Day 78- Purifying My Definition of "Ideal Partner"

Within this blog I am using the tool of writing self-forgiveness to reveal to myself my subconscious accepted and allowed definition of what is an ‘ideal partner’, in order to forgive myself for limiting myself and other within this definition, and change the definition to one that will benefit both me and my partner- because so long as I hold these expectations, instead of accepting him unconditionally, he will not be able to live up to the illusion I hold in my mind. He will never be able to be the personalized social construct I have created since youth, from watching Disney movies, to seeing others in relationships, to family influences etc... This is especially true because, until now, I wasn't even fully aware of how I 'imaagined' or 'expected' my partner to be, in order to consider him ideal. I still have not walked through it entirely, I'm just doing this brief overview in order to get an outline and grasp on the idea that I expect my partner to be something other than what he in fact is- something unreal and irrational, based on my Life experience. My 'new definition' of 'ideal partner' at the end of this blog, is one that includes accepting my partner as my equal, and accepting no less than who we both are able to be. Very cool stuff.

(It was funny/interesting to me to reveal to myself how ‘shallow’ my definition was- based on things like looks, ethnicity, and popularity. I do not accept/allow myself to limit myself or my partner in this way, so it’s time for this to change.)

The following self-forgiveness is in no particular order.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my ideal/perception/belief of the ideal partner to ‘being from another country.’

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ within ‘being from another country.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner,’ and from beings from another country, by defining my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ within beings from other countries in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my idea/perception/belief/ of the ‘ideal partner’ with ‘being famous/known.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my idea/perception/belief of the ideal partner within ‘being famous/being known’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being famous/being known’ by defining my perception/idea/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ within ‘being famous/being known’ in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ within ‘being hard-working.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the ideal partner within and as ‘being hard-working’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being hardworking’ by defining my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being hard-working’ in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my idea/perception/belief of the ideal partner with ‘being clean.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the ‘ideal partner’ within and as physical cleanliness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being clean’ by defining the ‘ideal partner’ within ‘being clean’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ within ‘confidence’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my ideal/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘confidence.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘confidence’ by defining the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘confidence’ in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ to ‘being desired by other women.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being desired by other women.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being desired by other women’ by defining the ‘ideal partner’ within ‘being desired by other women’ in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner’ to ‘being outgoing’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my idea/perception/belief of the ‘ideal partner within and as ‘being outgoing.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being outgoing’ by defining the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being outgoing’ in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my idea/perception/belief of the ideal partner within ‘being muscular’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being muscular’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being muscular,’ by defining the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being muscular’ in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the ‘ideal partner’ within ‘being hot.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the ‘ideal partner’ with and as ‘being hot.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being hot’ be defining the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being hot’ in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the ‘ideal partner’ within ‘being male.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being male’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being male’ by defining the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being male’ in separation of me.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the ‘ideal partner with ‘being tough’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defin the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being tough’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being tough’ by defining the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being tough’ in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the ‘ideal partner’ to ‘being strong’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being strong.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the ‘ideal partner’ and from ‘being strong’ by defining the ‘ideal partner’ within and as ‘being strong’ in separation of myself.’

Re-define ‘ideal partner’:

-      Sounding of the words: I decide all parts not the other

-      Dictionary Definition:

Ideal

-      1. A conception of something in its absolute perfection.

-      2. One that is regarded as a standard or model of perfection or excellence.

-      3. An ultimate object of endeavor; a goal.

-      4. An honorable or worthy principle or aim

 

Partner

 

One that is united or associated with another or others in an activity or a sphere of common interest.

-      New Definition:

Ideal Partner:

One that is willing to walk together towards taking 100% self-responsibility and in becoming whole, Here, not allowing anything less than Who They Are within themselves or their partner, and that assists and supports their partner to becoming an effective and self-honest human being, while walking within and as breath, equal and one, as two individuals together

Day 18 - The Presence of Another

            Sometimes when I’m alone I feel fine, but then someone will enter into my presence and I will become stressed, as if their presence causes me an internal reaction. I understand that my internal experience of myself is entirely my creation and responsibility, and that no one can ‘cause me’ to feel a certain way, so for today’s self-forgiveness I will take apart this pattern wherein I react to the presence of another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the presence of another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the presence of another causes me to feel a certain way, specifically tonight, stressed.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for my internal experience of myself, wherein I do not investigate the reasons for my reaction within the justification or excuse that it has been caused by an external environmental change, instead of realizing that the presence of another is reflecting me to myself, and I am really reacting to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within and as stress in the presence of another because I’m not sure who I am ‘supposed to be’ when I’m with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think or believe that I need to be or act a certain way because I’m not alone anymore, or because I am sharing my immediate environment with another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change for other people, instead of remaining stable within and as myself, as Who I Am, even If I am not entirely certain as to Who I Am yet.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself as Who I Am in the presence of another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being myself in front of another because I am so used to being or becoming ‘someone else’ for the sake of another, wherein I act in certain ways to ‘keep the peace,’ or to try/attempt to create a friendly/fun/happy/nice environment for the other.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try/attempt to manipulate myself/my environment/another being in order to try/attempt to create an certain specific experience or mood that I find appropriate/comfortable/safe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the mood/reactions/stresses of another being in my presence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the cause of the mood/reactions/stresses of another instead of realizing that I don’t have that kind of power, and that they are responsible for their own internal experience and I mine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that Who I Am is not good enough, fun enough, happy or exciting enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think or believe that I am not enough instead of accepting myself as I walk my process of self change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility and self-direction when I am in the presence of another because of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the fear I create within me when I am in the presence of another by trying and attempting to ‘make it go away’ by changing who I am, instead of standing up from within that fear and standing stable as a statement of self-responsibility and self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that changing who I am can change my internal experience of myself, instead of realizing that I cannot escape myself by playing a role or pretending I’m something I’m not. I see, realize and understand that this will only cause me more internal turnoil and will accumulate further consequences as a more intnse/increased version of what I am experiencing tonight, at a later time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing another being to dictate who and how I am.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stand as Who I Am due to the fear that I will have to stick up for myself and  face the reactions of another because I am behaving differently than I usually do because I am not playing out my usual patterns of becoming something or someone I’m not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to explain myself and my change in behavior because of self-doubt, wherein I give my power away within the want/need/desire for the validation of another in order to validate me as Who I Am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project into the future within and as the fear that I will not be validated by those in my environment, because I am acting differently than I normally do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire validation from a source outside of myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be the living realization that only I can validate me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the want/need/desire for peace/fun/’happines’/excitement within my environment above or greater that me Standing Up from within the patterns I have created myself as.

I allow myself to validate me and stand as Who I Am as Life.

I commit myself to standing as equal and one to myself and to others in my environment and all that’s Here by standing up from within the fear that I have thus far accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as.

I commit myself to be/become a pillar of self-support, as well as support for others by standing up as Who I Am and not accepting and allowing anything less from myself or from others.

I commit myself to change my nature from patterns, habits and reactions to a being that is Here, in awareness, and who understands and lives the principles of oneness and equality.