Valentine’s Day
Why do we desire Valentine’s day to be a special and romantic
day? Why is it expected of the man to bring gifts to the woman in order to make
her feel special or loved? In today’s
world it seems it is simply expected for something special to happen on this
day. But is it possible to look into this desire for an emotional experience on
this day, and trace it back to a source, where it started, why it started, and
how advertisers play on this desire in order to catch us in a wave of purchasing
in order to satisfy an emotional or feeling need we don’t necessarily
understand?
When I look back at some of my earliest memories of
Valentine’s day, there is one in particular that stands out, and when I play
back the memory in my mind, and I re-experience how it made me feel, I can see
there it is distinctly connected to the need or desire to be made to feel special
on Valentine’s day, and still yearning for this experience nearly 25 years later.
I was about 9 years old and I was in class on Valentine’s Day.
I noticed some students were receiving many fancy cards and there was laughter
and commotion all around them. I had been sitting alone, with few cards and no activity
around me. It suddenly felt as though I was part of a movie set where the
spotlight was shining on the other students and I was not even in the scene. I
felt invisible, forgettable, ignored.
Had it not been for this play-out, I would have been fine,
and it would have been another normal day. But instead, I had reacted, and I
had made a judgment about myself, one which was reinforced many times over many
Valentine’s Days and similar events, and one which was unnecessary. This
judgment would limit and diminish me in so many little, seemingly insignificant
ways as I became a teenager and then a
young woman, as if my relationship with myself had been somehow poisoned and
made slightly toxic.
The proof that the judgment remained lies in the fact that
when I finally had someone to spend Valentine’s Day with, I now desired to be
in the spotlight, to get the attention and to be made to feel special. I needed
to prove to myself that my judgment was wrong: that I was not in fact
invisible, forgettable and ignored. But I was using others and outside
influences to now make me feel right again within myself.
So what’s the moral of this story? It’s the importance of
learning how to take self-responsivity for one’s own reactions and to direct
them as they happen, instead of accepting and allowing moments of reaction to
define oneself as more or less than one really is. Self-acceptance means
accepting myself as I am, Complete and unconditional self-acceptance allows for
the greatest self-expansion. The indicators of where in your life you are holding
onto an unresolved moment are the seemingly unexplainable secret wishes and
desires for people in your world, events and play-outs, to make you feel
something inside of you that is different than how you currently feel.
It’s considered normal and even expected for couples to make
Valentine’s Day special for each other. Why not let this day be an expression
of gratefulness for each other, where there is no manipulation of feelings and
emotions to fill past voids or the desire for proof – these are the types of
seemingly innocent and normal things that poison the relationship between two
people, because it is impossible to fulfill this in another person.
How we feel within ourselves is our responsibility, and with
that responsibility comes great power- the power to change yourself and become
something more than you ever could have imagined. Don’t let the consumer
machine capitalize on our vulnerability. Empower yourself and be your own self-fulfillment.
Check out this free online course, where you’ll learn how to take responsibility
in moments of reaction, to let go of self-judgment, and walk in the moment
with presence and awareness, instead of living in the limiting grips of the
past. It’s free, there is no charge, it’s about empowering people, no strings.
I learned the material and still apply it every day, it’s worth investing your
time in, click HERE to find out for yourself!
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