Day 247 - Redefining Nourishment

I was looking at the word ‘nourishment’ because it is a word which, when I hear it I get a tingly sensation in my body, like “YES!”, “DO THIS!”. I have seen that when I am cared for and supported by self and others, I tend to move and grow well, but when I am left stagnant, when I abandon myself and let myself drift along, I wither and my life falls into somewhat of a chaos. When I feel uncared for or abandoned by others, it highlights my own tendency to lack self-care and abandon myself.

Care, support and ‘nourishment’ from others is great and amazing, but it cannot be depended on such as a situation where we are constantly abandoning ourselves and depending on others to always come to our rescue, pick us up when we fall and be that support in time of need. We have to be able to do this for ourselves, where cultivating and nourishing relationships of support with others is a natural outflow of our own self-relationship of self-cultivation, self-nourishment and self-care.

To clarify, abandoning self would be letting little things slide in one’s life. Whether it be internal points that require attention, definition and direction (feeling and emotional points interfering in one’s life), external points such as daily maintenance (diet, exercise, hygiene, care for one’s belongings etc), consistency (in scheduled structure, stability or maintaining an orderly environment for example). I have noticed that when I abandon myself, I start letting these things go in some degree, where when all the small points accumulate, it feels like my life and world are falling into chaos and all the little points add up to what seems like an overwhelming amount of things that need tending to. 

This seems so overwhelming, simply because I hav abandoned myself inside myself, and therefor I feel I have nothing to hold onto for assistance and support – the assistance and support I am able to give myself during these times, but due to a fall into thoughts, perceptions, ideas and belief, I rather create an internal and external reality of lack of self-care and self-nourishment, and feel helpless and powerless to make a change.

Another clarification would be the distinction between self-care and self-nourishment. Self-care would be the daily maintenance: making sure I eat, keep my room and home orderly, keeping up with hair, nail, oral and body hygiene etc… whereas self-nourishment is more about what I eat (which I decide based on testing out different foods/supplements, seeing my body’s reaction to different things at different times, seeing what works, what I like, what supports me), how I set up my room to support my work/rest/recreation, what products I use for hygiene and why I chose them, and so forth. 

Even the acts of testing, research, trial and error are aspects of self-care that lead to proper self-nourishment when the best results are found and implemented.

What is interesting here is that I sometimes have resistance to both self-care and self-nourishment, due to the point of me not really fully caring about myself for real still coming up as a point for me in those moments of self-abandonment and retreat. It is when the self-judgments are triggered and emerge, ancient points of self-loathing and self-hate that I had created within myself over time based on self-perceptions and experiences that are long passed, yet planted seeds that took root and which I am still busy weeding from my self and living.

And so, if I continue with the garden analogy and think of myself as a plant, one that has a need for nourishment every day, and which can’t be left due to ‘not feeling like it’ or ‘not being in the mood’ without causing unnecessary consequences and set-backs to growth.

Looking at the word ‘Nourish’

I hear in it’s sound: New Rich

Within this, I see that every new day holds the possibility of abundance to be had, so long as one is willing and able to move self to take it or create it.

Every day is new, we do not have to be prisoners of our pasts.

Richness can be seen like a rich soil – an environment that provides everything necessary for growth. 

This, for me, means an environment where I have a proper diet and exercise, relationships of trust and support, a certain amount of structure and orderliness within which I can work, also fun and recreational activities, and then opportunities for challenges and learning as well. This, to me, is a rich environment, and all of these things are within my ability to cultivate, create and grow in my life.

I also see the potential for eternal expansion, where ‘new riches’ can and must be cultivated and discovered every day.

In conclusion, self-nourishment is the act of cultivating a rich environment within which I will grow best. I can begin implementing my solutions to the self-abandonment and the chaos that ensues by taking the simple steps or picking myself up and organizing my environment and life again after a fall, and to push myself to develop the consistency required to truly live the word ‘self-nourishment’.

Day 210 - Making Your Space a Home: Redefining and Living the Word 'Home'

This blog is part of a process of self-change that I am walking. The process is multi-faceted, some aspects are very structured, others are not, kind of like life. This particular part is structured, where I choose a word that I am not effectively living, break it down, and re-define it to a way that is supportive.

I found myself feeling out of place within the various homes I have occupied over time. I noticed certain friends of mine or people I meet sometimes seem to make a place their own more easily than I had managed in my life., but the truth is that I never really looked at this or asked myself if it was something I can change... until now.

I’ve moved around a lot in my life, and every time I would arrive at a new location I would have projections about what it would feel like to live there, and I would hold an optimistic outlook on how my life would be and how I would make this new place my home. I would settle in over time, but as time passed I would never quite be able to create this feeling I was looking for, the feeling of being ‘at home’.

The repeating cycle that would occur is that the new apartment would become messy and disorganized and financial and other stresses would inevitably arise and plant their roots in my mind and thus be reflected back to me by my environment. Soon most things in the house would cause a negative reaction in me, such as anxiety for example, as I would see things I was neglecting or unfinished projects I would judge myself for having abandoned.

Slowly, over time I would lose my authority in the situation, as I would lose authority over myself and my actions, and this unfortunately leads to a lack of order and direction, which creates an environment that is not conducive to healing, growing or expanding. This environment is actually more conducive to perpetuating anxiety, overwhelmingness and other self-limiting patterns, wherein I become the product of the environment I have created, instead of the environment becoming the product of me as I create myself into someone that is striving to meet their utmost potential.

