Daily Walk and Share: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

Farmies daily walk and share.

I recommend everyone take 20-30 minutes to just walk and talk with those in their lives. You can link it to something else you do daily, like after dinner and dishes for example. For us it is when we tend to the horses in the afternoon, we give them 20-30 minutes in their stables to eat. While they eat, we walk, while we walk, we talk.

It doesn't have to be anything grand or spectacular. But just creating this moment to connect to those that share your environment, in between the business and chaos, for me has been very grounding and beneficial for mind and body.

Recommended EQAFE recording:

Perspective Versus Interpretation (Part 2) -Reptilians - Part 566

"Are you breaking yourself and others down, or are you building yourself and others up? Do you hold grudges against yourself and others or do you focus on how you can learn and grow?

In this interview Anu opens up some deeper dimensions of how we break ourselves and others down and get lost in projection, judgment and negativity instead of looking at responsibility and what it means to really support ourselves and each other."

198 - Gossip Girl vs Self-Supportive Communicator

My life has changed rather drastically over the past few months, and all the change has unearthed some subconscious and underlying fears that I have been living with for quite some time. A point came up recently where I have been sharing myself, wherein I would discuss situations and events in my life with another/others in an attempt to gain comfort from these fears that were coming up. I have realized that the best and most effective advice comes from cutting through my own bullshit, facing my fears by stepping up and taking responsibility for them, and sharing with myself, through writing, the support that is most difficult to hear.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to discuss and reveal the details of certain specific aspects of my life in order to create a positive energetic experience about them with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take actions to create a positive energetic experience about events in my life in order to make my life/my ego seem ‘greater-than’ what they in fact actually are, instead of focusing on the reality of the events or situations, and within humility, focusing on Who I Am within them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek and crave the energy I am able to create within and as ‘gossiping’ about myself and my life with another, thus creating unintended/undesirable/unnecessary consequences, which are like chain reactions that involve more beings than only myself, instead of directing the events according to the principles I have learned, understood, and committed to..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the way I feel about an event/situation/circumstance determines whether I am directing myself ‘correctly’ or ‘incorrectly’, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that the only matter of importance is Who I Am within the events/situations/circumstances, whether or not I am aligning myself according to principles, including honouring and supporting myself,  and what and how I am building myself as a being of integrity within what I say and do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility  for directing the events/situations/circumstances of my life, and to, within not taking self-responsibility, fail to create a blueprint for myself to properly deal with the points and parts of myself I am faced with, and within this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this lack of a blueprint as an excuse to look to others for direction and advice, and to use the energetic ‘bond’ or ‘closeness’ as a comfort to make myself feel ‘better’, ‘safer’ and ‘not alone’, when the reality is that I am alone in the position of taking self-responsibility and deciding Who and How I Am and how I will direct my life and world.

When and as I see that I am looking to  create energy with another about events/situations/circumstances that require to be directed in my life, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by breathing through the fear of taking self-responsibility, and I look to my own common sense and principles to show myself the best way to handle and direct myself.

When and as I see that I am using gossip as a way to feed the experience of myself, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-realization by reminding myself that when I only focus on how I feel, I neglect to take into consideration the multi-dimensional  reality of any situation, thus limiting my ability to truly give myself the gift of actual learning/growing/moving/directing.

I commit myself to face myself as myself, without the crutch of energy as gossip, and I commit myself to differentiate between energy-creating communication and self-supportive sharing.

I commit myself to breathe through my reactions and write them out for myself, and speak about them only when I am clear within myself.

Day 33- Self-Expression Replacing 'Role-Playing'

