21 Days of Osho Card Readings - Day12 of 21: TURNING IN

I was JUST discussing with @worldclassplayer about pulling the same Osho card as on a previous day. I contemplated doing a re-pull, but we both settled on looking deeper into the meaning of the card, as maybe something was missed, or a new dimension has opened up.

The intention I was holding within me when pulling this card was yet another dimension of 'work', or 'working'. The new dimension that came up yesterday while I was working and reflectin upon my last blog, was the 'people pleaser' character. It was causing stress and tension, which manifested in the form of upper back pain.I will expand upon this point, but first, a little background: The reason the 'work' point has been stubbornly coming up day after day for me is because I am essentially 'working' all the time. Meaning, I am living, applying myself, focusing on my goals for the day and the future. Even when I relax it is work, because it is done in awareness as self-work.

Within this, my definition of 'work' is not the usual one we have all come to know so well, which exists within the polarity of work and play, where work is the opposite of play. I am pushing for living my re-definition of the word 'work', and the Osho cards have been supporting me immensely. My re-definition of the word 'work' involves a fluidity and a flow, a balance and an ease within me, within the understanding that work is love made visible. The letters in the word work then stand for Wholly Operating Reality Knowledge, where I am fully present, wholly operating within physical reality with a knowing, or a knowledge and awareness of the points my mind is super-imposing on to that reality.

Yesterday, while working in the kitchen for many hours, I noticed the points that were coming up and affecting me physically. When I looked at the thoughts that were creating the tension, I was able to deduce that I was going in to the desire for my work to please others. Instead of simply walking and enjoying the steps in a relaxed and easy manner, I began to go into judgments and criticisms about what I was busy with. I imagined all the 'what-ifs' and different disapproving reactions from the people I would be serving.

Several hours in, @gian walked in and checked in on me. I told him about the pain and the tension and he released it from my back. Within discussing with him, I was able to bring in more awareness to what I had been doing so automatically. He explained to me about 're-setting', giving myself a fresh moment to simply stop, let it go, and start the moment anew from a fresh starting point. This implies simply letting it go, which is what this card can support with.

My mind was busy while I was working, and I did not question it's activity, but instead went right into it, believing it to be real, to be true, to be who I am. I was reacting as if the thoughts in my mind would unquestionably come to pass, instead of simply observing my mind objectively, letting the thoughts go, being amused at the ridiculousness of such thoughts. This is what I understand from the 'Turning In' card.

This is a multi-faceted point for me, which I have been living my whole life. It has proven to be a stubborn one that is deeply programmed into my living, but I am up for the challenge. Writing is invaluable, in that, without the understanding and the road map of what not to do, how to navigate what my mind throws as me, and what to do about it, I would certainly become lost in the tangled mess it appears to be when we don't take it piece by piece and sort it out.

Note: I am walking a process of self-change using the tools of support offered by www.Desteni.org. I am taking the course called DIP Pro. In this course I learn how to take every day moments and find ways to make myself a better, more understanding and well rounded human being, the kind of human being I would like to see in this world. "Be the change you want to see" is a cool saying, but actually doing it is a bit more confusing because people tend to believe that you can't change human nature. I believe you can, because I have seen myself changing to someone I've always wanted to be. Not there yet, but my motivation is fueled by the proof I have given to myself, which I have documented online every sep of the way, in my blogs and on youtube. DIP Pro requires serious dedication and commitment, it is ot for the faint of heart. If you want to test the waters for yourself, try the Lite version, it's called DIP Lite, and the best part is, it's free! Why? Because Desteni puts individual self-change above profit. Why does DIP Pro cost money? Because it costs money to exist in this world, and takes a dedicated team to run the program. Otherwise it would also be free.
Visit www.Desteni.org

Day 96- Paralyzing Pain

I woke up in the middle of the night with pain so bad in my head and back that the thought occurred that I would prefer to die then to continue experiencing this pain-lol! I took the first pain medication I could find, which I found out later had been expired for two years, I got the only heating pad I have, which is designed for cats, which only activates when there is enough pressure on it- And I slept on and off on the couch and in the morning I could not move. I could not get up until I absolutely had to to go to the bathroom, wherein the pain literally took my breath away as I moved. I found some heavier pain medication and took it, but the pain persists, So I did a little research and found the following article which I applied self-forgiveness on all the points I could relate to:

“Perspective:

This specific area (upper back and neck) is 'related to' the 'manifestation system' of the experience of the words:

Anxiety Strain Fear Uncertainty Judgment Resistance

“Where your breathing is within constant anxiety within you - so your focus /attention is on the anxiety you experience within you, which cause strain within your application together with fear of the uncertainty of whether your application is effective enough - which cause self judgment within you and then the inevitable resistance to actually apply yourself. So, it's a 'cycle' that manifests as a system because of mind / thought participation.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed constant anxiety to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to breathe within constant anxiety and with a constant focus upon the anxiety that I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly focus on the anxiety that I have accepted and allowed to exist as a constant experience within me, causing strain within my application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest fear and uncertainty about my application within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose fear and uncertainty instead of patiently developing self-trust.

I commit myself to be and become the patience, dedication, perseverance and commitment necessary to develop absolute self-trust as Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself about my application, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that self-judgment does not change me or create results, is it a waste of time and the outcome is self-sabotage, what does/will change me and create results that are best for me is testing out my application and making adjustments where needed.

I commit myself to the careful documentation of myself and my process in order that I may understand what I am doing and why I am doing it, so that I can test it out and look self-honestly at the results, and make common-sense changes where needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as self-judgment, wherein I have thus then created resistances within me.

“The 'main cause' of this is your 'anxiety towards others / other people' within your world: Your thoughts 'straining much' towards other human being's reactions within your world towards you because you are participating in this process. The question you have to ask yourself ... is to ensure that you're doing this process for you, and you alone. Other human beings and their 'thoughts and their minds' are really irrelevant. At the moment you're allowing your mind to be preoccupied with what could/might possibly be occurring within other human being's mind's, which is a real mind fuck.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest anxiety within myself towards others in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strain myself towards other human being’s reactions within my world towards me because I am participating in this process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied with other human beings, and I remind myself that this is my individual process.

When and as I see that I am straining much about other beings reactions towards me because of my participation in this process, I stop, and I breathe. I ground myself back in reality by reminding myself that I am doing this process for me, and me alone. The thoughts in the minds of other human beings are irrelevant, and I see the lack of common sense in preoccupying my mind with what could/might possibly be occurring within other human being’s minds.

To be continued...