The FEAR of Being ALONE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the words

I Am Alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when

I am alone, nobody sees me,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when

I am alone, nobody cares for me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when

I am alone, nobody can feel me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when

I am alone, nobody understands me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when

I am alone, nobody knows what I am going through. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire for

people to just leave me alone. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to be left

alone, for no one to come near me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to be

by myself, to be alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I want to

be left alone, or to be alone.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a deep-seated,

all-encompassing ‘volcanic’-eruptive fear to build within me in relation to the word ‘alone’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I really

in fact want to be alone. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that

behind the want, need and desire to be left alone, to not want to be around people,

to not like people, to not like the world, the belief that everything is fucked up, is actually

a cry for help, a cry for someone to care, for someone to listen, for someone to understand

and for someone to see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a physical, addictive

desire to have someone come and embrace the entirety of who I am inside myself, for

someone to almost fit inside all that I am and make sense for me of who I am, what I am

experiencing, why I am experiencing it.

Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone

with/within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself and others within

the apparent ‘want’ to be alone, as a manipulation tactic as a way to seek attention to not

be alone, to get energy and experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as this cry for

attention, for someone to see me, for someone to understand me, for someone to

LOVE me, for someone to be with me for the REST of my life , instead of seeing,

realizing and understanding that it is all in an attempt to fill the void, to not have to face

the fact that I have not developed that relationship with myself completely yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the responsibility onto

another being to see me, to understand me, to love me, to embrace all of me, to explain

me to me, instead of being that and giving that to myself.

I forgive myself that I have used and abused ‘wanting to be left alone’/not wanting

support/help/not wanting to be comforted and consoled as a manipulation tactic/reverse

psychology to attract people to me, to make people want to do and be that for me, instead

of being self-honest about what I actually want and need, which is not to be alone, and also

to have a better relationship with myself.

 

Qanon and Global Change

I was following the Q anon movement for about a year, up until about 2 years ago – this was NOT a very acceptable or popular thing to be interested in within my liberal/democratic social circles. I got to Q through being a Bernie Sanders supporter. I followed the 2016 primaries closely, and for anyone looking even just beneath the narrative, you will see that a LOT was exposed about the blatant corruption in US politics and the media during that time.  It is interesting because Q anon is highly associated with Republicans, but if you take a little time to investigate, you will see that it is not about Democrats and Republicans, but rather about the entire establishment containing a corrupt mafia-like structure (with international ties) present on both sides, with a group of otherwise well-intentioned people trying to represent the masses in government.

I got into Q anon by initially looking into wikileaks, and eventually got invited to a Q anon group on facebook by a Ramster. I saw the same information repeating itself, information I had been hearing about for years. I dug in and I learned about Q+, kek, pepe, Qproofs, decoding tweets with gematria, BOOM, 4chan, 8chan, alice in wonderland, Q drops, white hats, 5:25, trust the plan, the political moves, people and positions being filled, etc… so for anons, that will give you an idea of how far or how not far I got into it.

Q anon’s goals include bringing the power of the government back to the people, stopping corruption and abuse in politics, religion and the entertainment industry, creating a fair capitalism that is not tainted by monopolies, harmonization and globalization, exposing and stopping funding global elites that have all the power and control in banking, the food industry, media, politics, international relations through driving the war machine and arms industry, medicine and pharmaceuticals, and basically owning everything we depend on to survive in this physical reality.

The Q anon movement was quite a phenomenon, and although it did have its highly publicized radical fringes, from what I saw, it had its fair share of very level-headed people. These people were mostly concerned with accountability, transparency and essentially making the world a better place in ways they understood this could actually happen in our current system of corruption and control. There was also a focus on ending human-trafficking and pedophilia, and the misuse of public funds globally.

So, I followed this movement and I thought YES, the people at the top may finally be exposed and lose their power, and new, better, ‘good’ people are going to take their place and make the world a better place for all of us. I really thought that one group was going to penetrate the political sphere, and shake the corrupt foundations that had been so firmly set in place since the very beginning. And to this day, based on what I saw and read, I still think this movement could have been very real, and very well-intentioned.

Meantime, I have for over 10 years promoted another, different solution – one based more in common sense. A grass-roots movement that takes place from the ground up. This solution posits that every human being should be valued, and that the money system should be a reflection of this value, where money is created based on human life. Financial support for basic needs (food, education, health care, housing, transportation and communication) from birth till death – no fear of not having money, no survival of the fittest, but rather money equally for everyone, in other words, Equal Money, or an Equal Money System. (Yes, you can still work and make a lot more money and be rich, and yes, at this point we do know there is more than enough money to go around the globe several times).

