ReDefining 'Projection' - 21 Days of Words with Osho - Day 1

I am looking at re-defining and living words by pulling Osho cards for 21 days as a way to choose my words. I take insights from the card, and then look at the word in my own life, in terms of how I have been living it, what the correction is, and how I can move from here on out in such a way that I can live the words in a way that is best for all. The word card for today will be 'projection'. This is day 1 of 20.

This card is depicting two people looking at each other, but not seeing each other for real. We very rarely look at and see each other for real, with our 'vision' of each other being veiled by our own expectations, judgments, fears and desires. We project this on to each other, creating our own virtual realities, with all the people in our lives becoming only projections of ourselves, of all the things we have not taken self-responsibility for. I have done this, and continue to do it to this day, and this card I pulled today is a good reminder of a skill that I know I have, that I have developed with awareness, and that I know how to apply in every moment of my life. That skill is 'taking it back to self', where I have proven to myself through self-introspection, writing and self-forgiveness, that everything I have ever projected, every judgment I have ever had, has always been about me, and I have always had the ability to take the steps required to sort it out and bring it back to myself, placing my power and the power to see reality for real, squarely in my own hands. I have had this ability, but that does not mean I have always practiced it, and when I have, it doesn't mean it always went smoothly. I have gone into reactions, blame, anger, frustration and all sorts of other emotional states that seemed so real and so justified, only to lead to arguments, fighting and me feeling even more powerless and hurt than before. I think if one doesn't step-in in their own life and take self-responsibility, it is possible to live a life of endless arguments, projection, resent and creating more and more icy cold distance between self and those that one loves the most. With the ups and downs of fighting and making amends, this cycling can make it seem and feel like there is progression, forward motion and evolution within a relationship/friendship/family relation, and this can be called 'life' and 'living'. But the reality is that it is actually an endless repeating cycle that is going nowhere, when the truth is that this time can be spent actually getting to know one another for real. This time can be spent developing real trust, understanding and intimacy in relationships. When we are able to look and not project, but see each other for real, we can develop a true compassion and respect for those closest to us. We can support them and be supported by them, we can be profoundly moved by the reality of others when we go to that place of truly understanding all of them, where they stand and what they are going through. The most effective way I have found to clear up projection is communication. Communication where I either express myself clearly, or, if I am clear within myself, I reach out and ask the other for clarity. Simply explaining self, without blame, projection of ulterior motive, and then asking the other where they stand and what they are/were going through can change ones self-fabricated reality of projection into the real reality we all share, where each one has a perspective and experience unique to them. This does not mean one is either right or wrong, it means taking the responsibility to step up and find out where each one is at, and then move from there instead of moving in the secrecy of one's own mind only. From developing clarity and standing in the actual reality of where each one is at, one can support oneself to clear up the reason and source of the projection one had in the first place. This is what I have lived so far, but where and how will I move forward with the word 'projection' in my life? Re-Defining 'Projection': Within this word I hear the words 'project' and 'shun', where. within projecting we are literally shunning others in our life and world. I will change this to 'project inclusion' as the way I will live this word from now on. This is a full-time living, which is a full-time practice, wherein, when and as I see myself projecting onto others, I stop, and I breathe. I remind myself that there is an issue within me that requires my attention and direction. If I don't sort it out, it will eat at me and deteriorate the relationship I have with the person towards whom I am projecting, and I cannot stand for living like that. I take a stand and use my redefinition of the word 'projection' as 'project-inclusion', to share myself and to include the other person's reality into the way I am perceiving the situation. I can do this by stabilizing myself, expressing/explaining/clarifying myself, and/or reaching out to the other for further clarity and understanding. This is a full-time living redefinition, a step in the process toward real self-change, where living this re-definition becomes me and my living, where I become it as my new normal - a process to walk in 2018 and beyond. For more insight into re-defining and living words, check out: Redefining Words with SOUL

Day 216 - My Stay at the Desteni Farm

My Stay at the Desteni Farm

            I can’t believe I’ve been at the farm for 17 days already! Time flies – which is a good reminder to make the most of each moment! This is a lesson I take seriously, especially as I settle in here at the farm. I thought it would be easy to adjust to the life-style and pace here, because when I visited two years ago, things were easy and comfortable. This time, however, knowing it was a more long-term stay, my body needed some time to settle in with regards to the climate, food, and then there's the need to structure my own time for myself. There are no schedules given to me here, no boss to keep me in line, and nobody looking over my shoulder to see what I am up to. Here, I must rely on self-honesty and self-movement. I want to make the most of my time here, and push the points that would have me do otherwise.

