Day 253 - The Quantum Moment Before the Death of a Chicken

I have already written this article, but the first question that came up is: why it is important? So I asked myself and answered: It is important because our daily moments make us who we are, and in each moment, we get to decide who that is. It has become a cliché that one must be the change they want to see, but that cliché is true, and we can literally only develop ourselves one moment at a time. Each moment is crucial towards our self-development, even if it's a seemingly mundane, daily moment. And so, in this article I share one such moment as an example of how it is possible for each one of us to learn and change who we are at our core through moment-to-moment application.

Here is my article, I hope you enjoy it!

The Quantum Moment Before the Death of a Chicken

Is it possible to decide who you are in a split-second moment – to look at all the factors that need to be considered, your sound, your intention, your starting point, the events at play, the potential play-outs, your character and where you are at in your process, the character of others involved, and so much more?

I had an experience yesterday where this was in fact the case. I opened the door and Ghost, the husky with a propensity to hunt, sprung out of the gate with an intensified vigour that immediately caught my attention. He bolted across the lawn in what appeared to me, without my glasses, to be a white blur, towards another white blur by the bushes at the other end of the yard.

At first, I thought it was Boeboe, the Maltese-poodle mix, but when I saw wings flapping I knew it was an escaped chicken. I saw Fidelis there, already taking action, I saw Boomie, a herding dog, right there in the mix as if appearing out of nowhere. I thought right away that two charging dogs and a cornered chicken was too much for one person to direct, so I took off running across the lawn to help.

In this split-second moment, I thought about Ghost and his history with hunting and going into a possession when he chases his prey. I saw his body language and his movement and knew that he was going in for the kill. I thought of my own process with developing my authority within myself and with the animals here at the farm, and how I had learned to direct them over time. In that moment, and with all the information and my observations, I made two decisions – one in awareness, and one was a conscious conclusion.

For context, the difference between deciding within and as awareness, versus acting from within and as consciousness, is the following: in awareness, I decide in the present moment, based on the present reality, and that decision in my case is based on a set of principles of doing what is best for all involved. Deciding within and as consciousness is where you act from a pre-programmed starting point, meaning habitual patterns and behaviours, beliefs, self-judgements, self-beliefs, past memories, future fears etc… all play a more significant role and are mostly based in the past and perceived future than here in the present moment. Consciousness decisions usually come up seemingly automatically (because there is no awareness of the timeline in the moment), as if they are already here and decided, and usually have a footing in emotional or feeling energy, as well as and not mutually exclusively, a foot in self-interest. Whereas decisions made in awareness involve assessment of present reality factors, with no emotions or feelings influencing one to sway from their principles as they direct the situation towards an outcome to the best of their abilities.

The conscious conclusion came first and thus impacted the other decision I made. The conscious conclusion was that there was nothing I could do to stop Ghost because he was already in motion, and I already believed that anything I tried would be unsuccessful. This is based on previous inexperience with animals, as well as memories of animals not listening to me and me feeling like I have no control over them.

Immediately afterwards, within the realization that I would not get there in time, I knew I could only use my voice, my sound. This is where my second decision came in, where I made a decision in awareness. The sound I chose was sharp and with no emotion, as I was attempting to cut through the possession Ghost was in towards the chicken, to ‘snap him out of it’ in a way. This choice was made in awareness as I assessed the situation and spoke with intention instead of that out-of-control emotional screaming that can occur in these life-or-death situations.

What disempowered me in that moment though, and I could not hear it, but rather ‘feel’ it in my voice as a ‘knowing’, was that I had already made the decision that I would not be effective due to the conscious conclusion I had come to based on past memories. In my voice was a twinge of desperation that was not audible, but was present in ‘who I was’ in my speaking (or in this case yelling). I could feel the disempowerment and desperation in my body, even though I could hear my sound as loud, unemotional, sharp and confident. And so what message was coming through to Ghost, besides me yelling at him to stop, was me being disempowered and unable to do anything to stop him.

Ghost made it to the chicken, and the chicken was killed.

It was over in a few seconds, but my internal process took place in the first fraction of the first second that I became aware of what was going on  - illustrating that quantum moment we all have before we take any action or speak any words. This quantum moment is invaluable as it is a moment we can give to ourselves to decide in awareness who we are, what our principles are and what outcome we will contribute towards in any given situation.

In order to be able to use this moment effectively, we have to be clear within ourselves, walking a process to clear out the ‘consciousness’ we have programmed ourselves as over a lifetime of memories, thoughts, beliefs and experiences, as well as the fears, doubts and self-judgments we carry around, along with so much more, in order to instead make clear and concise reality-based decisions.

Personally, I have used the Desteni ‘I’ Process to work through my conscious pre-programming, and continue to do so as I live day-by-day, making these mistakes and learning form them, clearing myself out bit by bit as I re-program myself to someone I want to be, someone I can trust, someone that makes split-second decisions for example, that are best for all involved.

And so I was tested today, as it happened again, where Ghost made a mad dash for the chickens in the coop. This time there was no hesitation, I had learned from last time, and I immediately took the stance that I would not accept or allow this, and I that I would be able to break through to Ghost.

Now, the fact that I made this decision within myself does not mean reality will abide – we can never predict the outcome of a situation or the effect we will have on people or animals outside ourselves. However, when it happened again, this time I was prepared due to the process of introspection I had walked the first time around.

Ghost took off, and I quickly took my stance, chose my sound and brought it through. Low and behold, when I spoke, Ghost reared back as if being pulled by reigns, he snapped out of his possession and abruptly turned and circled back around towards me.

