Day 262 - Can You Face the Sadness (part 2)

This blog is in response to: Can You Face the Sadness

Self-Forgiveness Standing as the Owner of Abusive Animal Industries

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create facilities where animals are abused in order to obtain profit and personal gain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself so much so from life, the reality of life on this earth, and other life forms, that I can blind myself to their pain and suffering, and distract, amuse, preoccupy, obsess about, enjoy, worry and stress about money, financial gain, personal wealth, security, self-interest and power as a way to continuously not see, avoid and ignore what it is I am creating for others to endure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and excuse my acceptance, allowance, enabling and direct creation and participation in the abuse of other life forms, by telling myself that I am doing it for money, for security, to provide for my family, to create jobs, to contribute to the economy, for my country, to feed people, or for any other reason, justification or excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that because it is not happening directly to me, because I cannot feel it and do not have to look at it, that the abuse I am creating, enabling, accepting and allowing is not affecting me, when in fact it is, either directly or indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that this is just the way the world is, and I do not have the power to change it, so I might as well profit from it like everybody else is, instead of stopping my participation in the current accepted and allowed systems of abuse, and focusing instead on solutions that work for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think an believe that solutions that are best for all are impossible, because I refuse to look or to see beyond the current reality, and refuse to challenge myself and my way of looking and seeing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR challenging myself and my way of looking and seeing, because I know that if I do, and if I see solutions, I will then have to apparently give up or ‘lose’ my wealth, my security, my profit, the security I am creating for my family, my power, my prestige, and everything I have worked so hard for and gained through my participation in this industry, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in creating solutions that are best for all, all will benefit, and that includes myself, my family and future generations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and what I look at when it comes to survival in this world, where I think only of myself, my family and those directly in my life, wherein I will do whatever it takes no matter the cost to others, myself or future generations, using the justification, validation and excuse that it is a dog-eat-dog world that exist within and as the principle of ‘survival of the fittest’, and I will make sure that I survive at all costs, instead of seeing ,realizing and understanding how this current reality was created in the first place, and how, within and through my participation in such thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and the actions that come from them, that I am directly and indirectly continuing to create reality in this way, wherein I will be leaving a more insecure reality for my children and future generations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, through not seeing the relationship between how I am creating reality and then reacting in fear to that creation, create a repeating cycle that feeds and amplifies itself, wherein our reality will become more and more insecure, as I try and attempt to more and more secure myself and my family, by being and becoming more and more ruthless, which in turn creates a more a more ruthless reality that I am leaving for my children’s children – whom I cannot protect nor secure in the dog-eat-dog world of survival that I am currently contributing to and creating every day. 

Within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, instead of stopping my participation in the endless cycles of fear in my mind, actually go mad, become obsessed and possessed by gaining and getting more and more security as more money and more power, in an endless fight to secure myself and my family in a battle to protect them from this world and reality which can never be won, but instead of grounding myself and seeing the common sense, I instead fear, fight, control, manipulate and abuse to appease my fear, my madness, my obsession and my possession.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour money above life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour my self interest above all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love, desire, cherish and honour my life-style, my comfort zones, my wants/needs/desires and my way of life above all of Life that is Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive there is no other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I cannot be or become a seed or an agent of change in my current life situation and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting down those around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that animals do not feel pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that an animals suffering is in any way less painful than my suffering or the suffering of my loved ones.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself torture and abuse parts of myself for the personal ‘gain’ of my desired experience.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see my connectedness and interconnectedness with all of life and everything that is here.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand my responsibility and self-responsibility in my own life and in this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my responsibility to my shareholders above my self-responsibility and my responsibility to all of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place man-made laws above doing what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and perceive that the only way to change is to break laws which would compromise me and so I will not do it, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that laws are man-made and thus changeable, and I can be one voice of change, one seed that grows, one point of influence to stand as an example for others for a transformation and change in man-made laws, to be and become laws that honour, cherish, respect and love all of life here within the current limitations of our shared physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed laws that do not honour cherish, respect and show demonstrable, provable love towards all life.

