Day 51- Tempted by Love

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be tempted by the energetic experience of ‘love.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to return to the internal energetic experience of ‘love’ because it felt good and made me feel special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prioritize my experience of ‘me,’ and ‘my life, and feeling ‘special’ in a world that is in dire condition, wherein, within my participation within and asthe energetic experience of ‘love’ I am making the statement that the way Ifeel inside is more important than my commitment to myself as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desireto feel ‘special’ in a world where no one is ‘more special’ than another,because all are of equal importance and utmost importance and none should bedisregarded, left behind, left out, or not considered.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be tempted to return to ‘love’ because I can lose myself and not face myselfwithin ‘love,’ and I can return to the abdication of self-responsibility withinthe co-dependence that ‘love’ so often generates.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/desire to return to ‘love’ because then I won’t have to learn to love myself, and I won’t have to change, because another will ‘love’ me ‘just theway I am.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/desire to return to ‘love’ because it makes the world seem like a better, nicer, and even wonderful place, when it most certainly is not- it’s not about going around depressed about the state of things, but rather for reach to accept their responsibility within it, wherein- when one is lost within and consumed by the inner emotional energetic experience of ‘love’ created by the mind and experienced by/through chemical reactions within the physical body (which has nothing to do with the actual state of reality or anything real or practical whatsoever)- one is absolutely disregarding the state of the world and the suffering and abuse taking place, and one is placing oneself and one’s own internal experience which is based only on self-created experiences,  above the actual real problems that require immediate attention in this world and within self, as the separation and disregard for one’s own physical body in pursuit of energetic emotionalexperiences instead.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear hurting another within the act of my withdrawing my participation in ‘love.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I am a heartless person as I withdraw from ‘love,’ and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being seen as a heartless, uncaring person by those that may not understand what I am doing and why.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to return to the old, familiar and comfortable patterns and habits that I am used to, instead of standing up and walking and forging a new way and a new path for myself, wherein I assert mysef as the self-directive principle in my life, instead of floating along and accepting and allowing events to unfold willy-nilly wherein I sit back and react.

I commit myself to taking the wheel in my Life, as this is the only Life I have, thus it is of absolute primary importance for me to step up, step in and get physical.

I commit myself to walk throu gh any and all temptations and challenges that I may face throughout my process, wherein the temptation ofhabits, patterns and addictions will have to be walked through over and over until it’s done, which I am committed to doing whatever it takes.

I commit myself to see through the veil of ‘love’ and energy, to the actual reality of myself, physical reality and how it’s all unfolding, and where I stand within it.

When and as I see that I am being tempted to fall into and follow an energetic experience, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the understanding that I can enjoy myself with another without participating in the inner emotional energetic experience of ‘love,’ it is not necessary to  sabotage myself because I am able to self-honestly stand within and as relationships without giving up or giving in to the mind of ego and desire, to be wanted, important and special, etc… instead of valuing myself as all as one as equal. I value myself, whole, Here, and walk within self-direction as I change within relationships in my world.

Day 50- Sharing Too Much of the Wrong Thing

            A pattern I have observed myself participating within is the tendency to share too much of the wrong thing. What I mean by this is that I try/attempt to share myself, my experience etc…. with others in such a way where I am actually subtly trying to manipulate how they perceive me within the information I choose to share. The question I came to ask myself when I finally saw this was: Why? The answer I was able to provide for myself was that of fear. Because I fear the way people perceive me, I attempt to manipulate the way they see me. The reason why I would fear this is because I have placed my own self-perception and self-judgment within how I see myself reflected back to me through others. So, if someone were to react towards me within absolute disgust, in my mind I would be devastated because then I would perceive myself to be disgusting. The ironic part within all of this is that, generally, when such instances do come up where another displays judgments or reactions towards me, I am able to stand up from within them and take my power back and not ‘fall for’ the old tricks of the mind of abdication of self-responsibility through giving myself as my power away in such a way by placing it outside of myself. So I can see that this is a mind-based fear that exist more in my mind and as projections than in actual reality, wherein, if such a situation was to arise, I would not allow myself to be as affected by it because I would see it for what it was in fact, which I have proven to myself that I am capable of doing. However, there are still certain people and certain reactions/events that ‘get to me,’ where the reaction is intense enough that it still seems ‘real,’ instead of me realizing that the reaction is not ‘real’ nor who I am, but rather a mind/power/ego game where I am not facing those parts of me that I have, in a way, given away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as those parts of me that I have given away to sources outside myself, such as judgments about who I am and how I direct my life, and judgments about who I am in terms of a girl who shares the innermost depths of her mind online for all to see, wherein I try/attempt to appear ‘normal’ to those around me for fear that they may judge me for what I reveal without considering what goes on within their own minds that they are not taking responsibility for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my words as an expression of myself from the starting point of the above mentioned fear, and used my words from the starting point of fear of judgment, in order to act on that fear by trying to avoid it through trying and attempting to manipulate others in my environment to not see me/judge me/perceive me the way I fear to be seen/judged/perceived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt to paint a picture of myself as who I am or how I would like to be perceived, when I have not yet explored, discovered and uncovered all of who I am with/as/for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I know who I am, and then try/attempt to prove that through expressing how I would like others to perceive me, instead of standing up within self-trust and self-expression in the moment, expressing myself as who I am in the moment without the influence of the mind or fear, thus actually discovering myself in each moment as I express me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to freely express me within self-honesty in the moment because I haven’t stood up to the fears existent within me, and have instead allowed those fears to be an expression of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to express fear as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away by accepting and allowing others to judge me and define me because instead of discovering who I am in each moment through self-honest self-expression, I have up till now only seen me within and through the reactions/reflections of others and accept it to be who I am. Till here no further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-honest self-expression in the moment, within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself as who I will be without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others without knowing them for who they really are, because when and as I judge another, I am actually accepting and allowing the behavior within myself, thus making the statement that I accept and allow it within others. Therefore, if I stop, then I will no longer be influenced by the fear of judgment from others, because I will cease to participate in making it real, which it is not.

