Why We Wear Makeup and What it Says About Us

I have developed an allergic reaction to makeup, very strange.

Maite suggested I look into my relationship to makeup and take responsibility for it. I thought, ya, why not?

This blog will cover the reasons why makeup exists, why women wear makeup, what are the consequences of wearing makeup, and a redefinition of makeup to serve as a self-support.

I did a little research into the desteni material regarding makeup, why it exists and what it says about our relationship to ourselves/my relationship to myself.

I will place here what I learned along with my own additions as I sort out my personal relationship to makeup.

MAKEUP

Who are you making yourself up to be today?

I find when I apply makeup and look in the mirror and think: “hmmm, I look very pretty” I’m like YESSSSSS! Now I can be comfortable and confident around others! And it feels like these doors just open and so much of my expression comes through much more easily then if I look bad, blotchy, old and tired. In those instances I want to hide my face, don’t want people to look at me too closely because why?

Because I think they will judge me by thinking I look bad, blotchy, old and tired. So what’s so bad about that? Well, I think it means a man won’t want to be with me, then I will never get the opportunity to have a child, create a life with someone, I will end up alone, full of sadness and regret, and I will die a slow, sad and lonely death and no one will be there in my last moments.

Ok, lol! I have to laugh at myself right now. Also just in considering that it is my own critical eyes looking at me and judging me in these ways.

Furthermore, I feel like I will be viewed as less important, disregarded, people will not want to be around me and will actually be cruel towards me, I will be weak and helpless to do anything that brings enjoyment into my life.

This is triggering a memory of being bullied in school, where I was voted the ugliest girl in class, I lost all my friends and would walk around the school yard alone. I developed the belief that it was because of who I was and how I looked. It was really very few instances that had a dis-proportionate impact on who I was, and unfortunately, instead of embracing and accepting myself, I compromised myself by changing myself into ways I thought would be more acceptable.

I always held on to that idea that the way you look can cause a lonely and devastating life of ostracization and belittlement.  After having experienced these emotions: I changed, and the seeds were planted and grew to traits such as being a people pleaser, acting in ways that people will like me no matter what, and holding the all-encompassing fear that if I make the wrong move, people will turn on me in an instant.

Lets have a look at some information I found:

Makeup represents:

“The separation of yourself in the expression of yourself as who you are found in the starting point for the reason you wear makeup”

So basically, it is not makeup itself that is the problem, but rather the starting point for the reason WHY we wear it, and what that starting point/reason says about who we are in our self-relationship (or the relationship we have with ourselves).

Let’s look at some of those reasons:

Starting point for the reason to wear makeup

“To look prettier

To look younger

Look more beautiful

Look more presentable

Look more acceptable

To attract men-

Wanting to attract men because you don’t love yourself, don’t accept yourself, and are not grateful for yourself or your own self-expression, and so want/need/desire a man to do all these things for you.

To look better than other women

Not feeling pretty enough”

All of these reasons have reasons behind them, such as:

“No self-acceptance, no self-love

Comparison, self-judgment

Comparison to other women

Self-judgment from the perspective of not accepting or loving yourself.”

Some Self-forgiveness and I will add mine as well at the end.

“I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to accept myself, because the only way I will accept myself is if and when I wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to love myself, and because I do not love myself, I will wear makeup to attract men to be in a relationship to be loved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the construct and belief of having to be loved, instead of me loving myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup to look better and more presentable than other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and who I am, and because 

 I judge myself I would rather wear makeup to hide the judgment of me that exists within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself by wearing makeup because 

