Day 112- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 4)

This blog follows from a short series of blogs in relation to being an effective student, and all the mind-created limitations I imposed upon myself that gets in the way, such as distractions, self-judgment, negative self-talk, fears, etc… Within the past few blogs I have been looking at the tendency I have to attempt to ‘get out of the work’ I have to do, which leads to feeling 'forced' to do the work, or skimming through it, not fully understanding, or poor work.


It would be so much easier if I would just sit down and do my assignment within presence and awareness, but instead I just go crazy trying to focus and concentrate. I have been looking into all the mind-created reasons for this, and once identified, I use the tool of self-forgiveness in order to release the points. Afterwards, I re-script myself to not repeat this self-limiting behavior using the tool of self-commitment and self-corrective application statements.

 

 Within reading the self-forgiveness statements out-loud, and hearing myself forgive myself for the ways in which I have made things so much more complicated for myself than it needs to be, there is an actual physical release, allowing ‘space’ for change.


Having studied my own mind in this way, and placing ‘on paper’ the ways in which I want to change, makes it possible to literally ‘take myself back’ from the control of my mind, and to give myself back control over my actions, so that my actions, as the ‘Who I Am’ in this world, match Who I would like To Be. This is definitely a practice, but it’s definitely worth it. I will include a link at the end of the blog to a free course in which anyone who wants to learn these tools of self-empowerment/self-change can do so, for free, with support from others. It's worth a look, and a try.


The following are the self-commitment and self-corrective application statements made from the self-forgiveness statements found within the blog: “Day 110- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 2)” in which I explore the ‘fear dimension’ that ‘causes’ me to always try to, consciously or subconsciously, get out of the work. (For the first part of this blog, go to “Day 111- FullyCommitting to my Studies (pt 3)”).

The entire series:

Day 106- I Just Go Crazy

Day 107- Getting Out of the Work

Day 108- Just Doing the Damn Work

Day 109- Fully Committing to Studies

 

 

 

and then: Days 110 & 111, see above.

I commit myself to stop bringing up all the negative memories I have experienced in relation to school, while ‘forgetting’ the ‘positive’ ones, wherein I actually manipulate the reality of my situation in school through skewing my assessment of myself and what kind of a student I am by always ‘bringing up’ and remembering the ‘bad stuff’, which destabilizes me and affects my confidence and creates unnecessary resistances within and as me.

When and as I see myself experiencing the familiar pangs of frustration/discouraged/impossibleness/exasperation, I stop, and I breathe. I take a moment to locate which memory I am using to create this experience within me/as me, in order that I may delete it and bring myself back to the present moment, which involves me, doing my homework/assignment, as Who I Am Here, where there is no need or benefit to bring up the past or ‘who I was’ then. I take a moment to breathe until the experience dissipates, and return to the work at hand.

I commit myself to do any and all work I am responsible for from a starting point of oneness and equality, meaning, where I make the decision to simply apply myself within the work, and to do the work to the best of my ability, without being ‘less than’ the work by judging myself as unable, and without being ‘less-than' myself by giving myself the ability to diminish myself to a point where I don’t even want to start the work, because I have already projected myself as ‘not good enough’ or ‘I won’t do well’ within/as self-judgment.

When and as I see that I am resisting doing my studies before I even open the book, due to judging myself as unable/not good enough/not smart enough, or because of judging the work as difficult/hard/boring etc… I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to simple self-movement by reminding myself that judgment is not at all necessary when taking on a task/starting or beginning a task, because my judgment can’t be trusted as it is based on skewed memories and a manipulated sense of self, thus the only way to truly find out how the work will be is to simply do it, and to direct myself within and through any obstacles, difficulties, detours or the bumps in the road I may experience along the way, within the understanding that these types of things are normal as assignments are not always just ‘smooth sailing’ and instant understanding. Thus, I allow myself to be/become the patience/diligence/dedication/discipline/commitment that I will myself to be in order to get through and accomplish the tasks I take on in my life, through always moving myself through the work no matter what.

