On Money and Value: micro-blog from Desteni universe

#ACTIONSHOT

I've moved into Joe's old room in the Main House on the farm now that all the people I once lived with are in Panama.

Ghost seems to love these floor to ceiling windows we now have, as he can keep up to date with the outside world from his favourite spot on the bed!

I took this picture from my spot in front of the computer during a work shift. I have been working an online job pretty much full-time, saving up to get Ghost and I to Panama, and this situation got me thinking about money and value.

I caught myself a few times looking at the cost of bringing Ghost to Panama, and trying to fit him into some kind of value system, not realizing that I had, over my lifetime, developed a money-based value system where I will ask myself 'is it worth it', or 'is it worth the money', where 'the money' was holding the intrinsic value, and the thing I am paying for has to prove it is worth it.

I would become stressed, with 'lack' and 'survival' creeping into my thoughts when I looked at it this way, with the thought of 'losing' or spending that money, even going so far as to look at Ghost and consider if he brings that amount of value to my life! I quickly caught myself, seeing that this line of thinking is what contributes to the way the world is today, where 'value' either becomes the amount of self-interest one can derive from a particular thing, and then translating that value into dollars and cents, or money itself having an intrinsic value, when it is in fact small pieces of paper that we have elevated to 'god-hood'.

So I shifted my perspective to 'this is what I have decided to do', with the money now taking a different position, more like a secondary place as the tool or the facilitator I must use to see my decision through and accomplish my goal. Ghost came into my life, and that wasn't exactly my decision, but I did decide to take responsibility for him, and in weighing all the options, decided that it would be best for him to come with us to Panama.

In this, the decision and goal becomes the Main point of value, where it's no longer about 'losing' money, but about 'gaining' or obtaining/accomplishing the goal. When I looked at it this way, I felt as though I had become 'richer' in a way - the situation becomes one of benefit rather than loss.

This realization had me reflecting back on all the times I didn't do a thing, or thought something to be 'too expensive,' and in this thinking have compromised myself and my life so many times because of the value I had placed primarily on money and self-interest (as feelings and emotions), instead of placing that value on Self and Life creation.

I cannot place a value or dollar amount on Ghost, he simply 'is', Here, existing. So my decision remains whether it is feasible or not based on market prices, and the time and energy I am willing to put in to work for the money - looking only at whether I can practically afford it or not.

Now I will include this into my understanding of money, how I work with money, and how I live the word 'money' in my life, where it becomes the means to an end rather than an end in and of itself.

I have for too long deprived myself of important, essential things, and spent too much on fueling energy, programming and self-interest because of and due to this twisted system of value I wasn't even completely aware of. Now that I see it more clearly, it's time to stop and sort it out so that I can move forward spending money on things of ACTUAL value that will contribute to support, growth and development, within reason, practicality and common sense.

Day 19 - Jealousy is a Bitch

            Today I am looking at jealousy. Although it has not been a prevalent point for me recently, it certainly has been in the past, which I will bring Here and forgive. It also emerges from time to time within me, mildly, and today I reacted to it, which means that I accepted and allowed jealousy to influence me, which is not acceptable as it is of separation, comparison, inferiority/superiority and self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become jealous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe jealousy exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing jealousy to exist within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within jealousy when I am in situations where someone else is chosen over me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that a choice is being made regarding my worth/value when I am not always chosen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel self-pity and victimized when I am jealous, as a form of self-manipulation so that I don’t have to face the fact that I’m only jealous because I’ve separated myself from my worth/value, and placed it outside of and separate from me, and have based it on the decisions/behavior/choices etc… of another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as of little worth/value when I am not always chosen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as inferiority when I am not always chosen.

I forgive myself for accepting allowing myself to participate within and as self-pity and victimization instead of standing up as myself as a whole self-directive being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the energetic experience of spite when I experience jealousy within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to manipulate those around me into choosing me as a reaction to the experience of jealousy within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to change myself in order to be/become a ‘better competitor’ when and as I experience jealousy.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting myself unconditionally, and therefor manifesting the experience of jealousy when I think/believe/perceive I have lost some kind of competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as ‘boring’ and ‘no fun’ when others gather together and I remain alone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project others judging me when they are together and I am not there.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel as though I’m missing out on something important when others are gathered and ‘going out’ and I choose to remain alone at home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience embarrassment with regards to my experience of jealousy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience embarrassment with regards to jealousy because I perceive I have ‘lost’ some competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘losing’ with ‘embarrassment’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘losing’ within ‘embarrassment’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘losing’ and from ‘embarrassment’ by defining the word ‘losing’ within ‘embarrassment’ in separation of myself.

I commit myself to exposing any and all jealousy within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rescript myself without jealousy, as jealousy has no place in my life and does not serve me.

When I as I see that I am going into an experience of jealousy, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back into awareness within the understanding that I am a whole self-directive being who’s value/worth are not found in competition outside of me, but within the unconditional self-acceptance I allow myself to be.