I commit myself to taking myself back by no longer accepting and allowing myself to continue to give my power away to others outside myself.

I commit myself to stop living as an expression of fear, by stopping myself from speaking/acting/moving me from a starting point of fear.

I commit myself to develop self-honest self-expression in the moment in order that I may truly get to know myself for the first time.

When and as I see that I am speaking from a starting point of fear, indicated by the fact that I am speaking to others in such a way as to influence their perception of me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back into awareness within the realization that the only way that I can emerge as a self-directive, self-honest being that is not fear-based, is by stopping my participation within speaking me from a starting point of fear. I stop, and I breathe, and I realize that it is better to not speak at all, than to speak words self-dishonestly, such as words and information that come from a starting point of fearing what others may think of me, and wanting/needing/desiring them to see me as I would like to be seen, instead of getting to know myself for real.

I commit myself to stop sharing myself self-dishonestly, because I see that it is self-sabotage and keeps me trapped within cycles of judgment, fear and self-judgment.

I commit myself to stopping sharing too much of myself, withoutreally knowing myself in my entirety.

I commit myself to remaining stable within the reality that people are going to think what they want about me, and I commit myself to breathe through the fear of judgment of others, until it no longer influences me.

Day 49- Wasting Time Cause Life is Hard (redefining 'work')

This is a continuation of days 46, 47 and 48 wherein I am now redefining the word ‘work’ to a living word, one which has a definition that I can live in fact, and that, if lived, will support me and support what is best for all.

            My current allocation of the word ‘work’ is within and as the polarity opposite of Life, an allocation within which, having lived throughout my life has led me to live a certain amount of waiting. Waiting for work to end, waiting for life, placing Life and Living in categories as positively charged words which could not take place at the same time as ‘work’- a negatively charged word. I’ve also defined ‘work’ as taking responsibility, thus making taking responsibility for myself seem like it is something different than life and living, when in fact, Life requires self-responsibility in every moment. Thus, my current allocation for ‘work’ is as follows:

Work (negative value)

Hard

Responsibility

Toil

Struggle

Waste of Time

Boring

Labour

Stagnant

Limited

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘work’ with a negative value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word ‘work’ as bad/wrong/negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘work’ by judging the word ‘work’ as bad/wrong/negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘work’ to the word ‘hard.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘work’ within the word ‘hard.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘work’ and from the word ‘hard’ by defining the word ‘work’ within the word ‘hard’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘work’ with the word ‘responsibility.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘work’ within the word ‘responsibility.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘work’ and from the word ‘responsibility’ by defining the word ‘work within the word ‘responsibility in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘work’ with the word ‘toil.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word work within the word ‘toil.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘work’ and from the word ‘toil’ by defining the word ‘work’ within the word ‘’toil’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘work’ to the word ‘struggle.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘work’ within the word ‘struggle.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘work’ and from the word ‘struggle’ by defining the word ‘work’ within the word ‘struggle’ in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘work’ with ‘a waste of time.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘work’ within ‘a waste of time.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word work, and from ‘a waste of time’ by defining the word ‘work’ within ‘a waste of time’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘work’ to the word ‘boring.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘work’ within the word ‘boring.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘work’ and from the word ‘boring’ by defining the word ‘work’ within the word ‘boring’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘work’ to the word ‘labour.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘work’ within the word ‘labour.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘work’ and from the word ‘labour’ by defining the word ‘work’ within the word ‘labour’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘work’ to the word ‘stagnant.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘work’ within the word ‘stagnant.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘work’ and from the word ‘stagnant’ by defining the word ‘work’ within the word ‘stagnant’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘work’ to the word ‘limited.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘work’ within the word ‘limited.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘work’ and from the word ‘limited’ by defining the word ‘work’ within the word ‘limited’ in separation of myself.

Dictionarydefinition:

Noun: Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

Verb: be engaged in physical or mental activity in order to achieve a purpose or result.

