Day 220 - Clearing the Starting Point of Friendship

Many friendships, when seen on the surface, seem to be these wonderful, magical, beautiful relationships. I am sure there are moments where this is so, but not all moments, and often there are strong undercurrents of suppressed feelings and emotions hiding beneath the surface.

When I investigated into how I had grown up in my friendships, mostly starting from my early teens, I found some pretty nasty stuff going on in the background. There were definitely good times, intimate moments, trust build, and bonding happening, but when being completely self-honest, I found dimensions of myself that were subtly rotting the foundation upon which friendships are built.

I saw it first hand while investigating my own past, like a personal private detective,  so that I could sort it out for myself, and clear MY starting point of how I have been living within and as 'friendships'. But I have also seen it hundreds or thousands of times, through television, movies, hollywood, and social media. The truth of the hidden nastiness existent within friendships is in all of these places, because it is in all of us.

This leads me to question: is a friendship just something that happens naturally, following a natural progression without any intervention or effort from those involved? Who am I as a friend, within a friendship? Why do some friendships feel like work and effort?

For me personally, when I really take a good, hard, self-honest look at who I have been within friendships throughout my life, I do not feel proud. I can see that, underneath the fun and good times, there were subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) layers of comparison, judgment, jealousy and spite.  Included in this mix, are feelings of rejection, when I lost friends, as well as feelings of guilt, when I did not keep in touch with friends after having said I would.

Self-forgiveness to clear the starting point of friendship:

Comparison:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to friend A, thinking I am better because I believed I  could draw better, climb better,  jump higher, I believed I had better ideas, was thinner, taller, and friend A would follow me around and always put the effort in to being with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of all the ways I perceive myself to be ‘better’ or ‘more advanced’ than someone and then use that in order to place myself in a position of superiority in relation to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that within a friendship, there is always one that is better, and one that is less, instead of looking at all the qualities of both individuals, in order to learn from and strengthen each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that there must be a lover, and a beloved, wherein I believed that within a friendship, the dynamic is only satisfied when one is in a position of longing and idolatry, and the other is idolized and cherished, instead of creating a relationship of equality, where strengths are shared and weaknesses developed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to place myself into either the position of beloved/idolized, or lover/idolizer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself above another within the belief or perception that I am in the position of the ‘beloved/idolized’, or to place myself below another, believing I am in the position of ‘lover/idolizer’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ego within friendships where I believed I was the superior one, blinding myself from parts of the other,s and suppressing or hiding those parts of me I saw as weakness, and believing I should dictate to the other what to do and how to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into inferiority when I believed I was in the position of lover/idolizer, believing nothing I could do was as good as my friend, feeling insecure and like I needed to be told what to do and how to be from my friend, instead of having the self-trust and confidence to express my strengths and develop my weaknesses.

Judgment:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged friend B for being bossy, neurotic, controlling and manipulative because of certain personality traits she had based on her life experience, and how I interacted with those traits

.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge friend B and supress my own potential solutions for our friendship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge friend B and go into reactions of dislike avoidance and spite, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid and eventually ‘drop’ friend B, leaving it awkward and uncomfortable between us.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge friend B in my mind, and go into internal conversations and back chat, as well as gossiping about her with others that knew her, instead of deciding to speak up about what I saw within friend B and her behaviour, in order to gain clarity and understanding, and having her also hear from me and my experience within the friendship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame friend B, holding friend B entirely responsible for the ‘failure’ of the friendship, instead of looking at myself and taking self-responsibility within the understanding that ‘it takes two to tango’, and understanding that I could have changed the dynamics between us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather end/leave the friendship, than to face myself and who I was within the friendship, thus living the statement that I am powerless to change, influence or direct the friendships within which I am a participant.

Jealousy:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become jealous of friend A when boys began to become interested in her, while I had no boys interested in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to begin to place myself in an inferior position within the friendship, because I thought and believed that friend A was now superior due to having a boyfriend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become jealous that friend A had a boyfriend because I saw her as inferior, and that I should be the one with the boyfriend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question everything of myself, because I had no boyfriend or prospect of a boyfriend, not seeing and realizing that I had built myself up on a foundation of belief, instead of truly honouring those qualities of me as real and substantial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into jealousy that friend A got a boyfriend because I believed I was unlikeable and too shy to talk to boys in that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jealousy and resentment that friend A got a boyfriend instead of seeing and realizing that I didn’t want a boyfriend yet, and was not ready to be in a relationship yet, but instead thought that because friend A was now in a relationship, I should now be in one and in a better one with a better boy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become jealous that friend A got a boyfriend because I didn’t know friend A had it in her to be ready for a relationship and talking to boys in this way, and in that, then looked at myself seeing I was not yet at that stage, then going into spite, self-judgment and jealousy because I compared myself to her, instead of practicing  self-understanding through self-introspection.

