Monday, January 22, 2018

Continuing with THE DREAM - Osho Card Reading: Day 10 of 21

Continuing from my last blog... THE DREAM

Osho Card:


Looking at the point:

"What I can see when I bring the point up in me, is that there are certain parts of the work that I am doing that i have labelled as 'work' in terms of it not being exciting or fun or 'positive'. I will have a project with a final goal, and a lot of the work involved in getting there IS fun and enjoyable to me. But then there is 'the other stuff'. The research, the learning, the coursework, the 'serious stuff' that I have to go through to get to my final goal. And sometimes I don't know how to go about a certain step, in which case I go into a helplessness that I identified in my last blog, and that helplessness creates frustration and in this case avoidance and distraction."

I held this understanding with me today while I worked, and I observed myself as I went through this point. What I realized was that the pressing issue is when I don't completely understand where I'm heading, the goal is not clear, and the steps are not clear.

What I found was that, when I identified the issue, I was able to focus and hone my attention on the problem, instead of feeling 'all over the place' and directionless, which, when left undirected, leads to overwhelm and an underlying helplessness. When I could focus and hone my attention, things became more clear. I still did not see the final outcome, but I identified the right questions to ask, and I set out to ask them.

Another obstacle I could identify was that initial push it takes to get started on a task that I know will be long, in my case research. With research, you don't really know what you are looking for till you find it, and even then, it can be like finding puzzle pieces scattered about, and not having a map for how they fit together. I realize I have to become comfortable with this 'unknowing'.

Lastly, I had to address the question of time. I had given myself certain deadlines, and with them I felt the pressure, which was causing me to feel a bit of a squeeze as I was still trying to identify the obstacles I was facing. The feeling was that I didn't have TIME for obstacles, that I needed to KNOW RIGHT NOW what to do, and for this reason, I didn't want to invest the time into myself basically, to find out what was going on with me and how to walk through it.

So, what I did was drop the idea of a deadline. This seems counter-intuitive, but the thing is that holding this deadline above myself was actually causing me to move more slowly. When I dropped it, I felt lighter, and even more ready to get to work.

So, these are my findings today as I walk my quest to improve myself, change myself from limiting patterns and habits I have been living out up till now. No matter how big or small, they need to be addressed in terms of being identified, corrected and then lived out in real time.

Thanks for reading!

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