Day 76- The Fear of Falling in the Face of Confrontation - Self-Forgiveness/Tracing it Back

This is the self-forgiveness statements from the first paragraph of yesterday’s post (from Days- 71, 72, 73 & 74). Within this blog I am tracing back the roots of this fear, starting with some basic self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear falling in the face of confrontation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear people confronting me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in a situation of confrontation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear ‘stepping out of line’ when I communicate with certain people. Within this,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear upsetting others with what I do/say, so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear doing or saying the wrong thing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear someone reacting towards me and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear feeling bad about that reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of when I was younger, when I did something that I didn’t know I would get in trouble for, then when I saw I might get in trouble I lied about it in order to avoid ‘feeling bad’. Afterwards I got in even bigger trouble for lying, but I only lied because I was fearful, and then I felt terrible, even though I felt I hadn’t really done anything wrong in the first place. I was punished and I was not allowed to watch a movie with my cousons, and I felt ashamed and bad and I cried.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have always taken ‘getting in trouble’ so personally since I was little, wherein I believed that it meant I was ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ as Who I Am, instead of realizing I was only being trained how to function within the system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself within the belief that I am ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ instead of just simply altering my behavior to that which was being asked of me, without taking anything personally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cry and pity myself because I thought and believed that I was unjustly punished, and it hurt my ego, and I participated in these reactions like it was a crime against humanity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe there is such a thing as ‘just punishment’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be raised within and as ‘fear’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being punished.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear parental figures/figures of authority punishing me when I was little.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that parental figures or figures of authority have any real authority over Who I Am and how I experience myself within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to to give parental figures/figures of authority the real authority of me, instead of being a self-responsible being that considers myself and my place in this world, and acting according to principle, that I can be trusted and trust myself and Who I am in every breath, and thus not require authority.

 

To be continued...

Day 52- Fear of Being Self-Honest within my Interactions with Others

Day 52- Fear of Being Self-Honest Within my Interactions with Others

                It is one thing to practice self-honesty within oneself, and another to live it outwardly within and through interactions with others. You never know how others will take it, and this unpredictability scares me a little bit within and as my mind. Looking at this point, I see a fear of the unknown, which is funny because I have identified the fear of the unknown within myself without realizing that the fear of how others will react is also the fear of the unknown within self. For example- if there’s conflict, will I stand? Will I remain self-honest or will I fall and compromise myself? Will I give in to reactions, or will I remain stable? So, I’m going to have a closer look at this fear so that I can walk within and as it and through it so that I have more of a handle on what it is and how it works.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the reactions of others to and towards me as I walk my process towards self-honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear whether or not I will stand up in a given situation, within the anticipation that I may fall.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become influenced by my future projections/anticipations, instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that the only way I can and will and am walking this point towards stability is by walking through it over and over until I stand no matter what, which involves walking within and through interactions with others within self-honesty in the moment, over and over and over until I stop wavering, stop compromising myself and stop falling bck into the mind of reactions, thoughts, feelings, emotions etc…

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself Here in the moment..

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize the investment of time that is required to develop self-trust.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire self-trust as an experience of self-trust, instead of living within and as self-trust as Who I Am in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself by going into ego within interactions with others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to know all the answers and fix the problem instead of taking it moment by moment and walking it through from beginning to end.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear I will not stand within and as my interactions with others because I have, for so long, placed my power within and as others, instead of standing within and as my power as self-worth, self-acceptance, self-love,  wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and define myself based upon others.

I forgive myself for Not accepting and allowing myself to stand as self-worth, self-acceptance and self-love, and I see, realize and understand that in order to live myself as these things I must stand self-honestly and express myself self-honestly and fearlessly in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself due to my fears of how others may react to me if I am outwardly self-honest within and as my expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself through self-suppression because of and due to the fear of how others mat react outwardly toward me.

I commit myself to develop myself within and as self-trust through constantly, consistently and diligently pushing myself to express myself fearlessly and self-honestly in each moment until I stand no matter what.

I commit myself to stand within and as self-acceptance and self-worth, within and through pushing myself constantly, consistently and diligently to assert myself to and towards my self-living, standing and breathing within and as presence and awareness and self-honesty in each moment, thus taking myself back from all the parts of me I have separated myself into and as.

I commit myself to walking this process, my process as myself, towards self-realization, despite my projected fears of what others may think.

When and as I see that I am going into self-suppression due to fear of others outward reactions to/towards me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back into awareness by grounding myself with and as breath, within the realization that nothing and no one can take away who or what I am. I realize that this fear of confrontation is just a character I play, an is not who I am as Life, but rather a belief developed over time, which is ont real.