I work at a fast paced job in the financial industry. There
is a lot of pressure, there is a lot of responsibility, and when dealing with
other people's money, there is a lot on the line. No one would ever guess it of
me, but sometimes I wake up in the morning finding it exceptionally difficult
to snap out of moods I wake up in. These moods can and do usually have an
impact on my entire day, making the day, the work, the interactions less-than
was potentially possible.
On the advice of Sunette, from Self&Living Youtube channel, I have begun to question this; am
I a victim to my mood? Am I helpless to the experience I wake up with in the
morning? Is my entire day pre-programmed based on the first few seconds of my
day? What about my agency, my self-will, and my ability to choose?
I have been testing out a challenge for about a month now,
where I take a moment in the morning to define the way I feel, in words, in
writing. Once I have the words, I then choose support words to live that day.
After even the very first day I was astounded to find out that this is
incredible! In this simple act I have made such a huge change! Instead of being
enslaved to experiences like 'stuck', 'defeated' and 'restless', I get to live
words of MY choice, 'release', 'achieve', and 'focused.'
This has been a personal process for me so far, but it has
been so beneficial to me that I now intend on sharing it, starting with today.
Today is the third day of my vacation. I'm staying in a
chalet, snowboarding for the week. In these first three days, without the
pressure and stress from my job pushing me to move forward, I have fallen into
a slump. I have found myself resistant to even get up and get out on the hill.
It's like my entire body is saying "no, do nothing, stay in bed all day,
no structure, don't move forward!".
This
can be cool at times, but I have been doing this for two days straight and now,
I am ready to get up and go and break through the resistance.
The experience I have this morning, when defined in words is
'fear'. It's like I have developed this fear of moving myself into something
new. As if I am in-FEAR-ior to the thoughts I can create about how the day will
go. I think of all the bad and negative, like "it will be cold", and
"the conditions are icy", "I won't enjoy myself like I would
just lounging around", and I project myself reacting in discomfort and
fearful anxiety.
This
is a recipe for a crappy, sub-par day and living experience.
But
right here is where I give myself agency.
The support word I choose for myself today is 'fearless'. I
will define this with an emphasis on going forth fully into experience, allowing
myself to have fun, make mistakes, fall, and ENJOY.
I stand equal to my thoughts and
projection, placing myself in a position of self control. I am not a victim, I
am the creator of me.
Already i can feel a shift within me, where it's like a weight
has been slightly lifted by the simple act of giving myself a little direction,
and permission to break free from a cycle, habit or pattern I would have
normally fallen into.
At the end of the day I will give a recap on how I lived the
words I gave to myself, whether it was a success or requires adjustment, and I
will talk about what i learned from walking into my day within and as
'fearlessness'!
Check out the video from Se;f & Living that inspired me to begin this process of changing me upon waking up:
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