I just finished writing my exams and, something I’ve been
working on is being able to function without the constant experience of stress
when there is something big, like an exam, coming up wherein t feels like this ‘looming.’
It causes me stress and then resistances towards doing the thing because now it
seems big and daunting. This is a very familiar recurring pattern in my life
which started at quite a young age. Back then, however, I trusted my internal
experience as who I am, as what is real and what is truth, in a way. So, when I
would experience that resistance to the ‘looming’ thing, I would just avoid it.
Consequently, the thing which should have been addressed in the moment builds
and builds until it can no longer be ignored, because it has now created
consequences which require to be dealt with.
Since Desteni, I have been facing these things, pushing
through my resistances towards themand essentially practicing seeing tasks
through from beginning to end. The results have been amazing, yet I have not
been doing it long enough or consistently enough for it to have fully
integrated into my reality. So therefore, when I have things that need to be
taken care of, I have this automatic reaction of doom about how it’s going to
come back and bite me in the ass later. This reaction is learned, it has been
built over time, a loooong time, so I’m going to do some self-forgiveness on
the point to hasten the integration. I realize and understand that it will
still take time and consistent application, and I’m cool with that, but
everything is better directed with self-forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create
and manifest the fear reaction as an internal experience of stress and ‘looming’
as a reaction to the thoughts and backchat I allow myself to participate within
and as when I have what I judge as a large task or obligation to complete.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
participate within the internal reactions of fear, stress and ‘looming’ when
and as I am about to begin a task to which I experience resistances.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear,
stress and the experience of ‘looming’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself
to see and realize that the experience of looming has nothing to do with the
actual task, as I see and realize that once the task is completed, the feeling
doesn’t go away, it rather attaches itself to the next thing I have to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
seek to find things to experience fear, stress and looming about, because of
and due to my addiction to fear and stress as negative energetic experiences
that I manifest within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself
to simply let go of the experience that something big and bad is looming in my
near future, accompanied by the experience that I am unable to do anything to
prevent it.
I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself
to fully realize and understand my capabilities, and my ability to direct
myself and my world, and that I will do what needs to be done in the moment and
the larger the task, the more certain I am that I will do it.
To be continued……..
When and as I see that I am creating a looming experience
accompanied by stress and fear, based on future projections, thoughts and
backchat I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the
realization that the experience is not real and not actually connected to the
upcoming event, but rather a self-created manifestation to feed my energetic
addiction to fear, stress and anxiety, with which I have had enough. I stop my participation
within and as these things because I realize that they do not serve me.
I commit myself to stopping my participation within and as my
energetic addiction to fear, stress and anxiety by stopping myself when and as
I see that I am participating in the experience of a ‘looming’ within me, by
breathing through the experience till the energy runs out, and then doing
something practical/responsible in the moment within self-direction.
I commit myself to directing myself through any and all
energetic experiences, that I ma push through and direct me no matter what.
I commit myself to rid myself of fear, stress and anxiety so
that I may be the self-directive principle that directs myself to be one part
in bringing about a world that’s best for all.
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