Day 208 - Waking Up Fearless (part two - results!)

Sometimes I wakeup so fearful it actually prevents me from living my life the way I would like to see it lived.

I promised I would give a recap on whether I stood or failed in my challenge to break through this fear, and what I learned.

This blog is the continuation from: Waking Up Fearless

Standing now at the end of my day, I will say this: BEWARE OF COMFORT ZONES!!!

What I realized about facing and pushing through the experience of ‘fear of facing the day’ (described in my last blog), is that there is little to no fear when I remain in my comfort zone.

This is SO dangerous, because most of the fear we feel is irrational, yet we allow it to influence our lives, trusting this feeling so much that we would avoid pushing ourselves, expanding, or trying new things!

What I noticed is that the fear is usually based in past memories being projected into the future, as if the mind believes it is inevitable that the days will play out like it did in the memory it is storing. As if the same bad/consequential/unpleasant thing will happen again.

When I woke up with somewhat debilitating fear this morning, I gave myself the support word of ‘fearless’ – really took a look at what I wanted ‘fearless’ to mean for me, and how I could actually practically live it.

As I had mentioned, I was going snowboarding this day, and the memory of a bad fall I had had years ago kept coming up, accompanied by the beating I took as I was learning how to snowboard – as if these pains would all necessarily be re-lived.

When I went into moments of fear today, I reminded myself of my support word ‘fearless’. I remembered the definition I had created, and how I was pushing myself to move bravely forward, be fully present and ENJOY these moments, free from the shackles of memory: stop projecting and live in the Hereness of the moment, creating an entirely NEW moment, not tainted by the past.

The fact of having this support word helped me to see that I do in fact give myself permission to let go of the fear and enjoy life. Within this, I experience a shift within me, like a door opening after having given myself the key.

Today, I prompted myself a lot, and kept moving forward. I saw the day’s events as something to rather be fully engaged within and taken on as a challenge, rather than being fearful of them.

In this way, I got to return to my comfort zone at the end of the day, knowing this is not a hiding place, but rather a place where I can relax and reflect on how I did that day.

Having pushed through the fear and engaged and enjoyed, I can say that I feel a little more at home within myself, a little more ‘me’, like I was as a child.

Thank you for reading and I will see what comes up another morning upon waking up!

Here is another inspirational Self & Living video for further insights into self:

I am Not Awake Yet… Or am I?

Sometimes we wake up but will still experience ourselves as being “not awake” while we drag our feet towards our morning coffee in order to eventually “wake up” and be okay with facing and directing the day. But how can this experience of “I am not awake” actually be real if in fact our physical bodies are awake, aware, and already up and about?
Are we in fact not awake within our bodies, or are we simply stuck in an energetic experience and routine that only feels real because we want to stay in that state of grogginess and procrastination instead of facing our day?

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Day 77- The Fear of Falling in the Face of Confrontation

Within this blog, I am looking at a second event in which I experienced the fear of confrontation. And although I may have appeared confident and certain on the outside, this is what I went through internally (beginning with a brief description of the event, from yesterday’s blog)”

“ [the event] involved me revealing a decision I had made to some people who very likely would not approve. I experienced several waves of fear before telling them. It was this not wanting to share my decision, keep it a secret, suppress it, hide it and don’t let anybody know about it, instead of standing as it. And this is very much how I experience myself within myself- as this hiding, keeping secret, suppressing, or restricting/restraining/controlling. I see that the decision was in fact a part of me that I was exposing, and then the part of me that wanted to keep it hidden/secret, is the part that I’ve abdicated- that’s the part that lays itself down and lets the fear walk all over it. I ended up speaking my decision, because I had to, and it was a bit of a rocky road for me within the conversation that took place afterwards. I felt like I had to defend myself and convince the others that the decision was a ‘good’ one- again seeking validation/approval.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing equal to and one with the decisions I make.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing myself within/as self-direction within/as the decisions I make, specifically when I think/believe/perceive the decision will be challenged.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having my decisions challenged or resisted, and within this,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear to have any part of myself challenged/resisted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to hide/keep secret/suppress any part of myself due to the fear of having it challenged or resisted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and/or desire to restrict/restrain/control myself within/as the fear of having that part of me challenged or resisted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having any part of me challenged or resisted because then I have to stand up within/as Who I Am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having any part of me challenged or resisted because I exist within/as ego, and ego can be hurt, ego can lose in the game of winners and losers- a game created within/as ego, and ego doesn’t like to lose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to approach others from a starting point of ego, wherein I participate within an unspoken competition, instead of walking my process within/as humility, where I stand within the principle of oneness and equality within my interactions.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to restrict/restrain/control myself as ego, in situations where I think/believe/perceive I might ‘lose.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a game of winners and losers, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to value ‘winners’ as ‘more than’ and ‘losers’ as ‘less than’, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being ‘less than’ within and as my own self-definition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to ‘win’ and be ‘more-than others, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear ‘losing’ and being ‘less-than’ others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that whomever ‘wins’ and is ‘more-than; gets/deserves the ‘power’ in the situation, and whomever ‘loses’ and is ‘less-than’ has to/must abdicate his/her power because of some unspoken ‘rules of engagement’ within relationships between people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place myself as ‘more-‘ or ‘less-than’ any other being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel guilty when I’ve defined myself as having ‘lost’, to then not abdicate my power because I’ve seen/realized/understood that ‘I’m still Here’, and thus, I see/realize/understand that the game does not exist, and that we are all in fact equal.