Spite:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as spite in my friendships, thus creating a wall preventing a potential bond of intimacy between two individuals.

How would I like to live the word ‘friendship’ from here on out?

Friendship =  free end ship

Free = no charges

End = found within action words like ‘mend’, as I can, within friendship, correct myself and then reactions I have, in a way, a ‘mending’ of myself. ‘Lend’ as into ‘lend a hand’, reach out. And also ‘tend’, as in to ‘tend to a garden’.  Also, to put an ‘end’ to my past patterns of behaviour.

Ship = the vessel created between two people, where both would strive to keep the ship afloat – no baggage on this ship. 

I will continue with how I would like to live the word 'friendship' from here forth in my next blog.

Thank you

           

Day 132- Why do Women Always Want Other Women's Men?

Within this blog I will begin to work through the point of guilt that I have existed within and as throughout my life. Guilt is a point that has directed me very much in terms of my interaction with others in my life and world, at point that has had very much to do with how I experience/experienced myself as how I saw the myself as who and how I am, and it has led me down a destructive path of self-compromise as I constantly and continuously would attempt to ‘make up for’ who and how I am because I saw/see myself as ‘owing’ something to everyone. What I didn’t realize is that this debt that I perceived myself to exist as wasn’t something that could be ‘paid off’ through ‘paying it back’ to people and things outside myself. It is actually a self-created debt that is manifested through constantly giving myself away.

This is interesting because it demonstrates how guilt will perpetuate itself because in the attempt to ‘pay back what I had taken, I have been essentially giving more and more of myself away, feeling more and more guilty and indebted, thus creating the experience of ‘giving up’, limitedness and feeling trapped and seeing only dead ends. It’s like, the more I tried, the worse it got.

The point of ‘guilt’ is multi-faceted. I had/have manifested this point within myself through interacting with myself and others in such a way that did not honour myself and others as myself. If I can’t/don’t honour myself, I can’t/don’t honour others as me. Due to the factthat I was unaware of the extent of self-interest that was my starting point within relationships, I did not understand how I was creating more and more guilt in my life. Within this blog I am specifically looking at the guilt I created through relationships wherein, instead of treating my partners from a starting point of equality and oneness, meaning, treating them with the dignity and respect that I myself would like to receive, I would instead look for that dignity and respect from them without in fact giving it to myself and to them first. I am also looking at as this point in relation to giving as I would like to receive wherein, I have treated others, usually in secret, in ways in which I would never want to be treated. Also, I will b looking at the points of blame , which is an abdication of self-responsibility, as well as the resent that tends to manifest within my relationships.

To begin, I will be looking at early relationships in my life, starting with looking at why I chose the specific individals I ended up with.
A repeating pattern within the beginning of relationships has been becoming ‘interested’ in partners from a starting point of

competition with other women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become attracted to males, to want/need/desire males, and to specifically focus in on and target a specific male, because of and due to the fact that I think/believe/perceive that ‘getting him’, ‘conquering’ him, manipulating and ‘seducing’ him would satisfy my need to feel superior to the women in my world with whom I am in competition- thus focusing in on and targeting men that others desire.

Women and Competition

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view other women as my competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from other women within and through seeing them as a threat and thinking/believing/perceiving that if I can compete with them and win in some way then I won’t have to fear being threatened by them, and thus not leading me to perceive myself as ‘less than’, ‘less-deserving’, and;less important’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use and abuse myself and my physical body by/through using physical appearance, body language, vocal tones, wording, gestures and clothing to be/become of utmost competition with other women- thus suppressing my natural expression as Who I Am, and instead conforming, contorting and manipulating myself to fit into the idea, perception, belief, picture presentation of myself that I judge as ‘of utmost competitiveness’- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the self-abuse inherent in this as the absolute denial of myself and my self-expression, and the abuse towards others as the men I manipulate/use/abuse for the sake of my own personal energetic experience as an apparent ‘gain’ in self-interest, as well as abuse towards women in my world, as I support and promote competition instead of actual beneficial support towards other women, as understanding and empowerment, and equal and one communication and interaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the inferiority/superiority game with women, wherein I would constantly bounce back and forth between experiencing myself as less-than other women, seeing other women as always more beautiful, more fun, more confident/together/mature.

