Birthing Ideas from A Starting Point of Energy

I sometimes have moments in my life where I am flooded with new ideas, what seem to be very good ideas, and when I play them out in my mind I can see so much potential. In my fantasies and imagination, I can even play out best-case scenario successes and I end up getting quite excited about it, especially if the first idea I put into action turns out well.

What I find is that in this excitement energy, I just want to fully indulge myself in creating the ideas and ‘getting them out there’, which all seems fine and good, so what is the problem? The problem is that anything that is created from a starting point of energy, rather than a grounded, clear and practical approach, is bound to be met with unforeseen and unnecessary consequences in the process along the way, in the final result, in how the time and effort required to realize the idea fits in to the rest of my life, or how the idea plays out over time in the long-term.

For me, my idea was making a certain style of video that would effectively market a product, as well as get a message out into the public realm in a way that is interesting and engaging. The first video I made went well and almost ‘fell into place’ easily, it was a lot of work, but things seemed to work out smoothly. This got me quite excited and I now wanted to make many similar videos all at once, and just pump them out and get them out there. 

So within this energy, I started to make a second video. Only now, I knew within myself that I had other tasks that I had originally planned for, that needed to get done first, tasks that I was now putting aside in order ride the energy wave of excitement and pump out another awesome video. This means that, in not looking at and directing myself within my practical, current, physical reality, and instead functioning from my mind-reality, I had now decided to prioritize this new idea over and above my other tasks and responsibilities that I had previously committed to myself to do. Yes, I could do it all, but only if I could do it quickly…

This is where I started to see the consequence of ‘a starting point of energy’ playing a role. Now with the knowing that I am putting off things I should be doing, that I had planned to do, that needed to get done in order to properly set up the current, present projects that were moving in my life in the HERE and NOW, I had created a time-crunch, pressure, rush, and lack. 

So, when it came to spending time on certain time-consuming elements in the second video, I  ended up making choices that were less-then my best just to get through the point and get to the end result faster. There were certain new learning curves I faced, and instead of taking the time to walk through and process the new skill, I found ways around it and used techniques that were ‘good enough’, even leaving some things as they were simply to avoid the time required to fix them. 

So in walking a creation process from a starting point of energy, I saw that I was willing to accept and allow myself to create something that is less-than my best, which is in turn accepting and allowing limitation and preventing me from self-expansion through avoiding learning and not investing the adequate time into birthing my idea properly, fully, to my utmost potential wherein I discover what my utmost potential actually is in this moment, and then see if I can expand it some more.

The second consequence of putting an idea into action from a starting point of energy, is in how I experienced making the first video compared to the second one. The first video felt like things were just falling into place, going so smoothly and well, because the time-factor was not even an issue and so the learning process was fun and felt easy and the end results that one that I was pleased with. The excitement I experienced was real because I knew I had done my best, invested myself fully and responsibly, and the end result was one I could stand by

The second video, however, felt like things were getting stuck, not working out, more difficult. I didn’t have TIME to learn the necessary skills to achieve my vision or follow through on suggestions that I knew were good. So, the end result was something that I knew was less-than my best, I knew within myself that I had taken shortcuts and participated in avoidance, ignoring the advice of others and instead chasing the experience of excitement and satisfaction, instead of living and creating that REAL excitement and satisfaction that comes from having really applied myself fully and actually done the best I could without expectation or conditions placed upon myself.

In this, the PROCESS of making the second video was unsustainable, even if the end result was pretty good or acceptable. If I were to work in this way on all projects, not only would I not effectively learn and expand, but I would also never really feel satisfied, and in constantly chasing experiences of satisfaction and excitement and never actually creating them for real, I would inevitably end up burning out and giving up, letting it all go and not wanting to do it at all.

Lastly, when I finally did get to the other things I had to do, I now experienced myself as unfocused, bored, and a tediousness coming in, because I was lacking the energy I had been participating in from before, and now it was like a withdrawal. 

So, all in all, in having participated in an idea from a starting point of energy in the mind, and not a grounded, practical, fact-based physical reality starting point, my overall experience of myself was now polarized into positive/negative, my output was limited and less-than my best, not only in the one video project, but in other areas as well, and I missed out on opportunities to learn. All is not lost, however, as I can now let go of the energy, schedule my time properly, and continue with making my videos in a more grounded and sustainable way.

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Day 15- Anger Reactions

Today I reacted in anger when someone grew angry towards me, because I said something that the person was sensitive about. The person looked me right in the eyes and confronted me. I feared the confrontation, and instead of standing up from within that fear I grew angry. I projected this anger onto the person instead of taking self-responsibility for it by realizing that I am only angry at myself for not sticking up for myself due to fear of confrontation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak haphazardly, using many words without considering their consequences and impact upon those around me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak words without considering whether or not I can stand by them eternally.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a conversation because I found it funny, somewhat at the expense of another person.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger and project it on to another, using the excuse that THEY aren’t taking responsibility for their emotions/reactions and are projecting onto me, when I am in fact doing this very thing myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for my emotions/feelings/reactions in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger towards another instead of realizing that I am only angry with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear confrontation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for fearing confrontation instead of standing up from within that fear and changing it.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stand by the words I speak/speak words I can stand by.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear confrontation because I fear I won’t stand up for myself and will thus end up frustrated and disappointed in myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be or become frustrated and disappointed with myself when I don’t stand up for me, instead of facing myself in forgiveness, figuring out why I feel these things, rescripting myself and walking the change over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear standing up for myself because of uncertainty, wherein I feel uncertain whether what I am standing up for and as is valid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire to stand up to things/issues/situations in which I am standing up from within an energetic experience, wherein I am standing up in defense of my own ego/ideas/limitations/beliefs, instead of standing up as myself as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to access all the memories I have of times I allowed others to use me/walk on me in moments where I did not stand up for me, wherein I become angry at myself instead of forgiving myself in order that I may never allow myself to go into inferiority again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to act thoughtlessly, not without thought, but within too much thought, wherein I become distracted and ‘lost in thought’ when and as I act, so that if someone questions what I’ve done or why I’ve done something, it takes me a long time to remember why I did it, and in the time it takes me to remember I go into guilt and inferiority, just assuming that I’ve done something wrong, this creates a sense of self-victimization where I feel wrongly accused,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within inferiority and self-victimization which brings me into an energetic state within which I think/believe/perceive I am weak and I can’t stand up, instead of breathing through it within the realization that it is not real, only a self-created delusion that limits, diminishes and does not serve me.