There were a few realizations I had regarding the Q movement that I simply couldn’t deny, and which the Equal Money System solution actually addresses directly. This touches on the human trafficking and pedophilia points, within which an important reality was ignored within the Q anon movement. This is the fact that, when you only look at the elite and the abuses they commit, you are actually wearing blinders to a huge part of reality. I had spoken to a man that had spent years in South African townships, and he recounted to me the child rape and abuse at all levels that was able to take place unnoticed in these conditions of poverty. He saw people (not the elite) offering their children for rape to landlords when they were not able to pay the rent, and inter-familial molestation taking place regularly. People in these conditions all over the world end up prostituting their children for food money, and selling some of their children into sex slavery in order make money to save the rest of the family. These atrocities are not isolated to South African townships though, they take place all over the world, including countries such as the USA. And then you can consider child-sex tourism in almost every impoverished country, where middle-class people (not the elite), travel to experience sex with a child against the child’s will. So, pedophilia is a global accepted occurrence, and only a fraction of child rape takes place by the elite. When we focus on the elite, who are essentially untouchable, we are ignoring the bigger part of the problem, which is pedophilia committed by ‘normal’ people all over the world every day.

The elite are said to use pedophilia in satanic rituals and in order to use as blackmail to control the entertainment industry, and the other entertainment industry called politics. This is some serious mental depravity. However, the other, every day pedophilia has the common thread of poverty – needing money to survive, and being stuck in sex slavery due to lack of money, and pedophilia as a result of lack of education. I mention lack of education because of the use of child-rape within the belief that it will cure one of AIDS and other conditions. So, every-day pedophilia and MANY other forms of abuse can be directly addressed by valuing human life, and backing that value with money (enough for food, water, housing, education, transportation and communication). In all of these conditions, if either the child or the family had money, the rape would not have occurred, or the child could have walked away (many do, and end up on the streets).

With the elites, we are talking about a whole other level of madness – one that cannot be directed with money, because they already have that. These people need to be committed into mental institutions and perhaps even studied to learn how the human mind can sink to such depths of perversion and degradation, in order that we may prevent such mind-control or brainwashing from ever occurring again.

Now look at the numbers: billions of people live in poverty or extreme poverty, half the global population – how many millions of children are abused in these conditions, stuck there with no way out because they do not have money. Now think about how many elite exist in the world? Every well-versed conspiracy theorist can tell you that there is not that many, especially the higher up you go. So, the number of children being raped by these ‘untouchable’ people is but a mere fraction of the problem, and is the part of the problem that is farthest from our reach to prove and so prevent.

I had to ask myself, why is my focus being diverted to a very small fraction of a global problem, and the fraction that I am least empowered to do something about? It started to feel like I was living in a conspiracy theory within and conspiracy theory! Using conspiracies to distract from real solutions. I mean, yes, I can expose the elite and their use of pedophilia, but when I started looking, I saw that this has been exposed for years with absolutely no effect, and that if I were to jump on this bandwagon, I would be sucked down so many rabbit holes, and would most likely become labelled as a conspiracy theorist and lose my voice and credibility. Whereas if I were to use my time, energy, resources and voice to expose the bigger global phenomenon, and to empower people financially (like with voting for Yang for example, or starting grassroots movement which I am currently busy doing with a growing group of people, check out Earth Haven), then I would be doing what the elite really fear – empowering the masses.  

Why do you think conspiracy theories are allowed to run rampant on the elite-controlled internet? It is but one of the devices of the elite to consume people, discredit them whether the conspiracy is true or not, and get them sucked down endless rabbit holes where human time, ingenuity, resources and power is lost. I have spoken to many people, and I am one myself, that had spent a lot of time following lines of information and conspiracy theories – many of which I do believe are true. But the one thing we all had in common was that we spent a LOT of time on it, and had no effect whatsoever. Not only that, but in our actual day-to-day lives, we were becoming withdrawn, creating friction with no solution, and not building up our own lives or empowering ourselves to actually do something in our very own communities.

We were spending hundreds of hours online, and it is kind of fun and exciting, entertaining ourselves, joining a special global group of people ‘in the know’ – with absolutely no physical evidence of having done anything of value or worth. In fact, in one moment, parts of the internet can be shut down, or the entire internet can be controlled, and we will lose all of our work and be forced to face the realities in our own backyards.

