I (as my consciousness) forgive (as understanding, releasing, letting go, learning) my- (as my personalities and characters) self (as my beingness) that I (as all three levels of me) have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot possibly bear any responsibility for certain points that happen in my life, within the justification and excuse that I had considered every decision and word and chose actions that I saw as best at the time, without seeing, realizing and understanding that even if I did this, I can still make mistakes, I can still cause consequences and impact others in consequential ways, and that there will usually be blind spots that are only seen in retrospect, which must be confronted, taken self-responsibility for and corrected in the present moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist confronting my mistakes in the past for fear that it will diminish me in the present, without seeing, realizing and understanding that not taking self-responsibility for, understanding and defining my mistakes ends up only hurting myself and others more, blocking me from moving forward, and setting myself up to make the very same mistakes once again until I do take self-responsibility for them and learn, instead of waiting for the cycle to repeat, I can ‘bite the bullet’ and do it now, freeing myself from my own blockages, and potentially creating the opportunity of releasing others so that they can also move on, so that everyone can move forward.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deliberately deceptive in my actions, where I on the one hand participate in fear and survival, and on the other I ‘deal’ with that through manipulation to apparently ‘protect myself’ to ‘survive’ in the world by whatever means necessary, within this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have so deeply ingrained ‘survival manipulation’ into and as myself, that it had become so thoroughly a part of me that I do not even recognize it as manipulation, but rather see it as the ‘only way’, instead of seeing and realizing that to be direct is the only way I can empower myself and move forward and to clarify and live self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed such a disempowered version of myself that I had relied upon manipulation, hoping and waiting instead of directness, confidence and certainty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, as a child, think and believe that I have no voice, no say, no means to improve my situation or achieve my goals except on the whim of others, where I essentially ‘gave up’, and stopped asking and pushing, which only served to reconfirm my beliefs as the people in my environment then had no clue what to do for me, with me or about me, where I instead sank deeper into myself and moved to an ‘inside world’ where I had some control and power, or where became secretive and did things secretively to avoid rules and opinions and the ‘say-so’ of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can only achieve the things I want or to accomplish the goals I have if I do it alone and with no one else’s input, resistances, permission required or contrary opinions, because then I feel I again have no power to move another person, and within this, I try and attempt to achieve goals or get things I want ‘sneakily’, ‘beneath the radar’, which destroys relationships with the existence of an ‘ulterior motive’ instead of being upfront about who I am and what I want/what my goals are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately undermine people that stand in my way, thus creating in others my experience of ‘disempowered’, turning from ‘abused’ to ‘abuser’ instead of from disempowered to empowered, and finding ways to empower all involved.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a wall of fear that prevents me from being honest and direct, where I place everything of me into one point where, if it is rejected, I feel as though all of me is rejected, if it fails, all of me fails, as I think/believe/perceive that I am completely dependent on the point as if there is no other way forward, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am looking at forward movement only through my mind’s eye and not leaving any space for life movement, flow, plot twists, unpredictability and moving with what is Here in each moment.
When and as I see I am in a moment where I know what I want to say or do, but feel prevented due to an emotional experience, fear or disempowerment, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to my Self, my standing and my creativity by reminding myself that even if I do not receive agreement/approval/cooperation - that does not mean I have not moved forward, as something has been spoken/done/acted upon, and that is still a step, even if it is only to find out that it is not the right direction.
I commit myself to move forward, to move my life and process of self-realization forward, knowing I will consider what is best for all involved.
