Day 195- Becoming My Own Safe Haven (pt 2)

This is continued from this blog: Day194- Becoming My Own Safe Haven

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to worry and stress about moving locations.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the reality that my environment is going to change drastically.”

When and as I see that I am picturing my current location, and then picturing my future location, and then creating fear within me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability by reminding myself that fearing the situation will not change or move anything, but will rather only lead to fear-based actions and decisions, which are never beneficial. I push myself to direct one thing at a time, as I have time, until everything is tended to and seen through.

I commit myself to identify issues/tasks/responsibilities/obligations, and push myself to begin them, follow up , and see them through.

I commit myself to address the thoughts that create a reaction within me, and to determine whether action is required, or if the thought should simply be stopped in one breath and not participated within or as.

When and as I see that I am creating and manifesting the fear of change, I bring myself back to stability by reminding myself that the fear of change is the fear of the unknown, and the fear of loss.

Fear of the unknown: I commit myself to write myself out in order to get to know the unknown parts of myself and my hidden fears/needs/desires, to instead create a foundation of self-support, to assist and support myself to bring myself back to the present moment, as the present movement, and direct myself within and as the present moment and be ‘known’ to myself as Who I Am, and Why I Make the Decisions I Make.

Fear of Loss: I commit myself to write out that which I fear losing, and to use common sense to take practical steps to support myself to ensure I have the basic necessities that I require to survive, and to manage myself in order to make the most of what I have.

I commit myself to let go of my dependence on those things I fear losing that I do not require to survive, within the understanding and self-commitment, that I will give myself everything I need to live a dignified life, as I am able to with what I am able to work with in my current position in the system.

I commit myself to realize that I have defined myself by those things I fear losing, and thus I fear losing my self-definition. Within this, I commit myself to live the realization that I define me, not my environment and the people, places and things within it.

What I fear to lose:

Stable income

Close Friend

Access to the ocean, the woods, nature

Peace and quiet and open spaces

The animals

Donation-based Yoga Studio

The cafes. Restaurants and shops I enjoy

My independence

My privacy

Being foreign

Unusual cultural norms that remind me that I am a product of my culture

Friendlier People

Cheap gas/food/products

Anonymity

The fantasies and imaginings and ‘dreams’ I had created about a future here.

Summers on the beach

Going to the ocean or the woods when I feel stressed or overwhelmed or adventurous.

The cats

The horses

My coworkers/work dynamic

The experience of a small town

Open roads

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Day 138- Assertiveness and Steadfastness as Breath (pt 2)

For context as to why I am purifying and re-defining these word to living words, visit my previous blog: Day 137- Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertiveness’ to the word ‘rude’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘rude’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertiveness’ and from the word ‘rude’ by defining the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘rude’ in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertiveness’ with the word ‘angry’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertiveness within the word ‘angry’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertiveness’ and from the word ‘angry’ by defining the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘angry’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertiveness’ with the word ‘frustrated’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertiveess’ within the word ‘frustrating’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertiveness’ and from the word ‘annoying’ by defining the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘annoying ‘ in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertiveness’ with the word ‘aggressive’,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘aggressive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate the word ’assertiveness within the word ‘aggressive; in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to

fear assertive people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I can’t stand up to assertive people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that assertive people are trying to get or take something from me, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that they will in fact get or take it because I will not be able to stand up to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that assertiveness serves only to gain something or to take something from another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thin/believe/perceive that assertiveness is the same as bullying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that assertiveness is used to push people to do something they would not otherwise to, in the self-interest of the assertive person;

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that assertiveness does not necessarily have to be used in self-interest to forward/advance/improve one’s own condition at the sake of another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as ‘not assertive’ because I think/believe/perceive assertiveness as an undesirable trait.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people that I have defined as ‘assertive’ because I think they are trying to get something unfairly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize/understand that assertiveness can actually be an effective tool for change and realization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to retract and recoil within myself in the presence of assertive people or in the face of assertiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when I ‘m assertive because I think/believe/perceive that it causes others to retract and recoil within themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that assertiveness only ever takes place in self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself as assertiveness because I fear I will be taking advantage of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive assertiveness necessarily implies that others must submit.

I commit myself to asserting myself as the self that I am within, through fear and resistance and self-doubt of myself as the mind, until I am that self that stands, constant and stable in every breath.

I commit myself to stand in the face of assertiveness as equal and one as assertiveness as me, wherein I do not place myself as 'less-than' assertiveness or assertive people, but rather stand firm, stable, clear, as certain as who I am.

I commit myself to trust myself as assertiveness, and to not use assertiveness to abuse myself or others in any way whatsoever.

I commit myself to assert myself as an equal, not greater or less than anything or anyone.
 

When and as I see I am retracting or recoiling in the face of assertiveness, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to equal and one assertiveness by reminding myself that Who I Am is not decided by others manurisms and behaviours, and who others are is simply a result of who and how they have lived, which has nothing to do with me, only what I represent to them. Thus, equal and one communitcation is still possible, and if not, then not. It is a choice on both parts, and I, as equal and one as assertiveness, assert myself to be this/as this choice, by not closing myself off and putting up walls or becoming defensive. I remind myself that nothing of me can be taken by another, nothing can be diminished by another. Only I can take from me and diminish myself, and I stand clear and certain that I am stopping this now, and no longer accepting and allowing such self-abuse within me, as me.

Dictionary definition:

Assertive:
1) Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured.
2) Confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's views
3) Given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive.
Sounding out the word:

Assertiveness

sounds like: A certain highness

I would say, the word makes the specific distinction that it is a ‘certain’ high-ness because it is specifying that we generally associate ‘high-ness’ with being better-than, or some kind of

comparison with others wherein there is judgment and a ‘winner’ and a ‘loser’. Like the word ‘highness’ as in ‘your highness, the king’, wherein the king’s life is somehow seen as more important and more valuable than the ‘commoners’ or the 'peasants’. Or 'get off your high horse', because one sees oneself as 'better than' others.... Nooooo. In my definition, the ‘high-ness’ is solely a comparison within self, as ‘who am I right now’ vs ‘who I would like to be’, ‘how have I limited myself’, vs ‘how will I now push ,my limits’, and ‘have I lived for myself only’ vs ‘have I lived in such a way that I will be leaving something worth living for for the generations o come’? So, it’s cool that the word ‘certain’ is in there because it important to make that distinction.
It's also cool that the word 'certain' is in there because there is a 'certainty' within assertiveness, wherein, one would have to be certain about what is abuse, what is alligned with the principle of equality and oneness, and what is necessary to be done in each moment. Without certainty, these things are not efficient and effective. Certainty is requireed to be assertive in an efficient and effective way.

New definition of 'assertiveness' that I can live:

Wherein one no longer accepts the limited self, enslaved by the thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgments, self-doubt, etc…. of the mind, but instead bases self on the physical reality that is Here, which is superior to the mind in every way. Wherein, in self-honesty, one elevates oneself with certainty to the ‘higher ground’ of no longer accepting abuse as the status quo, which is beneath us all,. Where one alligns oneneslf with certainty to the ‘higher cause’ of equality and oneness as life, above individuality and ego. And to recognize the absolute humility of doing so, of daring oneself to be ‘nothing’ for the sake of everything.

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