Day 139- Assertiveness and Steadfastness as Breath (pt 3)

I wasn’t completely satisfied with the new definition I had ascribed to Assertiveness in my last post Here. I am re-defining the word so that I could practically apply it in my life and world, without judgment, thus breathing life into the word through my living application and birthing it as a living word within and as me.
I had been thinking about this, but then it really became clear as I was listening to the interview with the cat, wherein, the cat describes how sometimes, in order to be equal and one within assertiveness within a group, one has to ‘lower’ oneself as a bringing oneself down to the level of the weakest or least understood being, in order to understand and communicate with them in an ‘equal and one’ way. This would be to not expect more of them, or for them to ‘rise up’ to your level, if you happen to be more advanced in some way or area. It’s to bring oneself down, humbly, in order to understand the entirety of the being, where they are coming from, why they are that way. To Actually HEAR them, and Listen when they speak. That is what I would want for me, and I certainly have been in situations where others were superior to me in some way and I was NOT treated as an equal. I’ve been in situations where another was superior to me and used that superiority to make me feel less important, less heard, less understood, whether intentionally or unintentionally, as if I didn’t count as much as the more advanced ones. School is very much like this as well. Where slower students are not given the time and dedication they would need to catch up, or to figure out what exactly is the problem.
So, in my previous definition, I had included the word ‘high-ness’, and I found, before I heard the cat interview, that there was too much explaining and defining of other words and conditions. It should be very simplistic, but it wasn’t, and it didn’t ‘flow’. Usually when I re-define words it flows and it comes more easily, whereas ‘assertiveness’ was actually quite a struggle to re-define yesterday.
Once I heard the cat interview I knew it was just ‘off’. It’s cool because, as I was thinking about it before I heard the interview, I realized that I shouldn’t be working with the word ‘assertiveness’, but rather, with ‘assertive’, from which I derived: “A CERTainTy I haVE”, which is cool because the cat emphasized certainty within assertiveness (much like the certainty in a cat’s movement when they are assertive about wanting touch/affection/attention, or food/treats).
Therefore, my new definition of ‘Assertive” is:
I certainty I have, which I build and enhance, through applying the principles of equality and oneness as what’s best for all in my living actions, wherein that certainty would naturally emerge, first as a presence, and then into my living application, as I clarify and stabilize my stand as Who I AM in my Life and World.

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Day 137- Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath

I am going to be exploring the meanings of these words: “Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath”. I am doing so because, at the moment, they are only words to me, and not a living reality that I understand and practically apply in my life. This is important because practical application of these words is required.

First I will have a look at the dictionary definition of both ‘assertive’ and ‘steadfast’:

Assertive:
1) Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured.
2) Confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's views
3) Given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive.

 

When I look at these words, I see that I have a reaction towards words such as ‘aggressive’, ‘bold’, ‘demands’ and ‘dogmatic’- which are words that, when I face them in others I would be ‘put off’ due to judgments I have made about them. I would judge them as ‘abrasive’, ‘annoying’, even ‘rude’. I see that in the past I would NOT want to be in a conversation with someone who possessed these traits, and I would in fact have the tendency to avoid them. So now to look at Why this is so:

The reaction I ‘m having towards these words is that, if I were in conversation with someone that possessed the qualities they describe, I would feel ‘less-than’, I would feel like I were talking to a wall, I would feel frustrated and angry because I judge myself as ‘not assertive’, and I would feel like the other person was ‘more valid’ simply because they were more assertive. I also see the fear of not being able to stand up to an assertive person, which makes me feel angry and resentful towards them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with a negative charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘assertive’ as bad/negative/wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with the internal experience of ‘less-than’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive with the internal experience of ‘less-than’ thus creating a relationship to the word ‘assertive’ in separation of myself, because in doing this, I will never in fact GIVE myself the opportunity to BE assertive MYSELF.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with the word ‘abrasive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive’ within the word ‘abrasive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertive’ and from the word ‘abrasive’ by defining the word ‘assertive’ within the word ‘abrasive’ in separation of myself.

Sometimes it is necessary to be assertive, and to be abrasive, for example when I am standing up within myself and not accepting/allowing abuse from another. In this type of situation I wouldn’t want my relationship to the word be such that I would avoid standing up for myself for fear of the very same judgment I have placed on the word itself. Instead, I would give myself the opportunity to be/become the living word, as me, in moments where such a being/becoming is required. Where no judgment is necessary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ to ‘talking to a wall’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive’ within ‘talking to a wall’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertive’ and from ‘talking to a wall’ by defining the word ‘assertive’ within ‘talking to a wall’ in separation of myself.
I will not separate myself from assertiveness through creating the ‘walls’ I perceive others to become, and which I myself become. Instead I take down my walls of separation brick by brick through equal communication, understanding and self-honesty, so that eventually no walls exist between human beings and we realize we are all simply Here, coming from the same source and going to the same place. The walls we have built are walls built in self-interest due to fear and survival, because we live in a world of fear and survival, where we are pitted against each other, wherein the ‘other’s’ loss is our ‘gain’, and we must protect ‘our gain’ from those that have less; when in fact there is no real gain, we are all only ever losing, and the ones losing the most are our children and the generations to come.

I will continue to purify the word assertive, and then redefine it in blogs to come.