I realize it was a different situation, and that there could be other factors at play here, but the fact remains that I am practicing, and the more I am able to get through to him, the more likely I will be able to prevent future mishaps. Not only that, but the fact also remains that I am in a learning process, and developing the ability to take a stand in moments, and truly be the authority within myself, and so  my reality.

desteni.org

 

Day 56- Am I the 'Annoyed Daughter' -Self-Corrective Statements Continued

Each of these self-corrective and commitment statement is direclty related to each of the self-forgiveness statements made within this blog: Day 54- Am I the 'Annoyed Daughter'?, and is the continuation of  Day 55- Am I the 'Annoyed Daughter' -Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see that I am desiring the experience of ‘moreness’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to myself within the consideration of myself as a whole, Here; One which does not require to be ‘more than’ within and as an energetic experience of the mind, but to simply return to breath, Here, within and as my physical body in the present moment, which is the only moment I have to move me and live me effectively from a starting point of oneness and equality, where no one is ‘more than’ another, and no experience within and as the mind is ‘more than’ what is actually physically Here.

I commit myself to walking through the experience of the desire for ‘moreness’ in order to live the realization that anything ‘more than’ what is actually, physically Here is nothing but an illusion that exists only in the mind.

I commit myself to ground myself within and as this physical reality, to walk myself out of the mind of illusions and I commit myself to be and become the living application of the realization that the pursuit of ‘moreness’ is actually diminishing myself as it takes me away from Here, thus taking me away from myself in order to engage in the pursuit of endless desires of the mind, fueled by energy derived from the physical, thus actually, literally consuming and diminishing myself into thin air.

When and as I see that I am going into/playing the role/character of ‘annoyed daughter’ in order to make me feel better about myself, specifically ‘mature’ and ‘responsible’ I stop, and I breathe. I take myself back from this act/illusion and ground myself Here within the realization that I am not these energetic pursuits of the mind, I am Here, and always have been- waiting for me to stop and realize.

I commit myself to stop my participation within and as the character of ‘annoyed daughter’ and to instead accept who I am without the desire to be more/be seen as more/see and define myself as more through playing characters that I believe are ‘more than' who I am Here.

I commit myself to self-change- to change those parts of me that I cannot accept because they are of ego and do not consider the Whole, equal and one, instead of abdicating my self-responsibility to do so through/as/within playing characters as a way to compensate for the ‘bad feelings’ and self-judgments I have manifested as a result of who/what/how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become over time- in this case specifically the character of ‘annoyed daughter’ which, because of how I have defined it, gives me the illusion of being ‘responsible’ and ‘mature,’- because over time I have defined myself as ‘irresponsible’ and ‘immature’ because I have, over time, not taken self-responsibility in every moment and not acted maturely (as in- having not directed myself to ‘mature’ and ‘evolve’ as a person, but to have rather sat back and accepted/allowed myself to be directed and dictated by the mind, thus remaining stagnant and idle instead of me moving me, deciding who/what/how I am and will be by being the self-directive principle of myself). Within this, I commit myself to take myself back from the energetic illusionary characters I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, by pulling them out one by one in order to see why/how I created them , so that I may delete them from within/as me, and start living Me for the first time, for real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value perceiving myself as the ‘annoyed daughter’ who Is so responsible and mature rather than valuing what I actually am and what I am living, wherein, within this valuation I take care of who and what I am and that which I am actually living by writing it out, paying attention, being aware and taking responsibility for it.

When and as I see that I am valuing who I am as a character in any way whatsoever instead of valuing Who I Am as Life Here I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself out of the energetic possession by breathing through and out of the valuation of the character as if it is who I am by reminding myself that the only thing that is real about me is Who I Am Here as the physical- a physical body functioning within and as a physical world- anything beyond that is but a creation that has taken me away from taking the self-responsibility to create and value myself as Who I am as Life as the physical Here.

I commit myself to paying attention, being aware and taking self-responsibility for who I am and what I am living by writing it out, exposing and understanding it so that I may stop, self-forgive, delete and walkmy self-corrective application.

I commit myself to live the realization that the ‘annoyed daughter’ character is only make believe, it is not real nor has it ever been, that thus far I have believed it to be real and have lived according to it in moments, making it real to me by giving it my attention and energy.

I commit myself to stop acting from a starting point of trying to attain a ‘good/satisfied’ feeling through participating within and as the character of the ‘annoyed daughter’, which I believed defined me as ‘responsible’ and ‘mature’ to myself and others, and within this I commit myself to stop living a lie as a character as who I am and instead I commit myself to Livingas an actual being within and as this physical reality, participating and engaging fully present and aware, within and as the principle of doing what’sbest for all within the understanding that we are all one and equal, therefore what’s best for all is best for me.

When and as I see that I am reacting within and as annoyance in relation to my parents, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that I am only abusing myself and my parents by reacting within and as a character in order to manipulate myself into experiencing myself as ‘mature and responsible’- thus using them as secondary actors in my play where I am the main star- thus using them to validate my character that is the ideal that I desire to experience in the moment that I go into that character.

I commit myself to live and stand as a real being instead of living a lie and validating that lie through the manipulation and abuse of others, within the view that they are secondary actors of lesser value and I am the star because I have a perception of myself in my own mind that is seemingly more central and more important than all other beings in the world, simply because I am me.

I commit myself to stop valuing the self-perception of myself as superior in my own mind and I commit myself to instead live as an equal- valuing all as me one and equal.