Take a Breath Before You Speak

 

“Take a breath before you speak” follows the phrase “Be silent always” within the below quote by Bernard Poolman. What I have noticed is that the effectiveness with which you are able to quiet your mind determines what you must consider in the breath you take before you speak. 

 (continued from Be Silent Always)

Thoughts, feelings and emotions cannot be trusted, yet this is what busies our minds. If something makes you feel good energetically – you can now not be trusted by Life. If something makes you feel bad energetically, you cannot be trusted by Life. If you think thoughts secretly, you cannot be trusted by Life. It is all based in self-interest - considering self only - self’s hidden fears and desires, self’s highs and lows. Self’s dopamine and serotonin levels. If thoughts, feelings and emotions are accepted and allowed to manifest and grow within people, what you see is the murders, the rape, the malice, the contempt, the pain and suffering whether physical or emotional being deliberately inflicted upon one human being by another. The fact that billions of innocent people are starving is an outflow of self-interest, and the fact that nobody actually cares is an outflow of self-interest. A child starving is the result of pure evil on a collective level, not one person is exempt.   

 So, whether your starting point feels good or feels bad, the outcome is always the same – evil, harmful, untrustworthy. Love turns to hate, desire turns to possession, attraction turns to rape. It’s only a matter of how far you chose to take it. But even in the most minutest doses, we are all collectively impulsing evil through self-interest, through valuing what we create in our minds secretly, through even accepting and allowing the seed to exist within us. How can you condemn rape if you lust? How can you condemn possession if you also desire? Anything polarized into ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ by self-interest that you participate with in your mind is a seed of evil, and is why the world and humanity exist as they do today. It is just too easy to deny and become offended by. We don’t want to see or admit it, but common-sense dictates.

In the breath you take before you speak, you have a quantum moment to clear yourself, to not speak evil, to not impulse evil into this reality through fear, spite, hate, lust, desire, or any other feeling, emotion or secret thoughts. If your mind was busy before you speak, then the slate you have to clear exist only between your two ears. You cannot be trusted to direct anything beyond that. Self First. It is a moment that you give yourself to take absolute self-responsibility for yourself, your words and their outflows. Only when your mind is silent always can you be trusted to direct the greater reality. In between these two points is the learning process which will inevitably create consequence through mistakes, failures, trial and error. Learn from consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak within and as emotion, emotional accumulation or emotional reaction, when I know that the words I speak from this starting point is like spitting venom into my reality and the people within it. Nothing constructive comes from me and from my words when spoken from an emotional starting point.

I forgive myself for participating within and as emotions when I know where they lead every time, when I know there is deception within my words, that there is ulterior motive, and within this, that my words cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak from a starting point of fear, where instead of addressing and facing the fear head on, I speak words of indirect manipulation, trying to manipulate reality into such a way where I do not have to face my fears, making the statement to myself that I cannot stand in the face of my fears, and bringing others into my game of avoidance without considering the effect this has on them, on the greater whole, and what I am impulsing into all of existence.

I forgive myself for participating in my fears, feeding them with thoughts, anticipations, imaginary worst-case scenario play-outs and who I will be within it all, bringing out my worst in my mind when I know I can be better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak from a starting point of blame or abdication of self-responsibility, thus making the statement to myself that I am not responsible for me, I cannot take responsibility for myself, and placing it upon others and them changing so that I can remain in my comfort zone and not have to face what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as a result of building myself within and as emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak from a starting point of feelings, feeling accumulation, or feeling reaction, where I feel good about something and so do not want to lose it, do not want to lose the positive energy or energy high, and so will manipulate my reality to keep me feeling this way, wherein when something or someone changes and I lose or fear to lose my positive state, I blame that someone or something, becoming nasty and spiteful, thus playing out the polarity of the positive feeling energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak from a positive energy high, not grounding my words in reality, not assessing myself and what it is I am pushing, which is only seeking to keep and maintain my positive energy high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak from a starting point of desire, desiring something outside of myself to fulfill me, wherein my words cannot be trusted because they are contaminated with desire and secretly trying to fulfill secret desires that I hold due to an experience of lack, as if something outside of myself could fulfill this lack that I myself created through denying my self-expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak within and as positive energy.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to take a breath before I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to speak so quickly that I do not give myself a moment to take self-responsibility for my words and Who I Am within them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is ‘too much to work through’ in one moment, not seeing and realizing that I can work in quantum time with my awareness through practicing self-honesty and seeing myself for real, for Who I Really Am and what it is I am busy doing, so that in that quantum moment I can make a correction and a change and be a better version of myself as the words I choose to speak.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to clear my slate before I speak, ensuring that the words I speak can be trusted by Life and by the people in my life, my world and my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘forget’ to take a breath before I speak, as if who I choose to be in every moment is unimportant, as if falling into automated autopilot programming is not a big deal and can be applied haphazardly here and there when I feel like it, instead of seeing and realizing that it is literally everything, from the very small to the existential – this is what creates Self and the reality we live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a rush/rushedness when I speak, getting the answer out as fast as possible to avoid having to see myself for real, experience myself for real, take self-responsibility for real, and instead spit my words out sloppily, contaminated, full of energetic charges for other people, my environment and reality to deal with, which always actually ends up coming back to me in some shape or form as my own consequence that I created in unawareness and will now have to walk until I get it, until I decide to finally change.

