Day 18 - The Presence of Another

            Sometimes when I’m alone I feel fine, but then someone will enter into my presence and I will become stressed, as if their presence causes me an internal reaction. I understand that my internal experience of myself is entirely my creation and responsibility, and that no one can ‘cause me’ to feel a certain way, so for today’s self-forgiveness I will take apart this pattern wherein I react to the presence of another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the presence of another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that the presence of another causes me to feel a certain way, specifically tonight, stressed.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for my internal experience of myself, wherein I do not investigate the reasons for my reaction within the justification or excuse that it has been caused by an external environmental change, instead of realizing that the presence of another is reflecting me to myself, and I am really reacting to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within and as stress in the presence of another because I’m not sure who I am ‘supposed to be’ when I’m with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think or believe that I need to be or act a certain way because I’m not alone anymore, or because I am sharing my immediate environment with another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change for other people, instead of remaining stable within and as myself, as Who I Am, even If I am not entirely certain as to Who I Am yet.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself as Who I Am in the presence of another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being myself in front of another because I am so used to being or becoming ‘someone else’ for the sake of another, wherein I act in certain ways to ‘keep the peace,’ or to try/attempt to create a friendly/fun/happy/nice environment for the other.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try/attempt to manipulate myself/my environment/another being in order to try/attempt to create an certain specific experience or mood that I find appropriate/comfortable/safe.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the mood/reactions/stresses of another being in my presence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the cause of the mood/reactions/stresses of another instead of realizing that I don’t have that kind of power, and that they are responsible for their own internal experience and I mine.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe that Who I Am is not good enough, fun enough, happy or exciting enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think or believe that I am not enough instead of accepting myself as I walk my process of self change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abdicate my self-responsibility and self-direction when I am in the presence of another because of fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to the fear I create within me when I am in the presence of another by trying and attempting to ‘make it go away’ by changing who I am, instead of standing up from within that fear and standing stable as a statement of self-responsibility and self-direction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that changing who I am can change my internal experience of myself, instead of realizing that I cannot escape myself by playing a role or pretending I’m something I’m not. I see, realize and understand that this will only cause me more internal turnoil and will accumulate further consequences as a more intnse/increased version of what I am experiencing tonight, at a later time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing another being to dictate who and how I am.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to stand as Who I Am due to the fear that I will have to stick up for myself and  face the reactions of another because I am behaving differently than I usually do because I am not playing out my usual patterns of becoming something or someone I’m not.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear having to explain myself and my change in behavior because of self-doubt, wherein I give my power away within the want/need/desire for the validation of another in order to validate me as Who I Am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project into the future within and as the fear that I will not be validated by those in my environment, because I am acting differently than I normally do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want/need/desire validation from a source outside of myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to be the living realization that only I can validate me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the want/need/desire for peace/fun/’happines’/excitement within my environment above or greater that me Standing Up from within the patterns I have created myself as.

I allow myself to validate me and stand as Who I Am as Life.

I commit myself to standing as equal and one to myself and to others in my environment and all that’s Here by standing up from within the fear that I have thus far accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as.

I commit myself to be/become a pillar of self-support, as well as support for others by standing up as Who I Am and not accepting and allowing anything less from myself or from others.

I commit myself to change my nature from patterns, habits and reactions to a being that is Here, in awareness, and who understands and lives the principles of oneness and equality.