From 'Super-Acheiver' to 'Frazzled-Mess', the Effects of Stress at Work: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

#EQAFEDISCOVERY

 

I have been working at a job for over 2 months now, and I had been becoming anxious about my performance as I was receiving no feedback, yet I knew I was in a probationary period where they could let me go at a moment's notice.

Finally my boss reached out to me to give me a review. According to her, I was the fastest and most accurate reviewer on the moderating team, and they wanted to give me more hours because I rarely made mistakes and moved quickly through the work. I hadn't received feedback because I was "the least of her concerns", was "the best one on the team" and so on like this to the point where I began to feel embarrassed by the flattery.

These were of course, the words I had always wanted to hear from a boss, or any authority for that matter, and I could hardly believe my eyes as I read them. "The best", "fastest", "most accurate". As I breathed them in and placed myself neatly onto a little pedestal in my mind, I didn't realize that I was setting myself up for a fall.

Now I had something to lose, a reputation to keep, couldn't afford to look like I didn't know what I was doing. Before that, I had been humble, trying my best, asking questions not afraid to show I did not know the answers. Now I was 'the best one' that 'never made mistakes'... I suddenly felt as though

I couldn't live up to my own reputation!

Then things in my life moved around a bit, with money and big decisions to be directed, and all together it triggered a serious 'stress' response in me. I could no longer focus on the work, would forget each piece of information as I moved on to the next, became fidgety and irritable, looking for distractions as I worked, and began displaying all the symptoms that had in my past labelled me as having 'adult ADD' by a psychiatrist.

When I looked back on my life, I noticed this very same pattern: I was the best runner at my level, until I made it to the provincial level and experienced the stress of real competition, and I choked. I was the best soccer player on my team, until I got old enough where soccer all of a sudden become a serious 'school pride' thing, now with pressure to perform, and I became the worst player. I started at my last job with a splash, and got a promotion before my colleagues that had been there for years before me, and ended up by having a breakdown from the stress.

I even developed a fear of survival point, where I hold the belief that I cannot provide for myself in this world with the system the way it is, because as soon as there is stress: I break.

And so begins my journey of finally taking on the point of stress creation in my mind, because I see that if I don't take on this point, this pattern of great falls will continue. I also see that despite my past falls and breaks, I did display a potential to be effective, and that is something worth fighting for.

My journey begins with the Atlanteans "Stress: The History, Origin and Nature". In this recording, the system, design and emotional experience of stress is broken down and explained. Interestingly, it begins in childhood, when our beingnesses, which are comfortable and content, react to the initial seed of unexpected and unexplained fear, for which we are completely unprepared! That 'unpreparedness' and 'unexpectedness' creates a stress response within the beingness, and then of course our physical bodies react as well. We live with this unquestioningly until it develops into an entire personality later in life - one with its own thought patterns, reactions, behaviours and so on, like an entity that takes over! This would explain how I go from a 'super-achiever' to a 'frazzled mess' as soon as my stress response is triggered and takes hold!

I have begun this journey by doing self-forgiveness on the first fears I can remember, and also on my response to those fears. I will listen to the series and apply the practical applications in each recording, and I will dig into this point until I uproot it and find living solutions that I can apply in my life to find that point of long-term consistency and stability that I had been lacking.

Thanks very much, and if you can relate, then enjoy this recording and join me in taking on The Stress System:

Stress: The History, Origin and Nature - Atlanteans - Part 97

 

On Money and Value: micro-blog from Desteni universe

#ACTIONSHOT

I've moved into Joe's old room in the Main House on the farm now that all the people I once lived with are in Panama.

Ghost seems to love these floor to ceiling windows we now have, as he can keep up to date with the outside world from his favourite spot on the bed!

I took this picture from my spot in front of the computer during a work shift. I have been working an online job pretty much full-time, saving up to get Ghost and I to Panama, and this situation got me thinking about money and value.

I caught myself a few times looking at the cost of bringing Ghost to Panama, and trying to fit him into some kind of value system, not realizing that I had, over my lifetime, developed a money-based value system where I will ask myself 'is it worth it', or 'is it worth the money', where 'the money' was holding the intrinsic value, and the thing I am paying for has to prove it is worth it.

I would become stressed, with 'lack' and 'survival' creeping into my thoughts when I looked at it this way, with the thought of 'losing' or spending that money, even going so far as to look at Ghost and consider if he brings that amount of value to my life! I quickly caught myself, seeing that this line of thinking is what contributes to the way the world is today, where 'value' either becomes the amount of self-interest one can derive from a particular thing, and then translating that value into dollars and cents, or money itself having an intrinsic value, when it is in fact small pieces of paper that we have elevated to 'god-hood'.

So I shifted my perspective to 'this is what I have decided to do', with the money now taking a different position, more like a secondary place as the tool or the facilitator I must use to see my decision through and accomplish my goal. Ghost came into my life, and that wasn't exactly my decision, but I did decide to take responsibility for him, and in weighing all the options, decided that it would be best for him to come with us to Panama.

In this, the decision and goal becomes the Main point of value, where it's no longer about 'losing' money, but about 'gaining' or obtaining/accomplishing the goal. When I looked at it this way, I felt as though I had become 'richer' in a way - the situation becomes one of benefit rather than loss.

This realization had me reflecting back on all the times I didn't do a thing, or thought something to be 'too expensive,' and in this thinking have compromised myself and my life so many times because of the value I had placed primarily on money and self-interest (as feelings and emotions), instead of placing that value on Self and Life creation.

I cannot place a value or dollar amount on Ghost, he simply 'is', Here, existing. So my decision remains whether it is feasible or not based on market prices, and the time and energy I am willing to put in to work for the money - looking only at whether I can practically afford it or not.

Now I will include this into my understanding of money, how I work with money, and how I live the word 'money' in my life, where it becomes the means to an end rather than an end in and of itself.

I have for too long deprived myself of important, essential things, and spent too much on fueling energy, programming and self-interest because of and due to this twisted system of value I wasn't even completely aware of. Now that I see it more clearly, it's time to stop and sort it out so that I can move forward spending money on things of ACTUAL value that will contribute to support, growth and development, within reason, practicality and common sense.