            Looking at this point in self-honesty, I see how extensively I have constantly and continuously played roles for others, and its like- the more I care about them, the more I play the role. I can determine that I play specific ‘roles’ when I am in the presence of certain specific people, out of fear of self-expression,  in an attempt to control my environment- which I obviously can’t, and lastly, out of fear of hurting others. Self-forgiveness and self- corrective application are required here to assist and support me to walk through this ingrained pattern of role-playing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself in front of/around certain specific friends/family members, wherein I accept/allow an internal emotional experience to stop me from expressing myself, and I accept/allow the internal emotional experience of fear to cloud me to the point of not being able to see/realize who and how I am in the moment, thus I go to the ‘default’ of role-playing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall into the ‘default mode’ of role playing, instead of fearlessly expressing myself in the moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I am concerning myself with those around me, specifically certain specific friends/family members, instead of realizing that I am actually concerning myself with my self-reflection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to manipulate my own self-reflection that these certain specific friends/family members are reflecting back to me in terms of the self-definitions and self-judgments I have created for myself when I am with them, by playing certain roles around them, which I think/believe will change the way I see myself when I am with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the self-definitions and self-judgments I accepted and allowed myself to create towards these certain specific friends/family members, wherein I believe it to be who I am, when in fact it has only ever been reactions created by me within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that I can change the way I see myself, the way I am, or the definitions/self-judgments I experience towards myself by changing the way others see me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe I can control the way others see me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place any kind of values upon the way others see/perceive me within the understanding that I will never actually know how they see/perceive me, I will only chase clues from within their words/deeds and from that, develop a perception of how I think/believe they perceive me, which is obviously just me creating a self-perception through reflecting myself back to myself through these certain specific friends/family members.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel self-conscious about myself due to all the self-judgment I am exposing within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself, wherein I see/realize how extensively I live within/as self-judgment.

When and as I see myself going into ‘role playing’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that I am only trying to manipulate my self-reflection, instead of realizing that I am right here already. I remind myself that I do not need to use others to see myself, but rather to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, so that I can bring myself back Here and walk from Here, in equality and oneness.

I commit myself to taking myself back from all the roles I have given myself to in unawareness/lack of awareness.

I commit myself to expressing me as who I direct myself to be

I commit myself to stopping all the roles I play/have played and developed for myself over time.

Day 22 - Avoiding Friends I Change Around

            Today I was at the Laundromat and I saw two of my former coworkers who I worked with two years ago before I left for school. They were going into a house. I used to hang out with them. My husband asked me why I didn’t go over to say ‘hi,’ and it took me a long time before I could figure out the answer. I realized that I do not like who I become when I ‘m around them. We discussed the fact that I should stand stable no matter who I’m around, and if I don’t, then I’m giving my power away.

When I moved away to go to school, I met new people, and I started friendships with classmates the way I wanted to, wherein I would not participate in fake personalities or energetic experiences with them. I didn’t do it perfectly, but I definitely took steps that I’m confident I can build upon to eventually not be influenced by others. But when I saw those two coworkers, I immediately reacted to them, because I used to change who I was when I would hang out with them, and I didn’t like that. So when I saw them I immediately assumed that I would be like that again, which is not a good assumption to make, because if I allow myself to participate within those thoughts, then I’ll likely repeat the pattern instead of taking steps towards standing stable and not compromising myself in the presence of others.

Even if I’m not interested in starting up a friendship with them again, there’s no reason why an emotional experience within me should stop me from going over and saying ‘hi,’ and seeing how they’re doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change around others by entering into personality constructs as personalities which I have, over time, constructed mostly as a coping mechanism, in order to feed my ego to achieve the greatest amount of energy-based reactions, feelings and emotions etc.. which is really manipulation of myself and others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and/or desire to participate within and as energy, within and through relationships with others, so that I may get what I want, whether it be a feeling, a confirmation, validation etc… out of relationships in my life and world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to manipulate my world and the relationships within it through specifically designing personalities which I can consciously or subconsciously access in order to maintain a feeling ‘good,’ ‘validated.’ ‘happy,’ ‘energized,’ fulfilled,’ ‘righteous,’ ‘superior’ etc etc etc…