I realize that when I speak words I cannot stand by, it’s like a form of self-sabotage which creates situations that I can get called out in, which sends me into all sorts of reactions such as anger, self-victimization and inferiority. I realize this is completely avoidable, and I commit myself to act within presence and awareness oneness and equality, in every moment.

I realize it is not necessary to stand up from within energetic experiences where I am feeling ‘defensive’ and standing up for and as my mind/ego/ideas, I commit myself to be self-honest in these situations.

I realize that when I act ‘thoughtlessly’ I will create a situation or guilt and inferiority for myself, I commit myself to bring myself back to awareness in these moments, wherein I bring myself back to awareness in order that  I may see what I’ve done so as not to repeat it.

I realize that the weakness of inferiority and self-victimization is not real, and I commit myself to stand up from within these energetic experiences until I have proven to me that they no longer exist within and as me.

When and as I see myself not standing up for me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness by doing a self-check. I check to see if I am defending my mind/ego, to see if I have acted thoughtlessly or spoken words that I cannot stand by, I check to see if I am in inferiority or self-victimization and I stop my participation from within these patterns. I remind myself to remain self-honest and humble, so that I may either walk through my consequences without reaction, or stand up for myself as life.

Day 2- I’ll never get it all done!

Today the pattern that I found most noticeable was the feeling that I needed to get everything done all at once, and I went into an energetic possession when I realized I wasn’t going to have time to do it all. I have been doing end-of-term papers for the past two weeks and have put other stuff off, telling myself I’d get it all done when I’m finished with school. School took longer than I expected and now I don’t have as much time as I would have liked. However, now that I look back on it all, I see that if I had done a little bit each day, I could have done more than I believed, which relates to yesterday’s pattern.

So, I woke up this morning and I did a lot, and I didn’t realize that I was working myself up in to a bit of a crazy woman. Actually, I was pleased that I was getting so much done, but within this pattern I tend to do too much and then burn out instead of realizing that I need to just be consistent and do a little bit every day. By the time I left the house I knew I was in an energetic possession, because my mind was all over the place and I forgot a bunch of stuff so I had to go back home, then I was unclear as to where I should go first. It took me the whole bus ride downtown, plus some more time before I was able to get myself together again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the energetic experience of ‘getting it done’ and ‘doing it all’, instead of realizing that I can only do so much in one day, and that I can only move one breath at a time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that if I rush rush rush and do it all right now, then it will make up for lost time and I will ‘catch up’ to myself (my mind) and experience a feeling of ‘being done,’ when in fact, there is always more to do and more that can and should be done. So within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to chase the mind-created idea of the experience of ‘finally being all done’ as if it is a point ‘out there’ somewhere instead of realizing that I can accomplish much while remaining Here, in the present moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate while I was busy with school, because I accepted and allowed the belief that I could ‘only handle school’ and only do one thing at a time, instead of pushing myself to be and become more disciplined, precise and effective within my daily application of myself in my life and my world within the context of all the things I have to do from day to day. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity opposite of trying to do too much, because I knew that I had been procrastinating and so I created a situation in which I sabotaged myself by allowing things to pile up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can ‘only handle school’ and ‘only handle one thing at a time’ and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within how effective I allow myself to be by existing within and as this belief. This beLIEf be a LIE I tell myself in order for me to not have to push myelf through resisting doing more that I believe I am capable of.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to gently push me and test my limits in order that I may expand those limits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify laziness with the excuse that I work really hard at school, instead of pushing through my resistances to keep up on my daily tasks when I am also doing schoolwork.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw out my school work when I have extra time because I don’t have a deadline to motivate me to push through my resistances towards learning the coursework. In this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in the mind of idleness instead of facing reality and the fact that I can move me instead of depending on the energetic ‘push’ of stress that I call motivation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny the fact that I know all too well that I am able to push me and move me, and that it is a choice when I do not do so. When I make the choice to not push me or move me I am choosing the limitations of the mind over realizing myself as life- doing nothing instead of doing everything, -wasting time instead of living (wasting life instead of living life).

I accept and allow and commit myself to, in moments of resistance when I see I have the choice, to choose life each and every single time until it is who I am.

I allow and accept myself to fearlessly face the fact that I am capable of self-movement and self-change, and that I will chose Life.

I commit to proving to myself that I am more than what I believe myself to be by walking through resistances in breathe as Life here, an when I see that I am holding a self-limiting belief I remind myself that it is not real, but only based on past experiences which are past. Who I am is Here, in the present moment where I have the power to choose Life in each breath.

I commit myself to directing myself through my entire day, and to do work consistently each day, without forgetting to also enjoy moments in my Life  within a gratefulness that I am able to do so.