Ask yourself, what is the last thing the elite want from the masses? The answer is empowerment. What is the quickest way to empower someone? Give them money. But the elite want slaves and they are very cunning about it. They want people stuck in survival, working to the bone, fearing losing a paycheck. They are so cunning they will even hide in plain sight, expose their lesser and more expendable ranks to keep the slaves distracted, consumed, busy, focused on things they cannot do anything about. Meanwhile, empowering people in the most direct and important way, which is financially, has been demonized, labelled, laughed at, called evil like socialism or communism - seems like another elite tactic, doesn't it? When you talk to most people about giving others money, they will suddenly separate and divide themselves from their fellow man. But is that not yet ANOTHER tactic of the elite? To divide and conquer? Now we turn against each other and call each other lazy, undeserving, leeches, where did these ideas come from? Who started them? Why aren't we looking at the obvious: looking at how much stress EVERYONE is under due to money, having to make money, where it is becoming harder and harder to secure a life in this world. 

But we do not want to give everyone access to money, because we are spiteful. We are angry. I am angry. We are tired. I am tired. We never got anything for free, we had to ‘suffer’, so everyone should suffer. We would rather live in a suffering world than secure everyone with a guaranteed income, without looking at how much suffering would end, in case a handful of people abuse it and we get our feelings hurt (because it would not actually harm us physically). I think, in reality, we all fear something a little deeper... it is in fact SO easy to give everyone money, that we would feel incredibly ashamed once we had done it - because we would realize how quickly it would end so much suffering, especially the suffering of the innocent, yet we were unwilling to even consider it because of our own self-interest. How shameful.

This is where I come to the notion of forgiveness. The notion of offering a blank slate. To each other and to ALL, with no more retribution, no more paying for sins, no more punishment – because our sins are so much, that if we were to each one pay for our sins and the sins of our fathers, we would be paying for sins forevermore, and the world would not change. Q anons can be vicious, hungry for revenge, hungry for a witch hunt, hungry for people to be hung, tortured, abused as they have abused. Then maybe they will learn a lesson, right? Q anons want suffering to take place, to end suffering.

But what about those elite that have had enough? What about the ones that have had a change and want to change? The ones forced into it against their will? What happens to the elite that want to speak out, who are actually in a position where they could finally expose and prove for real what is going on in the upper circles? What they face is death from both directions. If they are not killed by the elite themselves, then they will be killed by the masses of people hungry for their blood. What if Hillary Clinton actually did eat the face of a child and participate in torture and ritualistic abuse, and has now seen that she can’t get away with it for much longer, that it is not working… her health is failing and her corruption exposed, and now she just wants to speak about it and end it all. Will she speak out if she knows she will be received by a one-way trip to Guantanamo? Probably not. If we have to force it out of each one, with the positions they are in and the power they have, it will take a very, very long time. During this time, more children will suffer.

If we were to instead forgive the elite, and employ them to use their resources to turn the entire system around – with the knowledge and understanding they have of the system and the human mind, and how to effect change effectively on a large scale, then we could actually end the problem faster. So, the question here is: do we want to end the problem faster and change more effectively, or do we more want punishment and revenge (even if that desire for punishment and revenge will prolong the suffering of the innocent)? If even the most high-up, notorious elite whistleblowers were met with forgiveness, more would be willing to do the same. They can either help, or disappear, and never again repeat the same behaviour they have been living for so long.

About 2000 years ago, a group of people were in the very same position that we stand in today – they were asked to forgive those who killed him. And they had to, because it is what Jesus himself preached. They had to overcome their anger, their resent, their suffering, their spite, and forgive the very ones that killed their messiah. They had to, because if they did not, those that killed him could not have been converted, could not have changed. This is the position we stand in today, on a much larger and more consequential scale, but the same position nonetheless.

Within all of this, all of the information and theories that may or may not be true – I know that I stand for a change in the economic system where life is valued over profit. I realize that we cannot hope and wait for the elite to change or to bring a change, but thankfully there has been a proposal made called an Equal Money System. A bunch of crazy kids went to study economics, politics, law and psychology and drew up a new economic model that addresses every major problem in the world. They wrote books, hosted hangouts, made websites and took on much direct attacks, trolls and haters. Why? Because they wanted to empower everyone with money. Strange, isn’t it?

