Taking a Stand in Saying "NO": micro-blog from Desteni Universe

This week’s word I have been working with is ‘NO’. When it comes to saying ‘No’, I find my ‘people pleaser’ programming gets triggered. My process of coming to a ‘no’ in any given situation would be one where I would look first and foremost to what concessions I can make, where I can find or make the time and what compromises I can offer, where the end result would usually be a ‘Yes’, where it should have been a ‘No’/’No, not now’/’No, maybe later’.

In working with animals and with children, I have been placed in a position where I either re-define and live a proper ‘No’, or I get pushed around, feeling abused within unclear boundaries – because children and animals will take a mile when you’ve only offered an inch, testing your stand at every opportunity.

My re-defining and living of the word ‘No’ has been closely linked to my process of self-authority, and this week I would like to focus on the internal ‘No’ – that stand that I see I can take with myself and my mind, specifically when energies come up that tend to shake me, possess me and influence the entirety of Who and How I am.

In taking the stand and the certainty I am developing with my external environment, I now see I can apply it within myself too!

The important thing I have realized is that there is a difference between a ‘No’ that suppresses,
ignores and pushes the energy back down into myself (not good), and then there is the ‘No’ where I bring the energy up within me, really feel it, define it, embrace it as a part of myself, and then I take that stand and that stance and say ‘NO’ within myself – stating that I will not accept and allow this
energy to take me over in moments, that I chose instead to be Here and Breathe.

In a way, both telling myself ‘No’, and at the same time, hearing a ‘No’ from me – all within the understanding that this is NOT how I will accept and allow myself to be, that things are going to be changing now, that there is a part of me that is now being told to step down, and another part that will step up.

And even in voicing that word ‘No’ within myself, I am showing myself that the part of me that will step up, will in fact do so, is capable of doing so, is Here, ready and able to take that stand – because the process of developing that ‘No’ was in fact a process, it was strengthened and developed, walked through understanding, testing, trial and error and into a living. And now, being armed with that ‘No’, I can say the most difficult ‘No’ of all – the one I must say to myself, over and over until I change.

21 Days of Osho Card Readings - Day12 of 21: TURNING IN

I was JUST discussing with @worldclassplayer about pulling the same Osho card as on a previous day. I contemplated doing a re-pull, but we both settled on looking deeper into the meaning of the card, as maybe something was missed, or a new dimension has opened up.

The intention I was holding within me when pulling this card was yet another dimension of 'work', or 'working'. The new dimension that came up yesterday while I was working and reflectin upon my last blog, was the 'people pleaser' character. It was causing stress and tension, which manifested in the form of upper back pain.I will expand upon this point, but first, a little background: The reason the 'work' point has been stubbornly coming up day after day for me is because I am essentially 'working' all the time. Meaning, I am living, applying myself, focusing on my goals for the day and the future. Even when I relax it is work, because it is done in awareness as self-work.

Within this, my definition of 'work' is not the usual one we have all come to know so well, which exists within the polarity of work and play, where work is the opposite of play. I am pushing for living my re-definition of the word 'work', and the Osho cards have been supporting me immensely. My re-definition of the word 'work' involves a fluidity and a flow, a balance and an ease within me, within the understanding that work is love made visible. The letters in the word work then stand for Wholly Operating Reality Knowledge, where I am fully present, wholly operating within physical reality with a knowing, or a knowledge and awareness of the points my mind is super-imposing on to that reality.

Yesterday, while working in the kitchen for many hours, I noticed the points that were coming up and affecting me physically. When I looked at the thoughts that were creating the tension, I was able to deduce that I was going in to the desire for my work to please others. Instead of simply walking and enjoying the steps in a relaxed and easy manner, I began to go into judgments and criticisms about what I was busy with. I imagined all the 'what-ifs' and different disapproving reactions from the people I would be serving.

