Be Nice

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nice as a form of fitting in, of maintaining the status quo, of satisfactorily meeting other people's expectations, and not rippling the water of peaceful platitudes between people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the experience of 'niceness' where it is this sickly-sweet, exhausting sensation that I cannot sustain, so when I begin relationships from the starting point of 'being nice' and meeting all the expectations of 'niceness', I then cannot sustain the relationship for very long, and the relationship ends, and any chance for potential ends.

I forgive myself that I hhavn't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that being 'nice' comes from a starting point of survival and lack.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in 'niceness' in order to get a 'nice' response from my environment, which then doses me and my body with a positive energy high of acceptance and validation, that I have acheived 'normalcy' and honouring the status quo, when the status quo in this world is actually in fact evil and nothing in this world is normal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to honour 'niceness' instead of Real-ness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Realness, and run to the comfort and security of 'niceness'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to make all relationships and interactions between people 'nice', as in 'comfortable and 'secure', instead of being real within the realization that most people are nice, but they are not OK. Most people are not OK, and being nice gives no space to open up and become intimate about how and why we are not OK, which means that being 'nice'prohibits our access to solutions and forward movement. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in 'niceness' as a 'paving over' problematic foundations with a beautiful cover, covering up and hiding all the faults beneath it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my Realness and rawness, to pass over a lifetime of experience, and smoothe it all out to appear as 'nice', when in fact, it is the bumps and crags as mistakes, failures and learning that give the most value, and smoothing them over with 'niceness'is like deleting Life Value that serves to support self and others through the lessons and solutions that can be shared.