I do not accept myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider accepting myself.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider loving myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not pretty enough and I am not beautiful enough and that I am required to wear makeup to fit in with society and all the other women.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup because of the models and actors and actresses that I see on T.V. that look so gorgeous and beautiful that I also want to look like them, so I wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I look so ghastly and so ugly and so not acceptable that I have to wear makeup to be acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to wear makeup to be noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear makeup as an antennae for men, to say: “I am here”, “I am here”, “I am here”, “I have to have a relationship”, “I don’t accept myself”, “I don’t love myself”, “I can only accept and love myself when I am in a relationship”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that in wearing makeup for reasons and purposes separate from me that is of the mind, I will actually become older much faster and much quicker.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to accept my human physical body and my skin as one with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to realize that my human physical body might actually be showing something if there are pimples and wrinkles and things all over my skin, and that I am actually able to correct this through self-forgiveness and self-application in every moment, so that my physical body as me may express me as Who I Am within and as oneness and equality of and as Life.”

Now me:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that, when the way I look affects the way others treat me, act towards me or behave around me that it says something about me, my value, my worthiness, my acceptability, and my ability to be and experience ‘love’, and so I wear makeup to influence the way others treat me, act around me and behave, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it says more about the other person, their process, their self-relationship and their self-judgment that is being projected on to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by others, not being valued by others, not being worthwhile to others, and not be loved by others, and so wear makeup out of fearing experiencing these emotions that I create within myself in a try and attempt to avoid feeling them instead of facing the core and reality of myself, and within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that value, acceptance, worth, acceptance and love comes only from people outside of me and can be manipulated within and through appearance and makeup, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it comes from self first, and is then shared with other as equals, as one, as I will share my self-worth, self-value, self-acceptance, self-love with others as I share myself as an example of what it means to create and live these words as self for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other women and compare myself to them in terms of appearance enhanced by makeup, instead of seeing through the makeup, through the skin-deep layers, and into the depths of the being that every woman is, equal to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the only way I can feel confident, open, comfortable and expressive is if I look better by wearing makeup, because it affects the way others treat me, thus making the statement that Who I Am depends upon how I am treated by others outside of myself, instead of grounding myself into myself, with clear self-understanding and self-direction within and as the starting point of my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceived that I am unlovable, that no one would ever love me, want to be with and create a life with me if they saw me for real, due to the fact that I had never loved myself for real, as I am, and so I hide the perceived flaws and imperfections internally, behind personalities and characters, and externally behind makeup, in order to attract someone that will love me FOR me, because I had never given nor developed self-love for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I am unacceptable, that no one would ever accept me as I am, and thus manipulate and contort myself into something and someone that I deem as more acceptable, including wearing makeup, so that others will accept me FOR me, as I had never created nor developed self-acceptance for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of makeup because I fear letting go of the feelings it gives me, feelings of the comfort of hiding, of confidence, expressiveness, high, better-than, etc…  as if those expressions were caused and created by makeup itself, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am the cause and creator of everything I experience and so I am the one that decides which expressions I live and experience myself as, and I do so based upon what is best for me as best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need and desire to wear makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having