Stepping Forward - Not Looking Back: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

As I was driving away from the farm for the last time, I didn't want to look back. I have driven away from this farm hundreds of times now, and I always look back. It's so beautiful, I can't help but admire the fields, at one point the horses, the trees, the river, even the buildings appear as though they sprung up out of the ground and belong there.

But this time was different. It was the Last Time. And so this time there was sadness - and I knew this 'looking back' was more me trying to create an emotional experience, a connection to the past. Like trying to take a snapshot and create a memory to hold on to, stagnant in time, keeping a part of ME stagnant.

But Life is not stagnant, it is forever moving, flowing - past, present and future always together in this Here moment - and all I can 'hold on to' is Who I Choose to Be, and thus, Who I Am in every
Here moment - learning from the past, acting in the present, creating the future. The one internal constant is this choice, and the external constant is change.

So I didn't look back this time, I looked forward, cause that's where I'm heading. I'm moving forward and I'm letting go of something I never thought I would have to let go of, and that's terrifying. And its exciting, and it's heartbreakingly sad.

I find with these goodbyes I always have this one last moment of wanting to fight it, to change my mind and hold on. In the past I have followed that decision and held on, and every time it has cycled me through repeating patterns where I inevitably ended up in the same position of choice.

Now it all plays out inside of me in a quantum moment, where I can see the entire pattern from beginning to end, seeing that it always ends up at that point of inevitability, and so I walk through the resistance, surrender the fight, and take that step forward. Full of fear sometimes, yes, but equally full of the courage to keep moving.

Please enjoy these ACTUAL photos I took of this place over the past 2 years - as in, not mental images/memories stuck in time - but physical pictures that I decide when to look at or not:

Day 220 - Clearing the Starting Point of Friendship

Many friendships, when seen on the surface, seem to be these wonderful, magical, beautiful relationships. I am sure there are moments where this is so, but not all moments, and often there are strong undercurrents of suppressed feelings and emotions hiding beneath the surface.

When I investigated into how I had grown up in my friendships, mostly starting from my early teens, I found some pretty nasty stuff going on in the background. There were definitely good times, intimate moments, trust build, and bonding happening, but when being completely self-honest, I found dimensions of myself that were subtly rotting the foundation upon which friendships are built.

I saw it first hand while investigating my own past, like a personal private detective,  so that I could sort it out for myself, and clear MY starting point of how I have been living within and as 'friendships'. But I have also seen it hundreds or thousands of times, through television, movies, hollywood, and social media. The truth of the hidden nastiness existent within friendships is in all of these places, because it is in all of us.

This leads me to question: is a friendship just something that happens naturally, following a natural progression without any intervention or effort from those involved? Who am I as a friend, within a friendship? Why do some friendships feel like work and effort?

For me personally, when I really take a good, hard, self-honest look at who I have been within friendships throughout my life, I do not feel proud. I can see that, underneath the fun and good times, there were subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) layers of comparison, judgment, jealousy and spite.  Included in this mix, are feelings of rejection, when I lost friends, as well as feelings of guilt, when I did not keep in touch with friends after having said I would.

Self-forgiveness to clear the starting point of friendship:

Comparison:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to friend A, thinking I am better because I believed I  could draw better, climb better,  jump higher, I believed I had better ideas, was thinner, taller, and friend A would follow me around and always put the effort in to being with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of all the ways I perceive myself to be ‘better’ or ‘more advanced’ than someone and then use that in order to place myself in a position of superiority in relation to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that within a friendship, there is always one that is better, and one that is less, instead of looking at all the qualities of both individuals, in order to learn from and strengthen each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that there must be a lover, and a beloved, wherein I believed that within a friendship, the dynamic is only satisfied when one is in a position of longing and idolatry, and the other is idolized and cherished, instead of creating a relationship of equality, where strengths are shared and weaknesses developed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to place myself into either the position of beloved/idolized, or lover/idolizer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself above another within the belief or perception that I am in the position of the ‘beloved/idolized’, or to place myself below another, believing I am in the position of ‘lover/idolizer’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ego within friendships where I believed I was the superior one, blinding myself from parts of the other,s and suppressing or hiding those parts of me I saw as weakness, and believing I should dictate to the other what to do and how to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into inferiority when I believed I was in the position of lover/idolizer, believing nothing I could do was as good as my friend, feeling insecure and like I needed to be told what to do and how to be from my friend, instead of having the self-trust and confidence to express my strengths and develop my weaknesses.

