I had a lot of resistance toward writing this
blog, so I must be on to something! The word ‘satisfaction’ came up for me in a
balancing session with a friend of mine who is practicing for Life Alignment
certification. This practice uses muscle communication to bring to one’s
awareness information that they are carrying but on some level are not looking
at or aware of.
A
process I am walking is that of redefining and living words. There is much
research coming out recently about the effect the words we speak has on a DNA
level, and our ability to reprogram our DNA through sound and the internal
environment we create for ourselves. I am not a professional, but I have been
practicing working with words for some time now, and have noticed the effect in
Who I Am in situations, and the change I am able to bring through when I look
at the words I am using and how I am using them.
In
redefining and living words, you take using words to the next level, by looking
at how you have subconsciously defined that word over your lifetime, and thus
how you are living it out on a day-to-day basis. In the case of this blog, I am
looking at the word ‘satisfaction’, so you can see ow this process works by
continuing reading here.
Due
to the resistance I have felt towards writing this blog, I put it aside for a
few weeks as I observed myself and Who I Am within the word ‘satisfaction’. It
took time as I let events play out and did ‘self-checks’ in moments to see how
I process the outcomes of the events and how I handled the situations as they
unfolded. This is what I have learned:
How
I have defined and lived the word ‘satisfaction’ throughout my life has been
mostly dependent of a feeling: that of feeling ‘satisfied’. What I noticed when
I brought this word into my awareness and really looked at it is that I live my
life feeling chronically UNsatisfied! Without even consciously being aware of
it, I saw that I carry around a feeling over never having done enough, done
well enough, or have fallen short in some way that prevents me from feeling
satisfied about a completed task, or even the way I am moving forward within a
task.
This
lack of satisfaction actually plays out in my life where I try to push myself
to do too much, to the point of burn out, or I do too little in FEAR OF burning
myself out, (leading to more dissatisfaction), because deep down, I KNOW I will
never be satisfied! In relationships, this builds up over time causing subtle
resentment, frustration and insecurity, seeing the worst in myself and having my
faults, mistakes, blunders and weaknesses being, in moments, brought to the
forefront of the relationship, causing unnecessary reactions within me that I
then have to deal with. If I am not diligent, I can risk to project this onto
others, so it is of utmost importance to always bring the point back to self.
This
is all because I have based ‘satisfaction’ on a feeling, and not on actual,
measurable physical reality, leaving me powerless to direct myself to a point
of ‘satisfaction’ within myself, because I am instead at the mercy of the whim
of my emotions as they sweep through me.
Not
only that, but I also saw a relationship between ‘satisfaction’ and ‘spite’,
where I would go into ‘spite’ and then feel ‘satisfied’ when someone else would
suffer some consequence that I foresaw, or a consequence I myself have been
through and felt satisfied that another was now in it; like a ‘see how that
feels?’ – type vindication. Nasty stuff,
I must admit, but to admit it is the most beneficial thing I can do because
within understanding there can be forgiveness, and within forgiveness comes
change: till here no further, I will no longer accept and allow this behaviour
within me.
To
see further dimensions of the word ‘satisfaction’, I will place the dictionary’s
definition here:
a : the payment through penance of the temporal punishment
incurred by a sin
b : reparation for sin that meets the demands of divine justice
2 a : fulfillment of a need or want
b : the discharge of a legal obligation or claim
4
: convinced assurance or certainty
5
proved to the satisfaction
of the court
Within the dictionary definition, I see that elements of justice,
religion and a transactional model being brought in. For me, when it comes to
human-relationships, I have to ask myself if I see it as best to bring in these
elements, or if they are more harmful/destructive when it comes to the creation
of a relationship according to one’s choosing.
What about unconditional giving, support, and seeing the best in the
other? Must there be payment, reparation, compensation, obligation, vindication
and convincing? For me, these words at this time have no place in my
relationships.
The words that I see as beneficial, the ones I can therefore accept, allow
and live in my actions are ‘fulfillment’, ‘being satisfied’, ‘contentment’, ‘enjoyment’,
‘gratification’ and even ‘proving’.
Now, this does not mean that these new words will automatically and magically
become the basis for living ‘satisfaction’, nor does it mean that the other
words will simply disappear. This is a process and a blue-print is necessary to
be put into place so that it can be practiced in until it becomes the physically
integrated living word.
In order to create the blue-print, I will sound the word ‘satisfaction’
to see if a solution exists within the sound.
When I speak the word I hear
Sat Is Fact I On
The solution I see is: the fact is what I sat on
Meaning: imagine completing a task and then sitting down afterwards with
that feeling and experience of satisfaction. For me, with the solution I see in
the sounding of the word, I can see that in that moment of completing a task,
or even during the task, I can take a moment to reflect if I have worked only
with the facts (and not the FEELINGS).
In order to extract the facts to work with, I must then define the task
and the moment I am walking through. In each moment throughout the day, I can
either drift through it with no real or clear direction, or I can define my
moments within a structure and goals, giving myself parameters to satisfy.
For example, in this moment I endeavour to write a blog, in that moment my
goal is to let go completely of all mental stimulation and simply be present to
see what opens up, in another moment I may want to get a few obligations done
in a certain time frame, knowing that once complete, I will give myself some
time to rest and for self-care.
When I define my moments like this, I can then at any point look to see
if I am satisfying the goals I set out for myself. If not, then I can look at
why. In this way, instead of feeling ‘unsatisfied’, I can rather focus myself
on directing my next moments based on the facts I derived from how I am moving
thus far: in this, taking a step outside myself to, for a moment, sit on the
facts, reflect, and move from there.
This applies to relationships as well, where I can take a step back at
any point to see if there is an issue that needs to be discussed or communicated
about, if there is time together for enjoyment required, if I must discipline
myself in my time and communicate this to my partner, and always looking at
making sure there is a balance between ‘work’ and ‘play’.
Again, looking at the facts instead of the feelings: is my work life and
relationship life balanced If not, what must be done? Within my relationship, are
there any unresolved issues? If so, what must be communicated? Here looking at
taking a moment to step back and sit/observe how am I moving, I remind myself
to sit only on the facts, and not move into any form of thinking, interpreting,
judgment, expectation or resent, as these are not facts, these are feelings –
and they are the feelings that lead to the final feeling of ‘unsatisfied’.
When I look back at the end of some process, event, accomplishment or
even moment, I can assess how I walked through it and how I would like to
process by looking at the facts I sat on, the decisions I made from there, and
the way I moved forward. If I am not satisfied, I simply repeat the process:
sit on the facts I objectively observe, and define my next moments with the
appropriate correction.
Redefinition of ‘satisfaction’:
A state of having sat on the facts until a situation or event is
resolved as best possible.
I will now applying this redefinition to my living application and
follow up with an update of how it went.
