Looking at
this point in self-honesty, I see how extensively I have constantly and
continuously played roles for others, and its like- the more I care about them,
the more I play the role. I can determine that I play specific ‘roles’ when I
am in the presence of certain specific people, out of fear of
self-expression, in an attempt to control
my environment- which I obviously can’t, and lastly, out of fear of hurting
others. Self-forgiveness and self- corrective application are required here to
assist and support me to walk through this ingrained pattern of role-playing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear expressing
myself in front of/around certain specific friends/family members, wherein I
accept/allow an internal emotional experience to stop me from expressing
myself, and I accept/allow the internal emotional experience of fear to cloud
me to the point of not being able to see/realize who and how I am in the
moment, thus I go to the ‘default’ of role-playing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall
into the ‘default mode’ of role playing, instead of fearlessly expressing
myself in the moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
think/believe/perceive that I am concerning myself with those around me,
specifically certain specific friends/family members, instead of realizing that
I am actually concerning myself with my self-reflection.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
want/need/desire to manipulate my own self-reflection that these certain
specific friends/family members are reflecting back to me in terms of the
self-definitions and self-judgments I have created for myself when I am with
them, by playing certain roles around them, which I think/believe will change
the way I see myself when I am with them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe
the self-definitions and self-judgments I accepted and allowed myself to create
towards these certain specific friends/family members, wherein I believe it to
be who I am, when in fact it has only ever been reactions created by me within
and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
think/believe that I can change the way I see myself, the way I am, or the
definitions/self-judgments I experience towards myself by changing the way
others see me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
think/believe I can control the way others see me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place
any kind of values upon the way others see/perceive me within the understanding
that I will never actually know how they see/perceive me, I will only chase
clues from within their words/deeds and from that, develop a perception of how
I think/believe they perceive me, which is obviously just me creating a
self-perception through reflecting myself back to myself through these certain
specific friends/family members.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
self-conscious about myself due to all the self-judgment I am exposing within
me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge
myself, wherein I see/realize how extensively I live within/as self-judgment.
When and as I see myself going into ‘role playing’ I stop,
and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that I
am only trying to manipulate my self-reflection, instead of realizing that I am
right here already. I remind myself that I do not need to use others to see
myself, but rather to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to separate
myself from, so that I can bring myself back Here and walk from Here, in equality and oneness.
I commit myself to taking myself back from all the roles I
have given myself to in unawareness/lack of awareness.
I commit myself to expressing me as who I direct myself to be
I commit myself to stopping all the roles I play/have played
and developed for myself over time.
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