makeup to wear and fear having to be seen with a bare face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone because I think/believe/perceive the only way I will experience love and acceptance is within and through a relationship with another, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can live self-love and elf-acceptance, becoming whole, independent and completely self-responsible for my self-experience and self-relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying alone, lonely and full of regrets and remorse, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only real regret and remorse comes from never having developed a whole and complete self, a fulfilling self-relationship, self-love and self-acceptance, with a focus on self-expansion and self-growth and walking a process towards realizing my utmost potential in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other women, experience jealousy and envy towards beautiful and gorgeous women, within the thought, idea, perception or belief that their lives must be perfect, their self-experience must be only positive, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that each one is in a process, and the shallowness of basing self on appearance is known best by those that have lived a life of beauty, become old and died and equal death as everybody else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of superiority/inferiority with other women based on who looks best, instead of realizing my equality and oneness with all beings here, starting first with self-equality and oneness.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the thought "I look pretty" when I wear makeup, and to connect that thought to a rush of positive energy, within the thought ,idea, perception or belief that I can now experience myself more positively, more comfortable, more confident and more expressive, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that these qualities exist in me already and are not dependent on how I look/looking better with makeup.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgment of others, as other looking at my face and thinking I look 'bad', 'blotchy. , 'old', and 'tired' - because it would confirm all my worst fears about myself and my appearance, which would the trigger me to fear not having the opportunity to have a relationship, a child, and a happy and fulfilling life, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can create my life in such a way to open up these possibilities as I am, by first fulfilling and completing myself, creating a stable foundation of self, so that I can create and develop a life based on who I really am, and not a picture presentation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death, instead of focusing on really living fully while I am alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying alone, instead of realizing I have always been alone, but I have always had myself Here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and look at myself through the most critical eyes in the world, instea of developing myself and my expression and letting that shine through. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that perceived 'less-attractive' people are less important, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that so long as I deem others less-important,  I am neglecting to see the truth, which is that i deem myself as less-important and live in constant fear of facing that aspect of me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to   think, believe and perceive that what I perceive as 'less-attractive' people should be disregarded, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that in wearing makeup and hiding myself, I have disregarded myself as Who I Really am and the fears that exist within nme, and the self that I have the potential to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if others perceive me as less-attractive, they will be cruel towards me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that cruelness towards others is indicative of a personal self-relationship within them, and has nothing to do with me or Who I Am, but only that of them that I am representing of them in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear only experiencing negativity if I am not perceived as 'attractive', and then feeling helpless and weak if I am not, as an abdication of self-responsibility onto others by using them to create positive energy within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself tohold on to the memory of being bullied in school, where I was deemed 'ugly', which I accepted and allowed to define myself and create my internal self-experience based on that self-definition, which caused me to believe that if one is attractive, one has a better and more positive life-experience, causing me to want to look better, wherein I would use makeup to do so and from that starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself by hiding behind makeup, within the validation and justification of my fears and beliefs about being beautiful and being ugly, thus changing myself, manipulating myself, suppressing and hiding aspect of myself due to not accepting myself Here, As I Am.

