Daily Osho Card Reading: TRAVELING - Day 16 of 21

“The tiny figure moving on the path through this beautiful landscape is not concerned about the goal. He or she knows that the journey is the goal, the pilgrimage itself is the sacred place. Each step on the path is important in itself. When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much. The Traveling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.”

The question I asked myself when pulling this card was: “How can I better define the process I am walking, through pain, intense emotion, and migraines?”

The support I derive from the card is a shift in focus: from concentrating on ‘stopping the migraines’, for example, to focusing more on the process I am walking to get there.

I have been doing daily writing and getting serious about looking at and changing my programed automatic behaviour. The prominent point has been about how I go about working, not specifically at a job, but an task, responsibility or obligation. It feels as though I have been going waaay to easy on myself, but that is because I had defined the above words within and as a ‘struggle’, ‘toil’ and ‘laborious’, instead of seeing that yes, there are challenges, but there is also fun, enjoyment and a state of ‘relaxed’ that I can bring into the mix. 

I felt as though if I wasn’t struggling, I wasn’t working. I did find that I do like a constant challenge, but what I needed to do was to change the way I face those challenges. Because with the way I have been operating, I was creating bigger resistances, losing the fun and enjoyment that is possible, and creating pain and discomfort in my body.

So, with this card, I can see that I can rather focus on the process, finding the points and correcting them in a more balanced way, giving myself the time to really integrate that correction instead of focusing on the end goal, continuously asking myself: “is it working?”. Because I can see that if I focus too much on a desired outcome, I will miss the process, the traveling and the journey, and that is really important stuff. Rather focus on the process, and take note of the results that do come, in order to see if they are what’s best.

Note: I am walking a process of self-change using the tools of support offered by www.Desteni.org. I am taking the course called DIP Pro. In this course I learn how to take every day moments and find ways to make myself a better, more understanding and well rounded human being, the kind of human being I would like to see in this world. "Be the change you want to see" is a cool saying, but actually doing it is a bit more confusing because people tend to believe that you can't change human nature. I believe you can, because I have seen myself changing to someone I've always wanted to be. Not there yet, but my motivation is fueled by the proof I have given to myself, which I have documented online every sep of the way, in my blogs and on youtube. DIP Pro requires serious dedication and commitment, it is ot for the faint of heart. If you want to test the waters for yourself, try the Lite version, it's called DIP Lite, and the best part is, it's free! Why? Because Desteni puts individual self-change above profit. Why does DIP Pro cost money? Because it costs money to exist in this world, and takes a dedicated team to run the program. Otherwise it would also be free.
Visit www.Desteni.org

Day 234: How I Applied Osho's TOTALITY into My Daily Living

Here is the support structure I set up for myself in my previous blog, based on the Osho card TOTALITY:

"To support myself, i will create a structure for the day, meaning, I will decide a couple of tasks to do to define and organize my time, and to give myself chunks of time to work with to break up the day into sections. This way, I will know very clearly what is the task at hand, so that when it becomes difficult, I can remind myself where my focus and attention should be, and I will move myself according to my plan (remaining flexible, of course), and not go into the wallowing experience that can throw me off track in a moment of 'absentness'."

My plan was to cook a buffet style breakfast for my busy household in the morning. We have two families here, as well as two international guests, Lauri from Finland, and myself, from Canada. The other members of the communal living space are Belgian and South African. With such a busy house, meal preparation is greatly appreciated, and fortunately, I love to cook!

I applied the support I gave to myself in my previous blog, where I focused on the task at hand, yet I didn't place any expectations or demands onto myself. Although I enjoy cooking, it had become, over time, an area of my life where I had accepted and allowed stress and anxiety to come in, where I would get too caught up in making the perfect dish, I would fear negative reactions, and I would work myself up into a bit of a frenzy of rushing and fearing making a mistake - a very unfortunate pattern that was taking away something I really enjoyed.

It may seem small - but if we can't remain stable during something as common and simple as cooking then how can we expect ourselves to know how to stabilize ourselves in the bigger tasks in life? I had began a process with cooking and keeping a cool head, because although I can cook for myself with no issue, cooking for a crowd presented new challenges. Those efforts paid off, because as I was applying TOTALITY, meaning 'enjoyment', 'focus', 'attentiveness', I was also applying all the support I had given to myself in terms of the thoughts and reactions I would normally go into when cooking for a crowd.