You can check out the books here: https://eqafe.com/series/13-equal-money-books

 

 

 

Everything is in Reverse

 

If you are walking the Desteni process, you may hear the phrase “Everything is in Reverse” spoken in certain situations. It took me some time before I could actually grasp the implications of what this actually meant. From what I have learned and experienced so far, seeing how everything works in reverse when walking your process, you will see that when you understand how things work in reverse, you get a far more dynamic, thorough and complex understanding of how reality functions, how individual self-creation happens, and how to undo the self-creational process that does not benefit self, the one that was walked as if on ‘autopilot’, in unawareness, like bad habits, detrimental self-definitions and reactional patterns for example.

For me, seeing and realizing how ‘everything is in reverse’ usually happens in hindsight, where the outcomes I was expecting played out in ways I could have never imagined. Where the outcome, in terms of the result, the realizations, that which manifested in the physical – was exactly what I was aiming for, but the process to get there was specific to realize many points in a way that is Best for All. Yet the process to get there seemed to be ‘destroying’/’moving away from’ the very thing I set out to do.

Many times, I have set out to achieve an objective, only to have the experience where the entire time, the entire process feels like it is falling apart and moving farther and farther away from the objective. It has been, in many instances, the reverse of the process I was expecting. Only once I had seen it through, despite the experience I was having, did I realize the process had to happen in reverse for me to be able to see all the points I would have missed if I were to have walked a straight line from ‘A’ to ‘B’ as I had planned.

It has also been explained to me that the saying “Everything is in Reverse” does not mean everything is ‘opposite’, or that the solution to be walked should be the ‘opposite’ of the ‘problem’/’issue’. For example, if you are experiencing a point of ‘laziness’ that you are struggling with, where you are finding it difficult to get up and move, to motivate yourself and to get tasks done, we may be tempted to simply ‘do the opposite’ and all of a sudden become ‘more productive’. But you may find that doesn’t work necessarily, that you continue struggling and then burn out. So you instead walk it ‘in reverse’: you learn how to relax properly, which could be seen or judged as being EVEN MORE LAZY and the REVERSE of what you ‘should’ be doing. But, in fact, you needed to learn how to let go of your work entirely in those moments where you decide to rest, so that your rest is in fact real rest, where you get up and feel rejuvenated, relaxed, ready to take on the next thing. Here, the process was in reverse, and not doing ‘the opposite’ of a point.

A simple example to illustrate the difference: Black is the opposite of white in terms of colour, whereas you can then look at the process in reverse and say that white comprises all hues on the visible light spectrum, and black is the absence of light. Or you can say that black and white are not colours at all, and are actually shades. In seeing the process in reverse is very different from doing the opposite. In seeing the process in reverse, you are considering the creational process of colours, you are opening yourself up to the different perspectives and definitions of what colour even is.  

If you move immediately from ‘laziness’ to ‘extremely productive’ (doing the opposite), you miss your SELF within the point (and you will probably burn out quite quickly). You may miss the fact that you were lazy because you were over-burdening yourself in your mind with responsibilities that were not yours, with unattainable expectations which made you feel deflated and defeated, or with stress, worries and anxieties that were unnecessary. You then walk a process of learning how to relax a LOT, really pushing the point, where you are now doing less than you were ever doing before, but you learn how to really let go and truly give your body a real break. You then slowly bring your work back in, remembering not to recreate the same mental burden you had created before, so that in the end, you can turn out to be even more productive because your body is more balanced, your mind is clearer and more focused, and you are not carrying around a bunch of unnecessary emotional weight. The latter is an example of ‘everything is in reverse’.

Another example is the old tale about the hen that was baking pies for all the young chicks in her village. It was quite a laboursome process to bake these pies, and none but one of the chicks was willing to help her when she asked. When the pies were ready and it came time for eating them, of course all the chicks came around to get some delicious pie. But the hen refused to give them any, because they did not help at all in the cooking process, except for the one chick that did help – he got all the pie he could eat.

This life lesson from the hen seems entirely practical. You didn’t help, now you don’t get any – and this is how we teach each other lessons most of the time. Threats, punishments, rewards. Very mechanical… where is the complexity of Life considered in there? How can we be more considerate where the lessons learned will result in the chicks becoming being more considerate, more responsible, more understanding? All they have learned from this is input-output/stimulus-reward. And besides, what is the hen going to do with all that pie for just herself and one chick. It seems a little spiteful, doesn’t it?

 But let’s look at how taking ‘everything in reverse’ opens up many more points of consideration and regard for everyone involved. Why did the hen in the story make the pies? She was making it for others. If the task were too big and laboursome for her, why did she not ask for help before starting to bake, and assess from the amount of help that was volunteered if she was willing to still make the pies. Instead, she started making the pies and asking for help along the way, once she had already begun. This seems like she was setting herself up for disappointment and difficulty.

