgiveness statements to let it go and to practically script myself into and as stability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become over-stimulated and overwhelmed within and as myself when I am in a loud, chaotic and stimulating environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I need to attend to everyone and do everything and if I don’t then I will be perceived as weak and out of control which is what I actually experience within myself when I am feeling panicked within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become panicky/panicked/short of breath/unfocused when I am in a loud and chaotic environment because I feel responsiblt to/for everyone and everything- which I obviously am not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a panicky experience/panic/shortness of breath and an unfocused experience to exist within and as me, because I feel like I need to be something for everyone, instead of just being myself, grounded within myself and directing myself within and as self-honesty in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself because I react differently to stimulating situations than I used to, due to past experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the memory of being a waitress in a fast-paced environment where I became stressed all the time and began to participate within and as panic attacks, instead of letting the memory go and walking within and as self-trust that I develop as I walk with me in self-honesty Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give into and participate within panic until it overwhelms me to a state of possession, instead of breathing and concentrating on remaining within presence and awareness in the physical, and doing what I can in each moment without expecting myself to constantly be doing more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to constantly be doing more with my time, within the belief that at some point, I will get it all done, instead of realizing that life isand requires constant and consistent application of self in every breath, and that anything other than constant and consistent application of self is not life, but rather an automated program that I have accepted and allowed to develop within and as me as my mind of autopilot/default mode/lack of self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that I am responsible for everyone when I am surrounded by people, because of the memories of working in restaurants, where I experienced myself as responsible and accountable to all my tables and customers and the quality of experience, which was somewhat arbitrarily judged by them, and had nothing to do with who I am or how hard I worked. Instead I realize that I am and can only ever be responsible for myself and my own internal experience and experience of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I need to tend to everyone who calls my attention as soon as they call my attention and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience stress, anxiety and overwhelming=-ness within me if I cannot tend to each person the moment they call my attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience stress, anxiety and overwhelming-ness within and as myself when and during social occasions where many people are present because I have the desire to help out, be useful and to prove that I am helpful, willing to help and contribute because I feel guilt about not helping out as much as I should have when I was younger. Also, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to help out because I judge others when they do not chip in, therefor I judge myself and I try/attempt to counteract that self-judgment within and through helping out, but it does not diminish my internal experience of ‘not helping out enough’ because it is coming from a starting point of self-judgment and guilt, which are experiences that can only be stopped with self-forgiveness and stopping my participation within and as them by not feeding them with energy and with my attention.

When and as I see that I’m helping out from a starting point of self-judgment thus creating stress, anxiety and overwhelming-ness within and as me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back into awareness by changing my starting point to that of pulling my own weight, chipping in, and giving as I would like to receive. When and as I am moving myself to help out, I make sure my starting point is that of pulling my own weight, chipping in and giving as I would like to receive by surveying what I can practically do in order to help out, without overly asserting myself to help out, but instead doing small things that I am able to do, and that I would want someone to do for me- for example doing the dishes- tidying and clearing the table.

When and as I feel my attention being pulled in a million directions I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back into presence by choosing and deciding upon one person/point to focus my attention, and I focus my attention on that one thing, while stopping and taking a moment to direct the situation around me if need be, in order to create for myself a situation where I can focus my attention on that which I have chosen.

I commit myself to walking through chaotic and seemingly overwhelming situations within stability and a sense of self, centered and grounded within myself as my self-directive principle.

I commit myself to continue applying myself within developing the necessary skills to effectively direct myself and my world to a self and a world that assists and support me, so that I may assist and support others and the world as people in my world as equal and one.