To take some of the pressure off, I did a 'buffet style' breakfast, and told the crowd they only had to make their own toast to go with it, which meant I didn't have to do it, so that people could come and serve up when they were ready. Normally I would 'do it all', but here I made a slight alteration and delegated some tasks to make it more manageable. I cooked low and slow, planned ahead, got all my materials and first visualized how I would do it. And it went great - meaning, I enjoyed myself, got a nice meal, others got a nice meal too, and we sat down and had breakfast together, which is rare, and cherished for me.

That night was my cooking night. I decided to make fried chicken - which I have never made before. Having learned from experience, trying something new can be risky when feeding a hungry crowd that has been working all day. For dinner, I was cooking for the entire farm, not just my house. That night, there was such a fierce storm that it knocked over a tree and hailed. I continued cooking, feeling like there was an apocalypse going on around me, not knowing if the power would be cut part way through. I told myself I would cross that bridge if I got there.

Note: I am walking a process of self-change using the tools of support offered by www.Desteni.org. I am taking the course called DIP Pro. In this course I learn how to take every day moments and find ways to make myself a better, more understanding and well rounded human being, the kind of human being I would like to see in this world. "Be the change you want to see" is a cool saying, but actually doing it is a bit more confusing because people tend to believe that you can't change human nature. I believe you can, because I have seen myself changing to someone I've always wanted to be. Not there yet, but my motivation is fueled by the proof I have given to myself, which I have documented online every sep of the way, in my blogs and on youtube. DIP Pro requires serious dedication and commitment, it is ot for the faint of heart. If you want to test the waters for yourself, try the Lite version, it's called DIP Lite, and the best part is, it's free! Why? Because Desteni puts individual self-change above profit. Why does DIP Pro cost money? Because it costs money to exist in this world, and takes a dedicated team to run the program. Otherwise it would also be free.
Visit www.Desteni.org

Of course, the chicken took much longer than the recipe stated, I almost caught the oven on fire and had to halt production to let it cool down and clean it, only to realize the chicken I had served to half the crowd was under-cooked! I had to embrace my fear of giving worms or food poisoning to my friends, and embrace the fact that dinner was 2 hours late and served in separate courses instead of all-together, and despite all of these hiccups, I found the entire situation quite hilarious, feeling light within myself and capable of handling things as they came.

Today, no one woke up with any signs of food poisoning, and everyone thought the chicken was very tasty! I do have the advantage of living with a group of patient, self-responsible and very forgiving people!

Osho Card reading of the Day - Day 15 of 21: TOTALITY

"These three women are high in the air, playful and free, yet alert and interdependent. In a trapeze act, nobody can afford to be a little bit "absent" even for a split second. And it is this quality of total attentiveness to the moment at hand that is represented here.
We may feel there are too many things to do at once, but get bogged down in trying to do a bit here, a bit there, instead of taking one task at a time and getting on with it. Or perhaps we think our task is "boring" because we've forgotten that it's not what you do but how you do it that matters.
Developing the knack of being total in responding to whatever comes, as it comes, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Taking one step through life at a time, giving each step your complete attention and energy, can bring a wondrous new vitality and creativity to all that you do."

The question I held within me while pulling this card involves the emotional experience I woke up into yesterday. I managed to direct my day despite the experience, yet it was persistent and came back at night, right as I was getting ready for sleep. I reminded myself not to engage with it, just to feel it. I saw the temptation of thinking and connecting the experience to thoughts and wonderings, but I simply felt it and let it be.

When I woke up today, it came back, and I realized this was premenstrual syndrome activating within me. This is where I become very aware of my emotional body and feel it quite extensively for about a week. This emotional body is always there, but it is placed in the forefront of my awareness during this time. I used to see this as a curse, but I have changed my perspective to look at it as a blessing, as I get to see, examine and direct these experiences directly during this time.

So, my question was: "How can I best support myself when dealing with an intense emotional experience over a period of time" (rather than in fleeting moments)?