I commit myself to not fear that which I have not looked at/understood yet, because I understand that ignorance creates fear.

When and as I see myself fearing that I will not understand the assignment, fearing that the teacher will judge me, fearing that I will do poor work, and fearing that I will fail before I have even looked at/started the assignment, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back down to reality by reminding myself that in fearing the assignment before having even looked at it, I am actually only fearing what my imagination has freely created, through my acceptance and allowance, as the ‘worst case scenario’ for what it will be like, thus allowing a certain amount of limitlessness within me for my fears to run rampant, because they do not have the physical boundaries of reality to reign them in. Within this, I see/realize/understand that when I simply stop this before it happens, and start my assignment without the interference of the mind, that I can then actually see the reality of the assignment, and the actual steps that I will require to take to get through it, which will always be do-able, as the assignments are specifically designed to be done, and to learn from.

 

To be continued...

 

(Here's the link to the free course where anyone can learn the tools of self-suppot through writing: DesteniIProcess LITE)

Day 111- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt. 3)

This blog is continued from the specific self-forgiveness statements made in my last blog wherein I took on the specific fears that I hold in my mind in relation to ‘getting out of doing the work’, and how I use them to justify not doing homework assignments (and many things in life, but focusing here specifically on my studies, as that is what I am currently confronting). My goal is to work through my assignment, step by step, without all the unnecessary ‘mind-babble,’ or ‘mind-noise’ that distracts me, frustrates me and ‘causes’ me to procrastinate and stress out, instead of just remaining Here and fully applying myself within my work.

So, to check out the blog from which the following statements are directly related, click here.

I commit myself to, when and as I see that I am creating and manifesting the fear that I will not understand the assignment, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to presence and awareness by reminding myself that I do not have o participate in this fear and can simply let it go, because I see, realize and understand that if I were to participate in the fear, it will lead to the fear of not doing my work well, then to the fear of being judged by the teacher, which leads me to contemplate giving up before I even start, which makes it more difficult to start which then leads to procrastination, which leads to rushed work, which causes stress, which leads to poor work. Within this, I see how my decision to follow even one thought, as a fear in this instance, can lead to an entire ‘cascade’ of thoughts and fears which create resistances within me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that by slowing the mind down, I can ‘catch’ the thought when and as it arises, and then give myself that opportunity to make the self-directed decision to not follow it, in which case, I simply breathe myself out of the mind and into the body, and continue reading/working on my assignment uninterrupted.

I commit myself to stop creating self-limiting fears within and as me, by slowly learning, practicing and becoming aware of the fears as they arise in one single thought, and stopping them there where it’s most simple and easy for me to do so (instead of accepting/allowing myself to ’build it up’ into an entire ‘cascade’ or ‘entity’ that then directs me as fear instead of me directing myself Here, as Who I Am as presence and awareness, as diligence and discipline, as patience and self-understanding). Within this:

I commit myself to stop myself from accepting and allowing the self-limiting fears to exist/grow within and as me by stopping myself from continuously bringing p past memories of past moments where I did not understand the assignment and so I did it wrong and failed, or feared to fail, wherein I will in my mind, take quick glimpses of that memory as a ‘reminder’ to myself of the fears I have participated in in the past, thus bringing forth that past energetic experience into the present moment as if it were Here with me as my reality, when in fact I can clearly see, realize and understand that my reality is the present moment and thus subject to my self-direction, in which case I can direct myself to change my behavior and NOT re-live/repeat past instances of failure or fear of failure, but rather live each moment as a new moment, wherein I can apply myself to be/become that which I wish to be and become.

I commit myself to simply let go of the old memories that I hang on to which do not serve me in any way whatsoever, by constantly and continuously, diligently and patiently, and within self-discipline and self-understanding, keep bringing myself back to the present moment using the tool of breath, human physical breath that takes place moment to moment, a new breath for each new moment, as breaths cannot be recycled, held onto or re-used, and so I will also live to a certain extent, wherein I will myself to direct each moment as Who I Am Here, instead of by who I was ‘before’ or what I fear.