Within this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as not confident, not ‘together’, and immature, based on a fleeting internal experience caused by an accumulation of

 

thoughts throughout the day, week, hour, minute, month, year, that would create an internal energetic experience of inferiority in that moment that I would then project on to other women through comparison, and feed the energetic experience to continue it, because of the lack of seeing, realizing and understanding of what it is and how it works…. Instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the energetic experience is created and designed within me, by me, to perpetuate itself as an automated program without any grain of integrity as a self-standing of/as who I am and what I will accept and allow within myself, Instead, it is a complete and utter self-abdication to experience and to energy wherein I would direct myself within and through the principle of ‘I feel it therefor it must be true’, without ever even questioning the experience of cross-referencing it with my actual reality over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as superior to/towards other women, wherein I would feel more beautiful, more confident and more fun/together/mature, thus diminishing the other women in my mind in order to feed the positive energetic experience of superiority which is caused by fear of being/becoming inFEARior to another and thus directing my internal experience of/as thoughts/feelings/self-talk to the point where I would actually then physically change and appear more confident, more together, more ‘fun’ (not a true expression of fun, but rather a manipulative presentation of what I had/have judged as ‘a woman that is fun’), instead of participating with other women as myself, as one with myself and as my equals, that I would offer the same respect as I myself would like to receive, that I would not diminish in my secret mind, but instead being and becoming aware of that secret mind and exposing it, such as I am doing, in order to be able to stop it as the thoughts come up, so that I may never again be fooled by the mind within the insane logic of: ‘because I am thinking it- it must be true’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use males, and the relationship I am able to develop to/towards males, as a strategy/strategic point that I could use to, through successfully seducing, gaining their interest and desire, secure my superior position to/towards other women.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see males as strategic players in the game of life, because of and due to the extent to which I have separated myself both from men and from women, due to self-interest as seeing ‘my survival’ as the most important, ‘my fear’ as the one to appease at any cost to myself or others, and ‘my insecurities’ as so important that I should play mind games with myself in order to manipulate myself and use ‘players’ in my world to manipulate myself and how I feel inside in a desperate and never ending attempt to create the feeling of security and comfort- which once attained, always run out and never last, thus creating an endless up and down cycle of repetition instead of an inner stability that is constant and dependable.

To be continued...

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Day 73 & 74- Falling in the Face of Confrontation: Self-Commitments and Self-Corrective Application

            I wrote this blog over the past two days; I went over my last blog in order to see, realize and understand this point of fear of confrontation which leads to social anxieties and the belief that people have some kind of power over me that affects the way I experience myself. Within this blog I am re-scripting myself in order to take my power back and direct myself through social situations, rather than being a slave to my fears, reactions beliefs, hopes and desires (specifically, within this blog, within social situations).

            In italics are the specific self-forgiveness statements from which I derive my self-commitments and self-corrective applications. The self-forgiveness statements come from a specific event that I wrote out and took apart in days 71 and 72- it was an event in which I experienced the specific fears/anxieties I have developed over time. Within ‘taking it apart’ through self-forgiveness, I am able to see how I created the fears and anxieties, why I participate within and as them, and how I can stop this and walk through these situations within and as self-expression instead.

 

Day 73-

Self-Forgiveness:

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear confrontation because I think/believe it can/will take my power away, meaning- cause me to hide/suppress myself, to restrict/restrain/control myself instead of expressing myself as who I am.”

Self-Commitment:

I commit myself to continue to walk into social situations and breathe through reactions of wanting to hide/suppress/restrict/control myself as they come up. I also commit myself to investigate the reactions that influence me, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

Self-Corrective Application:

When and as I experience myself as the fears that cause me to react in wanting to hide/suppress/restrict/control myself I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the realization that the reaction is only momentary, and I direct myself to, when and as the experience arises, take a moment to myself, to silently ground myself Here, and in that moment, determine for myself Who I Am, instead of looking at/interpreting myself through others.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that others outside of me have the ability to take my power away, and to stop me from doing/being who I am because they may get angry/frustrated, irritated or annoyed.”

I commit myself to take my power back by dedicating myself to walk the process to no longer accepting/allowing myself to be influenced by the reactions of others through walking out of reactions and into self-trust, self-commitment and self-direction.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that when others react in anger/frustration/annoyance/irritation, that it is because I’m bad/wrong/out of line, or that it’s my fault/responsibility in any way shape or form.”

I see, realize and understand that I  am in no way responsible for what goes on inside the minds of others, as only each one is responsible for his/her internal experience, and that if I in any way ‘cause’ another to react, it is in fact them reflecting themselves/seeing something of themselves within me.