The Environment

            The environment here is amazing, unlike anything I have experienced at home in Canada. It seems like around every corner there is something new and exotic for me to see and understand.  Whether it be plants, animals, man-made structures or even people, everything is quite different due to climate, geography, political landscape, culture and economy. 

           The one thing that remains constant is the fact that no matter which environment we are born into, we all have the same basic need and the requirement for support. Here in South Africa, the consequences of lacking such basic support are more apparent. This is something to which I choose not to turn a blind eye – but rather to understand and penetrate so that I truly know what it looks like to live in lack, and so be able to place myself in the shoes of another.

            The living space here is at the same time incredible, and basic. I do not have the luxuries I get at home. This does not mean, however, that I feel deprived. Everything that is here is taken care of and used responsibly; items are recycled, repaired, and reused, daily tasks are managed well, and even the kitchen scraps are a valuable source of food for the chickens and other wild animals.  

       Within this, I can see the results of people taking self-responsibility, considering the group as one and equal (which includes the humans, the animals (both wild and domestic), as well as the physical environment), and treating the physical space here as an extension of themselves. 

I found it quite easy to let go of the luxuries I was used to and adjust to enjoying the simple things – the awesomness of nature, a hot bath (it is quite cold here at the moment, especially at night), unbelievable people, a hearty meal, a hot cup of tea, a fire at night, succulent fruit, fun and playful moments with animals and Caesar. Consumerism globally runs like a rampant disease in this world, and the amount of stuff we own that is one-time use or cheaply made is the source of a lot of problems, both environmental and on an internal level of what we are accepting and allowing. But here, life takes place within and as simplicity, yet every need or want I have expressed has been accommodated for wherever and however possible, and if not possible, alternatives are given.  Letting go of the apparent ‘luxuries has been like a breath of fresh air.

            The bedrooms here are clean and spacious, providing a place for everything including working on the computer. The importance of one’s personal space is understood and honoured, as we all need a place to rest, work, or just spend time alone if we want. Aside from the bedrooms, everything else is shared and communal, yet it never feels crowded – even at dinner time when everybody comes together to serve up a meal. Everyone pitches in and is busy with their own projects and responsibilities, all the work gets done, just like in nature, nothing is ever rushed.

I will continue in my next blog with: The People!

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Day 208 - Waking Up Fearless (part two - results!)

Sometimes I wakeup so fearful it actually prevents me from living my life the way I would like to see it lived.

I promised I would give a recap on whether I stood or failed in my challenge to break through this fear, and what I learned.

This blog is the continuation from: Waking Up Fearless

Standing now at the end of my day, I will say this: BEWARE OF COMFORT ZONES!!!

What I realized about facing and pushing through the experience of ‘fear of facing the day’ (described in my last blog), is that there is little to no fear when I remain in my comfort zone.

This is SO dangerous, because most of the fear we feel is irrational, yet we allow it to influence our lives, trusting this feeling so much that we would avoid pushing ourselves, expanding, or trying new things!

What I noticed is that the fear is usually based in past memories being projected into the future, as if the mind believes it is inevitable that the days will play out like it did in the memory it is storing. As if the same bad/consequential/unpleasant thing will happen again.

When I woke up with somewhat debilitating fear this morning, I gave myself the support word of ‘fearless’ – really took a look at what I wanted ‘fearless’ to mean for me, and how I could actually practically live it.

As I had mentioned, I was going snowboarding this day, and the memory of a bad fall I had had years ago kept coming up, accompanied by the beating I took as I was learning how to snowboard – as if these pains would all necessarily be re-lived.