Because, not everybody likes to make pie, right? But some people really enjoy it, and they enjoy making it for others. Why not get those people that enjoy making pie together, where everyone would actually enjoy the process and it would not seem like labour at all, but simply something they all like doing. Now you have a group together that is expressing themselves in ways that is aligned with who they are, instead of forcing some into doing something they are not really interested in, only because they want a reward. Personally, I think the pies made from enjoyment and self-expression will taste better anyways.

In doing it this way, she is teaching these chicks to do what they enjoy, and to do it as a ‘giving’ to others, where the ‘giving’ part is equally enjoyed. I mean, what are all the other chicks busy with? It does not make sense that every single chick should be there making pies, there are other things that need to be done in a village, or maybe they are busy developing themselves through play?

Now we can also look at it a different way, looking only at the hen, asking again, why did the hen want to make the pies? Did she set out to teach a spiteful lesson? Or does she just enjoy making and sharing pies? What if the hen simply enjoyed making pies, and so she made them unconditionally as an expression of herself which she lived out physically through making pies? What if she chose a day where she has the time and the energy to really put her all into making pies for all the chicks in the village, where she leads by example in expressing herself and giving unconditionally. Wouldn’t that be a better lesson for the chicks? Do what you love doing and share it unconditionally? This is why people specialize into certain skills and abilities, because not everyone finds passion and purpose in doing the same things.

If you look at it, by doing it all herself, this learning lesson would seem to be ‘in reverse’ of what the hen was intending to teach, which was ‘taking responsibility’,’ putting effort in if you want to create something and enjoy it’. But in ‘teaching a lesson’ through denying the chicks pie because they did not want to help, without first explaining to them that there would be this consequence, she was actually moving only from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ linearly, missing Who She Is and who each individual chick is in the process. The chicks had no clue they would be denied pie if they did not help out – and this was done intentionally and so with some deceit on the part of the hen. This will more likely breed resent, guilt, disappointment, spite, lack, anger and frustration in the chicks, which is actually what we often do with children in the world today.

Why not teach responsibility and ‘putting effort in’ by ‘doing it in reverse’ – through giving as you would like to receive, through standing as an example, through unconditionality? –These are the qualities of real leadership. And yes, not all the chicks will take the lesson. Some will love being lazy and reaping the benefits of another’s labour. Those chicks will create consequences in their own lives over time which they will either have to decide to live with, or change and take responsibility and the put effort in. This is simply the longer process, and hopefully they will have a hen in their lives that will walk this process with them, standing as an example over and over until they either ‘get it’, or they don’t. The outcome should not affect how the standing and leadership of the hen.

Now, of course there are practical examples of where children need to chip in and help out. Where they may need to contribute to the functioning of the household and start chipping in with daily responsibilities – but here there is always a practical reason behind it: If you keep your room clean you won’t get bugs or lose your toys. You must set the table because parents are busy working and cooking and it needs to be set in order to be able to eat.  Things like this that have understandable reasons behind the task. But with something like making pies spontaneously because you wanted to, where you don’t need more than a few people, and where a few people can easily make an abundance of pie, enough for everyone – why should there be a necessity for everyone to chip in to make pies?? It doesn’t make sense.

In this fable, you could say to the hen that is trying to teach the lesson: “everything is in reverse”. Where, walking this teaching process in reverse (giving the pie unconditionally and looking more at Self and who Self is in that process) actually covers so many more points than the mechanical and linear way of ‘doing the opposite’ where you simply deny instead of give the pie.

In my life, personally, I have had many lessons taught to me ‘in reverse’. Especially as the people around me stand as their own points of self-responsibility, this seems to happen quite naturally. It has been, for me, the more reactive process, the more thorough process, the more eye-opening process which has taught me to truly consider others as myself. To truly check my self-interest and challenge my ego, to truly challenge Who I Am and who I decide to be in my living actions.

So, in the end, how I have seen everything being in reverse, is where you take your point/the point you see/the point you are walking, and stand within and as it despite any experience you are having, or how it seems to be playing out. You embrace reality and let Life unfold, knowing that you are taking self-responsibility, and not binding that to anyone outside of you. You live self-trust, and walk your point despite it feeling like you are moving away from it. If you stick with your principles and common-sense, and of course “look inside to Self for guidance”, you will inevitably walk a process that is about so much more than just you, one that contributes to all Life in so many ways.