I commit myself to sever and discard of any relationships I have developed between other people’s reactions and my self-definition.

When and as I see that I am basing my self-definition/experience of myself on the reactions of others I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the understanding that others do not determine who or how I am, but rather I am responsible for my own internal experience. I remind myself that I am not bad/wrong/out of line/responsible/at fault, no, I am forgiven, and I can and will move on and continue to walk with/as myself.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe the reactions of others dictates who I am.”

I commit myself to direct myself as Who I Am, moment to moment, breath to breath.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my thoughts/ideas/imaginations/fantasies as ‘worst case scenarios’ of how people will react into the future, and then fear them (the projections), thus accepting and allowing myself to change my behaviour, in essence restraining/restricting/controlling myself in ways in which I think/believe/perceive will avoid such worst-case-scenarios which only ever existed in my mind.

I commit myself to walk myself out of my mind and into the physical in order that I may express myself freely without the restriction/restraining/controlling of self that only happens within and as the mind.

When and as I see that I am future-projecting creating false fears to haunt/distract myself with I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to presence and awareness within/through stopping my participation in such thoughts as projections and bringing myself back to breath by becoming aware of my breathing, and reminding myself that such thoughts/projections are not necessary, they are self-sabotage and they do not serve me.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that if conflict were to occur, that my power could be taken away, based on past memories/acceptances/allowances wherein I had actually created this as a reality through taking my own power away by abdicating my responsibility to myself through blaming others for how I felt inside and how I chose to behave/react/handle the situation.”

I commit myself to taking my power back by taking self-responsibility for who and how I am internally and externally by stopping blaming others for how I behave/react/handle situations.

When and as I see that I am blaming others for how I’m feeling, for example, when I am trying to present myself as ‘extra normal,’ ‘quiet’, ‘reserved,’ or ‘subdued’ (or the polarity experiences) within a conscious or subconscious image of people connected to the thought of them being upset with me, I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back to my physical body by reminding myself that it’s not what I do, it’s who I am within what I do. Within this, I see, realize and understand that it’s ok for me to be quiet, subdued, or reserved so long as it is self-directed, wherein, when and as I see that I am in the mind fearing upsetting someone I take a moment to myself to breathe and become aware of myself and my body and remind myself that I Am Here.

I allow myself to walk in self-trust and self-direction, fearlessly into and through any situation.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base Who I Am on past memories/experiences instead of taking the self-responsibility to create Who I Am in every moment of breath.”

I commit myself to stop falling back to the comfort of old patterns and habits, and to instead create myself as a self-honest, self-directive being through writing out the memories I hang on to and re-experience, forgiving myself for accepting/allowing them to exist within/as me and influence me, and instead walk into and as self-direction.

When and as I see that I am walking into a social situation within the experience of ‘shyness,’ ‘dread’, ‘fear’ and restraint/restriction/control simply because ‘that’s how it’s always been,’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by reminding myself that there is a choice, and that I can, within one breath, decide to walk in self-expression as Who I Am, Here.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear walking into situations where I will be in contact with people because I am walking within and as the mind of ideas/thoughts/beliefs/fears/projections/fantasies/imaginations that I create and terrorize myself with, instead of walking within and as self-trust.”

I commit myself to stopping existing within and as the limitations of the mind in order to instead free myself as complete self-expression without fear or limitation (except of course, the practical limitations of physical reality).

I commit myself to stop terrorizing myself with my mind.

I commit myself to stop living in fear.

Day 74-
 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to restrict/restrain/control myself within and as the constant apprehension I exist within and as due to the self-created fear of potential conflict in social situations, instead of letting go and existing in the moment, within the understanding that I will deal with conflict if/when it arises within common sense and using practical solutions.”

I commit myself to stand up within conflict/confrontation, and to direct myself through conflict/confrontation as Who I Am as common sense and practicality, instead of falling into a reactive state directed by the mind of fear.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give friends/family the power to accept/reject me by accepting and allowing others to determine if I accept/reject myself, because if I accept myself unconditionally then it doesn’t matter if others accept or reject me.”

I commit myself to walk the process of unconditional self-acceptance.

When and as I see myself worrying about whether I will be accepted or not I stop, and I breathe. I remind myself that I accept me, and that I will always have myself, a self that forgives and accepts me within the understanding that I Will Change that which I cannot accept.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself and my self-acceptance within and through interpreting how I am reflected back to myself by/through others outside of me, instead of deciding Who I Am and Creating myself moment to moment.”

I commit myself to stop defining myself based on what others think or how they act around me, and to instead direct myself towards self-honesty no matter what others may think.