I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to try to ‘see more’, to see beyond myself, without first fully mastering myself, quieting myself, where the try and attempt to ‘see more’ is actually just a distraction from myself and having to see myself, correct myself and put in the effort, dedication and commitment to change myself for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot clearly check my words in one breath before I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress what I see and feel within myself, blinding myself from being able to clear my words before I speak.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to clear my words before I speak.

 

 

Be Silent Always (2)

 

 

This blog is continued from Be Silent Always (What is Real Silence?)

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the inner storms, the inner turmoil, the dis-ease, and the emotional states that I experience within myself are caused by the mind-noise, the lack of silence, the missed moments, the accumulation of seemingly insignificant thoughts that arise in moments, and within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress the accumulated consequence that I myself created through not remaining silent always as a real silence, not seeing and realizing the self-fulfilling prophecy of creating the very emotional states and inner turmoil, which ends up bogging me down physically and emotionally, when all along all I had to do was be Here, in each moment, like a fresh moment and a blank slate in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hang on to the mind-noise as inner chatter, repeating thoughts, repeating the same patterns over and over, reacting in the same ways over and over. Not seeing and realizing how easy it actually is to just stop, to let it all go, to take a breath and begin anew, forgive myself and move on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I am alone, there should be silence except for practical planning and direct seeing of my environment, and that anything other than this is mind-noise which always accumulates into a negative consequence with a destructive effect in myself, in my life or in the lives of others (as myself) eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hang onto positive thoughts when I know this creates a polarity which compromises me eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hang on to negative thoughts as it destroys me immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hang on to thoughts and become addicted to thoughts and thinking instead of taking a breath and walking through the slight pull every time I stop myself from participating in thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that inner-silence/remaining silent always is boring, and that within this I should be stimulated, constantly buzzing to keep me distracted and pre-occupied in a tiny bubble where all of my time and focus is invested on controlling the inner-experience that I myself am disrupting with polarized thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the control I experience when I accept/allow myself to manipulate myself with positive and negative thoughts, not seeing and realizing that I am not actually in control, the thoughts move too quickly, and so I am constantly only playing catch-up and damage-control, trying to maintain and subdue the stress levels, the anxiety levels, the fear levels, the insecurity, the uncertainty – all of the conditions I have conditioned my body into over a lifetime – thus proving to myself that actual control does not exist, only Self-Expression in the moment can carry one through on the cutting edge of time – real time, timelessness, the unpredictable, the unplanned, the things cannot be prepared for. Only Self-Expression does not accumulate destructive consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that being silent is without sound, not seeing and realizing that Life is sound, and there will be sounds, and the only ‘noise’ is reacting to those sounds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot be silent always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can’t stop my reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot quite my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot do something if I have not already done it before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a quiet mind is impossible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when my mind is quiet, I enjoy myself more.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when my mind is quiet, I laugh more.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when my mind is quiet I do more of the things that I know will benefit me, and within that self-consideration, I find fulfillment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when my mind is quiet, I can consider others more, and that within that consideration I find fulfillment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when my mind is quiet, I consider what is Best for All.