Judgment:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged friend B for being bossy, neurotic, controlling and manipulative because of certain personality traits she had based on her life experience, and how I interacted with those traits

.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge friend B and supress my own potential solutions for our friendship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge friend B and go into reactions of dislike avoidance and spite, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid and eventually ‘drop’ friend B, leaving it awkward and uncomfortable between us.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge friend B in my mind, and go into internal conversations and back chat, as well as gossiping about her with others that knew her, instead of deciding to speak up about what I saw within friend B and her behaviour, in order to gain clarity and understanding, and having her also hear from me and my experience within the friendship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame friend B, holding friend B entirely responsible for the ‘failure’ of the friendship, instead of looking at myself and taking self-responsibility within the understanding that ‘it takes two to tango’, and understanding that I could have changed the dynamics between us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather end/leave the friendship, than to face myself and who I was within the friendship, thus living the statement that I am powerless to change, influence or direct the friendships within which I am a participant.

Jealousy:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become jealous of friend A when boys began to become interested in her, while I had no boys interested in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to begin to place myself in an inferior position within the friendship, because I thought and believed that friend A was now superior due to having a boyfriend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous that friend A had a boyfriend because I saw her as inferior, and that I should be the one with the boyfriend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question everything of myself, because I had no boyfriend or prospect of a boyfriend, not seeing and realizing that I had built myself up on a foundation of belief, instead of truly honouring those qualities of me as real and substantial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into jealousy that friend A got a boyfriend because I believed I was unlikeable and too shy to talk to boys in that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jealousy and resentment that friend A got a boyfriend instead of seeing and realizing that I didn’t want a boyfriend yet, and was not ready to be in a relationship yet, but instead thought that because friend A was now in a relationship, I should now be in one and in a better one with a better boy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become jealous that friend A got a boyfriend because I didn’t know friend A had it in her to be ready for a relationship and talking to boys in this way, and in that, then looked at myself seeing I was not yet at that stage, then going into spite, self-judgment and jealousy because I compared myself to her, instead of practicing  self-understanding through self-introspection.

Spite:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as spite in my friendships, thus creating a wall preventing a potential bond of intimacy between two individuals.

How would I like to live the word ‘friendship’ from here on out?

Friendship =  free end ship

Free = no charges

End = found within action words like ‘mend’, as I can, within friendship, correct myself and then reactions I have, in a way, a ‘mending’ of myself. ‘Lend’ as into ‘lend a hand’, reach out. And also ‘tend’, as in to ‘tend to a garden’.  Also, to put an ‘end’ to my past patterns of behaviour.

Ship = the vessel created between two people, where both would strive to keep the ship afloat – no baggage on this ship. 

I will continue with how I would like to live the word 'friendship' from here forth in my next blog.

Thank you

           

Day 95- A Life of Regrets?