Redefining makeup:

An extension of my self-expression, to get to know parts of me in order to bring them through into my life regardless of my physical appearance.

Clearing the starting point from fear and hiding to redefining and living words.

Words I can live that I learned through wearing makeup:

Confidence

Openness

Expressiveness
Comfort

Self-care

Self-love

Self-acceptance

Click here to watch the video The Design Of Makeup coming through the interdimensional portal, for truth and understanding about how we are designed.

For more support on how to develop self-love and self-care, click HERE.

For more support on developing self-acceptance, click HERE.


www.destni.org

 The Design of Makeup

Day 222- Cesar

I hear a fumbling at my door, and in bursts a little naked firecracker named Cesar, speaking at the top of his lungs, “HEY KIM! WHAT YOU DOING?”, and before I can answer, “What you doing Kim!? You must plaaaay with me! I WANT that!”. And Cesar will come and lean on my desk, or climb into my lap and put his nose right up to mine, look into my eyes, “what you doooing?”

What a unique childhood Cesar is growing up in, growing into, and co-creating along with all of us here at the Desteni farm, now including myself as well. Sometimes I sit in my room at night and work on the computer, and I can hear snippets of conversations going on outside my door. Leila and Gian discussing challenges they are facing with Cesar, Leila and LJ contemplating parenthood, or Maite and Leila sharing experiences from the day with their children. And I listen in fascination as I am not used to such deep and profound topics, or innocent and vulnerable sharings being discussed so openly by the people I am living with. Nothing is secret here. There are no backroom conversations or guarded whispers nor groups within groups. So, when I hear these pieces of conversation, I am not being privy to some exclusive exchange, I rather feel honoured to have captured a moment of the lives of those I am living with. One such moment included Gian and Leila discussing a challenge they were facing with Cesar. I heard Gian say that their son is a creator, not a destroyer, and so he would treat him as such. I know that Cesar does destroy many things, as most children do, as he is learning the difference between ‘toys’, ‘tools’ and also electronic devices, and how to handle them differently. But when he does this Leila and Gian give him his own devices (like an old laptop), or something similar that he can take apart and learn about how it works. He has even come up with his own inventions, like a mouse that you can use from one side of the room, attached to a computer on the other side of the room. This is how they took what most would label as ‘destructive’, and turned it into nurturing Cesars creative ability. And so I am learning from them, and from Cesar, what it means to raise your child within a certain set of principles, using understanding and re-direction instead of lists of rules and regulations. Which brings me to something I heard Leila say when talking about parenting with LJ. She said “maybe I am as much Cesar’s child as he is mine.” This took the ground right out from under my feet, as I have always seen myself in the role of ‘adult’, ‘teacher’ and ‘the one that knows’. But as soon as I heard her say this, I realized everything Cesar has taught me in the short amount of time I have been here. Cesar is teaching me what it means to be patient with myself. He challenges the fuzzy logic I have lived by for so many years with one simple question: “why?”. I have been learning from Gian and Leila about explaining things in a way that makes sense. Because in reality, everything is quite simple, especially in nature, there is a sound reason for everything. It only gets complicated when you get into the mind-made systems of humanity. Like, try explaining rationally why eye-lash curlers exist, or why do certain pens have decorative bits on them. Cesar is also teaching me about persistence and getting things done. He will not let go of a point until he understands it, and can repeat it back in his own words and understanding. He usually has to hear ‘no’ several times, accompanied by an explanation until he is satisfied and will let the point go, or at least wait till he’s bigger. He can wait and be patient when he understands WHY he must wait – especially since Leila and Gian make a point to live their words, and see through the promises they have made him. There is a trust that when Leila says she will do it later – she will – every time. If not, there is always a valid reason, and then Cesar can decide to throw a tantrum, or understand – either way he will be supported back to stability through the adults around him remaining stable no matter what he throws at us. And that is another thing I am being faced with. Pure, unadulterated self-expression in every moment. One time I was responding to emails, and the internet was not working. My emails wouldn’t send and I couldn’t open my inbox after having restarted my computer. My frustration was growing and becoming unbearable. Cesar walked into my room and just screamed at the top of his lungs. Now, there were no dogs around, no one was sleeping, and the baby was in her room with the door closed. Cesar understands there are times when he needs to be quiet around sensitive ears, or consider others while they sleep. So, when I saw it was a moment where it was ok to be loud, I realized that yes, this was exactly how I was feeling. My frustration was triggered in that moment and it was made clear how much of an effect it was having on my body. So, we screamed together, and I just let it out. And that was it. Cesar just walked away, and I closed my laptop realizing there was nothing more I could do in that moment. I decided instead to do something physical to get out of my head and back into my body – avoiding a whole play out that would have normally led to a migraine and pain in my body. Cesar supported me because when he is feeling something, he brings it here naturally and deals with it as best he can and as he knows how. He does require the support and understanding of adults, where we can give him words to explain what he is going through and find ways with him to direct it. But, the thing that he can do so naturally that I struggle with, is to confront what is going on inside him in the moment. I have learned over the years, how to suppress and push down emotional experiences that I did not know how to direct. In supporting Cesar, or watching Leila, Maite, LJ and Gian support their children, I am learning to support the part of me that still has the need for understanding and direction. There is a part in all of us that is still like a child – one that requires words to express, understanding to navigate, gentleness to learn, support to direct ourselves, listening, hearing, and lots of growing pains. Since I’ve been here at the Desteni farm, I have been spending time with Cesar, and at the same time, getting to know the child within me. This way, we learn together. I get to see the world through his eyes, and he through mine. I am inspired by his maturity, independence, and fearlessness at his young age, and he gets to climb up my legs, tackle me on the bed, and just be Cesar. Happy birthday little C. I'm honoured to be a part of your life!!