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use relationships in my world to attain these ‘senses of self’ that I think/believe/perceive to be who I am, instead of realizing that Who I Am is not an internal feeling within myself that needs to be ‘fed,’ manipulated or validated, because Who I Am, as Who We All Are, is Here already.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged by others when I interact with them, and so I compromise myself in order to not be judged, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is really only me judging myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged as weird, awkward, ugly, uncool, boring etc.... when I am with others, instead of standing within and as complete self-acceptance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weird, awkward, ugly, uncool, boring etc.... instead of accepting myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, if and when I am judged, accept it as real, indicating that I have already accepted it as real within myself already.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change who and how I am in order to get others to ‘like’ me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive I need others to ‘like’ me, in order to reflect that ‘liking’ back to myself so that I can think/believe that ‘I am liked,’ and ‘I am likeable’, which would indicated that I actually believe the opposite, otherwise I would not need to reflect it to myself as a projection from others, making it ‘someone else’s job’ to ‘like’ me, because I don’t like myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to like myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act/behave in ways that I don’t like, and instead of taking responsibility and stopping and changing, I take the easy route and just not like myself, while living the lie that I am likeable by going into personalities around people in order to get them to like me/manipulate them into liking me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for going into personalities around people, and then avoid being around those people because I judge myself and don’t like who I become, or that I become something/someone else around them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself in the presence of others by going into personality suits, due to the fact that I have abdicated my self-responsibility in terms of 'who I am' on to others, specifically  in this case, the want/need/desire to be 'liked,' because I have acted in ways which I myself do not like, and have not taken complete rsponsibility for myself yet in this way- in this way wherein my thoughts, words and deeds are alligned within a consideration for all that's Here, as that I what I would want from everyone else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself in any way for anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility in any way to anyone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame other people for the fact that I change myself when I’m around them, instead of taking responsibility and standing as me no matter who I am around.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my feelings of ‘not wanting to be around people because of the way it makes me feel’, instead of taking responsibility for the way I feel, forgiving it so that I can simply be me, and directing myself to face others to see what comes up so that I can accordingly address it within myself every time.

When and as I see that I am reacting to others wherein ‘I don’t want to see them,’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back into awareness within the understanding that it is my responsibility to stand as me no matter who I am around, and nobody else can do that for me, so I will stand.

I commit myself to investigate any and all internal reactions I experience when I am in the presence of others.

I commit myself to push through any and all fear that I experience when and as I am interacting with others.

I commit myself to work towards interacting with others within and as absolute self-honesty wherein I stand as me in every moment.

Day 7- Moving

I'm moving back to a diffferent city. Within this I am expereiencing some fear: fear of the future (projecting into the future), fear of the unknown, fear of who I will be longterm within the new relationships I will be forming, and the emotions of leaving an environment I am comfortable in, where everthing is 'known' and already established.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project into the future about what it’s going to be like to move by participating in memory-based fears of what is was like when I lived there/visited in the past, and who I was within that, thus projecting that into the future in a ‘worst case scenario’ perspective instead of realizing that I have changed, I have new skills, I am more stable and I can handle standing within who I am. I am working still on all these points and the upcoming events that are about to take place are more like opportunities for me to observe where I am at and what it is I’m still accepting and allowing within me where I lack the self-trust to transcend the fear of the future.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing an individual within addiction, it is not my responsibility and all I can do as stand stable within me and walk through the consequences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing individuals within my participation with Desteni, because I know I will have to take a stand and assert myself and discipline myself to do that which I have committed to doing. This is not about anyone but me and my commitment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I am going to be with friends and family long-term, because I have made the directive decision to change me, so I am projecting my fear of change onto them because I cannot hide my change from anyone, but rather I reflect it off of people in my world and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing myself within change and the unknown through my reflection off thse in my world and reality.

I realize why I have made this directive decision and that I will stick with it no matter what, thus, I walk step by step without fear in order to discover who I am within change, and who I am as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear leaving the comfort of my current environment which I have always known because it is already known, instead of realizing the limitations of remaining within the comfort and security of the ‘known’.

I allow myself to venture into the darkness of the unknown within the understanding that I will always have me to direct me, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to correct me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the unknown with fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear leaving the comfort of the environment I’ve always known because I fear exposing myself to me in standing on my own without the crutches of comfort and security, instead of realizing that I don’t require crutches because I am walking already, and the only way I will become stronger and more stable is by continuing to walk through into the unknown, over and over until I realize that I am one with and equal to the unknown, therefor I am only walking into me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the unknown as I fear the unknown parts of me, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself. Instead, I commit myself to get to know all parts of me within the realization that only the ego fears to be exposed, because if it is exposed it will be revealed as a fraud/not real and I will end it. I commit to ending myself as ego, and instead birthing myself as life. Here, without fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the fear of my ego being exposed and ending, and I stand within and as that ego and expose me, to end myself as ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty about leaving, the guilt is self-created, it’s only about me, it doesn’t serve me, and I can’t live my life by these limiting self-interested emotions of the mind instead of walking step by step within and as self-direction no matter what I am feeling.

I commit myself to walking Here as stability regardless of the self-limiting thoughts, feelings and emotions I manifest.

I commit myself to myself, to stand no matter who I am with or where I am.

I commit myself to fearlessly discover me, who I am and how far I push myself towards perfection within the practical limitations of physical reality.