I’m going to take a pause from my last two blogs in order to address a point that has come up in the form of the beginnings of a migraine. I have recently spoken with people who have done self-forgiveness through migraines until they were gone. I have been doing self-forgiveness out loud all day when I’ve had a chance, like in the car or in my house when I’m alone, and it seems to be working, because although the migraine came mighty close- it never happened. But I can still feel it lingering behind my temples, and all the symptoms of sensitivity to lights, nausea and a throbbing sensation are here, so, I wanted to look into and forgive the thoughts that have been coming up in relation to the pain.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within my relationships to others.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within relationships, for fear of being judged, humiliated, belittled, ridiculed, made fun of and/or rejected.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged, belittled, humiliated, ridiculed, made fun of and rejected, within the belief that, if any one of these things were to happen to me, or if another did any of these things unto me, that it would be true and be who I am.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that anyone has the power to ‘make’ me feel these ways except me, and that I do it as a defense mechanism of the mind as ego, which creates experiences to protect itself and the characters I have created myself as, which have a built-in self-preservation technique that create fears within me whenever my ego, beliefs, personalities or characters are challenged, wherein I end up either outwardly becoming angry, or inwardly suppressing myself and compromising myself to everything outside of myself, slowly transforming myself over time into something I don’t even recognize, only to realize that I have not been living.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to express myself freely and fearlessly, nor accepted or allowed myself to truly experience myself as Life in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that fears and resistance always indicate and opportunity for me to push through and change and grow, wherein, each time I am confronted by something I fear or am resistant towards, it is a window of opportunity showing me that I am protecting something of myself, and giving me the opportunity to realize that I do not require protection, because Who I Am is Life, and life cannot be ridiculed, belittled, humiliated, made fun of, judged or rejected, because Life is here absolute, and as I stand as the Life that I am, I too stand as that absoluteness to which we are all a part of, if only we would each and every one of us take the opportunity to become it, instead of suppressing ourselves within and as fear and self-compromise, or bursting out in anger at and blame at those around us.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am in control because I make these things real by reacting to them, and in reacting to them I am making the statement that ‘yes’, that is who/what I am by giving it my energy and confirmation, and so even by simply fearing these things, and changing my behaviours due to that fear, I am confirming them as acceptable and allowable within and as me, instead of breathing through that fear and not participating within and as it, and directing myself to stop and return to here, out from the mind and grounded firmly Here, in living reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged, ridiculed, made fun of, belittled, rejected and humiliated within relationships with others because I have held on to the memories of past experiences where this in fact happened, and instead of realizing in those moments that only I decide what I accept/allow within me, I abdicated that self-responsibility to the automatic programs of the mind, and I reacted as if it were true and ‘who I was’ because of the emotional experience that accompanied it, wherein I trusted that experience as real, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it was an experience that I could have stopped in an instant, thus proving it was not real, and not who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice myself as life and living, to compromise, fear and suppression for the sake of ego, causing me to be an absolute slave to ego, just as so many human beings are today: slaves to the egos of those who have more, to those who can afford the pursuit of their own happiness while the rest slave away in the background. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the existence of such slavery within and as me, as that which exists in this world exists within each one of us to differing degrees.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise, belittle, ridicule, make fun of, reject and judge others for the protection and sake of my own ego, wherein, even as a young child I would perpetuate these things, as children can be the most vicious, and instead of teaching ourselves and our children how to take self-responsibility for the thoughts, feelings and emotions we experience within us, we accept and allow them to perpetuate it, as we do, over and over throughout our lives, instead of ever actually living and treating each other and ourselves with the integrity required to live as equals.

 I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to treat myself with dignity and respect in every moment, but have instead looked to be treated this way by others in order to prove to myself that I deserve it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that Life is a Gift of Grace that has been given to us all unconditionally, and so it is up to each one to decide to treat each self as Life with the dignity and respect that all Life deserves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise life in any way for the sake of ego/energy/mind.

Memories:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memory of 2nd grade, when a group of girls collected together and when one said I was the ugliest girl in the class and then encouraged the others to agree, which they eventually did, and within me, in that moment I felt belittled, humiliated, judged, made fun of and rejected, and instead of stopping these reactions as what they were-fleeting energetic reactions- I held on to them and feared them to happen again, and developed personalities and characters in order to protect myself and avoid ever feeling these things again. And then, when events would inevitably come up again, I would bring this memory back up so as to confirm it to myself that what others say about me is true, especially when it is agreed upon in a group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to replay that moment within me, the time between when the girl made the statement, till she got the others to agree, wherein I felt like in that moment, my fate was in their hands, not realizing I was waiting for someone to stick up for me, and when no one did, I felt hurt, disappointed and let down, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I could have stood up for myself, and let go of the whole thing in one breath. But instead:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have built relationships around this fear that the others will hurt me, disappoint me and let me down, and that I am not safe because at any moment, someone can hurt me, disappoint me, or let me down, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I hurt, disappointed and let myself down by not standing up for me.

Memory 2:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memory in 5th grade when a boy made fun of me in front of my best friend, and because of the presence of my best friend I was even more embarrassed than had I been alone, but instead of staying quiet, I stuck up for myself because my friend was there, and I didn’t want her to see me that way. And I quite effectively stood up in that moment. But,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it would have been that easy to stand up for myself each time, but I hadn’t really stood up for myself as life, I had stood up for my ego being bruised in front of my best friend, thus the lesson never stuck , but I’ve hung on to the memory because I’ve charged it with fear and embarrassment, instead of having changed in that moment and let the memory go, I accepted/allowed myself to continue not standing up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the memory of being made fun of and sticking up for myself out of fear exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly bring this memory up throughout my life, as proof that I can’t stick up for myself, because according to the memory- even when I stick up for myself, it is fear-based.

I commit myself to stand up for myself as life.

I commit myself to treat myself with the dignity, respect and integrity of Life that I am.

I commit myself to never again confirm or validate myself as being belittled, humiliated, judged, made fun of, rejected or mocked.

I commit myself to never again let myself down by not standing up or speaking up out of fear.

