Every Way But Through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to celebrate and indulge in positive experiences that are outside of Who I Am, and have very little to do with what and how I've directed myself or what I have created of and as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in positive energy while my world requires direction and I know I am not being my Best in all ways. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself in response to what I have judged and defined as 'diminishing', and instead of empowering myself, I ease the discomfort through indulging in positive energy in participating in unrelated things and activities. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear empowering myself, because I fear it will cause conflict, and even though I know nothing 'bad' will happen, I fear conflict so extensively that it paralyzes me from expressing what I see and know must be directed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain a slave to others through playing to their emotional states, instead of freeing myself AND them by not accepting and allowing anything less than the best of who we both/all are.   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel responsible for the emotional state of others/another, not seeing and realizing that I am participating in my own emotional self-manipulation in order to keep others 'happy', and not seeing and realizing that I can never make anyone sustainably happy forever - it will be a constant failure and a constant self-sacrifice. 

I forgive myself that I have created a trap, where I feel fearful, trapped and heavy by trying and attempting to be responsible for another's emotional state, and then also fearful, trapped, heavy AND guilty at the thought and idea of not tending to their emotional state. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself by trying and attempting to attain the request put upon me to do certain things and be certain ways in order to 'cheer up' someone outside of myself, where I then take on the impossible task of trying to keep another in a constant state of cheeriness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I stop tending to the emotions of others, they will become depressed and it will be my fault.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken responsibility for the emotional state of others for so long, that I think and believe that I lost myself in that role, and have forgotten how to do and be any other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that who I am can be lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself have automated saying the 'nice' thing instead of the REAL thing, thus suppressing that of me that is REAL, and defining that suppression as 'being lost'.

I forgive myself thst I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and my voice and what I see. 

I forgive myself thst I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself, my voice and what I see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-honesty.