I am going to be focusing on 'relationships' in this blog, but first having a general look at the dark mind and what it is.
Do you ever have outbursts that seem 'out of character' to your normal behaviour and demeanor? Perhapse an uncontrollable moment of promiscuity, a violent outburst, a rage, a moment where you had lost control and became physical with another, or sexually forceful? These are the types of actions that can stem from the dark mind after it had accumulated too much. It reached a breaking point, a moment of weakness, a trigger, and you have now lived out your dark mind.
The secret mind is the dark mind exposed, and now you are participating in it in awareness. Your secret thinking that you hide, your fantasies, usually sexual, sometimes violent. Those little sneaky nasty thoughts you play out, like, what if that person were dead, how would my life be better? And then you fantasize about all the ways the person could die. Or maybe it's a rape fantasy, either as the perpetrator or the victim. Maybe it's a cheating fantasy, or a revengeful thought pattern. Things like murderers and rapists are the result of the dark mind. Or people that just 'snapped' in a moment, whereas they would normally not be violent or lascivious, for example.
These are the extreme examples, of course, but everyone has a dark mind and dark mind thoughts. No one is 'better', and the worst among us usually have circumstances, environmental, genetic, upbringing, economic, what and where they were born into, which caused the relationship with their dark mind to be exteme. Had anyone else been born into the exact same circumstances, the chances are that they would not fare any better. So, be grateful if you experience some stability in this life - some consideration and care. If someone nurtured you or provided for you, if there was someone you could trust that stood by you. Some do not have any of that, and in fact their life experience gave them nothing but the opposite. So there can be no judgement, only forgiveness, tools, and creating a world where no one has to suffer and become an abuser.
The dark mind is like having files on your computer that are there and you are aware of them, but unless you click on them, they remain unseen. That is, until your computer starts to behave in strange ways, like a virus, seemingly unexpectedly. But when you trace it back, you see it was there all along, if only you had opened up those files and brought the information to 'light', you could have exposed the virus and corrected it as prevention before any damage had been done.
Some examples of the 'dark mind' and how it manifests can be from events that happen in one's life, like physical abuse. Without any tools or understanding, the person might begin to accumulate thoughts of retaliation and eventual revenge when he finds himself disempowered to change his experience. Feeling very much 'trapped', the person can have nasty thoughts pop up in his head that he immediately suppresses due to the dark nature of the thoughts, accessing his morality, shame, self-judgment or any form of victimization in order to bury the thoughts before becoming consciously aware of them. They are instead, instantly suppressed.
You don't need to have suffered physical abuse to have a 'dark mind' - any form of disempowerment or victimization for example, can activate the 'dark mind'. We all have it - each and every one of us, and it usually starts in childhood, and it is insidious. When you hear about things like murder and rape - as extreme examples - where the perpetrators describe feeling as if it wasn't them committed the act, or they felt as though they were 'taken over' in the moment and lost all control - that is a result of the accumulation in the dark mind. Maybe a parent losing control and hitting their child when such a behaviour is completely out of character: the dark mind suppressed frustration and rage is in action. A person losing control and having an affair on their spouse one night, when that is not all all who they have been their whole lives: the dark mind was acted upon and lived out in physocal reality.
It is important to realize that the dark mind does not define you. YOU define you. So, while holding yourself and Who You Are and who you DECIDE to be, you can access your dark mind without judgment and shame, knowing you are only seeking to understand parts of yourself that you keep hidden in order that you may correct them.
The Dark Mind needs to be exposed, at the very least, to yourself. When you do, do not judge it. It is not Who You Really Are. It is but a program. Self-judgement keeps it locked away, like a firewall. Unprejudiced objectivity is the key to access the files and read all the information. Forgiveness and self-correction is like the anti-virus.
The Dark Mind is the worst-case scenario backup plan to deluded personal happiness, a twisted form of fulfillment, and personal gain. I repeat: everybody does it - thinks secretly in the dark. It is unprincipled - as it is based on survival at all costs. It is where we decide who the bodies will be that we would walk upon to secure ourselves. It is the escape plan. It is the relentless pursuit of personal satisfaction of the mind. It is how we wriggle out of self-responsibility, how we avoid facing the tough points in our lives.
