Holding On
The Miser in Me
"This woman has created a fortress around herself, and she is clinging to all the possessions she thinks are her treasures. In fact she has accumulated so much stuff with which to adorn herself--including the feathers and furs of living creatures--that she has made herself ugly in the effort.
This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable it needs to be protected by a fortress. It needn't be a big bank balance or a box full of jewels--it could be something as simple as sharing our time with a friend, or taking the risk of expressing our love to another. Like a well that is sealed up and becomes stagnant from disuse, our treasures become tarnished and worthless if we refuse to share them. Whatever you're holding on to, remember that you can't take it with you. Loosen your grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling to parts of myself due to fear of judgment and reactions because of feeling that I am doing something wrong, being wrong, breaking some rules because I have not yet stood as the self-authority within myself to express and be and not fall to my mind when I have thoughts like "that is really stupid and dumb/not normal/not cool/that shows I am being influenced/that shows I am attempting to manipulate/that shows I am trying to be someone or something that I am not/ that shows weakness/lacking clarity/haven't cleared my starting point" etc... questioning what I am doing/saying/how I am being to the extent where it becomes impossible to just do and be as a learning, an expressing, a seeing, or an unfolding.
I commit myself to, when and as I am about to do or say something but am held back by a thought or an emotional experience, to take a breath and a moment to assert myself, my 'why', and continue to do the thing so that I can see me, show me to, as and for myself.
I commit myself to continue to create my self-agreement, where I decide in awareness what I will accept and allow within and towards myself and what not.
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