Day 32- Pressure, Stress Self-Movement

I’m finding that, although I don’t experience stress as acutely as I did before I started this process, I still tend to build up pressure at times when I have a lot on my plate. When I was investigating my internal experience within this, I noticed that the pressure build up from stress was due to a lack of self-movement and a lack of self-trust. When I look at this pattern I see within my past that I was a bigtime procrastinator throughout my school years, and I had a lot of negative consequences due to that, such as bad grades and disappointed teachers/self. I truly wanted to do well, but I simply lacked the skills necessary to develop the ability of self-movement, so I would depend on motivation and stress. Over the years, stress became the most efficient motivator, so I used it in that way, but then I started to have physical symptoms related to stress, as well as accumulations of stress energy which are very unpleasant. These accumulations remain with me today, so some self-forgiveness is necessary on this point.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to do something ‘good’ or do something well, and then sabotage myself by procrastinating, leaving it till later thus accumulating stress within the thought of doing it with the added pressure of ‘doing it well’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project  doing something ‘good’ or ‘doing it well’ into the future as if it will just happen easily and effortlessly at a later point, instead of realizing that if I move myself immediately in the moment, I will develop the necessary self-movement and self-trust in order to avoid the accumulation of stress energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate due to the resistances I create for myself within the polarity experience of positive energy wherein I desire/plan on ‘doing something well,’ but then don’t immediately move myself to step-by-step get it done, thus then experiencing the negative polarity thought/perception/projection that I won’t be able to do it as well as I would like, or that I will do it poorly.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to consider the step-by-step process of starting a task immediately and then seeing it through to its completion, but instead I leave it till later wherein I have less time to ‘do it well,’ and end up sabotaging myself by rushing through the task and disappointing myself with the final result.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself with procrastination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the polarity of positive/negative energy when contemplating ‘doing a task well,’ instead of simply taking a breath and starting immediately, or a soon as I am practically able to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my mind projection in which a task will be easier at some future point, wherein I am caving in to the resistance I accept/allow in the moment of thinking about beginning a task.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as self-sabotage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as procrastination.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self-sabotage to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing procrastination to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cave in to the mind, thus making the statement that it is more powerful than me and more powerful than my ability to move me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to depend upon stress to motivate me to move myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as stress.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing stress to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accumulate stress energy within and as me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to move myself effectively without stress energy/motivation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I need an internal energetic experience in order to move me, instead of realizing that I Move Me, and that I have only ever moved me, and the energetic experience was only ever a self-created experience/illusion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to harvest energy from the physical in order to create the illusion that I as my mind as energy has the power/control, instead of realizing that my physical body is what moves me from moment to moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my physical body and from self-movement within the thought/idea/perception/belief that I am my mind as energy, and that I require energy to move me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories of failure and disappointment to/towards myself, which I manifested for myself as a consequence of lack of self-movement.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the memories I hold onto which relate to stress/failure/disappointment from my past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my memories as m self-definition as Who I Am into the future, thus scripting myself as I have always been, instead of stopping this pattern and standing up within the realization that I Am Here, I Move Me Here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from Here, and from my physical body by living/existing in the past as memories and as my mind as energy and energetic experiences instead of living Me Here, within and as my physical body.

When and as I see that I am procrastinating doing a task rather than taking a breath and beginning the task, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back into awareness within the understanding and consideration of all the steps required to start a task and see it through to its completion- realizing that, the sooner I start, the more time I will have to do the task well. When and as I see that a task is at hand, I simply take a breath and begin, taking it one step at a time, until it’s done.

When and as I see that I am creating a resistance within me towards a task, I stop, and I breathe. I remind myself that resistances must be walked through, that they are indicative of change, and that they will not last forever.

I commit myself to walk through the resistances I create/generate/manifest within me toward self-movement and self-change, specifically with regards to stopping my participation within the pattern of procrastination.

I commit myself to practice taking a breath and then moving me in the moment, until self-movement is Who I Am.

I commit myself to stop defining myself by past memories which create energetic experiences inside of me, and to instead start taking the necessary step towards living Here, in the present moment- the only place I can move me.