I am able to derive much support from this card, because I see that if I remain vigilant, alert and attentive, I can direct the experience throughout the entire week. I simply need to take what I did last night, and apply in in every moment. I am familiar with this 'alertness' or 'attentiveness', I can recall living this word when driving in a snow storm or during a busy and pressing time at work. What I need to do now is expand myself as this word, into my moment-to-moment living.

To support myself, i will create a structure for the day, meaning, I will decide a couple of tasks to do to define and organize my time, and to give myself chunks of time to work with to break up the day into sections. This way, I will know very clearly what is the task at hand, so that when it becomes difficult, I can remind myself where my focus and attention should be, and I will move myself according to my plan (remaining flexible, of course),  and not go into the wallowing experience that can throw me off track in a moment of 'absentness'.

Within this, a focus on breath and movement is crucial, as well as going easy on myself and even finding some enjoyment within what I am doing.

Daily writing has been an unbelievable support, because the points I have uncovered and began walking this past two weeks will play a big role in the self-support I will be able to live for myself. I am so grateful for the tools of writing and corrective application, as it not only prevents unpleasant consequences in my life, but also assists and supports me to enjoy myself more in my daily life.

I will walk my correction today and report back any findings, obstacles or triumphs.

 Thanks for reading!

Note: I am walking a process of self-change using the tools of support offered by www.Desteni.org. I am taking the course called DIP Pro. In this course I learn how to take every day moments and find ways to make myself a better, more understanding and well rounded human being, the kind of human being I would like to see in this world. "Be the change you want to see" is a cool saying, but actually doing it is a bit more confusing because people tend to believe that you can't change human nature. I believe you can, because I have seen myself changing to someone I've always wanted to be. Not there yet, but my motivation is fueled by the proof I have given to myself, which I have documented online every sep of the way, in my blogs and on youtube. DIP Pro requires serious dedication and commitment, it is ot for the faint of heart. If you want to test the waters for yourself, try the Lite version, it's called DIP Lite, and the best part is, it's free! Why? Because Desteni puts individual self-change above profit. Why does DIP Pro cost money? Because it costs money to exist in this world, and takes a dedicated team to run the program. Otherwise it would also be free.
Visit www.Desteni.org


 

Osho Card Reading - Day 14 of 21: SORROW

I pulled this card yesterday when I woke up feeling absolutely miserable. It is amazing what our emotions can throw at us for seemingly no reason at all. at least that what it feels like, but the thing is, there is ALWAYS a reason - one that can, without fail be traced back to ourselves, our life and our living.

This emotion felt like a prickly ball that was sitting right in the center of my body. Thankfully I recognized it for what it was, simply a feeling, an energy, and not the truth of me. The sensation was physical, but if I can give it a voice and words, tt felt like a 'what's the point', 'I can't do it all', 'I am bound to repeat the same old patterns of falling into a slump and it taking days or even weeks to get out of it'- a future projection of doom based on my subconscious knowing of all the chain reactions that could take place to lead me into a slump, because I had been there so many times before.

If I had accepted and allowed this self-talk to become me, I would have sealed my fate in a self-fulfilling prophecy. I would have gotten up, dragged myself, avoided responsibilities and wasted a day within living it as a day of self-abandonment, self-abdication and self-defeat.

Instead, I sought self-support with drawing an Osho card. I did this knowing my technique is not to depend on the cards, or use them to tell me what to do, but rather as a tool of self-introspection. It is giving myself a challenge to look at my situation from a certain perspective I may not have otherwise seen or considered.

The card I pulled was SORROW. It spoke about Buddha's right hand man mourning the death of his idol. His sorrow was so profound that he questioned his existence, because he thought that without the Buddha, he would never attain enlightenment. After meditating on the point all night, he realized that his greatest weakness, if he acted properly, could be his greatest strength. And it was from within the depth of his sorrow that he was able to attain enlightenment.

Personally, I do not believe in enlightenment as it is commonly defined, but the card was so very specific in the support I was able to derive from it. I realized that if I could pick myself up from this place, and push myself to stand up from within it, not accepting and allowing my mind and emotions to have dominance over me, that this point of feeling at the lowest of lows could instead be a moment of great triumph.