When and as I see that I am ‘glimpsing’ old memories by accepting/allowing them to seemingly ‘pop’ up randomly I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to the present moment by becoming aware of the fact that I am re-living past memories by identifying them by the feeling or emotional experience they create within/as me; by stopping and deleting them by saying delete out loud or disintegrating them in my mind, I breathe through the emotional or energetic experience they (I) created within me as me, and then take back my self-directive principle by reminding myself that I am at the wheel here, I decide, I direct me. Then I direct myself to either: focus back on the work, take a quick stretch, or breathe for a moment, and then return to my studies.

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To be continued…

Day 109- Fully Committing to Studies

This blog contains the self-commitment and self-corrective application statements from the self-forgiveness I worked through in my last blog about not being able to concentrate within my studies.

These self-commitment and self-corrective application statements are very specifically tied to the self-forgiveness I did in my last blog. So, for context, please visit Day 107- Getting Out of the Work, and Day 108- Just Doing the Damn Work

I commit myself to stop perpetuating the ‘getting out of the work’ character by actually doing the work.

I commit myself to stop participating in the thought of there being a ‘whole big action-packed world’ ‘out there’, which I manifest right when I’m about to sit down and do work, within the realization that the world did not become all of a sudden more exciting now that I have decided to do work, but that I am creating illusions in my mind and projecting them on to ‘the world’ in order to take myself away from actually applying myself, and bring me back into the mind of ‘getting out of the work’, because that way, I will always submit to my mind as I had created it, instead of me being able to simply make the decision that I am doing the work now, and then to just do it without reactions from the mind, as I should have created myself in the first place.

When and as I see that I am being ‘pulled away’ from my work by my mind, I assert myself by saying NO, I will not follow that energetic pull, I breathe through the withdrawal experience that I know will come, I can take a little self-directed break, walk around, stretch, breathe, and then settle down within the directive decision of doing my work properly, the first time.

I commit myself to stop skimming through my readings, frantically searching for key words in an attempt to get ‘the answer’ as quickly as possible, and instead:

I commit myself to read through my reading strategically, slowly, with a firm understanding of the question, wherein I look for concepts and then expand upon them within my understanding.

When and as I see that I am skimming through a reading in such a way that I am only reading words, skimming through words looking for key words only without any real focus, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to the pace of the physical by slowing myself down, re-reading the question, and then proceeding to do the reading with patience, awareness and effective breathing, making sure that if I’m not understanding the words, that I go back and re-read them in order to find my place and patiently develop and integrate an understanding that I am able to convey in my own words.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts that push me away from applying myself in my studies, such as “this is so boring/slow/cumbersome/pointless”.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts that pull me away from my studies as they come up, such as “there is a whole action packed and fun world out there that I am missing out on”, by stopping my participation in and as them, by diligently taking a breath each time the though comes up, and reminding myself that I had made the directive decision to do my studies, so that is what I will myself to do in that moment.

When and as I see that thoughts are coming up which are pushing me or pulling me away from doing my studies, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to the directive principle of me by reminding myself that so long as I can’t effectively move myself to do something as simple as study/read coursework, then I will be a literal slave to my feelings, emotions, wants and desires. Thus I push myself to stand up within the energetic experience of being pushed and pulled away from my schoolwork- I stand as the diligence, the discipline, the patience and the commitment I endeavor to be and become the directive decision maker of my actions, thoughts, words and deeds.

I commit myself to stop my participation in the polarity judgment of how I spend my time, such as work=bad/boring, not working=fun/good, and instead:

I commit myself to apply myself in whatever activity I choose to do, within and as simple, self-directed self-movement.
When and as I see that I am placing a judgment on the work I am doing, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to directive principle by reminding myself that judgments only create unnecessary energetic relationships to that which I choose to do, and that those energetic relationships cause me to create and manifest resistances within and as me, to/towards the ‘work’ I am doing, and draw/attract me to do other things which I have judged as ‘not work’/’fun’.