Sounding the word:

Wholly Operational Reality checK

New definition:

To be Wholly Operational within Reality, as well as the Reality check that Life requires work as an applied effort to bring about and maintain what’s best for all. Being Wholly Operational within Reality requires one to check oneself in every moment within and as self-awareness, wherein one checks oneself in self-honesty in every moment, to ensure that one is in fact living what's best for all.

Day 48- Wasting Time because Life is Hard (Redefining 'Life' and 'work')

Day 48- Wasting Time Cause Life is Hard (Redefining ‘Life’ and ‘Work’)

Continued from days 46 and 47:

‘Life’

Current allocation:

Within my current definition of ‘Life’ I’ve separated how I’ve lived the word ‘Life’from my current living definition of the word ‘work,’ wherein I’ve defined ‘Life’as an internal experience that is the polar opposite from what I experience myself as within the word ‘work.’ Thus, within these definitions I have lived and made real for myself and made up ‘who I am’ according to these definitions, I have defined myself not as Life, but as definitions of words such as ‘Life’and ‘work,’ which limits me from actually living Here, participating fully in physical reality, to only experiencing myself inside myself, placing myself at the mercy of these definitions that I have arbitrarily created throughout my Life.

So, because of this and to continue on from day 46 and 47, I will redefine ‘Life’and ‘work’ to living words that support me, instead of the polarity I have currently created between Life and work, where I spend all my time chasing one and avoiding the other, all the while missing the point of both, thus missing myself within both, wherein I end up just wasting time, thus wasting Life, and wasting myself by missing myself instead of being fully present and aware within the amount of time that is called ‘my Life.’

Life (positively charged)

Fun

Free

Reckless

Play

Wild

Nature

Animals

Unfair

Unpredictable

Scary

Confusing

SF on placing a positive/negative value of the word:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to charge the word ‘Life’with a positive charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’with a positive value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word ‘Life’as good/right/positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ by defining the word ‘Life’ as good/positive/right.

SF on current allocation:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word “life’with the word ‘fun.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life; within the word ‘fun.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word ‘fun’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘free.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word ‘free.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘free,’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word ‘free’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘reckless.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’witin the word ‘reckless.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘reckless’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word reckless in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘play.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word ‘play.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘play’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word ‘play’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’with the word ‘wild.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word wild.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘wild’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word ‘wild’ in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘nature.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word ‘nature.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘nature’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word ‘nature’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘animals.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word ‘animals.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘animals’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word ‘animals’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘unfair.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word ‘unfair.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘unfair’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word ‘unfair’ in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘unfair.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word ‘unfair.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘unfair’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word ‘unfair’ in separation of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘unpredictable.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word ‘unpredictable.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘unpredictable’ by defining the word ‘Life’within the word ‘unpredictable’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘scary.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word ‘scary.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘scary’ by defining the word ‘Life’ within the word ‘scary’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the word ‘Life’to the word ‘confusing.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘Life’within the word ‘confusing.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word ‘Life’ and from the word ‘confusing’ by defining the wrd ‘Life’ within the word ‘confusing’ in separation of me.

Dictionary definition:

1.

the condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.

2.

the sum of the distinguishing phenomena of organisms, especially metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to environment.

3.

the animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual: to risk one's life; a short life and a merry one.

4.

a corresponding state, existence, or principle of existence conceived of as belonging to the soul: eternal life.

5.

the general or universal condition of human existence: Too bad, but life is like that.

Sounding out the word:

LIve For all Equally

New definition

Life is the living application of self in self-honesty wherein one takes the Whole intoconsideration where one is each and every part of that Whole, with no energy ofthe mind, but rather absolute self-acceptance, self-expression and self-love asAll as One as Equal, wherein one is being, doing, living, breathing Hereness, wholly operational, within and as full presence and awareness in each breath, as each breath.

I will redefine ‘work’ in my next blog.

For more context on redefining words, check out:

Redefining Word part 1:

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/redefining-words-part-1.html

Redefining Words (part 2) paying polarity games:

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-5-redefining-words-part-2-playing.html

Day 6: Redefining words (Part 3) – Experience of the polarity game

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/redefining-words-part-3-experience-of.html

Day 7: Redefining Words (Part 4)- Redefining words as living words

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-7-redefining-words-part-4.html

Redefining words (Part 5) - How to redefine words – Gathering Information stage

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-8-redefining-words-part-5-how-to.html

Redefining words (Part 5) - How to redefine words – Gathering Information stage

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-8-redefining-words-part-5-how-to.html

Day 9: Redefining Words (Part 6) How to redefine words – Investigate the word

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-9-redefining-words-part-6-how-to.html

Day 10: Redefining Words (Part 7) How to redefine words –Creative phase

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-10-redefining-words-part-7-how-to.html

Day 11: Redefining Words (Part 8) How to redefine words - writing a definition and checking the content

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-11-redefining-words-part-8-how-to.html

Day 12: Redefining Words (Part 9) - Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-12-redefining-words-part-9.html

Day 13: Redefining Words (Part 10) - Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words 2

http://earthsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/05/day-13-redefining-words-part-10-self.html