I have stood up from within great challenge in the past. Those moments where there is no other way, it is a make-it-or-break-it type moment where the consequences are staring you dead in the face. These are difficult moments where the choice is simple. But the moment and experience in my day yesterday was something different. It was a not-so-obvious moment. It was something where the choice was there, but not screaming at me. It would have been so easy to let it slide and get away with going with the flow of my mind. Remember these indicators that I just named, because they represent an opportunity for self to create a moment of prevention - that moment where you can see the play-out, but still feel there is time and leeway,  you can get away with it - no one would know. You can even delude yourself into thinking that you can let it slide and you will pick yourself up later, when it gets worse, you will change later - *promise*. Yes, this is the slippery slope, and it is a momentous opportunity to practice living Here, changing in the moment, and not only preventing consequences, but building a new self in the process.

And so I moved my day. I would say, I moved it not as well as I could have had I woken up feeling motivated and ready to go, which remains an area I can work on wherein I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow despite how I feel mentally. But the point is that I caught the pattern and altered my direction so as not to repeat the pattern, thus contributing towards breaking the pattern, freeing myself and taking that step towards self-change. I did morning yoga, and my body felt stiff, tense and uncomfortable, whereas I usually feel light and flexible. I cleaned a room in preparation for a guest, and I did it well and did not cut corners because I was feeling shitty. I attended a meeting that my mind was busy trying to get out of due to not at all feeling like going, and the meeting went great.

It's really amazing what the mind can throw at us, which, when we submit to it, can throw off an entire day, even weeks and months. I see the chain reactions of events that would emanate from simply waking up in this experience, I see how it would build on itself and how the effects could spread into my life, creating unnecessary consequences and needless cycles of going through the same reactions and patterns that lessen me and diminish my self-relationship.

So where did this patterns come from?

 Through practicing self-observation and self-investigation over the past few months, I see that I had gone through a period of motivation some weeks ago, a 'high' that usually leads to a fall. But because I saw it, I managed to work with the 'high' in such a way that would support me to remain consistent and for my change to be sustainable.

- I saw the little details that I began to want to let slip as the motivation wore off, and I made sure to do them and NOT let the slip. Meaning, when a detail would come up, I would either do it right then, write it down, or do it when it started naggling at me.

- I set myself up with calendars, checklists and reminders, so that when the procrastination and excuse-making began to kick in, I had already set up visual accountability to remind myself of what I would remain committed to, despite how I felt.

- Instead of trying to do it all in that period where I felt motivated, I created a pace that I knew would be comfortable in the long-term, because I cannot keep up that hectic pace that I can manage when I am feeling 'up' and 'together' and motivated. So I did the opposite of what I would normally do in that time: I slowed down, enjoyed myself and my environment, and I got the things done I had set for that week, and nothing more. I trusted the accumulation effect, and not the 'all at once' 'get it all done in one moment' effect that has created problems in my life time and time again as 'highs' and 'lows', 'accelerations' and 'slumps'.

All of these steps can be improved upon, as they are all steps as a reaction or management of a destructive point I am and have been living out. If my starting point is coming from a 'problem', then living in a constant reaction and self-management is only keeping the 'problem' in place, as it is the 'raison d'etre' of why I am moving as I am. So, I am instead looking at this as a step-by-step process wherein I set up a baseline I can integrate as a first phase, with many more phases to come.

Do you see the difference there?

It is the different from moving self from a starting point of problem management, versus moving self from a starting point of taking a step towards sustainable change. One is looking forward, one is looking back. Same actions - different starting point. Realize: your starting point will always determine the outcome of your actions, either holding the problem in place, or taking a step towards real change.

So, how did my experience change from before to after self-introspection? I went from waking up on the wrong side of the bed and into a feeling of dread and not wanting to move, to seeing it as an exciting opportunity to change. Yes it was a drag and difficult and could have been better, but it was a step, a phase for me to learn from for next time when it happens again, I will move faster and smarter - until eventually, the movement is so thoroughly integrated that I just snap out of it instantly, or it ceases to happen at all. Either way, I will move... It's like a gift that keeps on giving - the gift of realizing my potential.


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