The thing is, bringing in principle can mean that we can include everybody in our 'secret plans'. And if everybody is included and everybody benefits, then we can expose our 'secret plans' and actually work together to execute them. If we expose our dark mind to ourselves, we can then take self-responsibility, which is the only true freedom from the mental cage we all live in. We can realize that the pursuit of personal happiness is the most endless and unfulfilling pursuit with no limits, and that it is different from personal self-fulfillment and principled purpose. And we can realize that the biggest self-expansion lies just beyond the 'toughest points' in our lives that we don't want to face. In facing and overcoming them, we can stand up and see how big we really are.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my dark mind to run rampant in the background of my conscious awareness, plotting and scheming in absolute self-interest as my survival, personal happiness and the survival of my ego as the characters and personalities I have layered on top of Who I Really Am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed thoughts to run like a 'backup program' in the dark corners of my mind, popping up in moments, immediately suppressed through self-judgement, where I coukd eventually end up acting them out in my life and reality without seeing and realizing that I had scripted and plotted my actions all along.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect to stop myself daily in order to slow down and take stock of what my mind is up to in the background like locked files where, if I would only take a moment to access n, I would actually see how I am not only scripting my reality, but in moments of unawareness and automation, actually living out that script, where it seems 'out of my control' and almost like 'fate', but in fact it was my doing all along.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my dark mind to run in the background in my relationships, where I see there is a point of myself that I feel I cannot transcend, I cannot overcome, and so I go into 'survival and 'escape' modes in order to play out a plan to get out of the relationship, usually in such a way where I look like the 'good guy' or the 'victim' or the 'mature and responsible one' who is making the obvious best decision for all involved - where I end up destroying lives and throwing away years of investment of time and resources into a partnership that could have been great, if only I had stood, broken through, expanded myself, developed myself into what I needed to be to make the relationship work as best for all involved.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set my partner up in little ways, to test their loyalty to me and where, if I sense that loyalty is not there in every moment, I plan my own disloyalty in my dark mind in preparation for being abandoned, where I have backup plans of where I will go, who I will meet, and how I can create another life with a different partner where I imagine things will be better and different, and I will be different because that imaginary partner would give me the absolute security I desire, instead of facing, transcending and dropping the point of 'fear of abandonment' in my life, as well as the belief that 'if I do not have a partner in this life, I will not make it alone' - not seeing, realizing and understanding that facing and overcoming these points is what would give me the security I desire, as I Am secure in myself, allowing myself the ability to respond to any outcome of any relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my partner, keeping an internal checklist to determine whether that partner is worthy of me, or me of them, where over time my partner is inevitably condemned to a lose-lose situation: either they are not good enough, or I am not good enough. Both cases in the dark mind require me to leave the relationship instead of bettering myself, and supporting my partner to become better, because I have judged myself as incapable, or of not holding the skillset required to do either, and instead of learning, practicing, persevering until I overcome or transcend or master the point, my dark mind becomes busy making a plan for the easier route, the quicker route to happiness - instead of self-change (hard), the dark mind will plan for a change of environment (easy).
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict, and instead of walking the point of 'fear of conflict', I rather find reasons as flaws and judgments about my partner in order for me to justify leaving the relationship to apparently 'find something better'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea in my dark mind and in the darkness of my mind that 'something better' and 'something more' is 'out there for me somewhere' and 'with someone', creating an underlying dissatisfaction in my current reality, with my life, my partner, my job or my children, and then in the darkness of my mind, blame these people and things outside of myself for not living up to these ideals I hold in the shadows of my mind, when I could instead identify the dissatisfactions and face the points within myself to bring the best of me forward in order to support the best of others, and co-create a satisfying life, not seeing and realizing that until I have done everything I can within myself, to face the points within myself, and then live the correction in my reality consistently, then I cannot say that I am not acting on the script of the dark mind as an escape, avoidance or abdication of self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict so extensively that it paralyzes me from expressing what I see and know must be directed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I hit a 'bump in the road' in a relationship, to instantly think that this relationship is not for me, there is nothing I can do to change this person and this bump, and I cannot live with this bump so I must activate the escape plan in the background just in case thre becomes an unbearable amount of bumps that I cannot handle - even if it is years down the road.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in disempowerment in relationships.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in victimization in relationships.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in suppression in relationships.
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