Today the pattern that I found most noticeable was the feeling that I needed to get everything done all at once, and I went into an energetic possession when I realized I wasn’t going to have time to do it all. I have been doing end-of-term papers for the past two weeks and have put other stuff off, telling myself I’d get it all done when I’m finished with school. School took longer than I expected and now I don’t have as much time as I would have liked. However, now that I look back on it all, I see that if I had done a little bit each day, I could have done more than I believed, which relates to yesterday’s pattern.
So, I woke up this morning and I did a lot, and I didn’t realize that I was working myself up in to a bit of a crazy woman. Actually, I was pleased that I was getting so much done, but within this pattern I tend to do too much and then burn out instead of realizing that I need to just be consistent and do a little bit every day. By the time I left the house I knew I was in an energetic possession, because my mind was all over the place and I forgot a bunch of stuff so I had to go back home, then I was unclear as to where I should go first. It took me the whole bus ride downtown, plus some more time before I was able to get myself together again.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the energetic experience of ‘getting it done’ and ‘doing it all’, instead of realizing that I can only do so much in one day, and that I can only move one breath at a time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that if I rush rush rush and do it all right now, then it will make up for lost time and I will ‘catch up’ to myself (my mind) and experience a feeling of ‘being done,’ when in fact, there is always more to do and more that can and should be done. So within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to chase the mind-created idea of the experience of ‘finally being all done’ as if it is a point ‘out there’ somewhere instead of realizing that I can accomplish much while remaining Here, in the present moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate while I was busy with school, because I accepted and allowed the belief that I could ‘only handle school’ and only do one thing at a time, instead of pushing myself to be and become more disciplined, precise and effective within my daily application of myself in my life and my world within the context of all the things I have to do from day to day. Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity opposite of trying to do too much, because I knew that I had been procrastinating and so I created a situation in which I sabotaged myself by allowing things to pile up.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can ‘only handle school’ and ‘only handle one thing at a time’ and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within how effective I allow myself to be by existing within and as this belief. This beLIEf be a LIE I tell myself in order for me to not have to push myelf through resisting doing more that I believe I am capable of.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to gently push me and test my limits in order that I may expand those limits.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify laziness with the excuse that I work really hard at school, instead of pushing through my resistances to keep up on my daily tasks when I am also doing schoolwork.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw out my school work when I have extra time because I don’t have a deadline to motivate me to push through my resistances towards learning the coursework. In this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in the mind of idleness instead of facing reality and the fact that I can move me instead of depending on the energetic ‘push’ of stress that I call motivation.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny the fact that I know all too well that I am able to push me and move me, and that it is a choice when I do not do so. When I make the choice to not push me or move me I am choosing the limitations of the mind over realizing myself as life- doing nothing instead of doing everything, -wasting time instead of living (wasting life instead of living life).
I accept and allow and commit myself to, in moments of resistance when I see I have the choice, to choose life each and every single time until it is who I am.
I allow and accept myself to fearlessly face the fact that I am capable of self-movement and self-change, and that I will chose Life.
I commit to proving to myself that I am more than what I believe myself to be by walking through resistances in breathe as Life here, an when I see that I am holding a self-limiting belief I remind myself that it is not real, but only based on past experiences which are past. Who I am is Here, in the present moment where I have the power to choose Life in each breath.
I commit myself to directing myself through my entire day, and to do work consistently each day, without forgetting to also enjoy moments in my Life within a gratefulness that I am able to do so.