Several hours in, @gian walked in and checked in on me. I told him about the pain and the tension and he released it from my back. Within discussing with him, I was able to bring in more awareness to what I had been doing so automatically. He explained to me about 're-setting', giving myself a fresh moment to simply stop, let it go, and start the moment anew from a fresh starting point. This implies simply letting it go, which is what this card can support with.

My mind was busy while I was working, and I did not question it's activity, but instead went right into it, believing it to be real, to be true, to be who I am. I was reacting as if the thoughts in my mind would unquestionably come to pass, instead of simply observing my mind objectively, letting the thoughts go, being amused at the ridiculousness of such thoughts. This is what I understand from the 'Turning In' card.

This is a multi-faceted point for me, which I have been living my whole life. It has proven to be a stubborn one that is deeply programmed into my living, but I am up for the challenge. Writing is invaluable, in that, without the understanding and the road map of what not to do, how to navigate what my mind throws as me, and what to do about it, I would certainly become lost in the tangled mess it appears to be when we don't take it piece by piece and sort it out.

Note: I am walking a process of self-change using the tools of support offered by www.Desteni.org. I am taking the course called DIP Pro. In this course I learn how to take every day moments and find ways to make myself a better, more understanding and well rounded human being, the kind of human being I would like to see in this world. "Be the change you want to see" is a cool saying, but actually doing it is a bit more confusing because people tend to believe that you can't change human nature. I believe you can, because I have seen myself changing to someone I've always wanted to be. Not there yet, but my motivation is fueled by the proof I have given to myself, which I have documented online every sep of the way, in my blogs and on youtube. DIP Pro requires serious dedication and commitment, it is ot for the faint of heart. If you want to test the waters for yourself, try the Lite version, it's called DIP Lite, and the best part is, it's free! Why? Because Desteni puts individual self-change above profit. Why does DIP Pro cost money? Because it costs money to exist in this world, and takes a dedicated team to run the program. Otherwise it would also be free.
Visit www.Desteni.org

Day 90- Death by Pleasing Others

 

This is a continuation from Day 89- It's Not You, It's Me
 

The ‘people pleaser’ character


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people won’t like me because of who or how I am behaving or have behaved in the past or will behave in the future.

I commit myself to direct my behavior to that which is best for myself as all, and in this, I commit myself to take myself back from the direction of pleasing others.
I
 forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people will become unpleased with me due to my behavior in the past/present/future.


I commit myself to look practically at my behavior, and to stop basing the value of what I do upon how others react, and instead I commit myself to assess my behaviour for myself as to whether or not it is self-honest.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being liked by others outside myself.

I commit myself to base Who I Am on my actions/words/deeds, without fear of how they may or may not be perceived.


I commit myself to learn and understand how I create myself and to take complete self-responsibility for myself as my creation I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others are judging me in their minds.

I commit myself to realize, see and understand that I am not a mind reader, and within this, that I can never really know what others are thinking and that it does not even matter so long as I accept me and stand within who I am as Life Here, equal and one.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when I think others are judging me in their minds or their words.


I commit myself to stop wasting my time taking things personally and in so doing, take myself back from the fear that I accept/allow myself to exist within and as. Within this:


I commit myself to take myself back from fear by not accepting or allowing fear to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as who I am, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

I commit myself to stand as who I Am regardless of what others may think.


I commit myself to take myself back from participating within and as self-reflection onto others by stopping and changing my internal reactions, instead of believing them and judging myself based on my perceptions, ideas and beliefs, thus I commit myself to continue walking my self-change.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to please people.

I commit myself to stop trying to please others as abdication of my responsibility to myself by placing it upon them to ‘make’ me feel good/positive/right, thus placing within them also the power to ‘make’ me feel bad/negative/wrong.

I commit myself to take myself back from pleasing others by stopping the energetic internal experience of good/positive/right, and bad/negative/wrong, by realizing, seeing and understanding that there is only that which is best for all and that which is self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed my ego with positive energetic feelings when I think/believe/perceive I have pleased others or others are pleased with me.