In this blog I’ve taken up looking at this word ‘home’, and I have decided that it is time for me to decide how I am going to re-define the word ‘home’. This way, I can apply that definition into my daily living, thus creating a living word for myself, wherein slowly over time, one word at a time, I will create a ‘living vocabulary’ and thus, a new life for myself on My Terms – not the terms of the disorder.

The word home, a defined in the dictionary, means:

1.       the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household:

      

Sounding out the words (what hidden words or phrases can I see within the word?)

HOnor ME - (home is a place where I honour myself, and my internal/external environment should reflect that)

HOne in on ME - (Home is a place that I know in the utmost detail, and when attention is needed somewhere, I hone in on it. If something requires attention and is not getting done, I first hone in on me – my mind – to check why am I not moving myself to tend to the task)

HarmOny in ME ( Home is a place where I create as little friction as possible, where events and play-outs are directed by me in a way that creates them to be beneficial to me, supporting and nurturing my growth and development).

HOusing ME ( Home is the physical location that is housing me, whether it is in my body or my house, and it therefore requires to be physically maintained: kept clean, tidy, organized, well presented, and practical for me).

I like how in the ‘sounding out’ of the word I see a focus on ‘me’, before only considering the physical location, because this way home can be wherever I am. The dictionary definition states that a home is the place where one lives ‘permanently’. 

This can be complicated for someone in my situation who has for so long been living temporarily in different locations. If I were to limit myself and my experience to the dictionary’s definition, then I may react by feeling things like lost, homeless and self-pitying, because, according to the dictionary definition, I don’t have a’ home’! This can potentially be disempowering, because it’s important to have a place and a space within which to grow and be grounded, and without one I feel ungrounded and like I have no place, This is the kind of potential consequence of not fully investigating the words we are living and defining ourselves according to.

I would like to instead Empower myself by creating my own definition for the word home. This new definition is not just a physical location; it is a living and a doing, internal and external. ‘Home’ is actually who and how I am within myself, and the physical location is simply an extension of myself, so that by extension, it also becomes my ‘home’.

Home:

Orderly – I have a place for things and I address and tend to all components as necessary.

Safe – it is a safe place/space because as I establish the environment I want to create, such as developing self-acceptance (no judgment) and self-discipline (stopping OCD patterns, keeping everything in order etc), my mistakes, falls and slip-ups are immediately forgiven, and the slate is clean for me to learn from the experience and try again. In my home environment, internal and external, I forgive myself, I learn, I expand.

Directed - Home is where I prioritize what needs to get done, and I move myself through the tasks. This is Self-direction, where I am the one that assesses my home’s needs – my body as food, water, exercise, relaxation etc… my house as groceries, cleaning, decorating etc… in my home, I push myself to get everything that needs to get done, done.

Update:

I have really enjoyed living this re-defined word. I have been making spots for everything in my environment, and pushing to stay consistent with putting items back in their place. I have made some small investments into decorations, candles, plants and furniture that I chose from a starting point of creating my space as my home.

The process of self-change is not an instantaneous one, and I know it will take time. But already I am experiencing myself differently in my environment. It is warm and comforting and I do feel at home there, more so now than ever. I also find myself doing more constructive things in my space, which is always cool. Greatful to have learned the process of re-defining and living words, as I have expanded my living vocabulary to include more words to support me at work, out with friends, and while I'm alone with tasks and obligations.

Check out this video on redefining words, and how it can change YOUR life!

How can you practically redefine words within yourself and your life? How can you practice and expand yourself within Living Words? Why is it important to practice redefining words in preparation for learning how to effectively live them and make them a part of yourself and your everyday life?

And this Amazing EQAFE support: 

Home & Everything in it - Relationship Success Support 
 "How does your home environment become an extension of you?
What happens on a Quantum Physical level within you when you see each item that you have in your home environment?
Why does the way that your partner interacts with the things in your home environment have the potential to have a significant effect on you?"

 

Day 133- I'm Out of Control

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest an energetic experience of uncertainty within and as me, which I use as an excuse not to move forward and move on, but rather languish and stagnate in the moment in fear, not thinking clearly or practically, but rather just ‘stuck’ in place, not knowing what to do next or how to do it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create uncertainty when I have to move on to the next task, because I do not really want to move on and do the next task, I would instead prefer to escape the responsibilities of the moment which I do by creating somewhat of a ‘shut down mode’ wherein I lose all directive principle and instead create this entire experience of uncertainty which is an energetic experience from which I have much difficulty moving and directing myself within.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within moments/tasks/responsibilities that I find difficult/boring/unending, to try /attempt to escape those moments by rejecting/avoiding the process I would need to take to properly/practically finish up and move through the task in order to figure out my next steps and begin working towards the next task.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the energetic experience of ‘uncertainty ‘to sabotage myself to not completing the life tasks that are necessary to attend to, which creates consequences in my life and world that cause me to feel ‘out of control’, wherein, when and as I am ‘out of control’, I disempower myself from taking self-responsibility and also give myself an excuse to seek out not actual control, but the energetic experience of control, which I derive from participating in certain specific ‘bad’ habits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to

manipulate my entire experience of myself in ways which create cycles of ‘loss of control’ which build up over time and accumulate into something that I experience as ‘big and overwhelming’, when in fact I actually know exactly how to stop it through practical application, and exactly the consequences of NOT stopping it, yet I do it anyways to justify and validate feeding my energetic addiction to the EXPERIENCE of control (and not actual control).