 

When and as I see that I am looking to the reaction of others to determine/decide whether who/how I am is acceptable/desirable or not, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to Self-direction within the realization that the minds of ‘others’ in no way represents a stable or rational standard, and that it would actually be impossible to ever achieve self-acceptance this way. Thus, I direct myself to the standard of self-honesty, oneness and equality wherein I can determine if who/how I am is acceptable by asking myself: “Am I being self-honest,” “Am I treating others as I would like to be treated/giving as I would like to receive,” and “am I doingwhat’s best for all?”

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear a negative reaction from others.”

                  I commit myself to taking myself back from having lived a life of abdicating myself-responsibility to my fears.

 

“Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others will become angry and/or defensive about something I’ve posted online.”

                  I commit myself to post only that which I understand and can stand by, and I commit myself to stand by what I share in person or online, as it is a statement of Who I Am as Who I Direct Myself to Be and Become. This is my choice.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that someone/others are following me online without letting me know, and secretly developing a hatred towards me.”

                  Icommit myself to stop distracting myself with the unlimited potential thought/reactions others could be having towards me. Within this, I commit myself to continue walking my process for me, as me, without changing me depending on what others might or might not be thinking.

                  When and as I see that I am distracting myself with hopes that others will hear the message of Desteni, and stand up and change through walking this process ofself-change through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, or distracting myself with fears of ‘worst case scenario’ play outs, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back into focus by immediately deleting the thoughts or writing them out when necessary, within the realization that I have decided that I Will Not allow myself to be directed by secret hopes/fears, but will rather focus on me, my process, my change and my responsibility to myself and to all. I bring myself back to whatever it is that I am busy with, and decide breath by breath, how to continue walking forward without the influence of hopes/fears, and instead with the guiding principles of doing what’s best for all, as all are equal and one, as I correct myself and my living to be/become a human being that cares and considers the rest of Life that shares the earth with me as my equals.

                  I see, realize and understand that neither hope nor fear is ‘bigger’ than me, in that it does not have power over me, but I rather create it, thus I am equal to it and one with it, thus I have the power to stop it and change it to self-directive living.

 

“I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others hating me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself based on whether or not others hate/like me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire others to like/accept/approve of me and what I do.

I forgivemyself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that I need approval and/or validation to do/be/express myself.”

                  I commit myself to effectively stop accepting and allowing myself to define myself based on what I think others might think of me, through taking responsibility for my internal experience and the reactions I have when I am in the presence of certain specific people/situations- taking responsibility by understanding why/how/what it is I  experience within myself, because within understanding it I can trace it back to the root cause,forgive myself for it, and change.

                  When and as I see that I am changing myself/my personality/my body language etc... in order to get approval/acceptance/validation from others I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to walking myself into self-expression by focusing on my breath and my physical body, in order to assess what is a comfortable posture, what exactly am I expressing and who exactly I ‘m trying to be in order to apply self-honesty and express only Who I Am as who and how I direct myself to be/become.

                  I accept and allow myself to assist and support myself and my physical body, and I do not accept or allow myself to use these things to manipulate myself or others or the situation within self-interest in order to obtain an outcome that suits me.

                  I commit myself to deal with an outcome of any situation within and as self-honesty, and to direct the situation if/when I am able to stand as self-trust and absolute self-direction with no outside or internal influences.

 

“Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘look for’ signs to confirm my worst social fears, which are that people will hate/reject/disapprove/invalidate me, by being/becoming ‘extra sensitive’ to how people are behaving around me, wherein I look for and fear any little sign of hate, rejection, disapproval, or invalidation because I as my mind am looking to feed/fulfill the fear energy within/as me.”

                  When and as I see that I am looking for signs in others or in the behaviour of others in order to confirm my ‘worst fears’ in terms of being rejected/disapproved of/invalidated/confronted I stop and I breathe. I take myself back from my fears by stopping my participation within and as this behavior because I see/realize/understand that all I require to do is stand within and as my own self-worth, acceptance, approval, validation and self-trust. And within and through understanding myself and my own mind I will better understand why others might not accept/approve/validate me, or why they might feel confrontational around me, so that I can stand equal to and one with them no matter how they choose to interact with me.

                  When and as I see that I am feeling ‘extra sensitive’ to the behaviours of others, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that I am being directed within/as my mind of fears, and thus I cannot trust myself to make decisions or take a firm and stable stance in that moment, and so I direct myself to instead focus on breathing and walking myself out of the mind and back to Here.

                  I commit myself to take a moment to take a breath and walk myself out of my participation in energy (specifically in this case fear) before I speak and engage with others in my world.