Day 66- Postponement Character (Self-commitments)

What follows is a series of self-commitment statements and self-corrective applications to assist and support me to stop participating within and as the characterization of ‘postponement.’ This is a character which I describe Here, and self-forgive Here and Here. Postponement has become a force to reckon with within my life, as I’m sure many can relate. The characters we play all stem from a single fear. Once I have forgiven this character, written a self-corrective script, and committed to my self-change, I will identify the singular fear from which I created this entire character. That information is still however, hidden deep beneath the layers I am now pulling up. So, when I have cleared myself, I will reveal the fear so that I may forgive it too, and face it.

Backchat (self-talk)

I commit myself to identify all backchat when and as it comes up, call it out and breathe through the reactions it creates within and as me.

When and as I see that I am back-chatting in my mind I stop, and I breathe. I call myself out on the backchat within the understanding that I am talking myself out of doing a task, which is an automated program I have accepted and allowed myself to design and live out for most of my life, which I no longer accept or allow to exist within and as me. I thus push myself to walk through the discomfort by becoming one with it and equal to the discomfort of pushing myself and changing as it to finally end it and live instead from breath to breath with no reactions.

Creating a resistance:

I commit myself to observe and eventually stop myself from charging thoughts of the task at hand with negative energy because of and through the back chat I participate within and as in relation to the task which I am resisting doing.

I commit myself to see myself, and the reality of myself and what I am doing to myself when I live within and as unawareness wherein I simply just react and allow myself to be directed by my reactions and how I feel inside, instead of investigating why it is that I actually feel that way, and seeing, realizing and understanding the simplicity of being able to STOP within that self-understanding.

When and as I see that I am charging thoughts of performing a task with negative energy, thus building resistance, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness and the simplicity of breath by understanding that I am busy making something harder than it actually is, and that so long as I see what I am doing, I can stop in one moment, before it gets too hard, and before I create a mountain out of a molehill.

I commit myself to stop participating in back chat to the point of allowing it to affect and direct me.

I commit myself to see through back chat and take my power back by stopping my participation within and as back chat, or walking through the manifested consequence when and as I let myself go too far.

When and as I see that I have accepted and allowed myself to go too far into the mind by following, feeding and participating within and as backchat until I have manifested myself as the actual experience of my thoughts I stop, and I breathe. I allow myself to embrace myself as the experience completely, within reminding myself that I can stop, and that there is another way and that I am committed to stopping the thoughts and backchat that limit, suppress and sabotage me so that I can walk breath by breath, one and equal, self-directive Here.

The polarity of Good and Evil:

I commit myself to stop myself from participating within and as positive and negative polarities wherein I have split the world into ‘likes’ and dislikes’ wherein I spend half the time pursuing the ‘good’ and the other half avoiding the ‘bad’ thus spending the entire time not directing myself according to what actually needs to get done or what is actually beneficial to me and best for all.

When and as I see that I have charged/am charging a task with negative energy (thus creating a resistance and not wanting to do it), I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability by becoming one with and equal to the energetic experience I created so that, instead of resisting and trying/attempting to avoid it, I embrace it and face it and move myself to stand up from within it. Ideally I will stop this experience before it starts, but I see that I am still accepting and allowing myself to create this experience for myself and thus within this self-corrective application I direct myself to move from within the experience I created so that it no longer directs and controls me.

Day 65- Postponement Character (Self-forgiveness continued)

This is a continuation from my previous blogs: Day 63- Postponement Character, where I describe the character I play, and the effect it has on me and in my life., as postponement, procrastination and the internal battles and resistance it creates. And Day 64- Postponement Character (self-forgiveness). Here I continue writing out self-forgiveness statements in order to rid myself of this pattern using the Desteni writing tools. They are effective and they work and that is why I continue with this process.

Self-Forgiveness on the 'voice in the head' that I allow to create postponement

(quick review)

Step 1) Idetifying the thoughts:

" the thoughts I have noticed with regards to becoming possessed by the postponement character, are things such as little flashes of, for example, Hotmail or facebook, like I should really go on those sites right away! Or I’ll see flashed of people I want to hear from, along with how they make me feel. I’ve seen myself do a ‘quick scan’ of my life, to remind myself of all the loose ends that need to be tended to, and then they all of a sudden become pressing issues. "

Step 2) Back Chat/inner voice

The inner voice associated with these thoughts, I can identify as: “I have so much to keep up on online” (overwhelmed), “this is such boring work, I’d rather be on facebook/Hotmail reading interesting/relevant things instead” (big waves of irritation/boredom/impatience). “I need to find a better job/I should do laundry/sign up for classes/decide where I’m going to live...” (anxiety). Within all this, I become easily distracted and lose my focus.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create backchat from the initial thought(s) I participate within and as when I’m about to begin a project which I use to sabotage myself and talk myself out of doing the project.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat such as “this is boring” “I should be doing something else more important” “this can wait till later” I’d rather be doing something else” “I have so many other pressing things to do right now” “this is soo much/too much” and “I have too much to keep up on” to exist within and as me, which I use to sabotage myself and talk myself out of standing up and taking actual steps towards completion of a task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge the task at hand with negative energy, wherein when I think about it I create a resistance within and as me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge activities within which I push myself, or activities that help me expand, grow and/or change with particularly strong negative energy, wherein I experience a very strong resistance to the task. Within this,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek the polarity opposite experience-positivity- which I, as my mind, connects to all the other things I suddenly define as ‘pressing’ ‘urgent’ and more important matters’ than the task I originally set out to do, wherein I experience myself as positive, fearful and excited when I bail on the task, because I feel like I ‘dodged a bullet’ or ‘got out of work’ somehow, without considering the fact that I’m actually only screwing myself, cheating/tricking/fooling myself with energetic experiences that I accept and allow to direct me instead of me directing myself Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as positive/negative feeling experiences, by accepting and allowing myself to charge the thoughts of the tasks at hand with positive/negative energy in my mind, instead of simply using my mind as only a practical tool to organize what I have to do and when, and not adding all sorts of un-needed dimensions of relationships and reactions to that which I intend on doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create backchat in my mind about a task, to believe the backchat and participate within and as it until I become the actual manifestation of the backchat, and effectively postpone the task I set out to do.

The truth is- if I did everything right away or when I planned on doing it, I would have time to do all this stuff that stresses me out and preoccupies me. This postponement character perpetuates itself, because when I have a task to do, it is easier to trigger this character because of all the other stuff in life that I have put off. It all comes rushing to the fore, strategically and conveniently as the mind switches over from motivated to ‘lock-down’ where all I want to do is other things instead of the one thing I have set myself up to do

Self-commitment statements to come....