The Factory worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically abuse animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that animals are less than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my anger out on animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take out my anger, frustration and the abuse that has been done unto me by an abusive system on to the animals at my workplace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my power, physical force and position of power and superiority to abuse beings that are vulnerable, innocent and in an inferior and weaker position than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse beings that are vulnerable, innocent and in an inferior and weaker position than me because they are forced to take it, and so I can see the suffering play out that I am experiencing within myself, because I have become so disempowered within myself to be able to cope with the position I have been placed within, except to take it out on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bigger and more powerful when I abuse another, because I have not seen, realized or understood how small, insignificant and disempowered I actually feel within myself, and due to that lack of self-awareness, I try and attempt to make myself feel better within and through physically playing out acts in which I am apparently proving my power and superiority, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I am actually, within myself, confirming the powerlessness and inferiority I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create victims in my life, because I have victimized myself within myself due to my life, the circumstances I was born into, and the systems of abuse within which I exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my self-victimization and disempowerment, continue, create and perpetuate the systems of abuse that we are all to varying degrees subject to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch abuse take place around me with a blind eye instead of taking a stand within myself or without, because I fear physical harm or losing my financial security as my paycheck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed animal abuse at my work place because I fear losing my financial support and thus the financial security of myself and my family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that just because working in an abusive facility is my only viable option to create a life for myself my family, that I am disempowered within myself and can only turn a blind eye and internalize my reactions, instead of taking a stand and finding some way, somehow to do something about it within my means, even if it is something small.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize my reactions from my abusive workplace, and supress the resentment, the anger, the hatred, the guilt, the sorrow, the pain and the remorse, and carry it around with me where it then comes out in unexpected, uncontrolled moments towards myself or others in my world and environment, my husband/wife, my children, my family, my coworkers or others in my world.

The Consumer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain ignorant to the realities of the food industry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume the flesh of life without absolute gratitude, appreciation, respect, honour and love, but instead eat it within and as anger, fear of weight gain, ignorance, distractedness and robotic detachment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that if I stop eating meat I will make a difference in the lives of the animals that continue to suffer, without addressing the entire system of inequality that causes the industry to exist and be supported in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that eating meat is evil, and that I am not evil because I do not eat meat, when in fact meat can be raised and consumed in a way that honours life, and given that some require to eat meat due to body make-up/genetics/finances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that vegetarianism/veganism is the answer, when in fact an entire network of systems of abuse must be addressed, which is not addressed when we only look to the one dimension of stopping eating meat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that veganism/vegetarianism does not abuse life, when in fact the chemicals and bee-keeping styles required to produce much more than enough for all, end up abusing other lifeforms  as we over-produce food for profit and gain, and that not everyone can support a buy-local, organic diet due to the systems of inequality that exist today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am doing something to make a difference by stopping eating meat, when the corruption that exists everywhere also exist in the large organic and humane-foods industries, because it is existent in human nature, which includes my nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop eating meat, instead of looking within myself at Who I Am and how I approach issues and global problems that must be addressed holistically, which includes equal attention to my own human nature and what I create in my daily participation in my world and reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create friction, division, spite, blame, hatred and resentment by pushing and promoting my view, my opinion and my way of solving the problem, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the characteristics of human nature that I am playing out in my life that actually contributes to the perpetuation of this system that creates suffering in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and judge factory farmed meat as disgusting, when in fact it is not about the animal or the meat, but what the human has done to the animal and meat, wherein the meat is the direct product of that human intervention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy the cheaper, factory farmed meat when I can in fact afford to support local, humanely raised meat, not to clear my conscience, but to, in awareness, support one part of the solution with eyes wide open to the entire issue, which is existence-wide in terms of our collective human nature of abuse, acceptance and allowance, and seeing my self-responsibility in my own life to explore my own human nature to see where and how I am contributing in my life, my reality, my private moments to myself, within myself, and my interaction with others in my world, to the systems we as humanity have collectively created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to save money out of fear of lack and survival, and in so doing, turning a blind eye to the products I buy, where they come from and why.

For All:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed animal abuse to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn a blind eye to animal abuse all the industries of animal consumption and utilization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am somehow not responsible for the existence of animal abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow abuse due to my own fear of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim I am too ignorant, too small, too insignificant, too powerless to be able to take responsibility for my contribution to the existence of animal abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my self-interest, desire for money, fear of survival and fear of loss above the principle of honouring all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that animals are less important, less significant, inferior, less aware or less alive, when in fact my existence depends upon the existence of animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am more manly, more tough, superior, more macho, stronger, more powerful and better-than if I consume lots of meat, turning meat or food consumption into ego instead of simply nourishing my body, giving my physical flesh and organs what they need, and doing so in humility and gratitude and consideration of what was sacrificed so that I can live another day.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that so long as there are poor people, people in need of money as jobs to survive and a heavy profit-motive – that there will be cheap meat in the form of mass-produced factory farms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that humanity must first support all humans before/as we stop many of the industries we currently require to survive due to a system of survival where life is not free, but paid for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear supporting others in case others abuse this system of support, without seeing, realizing and understanding that until we sort out our human nature, all systems will be abused, but is it worth denying All? Denying those that would make the best of the support, just to apparently ‘punish’ the abusers, when in fact in doing so we are punishing everyone, even the wealthy that also live in fear of ever ending up like those whose backs and corpses we walk upon.