Be Silent Always (When is Silence Real?)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself, to not speak, to not pay attention to what is going on inside of me and what I am experiencing within myself as a false form of ‘inner silence’ where I will not speak, not acknowledge and therefore not have to face what and how I am actually existing as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control myself through silence, where I experience a self-control and a false sense of inner-peace because within remaining silent I do not have to actually take self-responsibility for what my mind is actually busy with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain silent on the outside, claiming ‘inner-silence’, when in fact my reality feedback of migraines and emotional/feeling reactions to situations and events clearly indicates that I am not actually silent, but in fact very busy in my mind consistently throughout the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain ‘silent’ as not voicing or expressing myself due to the fear of the feedback I may receive from my reality and within this, never learning, never expanding, not giving myself the opportunity to expose myself and so correct myself, but instead keeping secrets and secret parts of myself that comfort me to remain the same instead of ‘stirring the waters’ of Self to be able to SEE myself and what I am busy creating within and through my mind as consequences for myself, my reality and the people in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind myself from myself by keeping the old, familiar status quo of thoughts, thought patterns, experiences, ideas and beliefs which seem so comfortable and normal, and within this comfortability and normalcy, thinking and believing it is ‘just the way I am’  where I become so much in it and of it that I do not see it for what it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain silent as a ‘deafness’ to myself, where I can see in moments I am judging, comparing, keeping tally, bringing up polarized thoughts – all in order to maintain a control over my self-experience so that I feel ‘good’, ‘stable’, ‘in control’ of myself, without seeing and realizing that it is myself at work de-stabilizing, making unhappy, and feeling out-of-control because of and due to ‘remaining silent’ instead of expressing, exposing, looking, acknowledging what I am busy creating for and as myself in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘remain silent’ due to fear of condemnation – being condemned by self and others for my thoughts and thinking – believing it to be Who I Am wherein there is a guilt, a knowing that what I am busy with inside my mind is not best for me, is not best for all – not seeing and realizing that forgiveness, letting go and changing is the real door to real inner-silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang on to, clutch on to my survival technique of false silence, avoiding conflict, avoiding friction and avoiding ‘stirring the waters’ in my reality through keeping myself ‘silent always’, while in reality storms were brewing inside of me which I would ignore, suppress and push down, holding on to the storms, allowing them to fester and grow, feeling guilty and condemning myself, or feeling righteous and elevating myself, creating entire inner-realities as self-beliefs and beliefs about others that have no grounds in actual reality but seems and feel so real to me as my inner-experience left unchecked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘remain silent’ as a  fear of speaking and exposing my ‘inner-noise’ as the inner-conversations, thoughts, beliefs, judgments, play-outs, imaginations, imaginary conversations etc… because I have associated them with self-control, because in my mind I am god and have all the control, whereas if I speak, if I expose my inner-world, I can lose it, lose control of it as reality feedback will usually not align with it, not confirm it, where I will want to defend it, defend myself and my inner-reality due to fear of feeling ‘out-of-control’ and fear of walking real-time into the unknown, unknowable, unplanned, unplannable, cutting-edge of time reality that exists Here in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire to remain ‘in-control’ of myself, within and through associating ‘mySelf’ as Who I Am with what I create within my mind as my ‘safe space’ that nobody can touch, so long as I remain silent.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that a false ‘inner-silence’  is self-dishonest, and dishonest with all of those in my reality, is remaining secret and hidden instead of open and honest about Who I Am and where I am at, which would then place the steps and foundation for self-honesty, for the development of trust, for self-intimacy and real intimacy with others, for actual inner-peace, openness, honesty and communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘inner-silence’ as an ‘inner-silencing’ of the turmoil that exists within me in order to create a front of everything being ‘ok’. I am ‘ok’. “I do not need anyone”, because of not wanting to face the reactions of others and not wanting to face myself, but instead hide in an inner-silencing and then acting out in other ways, in rebelling, in escape, in substance abuse, in sex, in relationships, in pretense where I pretend everything is fine while I create an inner hell over time, with physical and emotional consequences to bear which do not just ‘go away’ if I silence them in my mind, but rather remain to remind and show that there is consequence to suppression, to denial, to avoidance, to distraction, to a numbing silence, and to pretense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘remain silent’ as a silencing of my actual experience, and live instead in pretense/pretend, in a false self that is ‘ok’, thus diminishing myself, my actual experience, and within this, distancing myself, disassociating myself with who I really am, focusing more on the pretense, surviving in pretense, living in protection and defense, distancing myself and disassociating myself from others as myself.

I commit myself to open my eyes and ears to my 'inner noise' and within this, open my heart to myself in forgiveness for what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within myself. 

I commit myself to speak myself in moments when there is something for me to express.

I commit myself to push through the fears and desire to hold on to the self-controlled silence, to step through with the courage and self-trust of knowing that so long as I share and expose me in self-forgiveness, I will be stepping out of the mind and into myself.

 

Interviews from the farm 66: When is Silence Real :: Desteni