I commit myself to support myself to stand up as Life.

I commit myself to always be there for me.
When and as I am feeling myself being attacked, humiliated, rejected, made fun of, judged, or belittled, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness by reminding myself that only I validate and confirm these experiences within me, thus if I decide not to- then they do not get to exist. I remind myself that only ego gets bruised and that there is nothing of me that
I cannot expose and laugh at without having it ‘make me less’. However, when and as I see that I require being defended, I stop, and I breathe, and I allow myself to step up for me, to step through the fear and speak from common sense, as what I know is true: Life cannot ever be made less than what it is, Life can never be diminished.

Day 67- Postponement Character Reactions

          Within this blog I am looking at and self-forgiving the reactions created by the back chat that comes from the initial thoughts which I already forgave in my last blogs Here, Here and Here (in that order). When we participate within and as back chat, we follow our thoughts into internal conversations in the mind, which creates reactions that result in things such as ‘postponement’.
          When I experience ‘postponement’ it is an actual physical experience, wherein I experience physical tiredness, heaviness, like a ‘walking through sludge’ type experience, I even get nauseous. Throughout this are the internal battles of judgment (I can’t believe I’m putting this off, I should be working right now, I’m so lazy etc etc etc…that feels like self-loathing and really being down on oneself).
          It has been fascinating to see how I actually create these experiences for myself, particularly when I have school assignments and the deadline is far enough away that I need to motivate myself without the stress that gets most of us students moving. Or even going to work wherein, I have had a hard time being on time because I just don’t want to go and I follow my mind into reactions from back chat that are actually physically difficult to move through. All this is entirely unnecessary.
          Each task in life, whether it is school, work, chores, daily responsibilities etc… can be done in the moment without reaction by taking self-responsibility to look at what the mind is doing, and changing it to work for you instead of against you. Here I am continuing to re-program’ my own mind to equality and oneness to my SELF, and thus to all that is here because after all, we’re all equal and one as Life and existence. This way, no thing is 'bigger than' me or my ability to move myself, thus no internal experience within me is 'too big' to move through. Within being equal to and as it, one can effectively stop and change it.

To begin, a re-cap on identifying the back chat: ( I will be working with the part in Italics)

“The backchat associated with these thoughts, I can identify as: “I have so much to keep up on online” (overwhelmed), “this is such boring work, I’d rather be on facebook/Hotmail reading interesting/relevant things instead” (big waves of irritation/boredom/impatience). “I need to find a better job/I should do laundry/sign up for classes/decide where I’m going to live...” (anxiety). Within all this, I become easily distracted and lose my focus.

SELF-FORGIVENESS & SELF-COMMITTMENTS:

ON: following back chat through to actual physical/emotional reaction:

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as reactions based on backchat about thoughts that I accept and allow in relation to tasks that I direct myself to do.

I commit myself to begin each new task with a clear starting point, wherein I check myself to see the backchat I am speaking to myself silently in the secrecy of my mind, I realize I have a choice to follow it or not, and I choose to breathe through it in order that I may ensure that I am acting within and as self-direction and not within and as reactions to backchat.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing reactions from backchat to exist within and as me.

I commit myself to stop choosing backchat, to stop in each moment that I give myself that choice, and to choose life each time, every time for as long as it takes until back chat no longer exists within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceived that the reactions that I create from thoughts and backchat are real/are me/are who I am in the moment, because they feel/seem so real because I actually experience them physically as a tiredness, heaviness, ‘dragging’ sensation and internal ‘temper tantrums’, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that I accepted and allowed myself to continue participating in and creating the experience through feeding it with my energy/attention until it manifested physically as an actual physical sensation, showing me that I in fact create my own reality and within this, I remind myself that it is a CHOICE, and there is ANOTHER WAY.

I commit myself to SEE THROUGH the illusion that I am trapped within whatever I experience and instead I realized that if I stop and look at it/myself through self-introspection (writing self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application), then I can actually see how I create it, understand how to stop creating it, and effectively change me/my experience of myself/my application of myself to one that is best for all- thus best for myself.

OVERWHELMING-NESS:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as ‘overwhelming-ness’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ‘overwhelming-ness’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the internal energetic experience of ‘overwhelming-ness’ as an excuse to postpone from pushing myself to do a task or move effectively throughout my life and world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within and as ‘overwhelming-ness’ in relation/response/reaction to the internal conversations I have with myself that consists of telling myself ‘I have so much to do’ implying ‘I’ll never be able to keep up’, ‘I’ll fall behind and not be able to accomplish everything thus I will FAIL (fear of failure)’, I will not “do what I’m supposed to do’ to attain some unnamed standard and will thus DISAPPOINT myself and others and be PLAGUED with REGRET.