When I went into moments of fear today, I reminded myself of my support word ‘fearless’. I remembered the definition I had created, and how I was pushing myself to move bravely forward, be fully present and ENJOY these moments, free from the shackles of memory: stop projecting and live in the Hereness of the moment, creating an entirely NEW moment, not tainted by the past.

The fact of having this support word helped me to see that I do in fact give myself permission to let go of the fear and enjoy life. Within this, I experience a shift within me, like a door opening after having given myself the key.

Today, I prompted myself a lot, and kept moving forward. I saw the day’s events as something to rather be fully engaged within and taken on as a challenge, rather than being fearful of them.

In this way, I got to return to my comfort zone at the end of the day, knowing this is not a hiding place, but rather a place where I can relax and reflect on how I did that day.

Having pushed through the fear and engaged and enjoyed, I can say that I feel a little more at home within myself, a little more ‘me’, like I was as a child.

Thank you for reading and I will see what comes up another morning upon waking up!

Here is another inspirational Self & Living video for further insights into self:

I am Not Awake Yet… Or am I?

Sometimes we wake up but will still experience ourselves as being “not awake” while we drag our feet towards our morning coffee in order to eventually “wake up” and be okay with facing and directing the day. But how can this experience of “I am not awake” actually be real if in fact our physical bodies are awake, aware, and already up and about?
Are we in fact not awake within our bodies, or are we simply stuck in an energetic experience and routine that only feels real because we want to stay in that state of grogginess and procrastination instead of facing our day?

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Day 207 - Waking Up Fearless

I work at a fast paced job in the financial industry. There is a lot of pressure, there is a lot of responsibility, and when dealing with other people's money, there is a lot on the line. No one would ever guess it of me, but sometimes I wake up in the morning finding it exceptionally difficult to snap out of moods I wake up in. These moods can and do usually have an impact on my entire day, making the day, the work, the interactions less-than was potentially possible.

On the advice of Sunette, from Self&Living Youtube channel, I have begun to question this; am I a victim to my mood? Am I helpless to the experience I wake up with in the morning? Is my entire day pre-programmed based on the first few seconds of my day? What about my agency, my self-will, and my ability to choose?

I have been testing out a challenge for about a month now, where I take a moment in the morning to define the way I feel, in words, in writing. Once I have the words, I then choose support words to live that day. After even the very first day I was astounded to find out that this is incredible! In this simple act I have made such a huge change! Instead of being enslaved to experiences like 'stuck', 'defeated' and 'restless', I get to live words of MY choice, 'release', 'achieve', and 'focused.'

This has been a personal process for me so far, but it has been so beneficial to me that I now intend on sharing it, starting with today.

Today is the third day of my vacation. I'm staying in a chalet, snowboarding for the week. In these first three days, without the pressure and stress from my job pushing me to move forward, I have fallen into a slump. I have found myself resistant to even get up and get out on the hill. It's like my entire body is saying "no, do nothing, stay in bed all day, no structure, don't move forward!".

          This can be cool at times, but I have been doing this for two days straight and now, I am ready to get up and go and break through the resistance.

 

The experience I have this morning, when defined in words is 'fear'. It's like I have developed this fear of moving myself into something new. As if I am in-FEAR-ior to the thoughts I can create about how the day will go. I think of all the bad and negative, like "it will be cold", and "the conditions are icy", "I won't enjoy myself like I would just lounging around", and I project myself reacting in discomfort and fearful anxiety.

This is a recipe for a crappy, sub-par day and living experience.

But right here is where I give myself agency.

The support word I choose for myself today is 'fearless'. I will define this with an emphasis on going forth fully into experience, allowing myself to have fun, make mistakes, fall, and ENJOY.

I stand equal to my thoughts and projection, placing myself in a position of self control. I am not a victim, I am the creator of me.

Already i can feel a shift within me, where it's like a weight has been slightly lifted by the simple act of giving myself a little direction, and permission to break free from a cycle, habit or pattern I would have normally fallen into.

At the end of the day I will give a recap on how I lived the words I gave to myself, whether it was a success or requires adjustment, and I will talk about what i learned from walking into my day within and as 'fearlessness'!

Check out the video from Se;f & Living that inspired me to begin this process of changing me upon waking up:

Who Did I Wake Up As This Morning?