I commit myself to walk out of energy as ego by becoming equal to and one with it and changing as it by stopping my participation within/as it and directing myself to instead be equal to and one with the physical reality we all share and with everyone that shares it.

To be Continued...

Day 89- It's Not You, It's Me

It’s Not You, It’s Me

Today I had a big point open up when I thought I was confronting someone about possibly judging me. ‘Confronting’ might not be the right word, because I actually was speaking my back chat or internal voice, in order to ‘put it out there’ to be discussed, because I couldn’t see clearly what I was missing. First of all, I know damn well that worrying about what another is thinking is always me projecting myself onto another. But I was SOOOO convinced that it was the person making me feel bad because of what they ‘might have’ been thinking. So I said that, and the person did NOT accept this shit from me. Normally I would have argued and defended myself, but because I have been practicing self-honesty and listening/hearing, I shut up within myself and listened to the other person’s perspective.  

 What I realized is that this has been a pattern play-out in my life for a really long time. It is self-judgment, wherein over time I have seemingly small, judgmental thoughts about myself, like, oh, my nails look bad, I’m gaining weight, I slept in too late, I didn’t get enough done today, etc… and then I start feeling insecure, and then I’ll start projecting the judgment, by thinking little things like, “I should put this away or he’ll think I’m lazy,” “these pants are too frumpy, he’ll think I’m sloppy,” “I should do more or she’ll think I didn’t get much done today,” etc… Then, when the person is in my midst, I’ll think they are thinking these things about me, and get super self-conscious, but they are not even thinking these things! I would have to be a mind-reader to know the thoughts of another, and anyways- what would it matter what another is possibly thinking? It doesn’t. This all seems really obvious now as I write it, but throughout my life, I have done so many things for fear of what the other ‘might’ think. Sometimes I have had entire relationships in which I have been entirely dictated by this pattern to the point where I don’t even want to be around the person anymore. And because it seems so real to me, I never realized that the judgment was coming from ME, not the other person!

            So, the point that opened up within these realizations is just how judgmental I actually am towards myself. I have an extremely high, even unreasonable standard that I hold myself to, where if I do not achieve perfection, I judge me. So I’m really hard on myself in this way. I’m not even what’s called a ‘type-A personality’, because the way it manifests for me is defeat- wherein I just end up mostly giving up and feeling like “what’s the point- it’s unobtainable- it’s too much work- etc..” which is an attitude that just perpetuates the self-judgment, because I then end up doing less than I am able.

            Within all this, I see that I have to be more gentle with myself, so that I can function from a starting point of self-care and self-consideration, so that I can actually be more effective, and also be able to be and express myself and enjoy the people I spend time with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and participate in my backchat and self-talk to the point where it influences who and how I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed backchat and negative self-talk to exist within and as me, wherein I, throughout the day, make positive or negative judgments about myself in relation to others and the world, thus defining myself as ‘good; and ‘bad’ within my mind, and then confirming my judgments constantly and continuously through/by projecting my self-judgments onto the behavior of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my backchat and negative self-talk onto others in my life and world, because it influences who I am around others wherein I am trying to control their perception of me and thus, my perception of myself, instead of changing myself actually, and BEING who I am instead of perceiving who I am in relation to people, places, things, and events outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for ‘judging me and making me feel bad’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I have only been judging myself and being unreasonable with my standards and expectations of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to myself by projecting my self-judgment onto others, and instead of changing I avoided the other, or tried endlessly to ‘be perfect’ in order to not be judged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘being perfect’ as not feeling judged by others, because I see, realize and understand that the mind will constantly and continuously judge unless it is directed with awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not define ‘being perfect’ as being aware of myself and that which I create, and directing myself and that which I create according to the principle of doing unto others as myself, and being one and equal to myself.

            To me, this character seems like a ‘people pleaser’, so I will take apart and forgive this character in my next blog.