Within this self-forgiveness statement I see that the experience of OVERWHELMING-NESS is created from FEAR OF FAILURE, FEAR OF DISAPPOINTMENT, and FEAR OF REGRET. So…

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, realize/see/understand exactly how I create the experience of ‘overwhelming-ness’ within and as me through reacting to fear of failure, fear of disappointment and fear of regret, wherein I thus then learn and practice how to stop it each time, learning how to change my living so as to not create overwhelming-ness in the first place, but to instead effectively DEAL with daily Life and everything that is thrown at me in every moment and to walk one with and equal to it always wherein I DIRECT IT, I CHOOSE who and how I am, and I DO NOT accept or allow myself to live ‘overwhelming-ness’ because it does not serve me in any way.

FEAR OF FAILURE/POSTPONEMENT

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the ‘fear of failure.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the fear of failure as a reason/excuse/justification to not move myself/push myself to be fully present/aware/effective within tasks, and to instead postpone from doing them thus postponing me from actually Living.

I commit myself to stop participating within and as the self-abuse of ‘fear of failure’ by stopping myself from following the thoughts and focusing myself instead upon my breathing until the thought dissipates and I instead move me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the ‘fear of failure’ to exist within and as me.

I commit myself to rid my body of the chemical reaction produced by the fear of failure.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive the ‘fear of failure’ is real/who I am in any way, I see/realize/understand that it is an automated program within and as me that I have developed over time due to not understanding who and how I created myself within and as how I grew up/was socialized in school/family/work/society and thus, I used the fear of failure to keep me down/scared/limited so as not to have to take responsibility for myself but instead to drift along and not question anything or try to change anything but rather just be a bystander in life.

I commit myself to be/become a fully active participant in life in the face of any and all fear within the understanding that fear is not real and not necessary and that practical common sense is all anybody needs to live.

DISAPPOINTMENT/POSTPONEMENT

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear ‘disappointment’ either in myself or from others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that ‘disappointment is real or is who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ‘disappointment’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use disappointment/fear of disappointment to sabotage myself from effectively moving in the moment, and using it to reinforce myself as the ‘postponement character’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from ‘disappointment’ thus creating a relationship of fear towards it, instead of standing equal to and one with it and changing myself as it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the fear of disappointment that I accept and allow to exist within and as me, instead of directing myself (self-direction) through the fear of disappointment by simply doing the task at hand within and as breathe in the moment, doing the best I can within self-honesty, and seeing the task through to completion within the understanding that, I am always learning, I can always improve upon myself, but the only way to improve is to do a task to the best of my ability in the first place and to learn from myself and my ‘mis-takes’ wherein, there is no space or place or need for disappointment of the fear of disappointment because, Life is ongoing and I am ever changing and am not defined by any one singular thing or task, but rather by my application of myself over time and who I am within that.

REGRET/POSTPONEMENT

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as regret’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ‘regret’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from ‘regret’ and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to develop a relationship of ‘fear’ towards ‘regret’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘regret’ as a reason/justification/excuse to postpone myself from moving me effectively through my Life and world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react towards ‘regret’ within a fear that stops me from even trying, within the delusional idea that, ‘if I don’t try it, I won’t regret failing/disappointing myself’ instead of realizing that failure and disappointment do not exist, thus the only thing to regret is not trying in the first place. In this, I see/realize/understand how I in fact manifest ‘regret’ into and as my life and my world and into and as myself by letting opportunities pass me by due to fear of regret, thus missing opportunities to know me, live and apply myself and actually really live instead of merely existing as a prisoner of the mind, frozen in fear and only reacting instead of fully participating in this One Life we have.

I commit myself to effectively END REGRET within and as myself by fearlessly seizing every opportunity to live and express and ‘Be’ to the fullest extent that I am capable, wherein I constantly push myself to test my limits within the understanding that fear is an illusion and limitations are self-created.

When and as I see that I am going into/am in the ‘postponement’ character within and as the internal energetic experience of ‘overwhelming-ness’ caused by ‘fear of failure’, ‘regret’ and ‘disappointment’ I stop, and I breath. I bring myself back to stability Here by reminding myself that only by moving me in the moment will I truly not manifest these experiences for myself, thus I Move Me Here.