Day 14- Giving Up

Blog 2- DIP Lesson 8- Giving Up

            “It’s the small things that make it huge”

My points of giving up in my life currently are not grandiose feats which I try my hardest to complete and then fail, and fall into giving up. They are small, tiny things that are extremely ‘sneaky.’ Before Desteni, I would not even have considered them to be points of giving up. But now, as I slow down my  mind I can just scarcely see these small points where I start something and then manage to find some way or reason or excuse to not complete the thing.

            The memories I have in relation to this are giving up on running, wherein I used to do long-distance cross-country running and I excelled at it. It was hard and uncomfortable, but there was always a part of me that knew I would have pushed myself a little harder and I would have seen how far I could go with it- just to know. But instead I dropped it for no real reason except that I could.

            The second memory is giving up on college. I didn’t push myself through, instead, I quit. I just stopped going and eventually flunked out. It’s as if I reach a point where it’s not easy anymore, and I foresee that it’s going to take effort and there’s no guarantees that I’m going to make it and not fail. I’d do it if it were easy or if I had to. But if it was hard and I had to rely on myself to motivate, push and discipline me- forget it.

            This is a bad habit that I’ve developed over the years, and one which I have been breaking down and writing through with my DIP courses throughout my current experience of taking classes at university. In looking at these past memories now and at my current situation, I see that my tendency to give up is closely related to future projections, wherein I project into the future about possible failure, and then I give up before I even start. This is akin to giving up at the starting line, thus making the statement “I may fail so I won’t even try.” It’s very safe, yet at the same time it removes one from the ‘game’, or from life altogether, because you just sit on the sidelines and do nothing as life passes by. I will not accept this tendency within me.

Iforgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the idea of ‘giving up.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the thought of giving up to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe ‘giving up’ exists.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with the idea or thought of giving up as soon as I think of a task I want to do, because within this ‘wanting to do it well’ I overwhelm myself by using future projection wherein I project perfection and then immediately face the polarity of failure and then initiate the energy/thought/idea of ‘giving up’ before I even start.

I usually do what I need to do regardless of the participation within and as ‘giving up,’ however, it becomes a battle throughout the entire task wherein it takes twice as long and in worse scenarios ends up incomplete or poorly done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project an ideal of perfection when I move to do something ‘good’, thus creating a daunting task instead of taking the task one step at a time and doing what I can and doing it well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not living up to my own standards of perfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear disappointing myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear letting myself down.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself and my ability to walkthrough tasks from beginning to end because they seem daunting when I project perfection.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to do something and then doubt my ability to do it well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt my ability to move myself without succumbing to the influence of the self-created experience of giving up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to succumb to forms of pressure from my environment which I allow to lead me to giving up, such as people or events.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the delusion of perfection and of ideas of grandeur when I begin a task, because they usually later overwhelm me wherein I lead myself to give up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the delusions of horrible failure, wherein I imagine consequences that are way disproportionate to what they are actually possible of being in reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use excuses and justifications in order to CONvince myself that giving up is okay.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate before starting a task, thus giving myself the opportunity to slip into my mind and make that shift into thoughts, ideas and excuses instead of simply taking a breath and beginning,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hesitate for a moment thus allowing myself to activate the self-created systems of habits and patterns wherein I create the energetic experience of ‘giving up’ which I accept and allow to overcome me and give up either immediately or eventually.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become directed by the fears and doubts which lead to giving up, instead of directing myself in every breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ‘giving up’ to exist in my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need or desire to give up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to fears and doubts, accepting and allowing myself to believe that the experience of wanting to give up is ‘more than’ and ‘more powerful’ than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I would rather conform and compromise than facing myself and my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perform tasks within the energetic experience of ‘giving up’, thus making it seem harder, more difficult, more strenuous and longer instead of breathing Here and performing tasks within specificity, effectiveness and efficiency.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to and define myself by memories of ‘giving up,’ specifically memories of quitting running and dropping out of school. I allow myself to let go of these memories and delete them, as they do not serve me in any way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself by the energetic experience I have associated and attached to memories of giving up from my past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to recycle energetic experiences from my past in relation to giving up, by constantly and continuously rehashing and bringing up old memories of times that I have given up on myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that giving up is who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt that I can push myself through any task because I have let myself down and given up on myself in the past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rehash and bring back my past because it’s more comfortable and safe to re-live what, who and how I have already been, rather than walking fearlessly into an unscripted future, wherein I directly script myself as who and how I can accept myself to be, in order to create a me that I can unconditionally accept.

I realize that the moment of wanting to give up is a moment of transcendence and in this moment I have the choice to stand up, or to fall back into an old pattern within which I will cycle me through everything I have already been through, only ten times worse, wherein standing up will become more difficult. I realize this entire cycle is unnecessary and completely avoidable so long as I apply myself in every moment.

I realize that ‘giving up’ is an energetic experience of the mind that is not bigger or more powerful than me, and when and as I walk through it, I am actually walking through my own acceptances and allowances and actually changing me, and I realize this is not going to feel ‘good’ or comfortable or familiar.

When and as I see myself hesitate before a task, I simply take a breath, get up, and move me.

Giving up

-disappointment

-discouraged

-routine

-comfort

-breaking point

-escape

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘giving up’ with ‘disappointment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘giving up’ within and as the word ‘disappointment’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from ‘giving up’ and from the word ‘disappointment’ by defining the words ‘giving up’ within the word ‘disappointment’ in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words ‘giving up’ with the word ‘discouraged.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define ‘giving up’ within the word ‘discouraged.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the words ‘giving up’ and from the word ‘discouraged’ by defining the words ‘giving up within the word ‘discouraged’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘giving up’ to the word ‘routine.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words ‘giving up’ within the word ‘routine.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the words ‘giving up’ and from the word ‘routine’ by defining the words ‘giving up’ within the word ‘routine’ in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘giving up’ to ‘comfort.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words ‘giving up’ within the word ‘comfort’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from ‘giving up’ and from ‘comfort’ by defining the words ‘giving p’ within the word ‘comfort in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘giving up’ to my breaking point

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words ‘giving up’ within ‘breaking point’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from ‘giving up’ and from my breaking point by defining the words ‘giving up’ within the word ‘breaking point’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘giving up’ to ‘escape.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the words ‘giving up’ within the word ‘escape.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from ‘giving up’ and from ‘escape’ by defining the words ‘giving up’ within the word ‘escape’ in separation of me.

Giving Up:

Dictionary Definition:

1. A verbal act of admitting defeat.

2. The act of forsaking.

Sounds Like:

GIVE I UP

New definition:

The act of forsaking my individual I of the mind/ego of self-interest wherein I accept and allow my ego to admit defeat so that who I am as Life may emerge and stand as all as one as equal.