Establishing My 'Who I Am'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet develop the will to diffuse and delete the mind characters and personalities I have become, through stopping my participation as myself within them, and within this,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my starting point within interactions with others sits subtly in manipulation and competition, as I have  hardwired and programmed myself as characters and personalities of manipulation and competition to win at all costs from a starting point of survival, and have not lived as an expression of myself as Who I Really Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop all of my expression for fear that the starting point or the participation may be tainted with manipulation, competition and deception, where instead of 'putting myself out there' to see me and be seen, to see or be shown where I am dishonest, I instead hide within myself where it is safe and where I am always right and righteous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being wrong or have made a mistake, where I fear and behave as though it invalidates ALL of me, and within this,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pre-emptively invalidate all of myself as soon as I am challenged in order to 'face the fear', showing me that the real fear is standing up for myself, standing by the words I speak and share, and trusting myself that when I share and speak it is because I saw some value, truth, self-honesty or realization in the point of my sharing/speaking where, when and as I am challenged, I give myself that grace period of a moment, even up to 24 hours to work through any reactions and to check for and/realign the point of value I was speaking/sharing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by the capability of self-intimacy and intimacy in others outside myself, because I have not been courageous enough yet to allow that intimacy/self-intimacy with myself, therefore I judge it as a weakness and a point where I am lacking, it is something I have not yet given myself and so something I will regret, yet instead of daring to be self-honest in order to develop the self-intimacy, I remain frozen in fear, stuck between not wanting to see myself for real, but later on deeply regretting having never actually looked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain frozen in fear of self-honesty as self-in-to-me-I-see, because I fear seeing my self-rejection and neglect reflected back to me through others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain frozen between fear and regret.