Righteousness, Blame, Spite and Justification and how to See Through It

Have you ever had the experience of seeing a future potential or probable negative consequence, and pushing to change things in order to prevent it, only to have that push for change resisted and fought against? This can be a very frustrating and unbearable situation, where it is like watching a slow train wreck that you see is preventable, where after doing everything you possibly can to prevent it, you get to the point where you have to walk away and let it play out, removing yourself from the situation and hoping for the best.

This happened to me in a big way recently, where I, years ago, went through majorly ungraceful and blundering efforts to change a situation that I saw could lead down a very bad path. In the end, I ended up losing a life I had built due to the choice that I could not be a part of it anymore, and my presence there would be a statement of my acceptance and allowance, which I could not stand by.

Many years went by and no consequence came, and I was soon in the position of questioning how I see things and whether or not I was making too big of a deal about it. It had been, I would say, the most painful and difficult time in my life, and during that time, I had accumulated a lot of emotional baggage about this issue that I had been sitting with for a while.

Recently, I found out that all the consequences I had predicted had eventually played out in a big way, and a person had been brought through very unfortunate circumstances. Every now and again, over time, I would hear about the bad things happening, and I had an interesting internal experience deep within me, one that was positive, when by all accounts, I saw that I should only be supportive and caring. I brushed aside the bizarre positive experience and instead behaved in the way I saw was who and how I wanted to be. But when the most recent big blow in the person’s life occurred, I could no longer ignore this experience I was having, and decided to pull it out and examine it.

What I found within myself was the experience of righteousness, spite, blame and justification, where the words “I told you so” came up, along with the fact that I had perceived myself to have gone through hell and back and lost everything, where I took the consequence personally as if justice had been served. This pattern can be seen in humanity all over the world, for example in politics, where the population wants to see leaders hang from a noose, or one race wants to see the other race suffer because of injustices done unto them in the past. Where it then ‘feels good’ to see another suffer a fate you would never, ever want to experience for yourself.

So, the righteousness comes from me having seen, predicted and given unheeded warnings of the potential negative consequences, and then in the end having seen myself as ‘proven right’, and the spite, blame and justification came from me having felt I had suffered unfairly at the hands of another, and that they should now experience pain and upset too, so that they can learn the hard way that they should have listened to me.

In this situation, I must return to humility and bringing it back to myself, because I cannot claim to understand all the workings of life, as if it is so clean cut and planned out, even if it may seem that way. My responsibility is to myself, and to find the lesson that is in there for me, not to immediately seek and point out the lesson for the other, as that is their process to walk, and I have mine. Only once I clear myself of any reactions can I look at then supporting another through their own consequence.

We as humanity are not a species that has a proven record of the ability to learn from our mistakes, even when they are obvious and the lesson is right in font of us, we so much more often choose the ‘feel good’ way, or the path of emotional turmoil, the righteousness, the spite, the blame and the justification. Even though this is the path to further suffering and moving in the opposite direction of any kind of solution, it is still the more common path to take, and I am seeing now in my life why this is the case. I had so easily dismissed the subtle, underlying experience, and it was only by pulling it out of myself with awareness that I was able to see what I was actually in fact doing inside myself.

How we can support ourselves to end this cycle is by individually learning the tough lessons in our own lives, and forging another path on an individual level, because in the end, humanity is made of billions of individuals that are collectively living out and creating the overall outflows of what we call ‘human nature’.

How I was able to change my own way of living, reacting and seeing things is by placing myself in the shoes of the other, seeing past my own reactions and self-interest, and really looking at what it would be like to be them and to be in their place in that moment of consequence. What I saw was that it would be mostly difficult to deal with my immediate reality, and my focus would be more on day-to-day survival, healing, and researching how to support myself in my current position. To have someone come in, at this point in time, and say “see, I told you so!” from a starting point of righteousness, spite, blame and self-justification would only cause me to react more towards that person, and not so much see the lesson they are apparently trying to show me. Maybe I would see it if I were in a more healthy and stable position, but not so much from the point of being at my lowest low, where what would be more supportive would be for the person to do what they could to support me back to a place of stability first and foremost.

With this understanding, from where I stand currently, the righteousness, spite and justification melts away, and the reality of the situation becomes more clear. I can see beyond my self-interest and how to be of best support for the other. This doesn’t mean I know exactly what to say or do, but it does mean that, if and when moments present themselves, I will be there to support as I can, with a clear starting point, to not taint the interaction with my own baggage that I hadn’t dealt with yet.